The ideal type of relationship dynamic is where you and your wife can say whatever you like to each other without taking it so seriously, getting offended or getting into an argument.
To have that type of relationship dynamic, you need to:
- Lead the way by not getting offended or angry by things that your wife says to you.
- Always try to smile, laugh and approach situations with a more light-hearted attitude, rather than stressing about it.
- Be a man that she can look up to and respect, so she feels proud to be with you and will be more willing to overlook any little mistakes you make.
- Make her feel attracted to you in different ways, so she continues to feel excited about being in love with you.
If you are being that type of man, your wife is going to be more easy-going and willing to forgive you if you happen to say something “wrong” to her.
5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Wife
You don’t have to Mr. Perfect and never say the wrong thing to your wife.
Instead, you simply have to be mindful of what turns a woman on and what turns her off when in a relationship with a man.
As long as you are mostly doing things that deepen her respect, attraction and love for you, any little mistake you make won’t be such a big deal to her.
Just make sure that you learn from your mistakes and that you always try to become an even better man for her as the days, weeks, months and years pass by.
If you’re doing that, your wife will naturally feel more respect, attraction and love for you over time.
She will then become a more loving, caring, attentive and affection wife over time.
However, you can’t expect her to do that unless you hold up your end of the bargain.
In a marriage, it is the man’s responsibility to grow the respect, attraction and love that his wife feels for him over time.
If he fails to do that, she will begin to lose respect for him and when that happens, she will also lose attraction for him, which means the sex will dry up.
Eventually, she will fall out of love with him and possibly even ask for a separation, cheat on him or ask for a divorce.
So if you want to prevent the worst from happening to you, here are 5 things not to say to your wife:
1. Anything That Puts Her Down and Makes Her Feel Stupid
It should go without saying, but criticizing or belittling anyone, even if it’s for their own good, is not only not a nice thing to do, but it’s also the quickest way for a woman to lose respect for her man.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with teasing and being playful with your wife about certain things, especially if it’s done in a fun, light-hearted way.
However, if you constantly criticize her or belittle your wife, she will close herself off from you emotionally and eventually, she will begin fall out of love with you as well.
For a marriage to thrive, a woman needs to feel that her husband respects her, and in turn she needs to respect him.
When a man belittles and criticizes his wife, she doesn’t feel respected and this makes her feelings of respect and attraction towards him die as well.
If there is an issue in your marriage that you want to address with your wife, it is always best to do it in a kind, loving and respectful way.
For example: A woman might have added on some weight over the years that she has been unable to lose.
A negative way to address the issue of her weight would be to say, “You have gotten so fat. Look at you…you don’t look good anymore. Why don’t you do something about it?” or when she is eating, “How can you eat so much? Can’t you see how overweight you are? Stop eating!”
In his eyes, he might feel that he is trying to motivate her and get her back to being the sexy, thin woman he married.
Yet, from her point of view, he is simply being critical, unkind and hurtful.
If a husband wants to get his wife to lose weight (or do something that he feels she should be doing), a better way to do that would be to say something like, “I know you’ve been trying really hard to lose weight and I appreciate your efforts. I’d love to help out, so if you want, I will come along to the gym with you to make it more fun. I think it will be fun working out together and I’m going to enjoy watching you become sexier every day.”
In this way, rather than feel like a failure in his eyes, his wife feels loved and supported, which motivates her to try even harder to lose the weight and be the woman he wants her to be.
So, if there is something you want your wife to address, change or improve, the best way to go about it is by being open, kind and respectful towards her, rather than criticizing or belittling her.
Another way of approaching the weight issue is to ask her.
For example, a husband can say, “I know that you’ve been trying really hard to lose weight and I appreciate your efforts. I wanted to ask you though – what kind of approach would you prefer from me? Do you want me to help you stay motivated by going to the gym with you and making it a time for us to be able to laugh and have a good time? Do you want me to ask you how you’re going once every two weeks? Do you want me to never mention it again and just let you handle everything on your own? Everyone likes to approach weight loss, health and fitness in different ways, so how do you want to approach it and what role, if any, do you want me to play?”
Approaching it in that way allows a wife to feel supported, but also to feel as though she’s not being rushed into losing weight.
After all, you and her are married and have your entire lives to spend together, so there usually isn’t going to be an urgent rush to lose the weight.
Try to get a clear answer from her on how she wants you to approach the subject with her and then follow through on it.
2. Anything That Makes Her Feel Taken For Granted
The start of a relationship is always the easy part for most couples.
Everything is new and exciting and in the beginning it’s easy to put your wife first above everyone else because the thrill of being in love overshadows everything else.
I’m married now, so I know how great the wedding day feels. My wife was crying tears of joy and admittedly, I got a bit teary eyed as well, which is highly unusual for me. It’s a pretty amazing thing when you find the right woman for you.
