When a guy identifies himself as a hopeless romantic, it’s usually because he has fallen into a pattern of thinking that in order to get a woman to like him, want to have sex and be in a relationship with him, he has to behave like the guys in romantic movies.
The knight in shining armor, the nice guy who saves a woman from all the bad guys, the helpful friend guy who lifts a woman out of poverty or serious life problems and the nervous, nerdy guy who somehow saves the world from destruction and then gets the girl by the end of the movie.
It’s all just so sweet and wonderful, isn’t it?
No, it’s not.
It’s a movie.
In real life, you don’t get to save the planet from invading aliens and women don’t reward super nice guys with sex, love and devotion for doing favors for them.
When meeting a woman for the first time (e.g. at a bar, party, social event), you have to make her feel sexually attracted and turned on by you when you meet her, or else she will reject you or put you in the friend zone.
When in a relationship, you have to make her look up to you and respect you as a man, not act like a guy from a romantic movie who devotes his every waking moment to thinking about her, loving her and following her around like a lost puppy.
Say Thanks to Your Mother
Many of the guys who are hopeless romantics were raised by well-meaning mothers who told them things like, “To get a nice girl, you have to be a gentleman and do nice things for her,” or “The reason I fell in love with your father is because he was so romantic. He always bought me flowers for no reason and took me on romantic picnics on the beach.”
Over time, this seemingly innocent advice from mother is reinforced by women’s magazines, TV sitcoms, romantic movies, and of course the internet.
A guy only has to browse through Pinterest to be bombarded by quotes written by women telling him how to behave to impress them (e.g. “Don’t put up with anything less than a gentleman,” or “It’s never out of style to pull out her chair, open her door, or lay your coat on the ground for her” or “Real men buy women flowers” or “Real men wait until marriage to have sex”) and other nonsense.
Yet, here’s the thing…
A guy who behaves in the ways that women request ends up getting rejected by most women. Why?
Women don’t select guys based on how nice and well behaved they are.
Women select guys based on how turned on he makes her feel during an interaction.
When she feels attracted and turned on by him, she will then LOVE the fact that he is also being romantic.
However, if she only experience friendly or neutral feelings for a guy and he is being very romantic, it will actually turn her off to the point where she will feel a bit sick in the stomach.
She might not be able to explain why she is feeling that way, but something just won’t add up.
She will sense that something is wrong or not quite right.
The thing that is wrong or not quite right is that he is sexually attracted to her, but she isn’t sexually attracted to him.
Think of it this way…
When a woman isn’t fully attracted to a guy, she will perceive him as being either a friend (at best) or just some random guy (at worst).
Even if she’s agreed to go on a date with him, it doesn’t mean that she wants to get into a relationship with him.
A date is just a woman’s way of testing whether she actually feels attracted to him enough to want to take things further.
On a date, it’s a man’s responsibility to create more sexual attraction between him and her so that she will feel excited about starting a relationship with him.
So, if he focuses all of his attention on trying to impress her by being romantic and going overboard with flowers, candlelit dinners, romantic songs, etc., she will feel like he’s coming on too strong and may even feel creeped out by him.
When the guy gets rejected, he will often blame the woman for not recognizing how good of a guy he is.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that sexual attraction needs to come first and only then will a woman appreciate the romance.
If you’ve always been a nice guy around women and treated them like the perfect romantic gentleman, and have been continually rejected and hurt, it’s only natural that right now you might be saying, “Why am I such a hopeless romantic when all I get is pain? Women just don’t appreciate romantic guys any more!”
Here’s the thing…
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy to women, being a gentleman and being romantic.
I treat my wife well and do romantic things with her, but it’s only a small part of our amazing relationship.
Most women love a guy who can be romantic, but if he can’t trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for him when they interact, being romantic isn’t going to convince her to want to have sex, become his girlfriend or stay married to him as his wife.
Sure, some women will accept it initially, but they will quickly get bored when they realize that the guy mistakenly thinks that being sweet and romantic is the secret to keeping her happy.
She might appreciate that he’s a romantic guy and feel flattered by all the effort he puts in, but in the end, if she’s not feeling sexual desire for him, she’s going to lose interest in being with him.
Where Romance Came From
In the past, most marriages were arranged by a woman’s father or guardian, and it was more of a business deal than a romance.
