A long distance relationship will work if:
- You are the type of guy that she is willing to wait for and be faithful to.
- You are able to build on her attraction and respect for you from a distance.
- You don’t become insecure, overbearing or boring during the times she is away from you.
Her feelings of respect and attraction for you are going to be based on how you make her feel when she interacts with you on the phone or a video call (e.g. Skype, Factime, etc) and when she looks at how you are living your life via social media.
If you’re unsure how a woman’s attraction for a man really works, watch this eye-opening video by Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man) to understand how it works…
If you look around online, there are just as many people saying that long distance relationships cannot work as there are people saying that they can work.
People who have been there and tried it for themselves will tell you that the reality of not spending physical time together makes it impossible to maintain any kind of lasting emotional connection and the outcome is that you eventually drift apart.
Yet, should their personal experience lead to the conclusion that all long-distance relationships are doomed to failure? It didn’t work out for them, but could it work out for you? Can long-distance relationships work?
If you have just met someone who lives in a different location to you and it’s not a distance that makes for an easy commute on a regular basis, there’s little chance of your relationship going anywhere. A successful relationship between a man and a woman is a relationship built on sexual attraction.
If you are in the early stages of a relationship, there’s going to be an instinctive need for physical contact when the sexual dynamic is right, and it’s the physical connection that leads to the development of a meaningful emotional connection.
If you don’t have that physical contact, you’re going to struggle to get connected or stay connected on any level. So, in this case, the answer to the question of, “Can long-distance relationships work?” is no.
Unless a solid physical and emotional connection has been established in a relationship before it becomes a long-distance one, it’s not going to work out.
Phil met Jude at a mutual friend’s wedding. In his email to me, he wanted to know where he was going wrong with his relationship because four months down the line he had still not had sex with her.
In that four months, Phil had been away on three business trips and each trip took at least 10 days, so they had actually only been on six dates since the wedding. Because of this, physical contact was limited, but the real problem was that Phil was “on his best behaviour” each time they got together.
Unfortunately, Phil had made the all too common mistake of thinking that “treating a lady right” meant being a “gentleman” and keeping his hands to himself until he was given the go-ahead.
The “go-ahead” was never given because Phil’s hands-off approach was standing in the way of Jude being able to feel like a woman in his company. The lack of physical connection left Jude feeling she needed to keep her guard up, so the relationship couldn’t move forward.
Making it Work
The world is a much smaller place now than it was even just a generation ago. If you go back two or three generations, the majority of men only met women who lived in their local area and it wasn’t unusual for people not to have moved away from the town they were born in.
This is no longer the case. Today, a typical night out socialising in bars and clubs can lead to meeting women from all over the world, let alone different towns in your own country.
If you’re a guy who has taken my advice and learned how to approach women, get engaged in conversation and move things forward into kissing and sex, you might find that you’re in the position of wanting to develop a more committed relationship with a woman you’ve met.
So what happens if she’s only in your area temporarily, or what happens if you’re in a job that involves spending three months of every year working overseas? If there’s already a physical and emotional connection, can long-distance relationships work?
The answer is yes, they can, but only when both parties are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
Mark and Kate have been together for three years. They met at work when they both worked for the same company and moved in together 10 months later. Two months after setting up home together, Mark was head-hunted by another company and offered a “dream job.” However, accepting it was going to mean frequent overseas trips for up to three months at a time.
“It wasn’t an easy decision,” says Mark. “Kate had only just moved in and we were really happy with life, but I knew that the job offer was the opportunity of a lifetime for me.”
Two years after accepting the new job, Mark and Kate are still together, so how did they make their long-distance relationship work?
“It all comes down to wanting the same things in life,” says Mark.
“Kate and I both wanted to keep our relationship together so we sat down and had a totally open and honest discussion about what being apart for months at a time would mean for us. Sex was a big concern, so we had to be up-front about how we felt and then figure out ways to deal with the separation and still satisfy each other’s needs. For us, the time apart has allowed us to grow as individuals and our relationship has grown stronger as a result.”
Mark’s story is proof that long-distance relationships can work, and Mark and Kate are not alone. Couples with a strong physical and emotional connection can find ways to make temporary separations work when they already have the right relationship dynamic.
Modern relationships are different to the relationships our grandparents had, and many modern relationships become long-distance relationships simply because the world and our lifestyles have changed.
However, something that hasn’t changed is the need for sexual attraction to bring a couple together and then keep them together. In Mark’s case, the sexual spark wasn’t dampened by being apart, in fact, being able to grow as a result of his new job fanned the flames.
“It was being my own man and knowing where I wanted to go in life that attracted Kate to me in the first place. Getting the chance to further my career and going for it turned out to be a real turn on for her. She loves the man that I am, and she loves supporting me in my opportunity to realise my ambitions. If anyone asks me how we manage to make it work, I tell them I found the right woman.”