I’m proud to call her my wife, but what I’m most proud of is the fact that our marriage has only gotten better and better since the wedding day. I have no fear of divorce because to her and I, the idea of parting ways seems like the worst decision either of us could make.
Both of us feel loved, appreciated and respected and although we have had an occasional argument from time to time, I make sure that I always turn it into a learning experience for us so we can feel united as a couple and so she can relax as I lead the way to a better future for our relationship.
Yet, how about you and your wife?
Have you deepened her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time?
Were you able to do that in the beginning, but then lost your way with it? Have you been taking her love, respect and attraction for you for granted?
Don’t worry, a lot of men make that mistake in a relationship or marriage.
It’s not that a husband goes out of his way to take his wife for granted, but other, more pressing things, (e.g. work, paying the bills, taking care of the kids) start to come between him and his wife.
Yet, regardless of how crazy, busy or stressful life gets, a woman still wants to feel that her husband loves, values and appreciates her.
For example: A man might feel as though he is doing a great job or taking care of his family’s needs by working very hard to provide for them.
In his mind, he is doing it for his family so he focuses entirely on being the provider and fails to notice that he is taking his wife’s romantic commitment to him for granted.
She might feel happy that he works so hard to provide, but at the end of the day, she is still a human being and instinctively, she knows that there’s more to life than just work, work, work.
She wants to see that her husband still has the presence of mind to make her laugh, smile and feel good when he’s around, rather than having to tip-toe around him because he is so stressed, irritable and worn out because of work.
Here’s another example: A guy might have a very demanding job, which means that he can’t always be home with her and the children (if they have any).
Yet, even though his wife works full time too, she has to come home and cook, clean, take care of the children and manage any problems that might arise in the home.
Most women will put up with that for a long time, as long as the husband takes the pressure of his from time to time and makes her feel appreciated.
However, if he simply expects her to do that because she is his wife or the mother of their children, she will gradually become to resent him for taking her for granted.
If he regularly calls her up to say, “Sorry honey, but I’m going to have to work late again,” or “I know you’re busy and don’t want to be driving with the kids in the car, but just pop over to the dry cleaner and pick up my suit” or, “I’m bringing a client home for dinner, can you whip up something special?” she will naturally begin to feel like he is putting her needs second to everything else in his life.
If it isn’t a regular thing, a wife will happily accommodate that. However, if her husband always does that to her and expects her to just put up with it, she will eventually start feeling unloved and unappreciated.
She might tell him that she isn’t happy with how he is treating her and all he needs to do then is fix that by making some changes.
However, if he doesn’t make any changes and expects her to just put up with it, she will eventually begin to feel unhappy and out of place in the marriage.
3. Anything That Makes Her Feel Unattractive in Your Eyes
Most women are insecure about their physical appearance, (up to 96% of women according to a global study conducted by Dove cosmetics) and this is even more true when it comes to married women.
Most married women change over time, (e.g. she might have a baby, which will then cause her to put on some weight and get stretch marks).
No matter how well a woman takes care of herself, she will grow older and wrinkles will inevitably begin to line her face and that is something that her husband needs to accept and love about her in advance.
When a woman’s appearance changes from being youthful to aging, it can be a huge whack to her confidence if the man in her life begins to lose touch with his feelings of attraction for her.
In many cases, she will then begin to flirt with men at work or other places she goes, as a way of feeling sexy and attractive again.
Her fairly innocent flirting can then easily turn into an affair if she happens to meet a confident man who knows how to make a woman feel attracted and turned on by the idea of having sex with him.
So, to avoid any of that happening, make sure that you understand and accept that it’s a husband’s responsibility to make sure that his wife feels sexy and beautiful in his eyes no matter what.
To make her feel sexy in your eyes, let her see that you react by feeling attracted and turned on when she puts in any effort to look good.
For example, you might say, “Wow, look at you. My sexy wife” and then spank her on the butt, pull her in for a kiss or pick her up and carry her around the house for a few seconds.
On the other hand, an example of what not to say to your wife would be: “Wow! Look at her. She looks good. Look how toned her body is. I wish you still looked like that” or “She’s so sexy. You used to look like that before the kids came along.”
If a woman doesn’t feel sexy and desirable in her husband’s eyes, she will end up avoiding being affectionate or having sex.
So, always aim to make your woman feel like she is the sexiest woman in the world to you.
Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with saying that other women are beautiful or sexy, but never say that they are more beautiful or sexier than She is.
Additionally, never make her feel as though you are more attracted to other women then her.
4. Anything That Makes Her Feel Like the “Man” in the Relationship
These days, many women are involved in building their own careers and pursuing their own dreams.
Yet, regardless of how dominant a woman is outside of her marriage, when she is with her husband, she wants to know that he is the man and that she can rely on him to take care of them both now and in the future.