A woman had to be a virgin on her wedding night and she couldn’t go out and earn her own money, or make her own decisions regarding marriage, sex or life in general.
So, during medieval times, as a backlash to arranged marriages, the importance of love in a relationship began to flourish, and young men began to romance the women they desired as a way to gain their love.
This is where the concept of serenading a woman, writing flowery poetry and sending her a posy of flowers to woo her, first started.
In today’s world, most relationships start with kissing and sex, not long, drawn out courtships filled with long love letters, bouquets of flowers or other romantic gestures.
In fact, according to a recent study, it turns out that 55% of couples had sex on their first date.
Most of the couples who didn’t have sex on the first date would have done it on the second date, rather than getting involved in a long courtship before they eventually got it on.
In other words, being a hopeless romantic and trying to impress a woman with romantic gestures is no longer necessary to get her to want to have sex with you.
In fact, if you approach modern women in that way, they will almost certainly reject you because they now know that a real relationship starts after sex.
Most modern women aren’t interested in wasting time dating a guy for weeks or months before he eventually sticks his wiener inside of her.
She wants to get it on early, so the relationship can begin and they can start progressing through the stages of a relationship all the way to true love and potentially marriage and family.
How do you get a woman to want you sexually?
When you make a woman feel sexually attracted to who you are as a person (e.g. confident, charismatic, reaching for your true potential as a man, interesting to talk to, charming), she will instinctively want to kiss, have sex and be in a relationship with you.
Then, when you are also romantic, she will consider herself lucky and she will feel even more attracted to you and will want to become your girlfriend.
Being Romantic in Ways That Women Like
Rather than wasting time and energy being romantic in ways that women aren’t going to appreciate, here is how to be romantic and get the girl…
1. Turn her on and then treat her with romantic conversation.
As long as you have turned her on first and know that she is sexually attracted to you, she will then love it when she hears that you think she is pretty and smart.
So, during a conversation, you can jokingly ask her something like, “Okay, so you’re smart, beautiful and sexy. So, what’s the catch Cinderella? Do you turn into a pumpkin after midnight?”
This is a great way to create attraction because:
- Most women are insecure about their attractiveness to men, so you are making it clear to her right away that you think she’s sexy.
- She will feel attracted to you for being confident enough to tease her like that, and she will also feel attracted to how you can make her laugh and feel good when she’s with you.
Then, if you also happen to do something romantic (e.g. pull out a chair for her, open a door for her, pour a drink for her before you pour one for yourself), she will see it as being sweet and exciting, and she will be happy to be with a guy who not only triggers her feelings of sexual attraction and respect for him, but is also a romantic, good guy.
2. Don’t be predictable.
The key to romance is to use it unpredictably.
If you fall into a pattern of being a predictable romantic (e.g. you buy her flowers before you meet her for every date, you take her to the same restaurant for a romantic dinner once a week, you always pull out a chair for her or open doors for her), she will eventually begin to expect these things and then they will stop being romantic to her.
Instead, she will start to look at you as being too serious and proper and will want you to relax and ease up on the chivalrous behavior.
To be unpredictable, you don’t have to come up with bigger and better romantic ideas every time; you simply have to vary when and how you romance her.
For example: Rather than buy a woman a big bunch of flowers before a date, you can pick a wildflower from a bush during a walk and put it in her hair.
Alternatively, rather than take her to a restaurant every time you go out together, you can invite her to your place for dinner, and then instead of having something prepared, you can get her to help you cook.
Continue to build up her feelings of sexual attraction while you cook together by teasing her about her chopping skills, smudging her cheek with tomato sauce, or joking about her panda eyes caused by her runny mascara from chopping onions.
Essentially, it’s not what you do, but rather the feelings and emotions you evoke inside of her when you do it that counts.
When a woman is attracted to who you are as a man, she will regard most of the nice things that you do as being romantic.
As long as you remain spontaneous and attractive (e.g. be confident, masculine in the way you talk, behave, feel and think), anything that you do will be romantic to her and she will feel lucky to have found a great man like you who also happens to be a hopeless romantic (but in a good way).
Then you will never have to ask, “Why am I a hopeless romantic?” like it’s a bad thing, because you will have discovered that there’s a lot more to you as a man than just romance.