This then allows her to fully relax into being a real woman (i.e. feminine, emotional, free to girly and giggly, focused on love) around him.
A mistake that some husbands make is to assume that because women are now working as leaders in the business environment, they also want to take the lead at home.
It doesn’t matter how successful a woman is in her career, she still wants to be able to feel like a woman around her man.
She doesn’t want to have to act like a man all day at work and then come home and have to take care of her confused husband, who thinks that she wants to be the boss at home too.
For example: When a woman is strong willed and capable of leading, she will often try to impose her will and get her husband to follow her orders.
For some husbands, the idea of getting into an argument every time a decision has to be made becomes a nuisance, so rather than argue, he might say, “I don’t care. You decide,” or “It’s up to you. Whatever makes you happy.”
Although this might seem like it’s what his wife wants (i.e. total control), it isn’t.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is the one wearing the pants in the relationship, because it ruins her respect for the man, which then begins to diminish her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
Of course, some women like to be the dominant ones in the relationship (e.g. a dominatrix type woman, a butch lesbian who gets married to a man to hide the fact that she’s gay from her family, an unattractive woman who wants to control a weak man so he won’t leave, etc), but most women want to know that when she’s at home with her man, he is the boss and she can relax and simply be his woman.
Wearing the pants or being the boss is not about putting her down, treating her badly, being domineering or behaving in any other unloving ways.
Instead, it’s simply about being the man and being confident enough to lead both you and your wife towards a better life together.
You can let her make decisions, but you should be the one who is responsible for the direction of the life that you and your wife are sharing together.
The more of that responsibility you take off her shoulders, the more womanly she will feel around you and the more attracted and in love she will be with you as a result.
5. Anything That Makes You Seem Needy, Clingy, Jealous or Insecure
If a guy who lacks purpose in his life, (e.g. he doesn’t have any big goals or ambitions in life, or he has goals, but is using the responsibilities of marriage as an excuse for why he can’t pursue them), he will usually become too focused on controlling and protecting his wife from other men.
She will become his purpose in life, which will then cause him to feel insecure whenever she stops being affectionate, doesn’t answer his calls when she’s out or happens to even look at another man.
Unless a man has a very good reason not to trust his wife, in which case he should just address the issue directly, what he should not do is try to control her as a way to calm his insecurities.
For example: Most women don’t like to feel smothered in their relationship, so if a husband is constantly asking his wife, “Who was that on the phone? Where are you going? Who are you hanging out with?” only makes her feel trapped.
Most women don’t want to be a man’s purpose for living.
Of course, some insecure women do want that, but most women like to know that their man has a plan and a purpose for his life outside of his relationship with her.
- He is working hard to get promoted at work, so he can then afford to open the gardening business he has always dreamed about.
- He is studying the rules of football and the art of coaching, because he wants to coach the local team one day.
- He is studying after work because he is training to become a doctor, which will then allow him to leave the job that he hates and fulfill his dream.
- He is training hard at the gym because he wants to win a triathlon race and then become a coach for other athletes.
- He has an idea that will change the world and he is working hard to attract investors, so he can then make the idea real.
- He is working his way up at his government job because he wants to become the town major and make a difference.
- He is improving his ability to make music because he wants to eventually write songs for big artists, movies or TV.
- He is volunteering at a local charity and doing his best to make a difference in the lives of people who are less fortunate.
- He is studying property investment because he wants to eventually leave his job and become a property developer, which will then allow him to give his family a better standard of living and go on enjoyable holidays together.
Whatever it is, a husband essentially needs something BIG to work on, so he doesn’t base his emotional security and happiness on his wife.
There’s nothing wrong with her being one of the things that makes him happy or gives him a sense of identity and purpose in this life, but she should not be his main purpose.
If a man makes a woman his purpose, he will almost always become insecure when she tests his confidence by being less affectionate, attentive and loving.
If he fails the test and becomes insecure, clingy or needy, his wife will lose respect for him, which will then begin to eat away at her feelings of attraction for him.
When that happens, she may also begin to fall out of love with him and eventually either leave, ask for a separation, have an affair or ask for a divorce.
Building on Your Wife’s Love, Respect and Attraction For You
If you are ever in doubt about what not to say to your wife, ask yourself, “Will what I’m about to say increase or decrease her feelings of respect, attraction and love for me?”
In most cases, your gut instinct will let you know if what you’re about to say is loving and caring, or hurtful, needy or weak.
If you trust your gut instinct and it turns out to be wrong, then you probably need to spend a bit more time understanding what really makes a woman tick, rather than going through life assuming that you’ve got it all worked out already.
After all, we all learn and grow in this life and you are no exception to that rule.
You may be a great man today, but you know that you can be even better.