If your girlfriend’s parents don’t like you, don’t rush to blame yourself for all the problems.
Sometimes, a woman’s parents are the type who always looking for any excuse to cause problems, or they simply don’t know how to deal with people who are a bit different from them.
Should You Move On or Fix the Problem?
You’re in a great relationship with a woman, but there’s a problem. You can tell by the way her parents behave, things they’ve said directly to you or comments they’ve made to your girlfriend about you, that they just don’t seem to like you.
While it’s possible that you’ve given them good reason not to like you, you may also be finding it difficult to click with them for reasons that just aren’t your fault. For instance, some parents have certain prejudices or beliefs and, for whatever reason, they will have an almost immediate dislike of any guys who gets romantically involved with “their little girl.”
To them, no man will EVER be good enough for her. In situations like that, there is often little you will be able to do to change their mindset. So, is the situation hopeless to the point where you should move on and forget about her? It all depends on how you handle it.
Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Dealing With Annoying Parents
If her parents’ dislike of you is putting a big strain on your relationship with your woman, you may be thinking about breaking up with her even though it’s the last thing you want to do.
Before you cut off your relationship, consider the following common mistakes that some guys make which only cause these types of situations to worsen. Then, think about how you would handle the situation better.
Mistake #1 – Reacting Badly to Their Hostility
When faced with initial coldness or open hostility from a girlfriend’s parents, some guys react with negative, angry or rude behavior and end up making things worse. These men would do better to remember the old saying about “killing them with kindness,” by being cordial, respectful and by not reacting in a rude or emotional way to their taunts and tests.
When his girlfriend sees that he is continuing to be nice and respectful, despite the bad behavior of her parents, he will appear more mature and desirable, while the behavior of her parents will seem more irrational and unwarranted to her (and possibly to themselves).
Mistake # 2 – Putting up With it For Too Long
Now, the fact is that there are some people out there who are just bad people. They are “bad eggs,” rotten and slimy to their core. When faced with people who won’t change their bad behavior no matter what, a guy should not stick around to put up with it for too long.
A big mistake that guys make in their relationships with women, is putting up with bad behavior and treatment from a girlfriend or her parents for too long. No self-respecting guy will stick around if people don’t show him respect.
If you can easily attract new women, you don’t need to hold onto such a rotten egg of a situation with a problematic woman. If the people involved don’t bend over backwards to show you respect, you can just throw the relationship in the bin and make a fresh start with a new woman.
By sticking around being the nice guy who tries to “kill them with kindness” for years on end, you are simply giving those rotten egg kind of people what they want. They want a victim to play with; someone to pick on so they feel better about themselves. You don’t need that.
You deserve better than that and you will only be treated better if you show some respect to yourself by requesting they change. If they don’t change, you move on. They will either buckle under the pressure of you leaving their daughter or they will happily wait for the next victim to play with.
Either way, don’t sit around waiting for them to change if you’re only approach is going to be Mr. Nice and Innocent. You need to make a stand.
Mistake #3 – Whining and Complaining
Since they are feeling hurt by the poor manners of the girlfriend’s parents, some guys will whine and complain to their girlfriend, like a little boy who needs help from mommy. Expecting her to “fix” the situation, he will sulk, complain and generally act like anything other than a man.
A real man faces his problems directly and fixes them with assertiveness, manners and a respectful approach, but he never looks to women to help him like his mommy did when he was a boy. He can take care of things himself. He commands respect and he gets it.
Mistake #4 – Choosing Sides
Feeling powerless to fix the situation, a lot of guys will make the mistake of asking their girlfriend to choose between them and her parents. That is unfair, unnecessary and completely ineffective.
If her parents are absolutely in the wrong, she may eventually have to make that choice, but it shouldn’t be at the insistence of her boyfriend because she may decide to choose her parents over him in the end.
As their daughter, she is naturally going to have some level of love and attachment to her parents, so asking her to choose sides just isn’t fair to her as a person.
Although she might be upset by their behavior, she will usually realize that she may be unable to change their beliefs and approach to her romantic relationships. What she does about her parents should be a decision that she comes to on her own.
Mistake #5 – Refusing Social Interaction with Her Parents
Couples who are in a committed relationship will likely be invited to various family functions and social gatherings that will often include the woman’s parents. When these invitations are extended, some guys will continually refuse to attend in order to avoid facing another unpleasant encounter with his girlfriend’s parents.
A stronger man knows that throughout his relationship, he and his woman may come across strains from a variety of external sources (e.g. family, friends, work, money, etc.) and the immature, unreasonable or annoying behavior of her parents is just another thing that needs to be handled responsibly.
It’s not something he needs to hide from. He is not going to be pulled into the games of the parents and if they show him disrespect, he will handle the situation like a real man.
If her parents are foolish enough to cause disagreements or otherwise show unnecessary aggression towards him in front of others and he doesn’t “take the bait,” but instead shows his maturity, intelligence and strength, he will be looked favorably upon by the other guests.
Her parents, on the other hand, will appear shallow, childish and unreasonable to those who witnessed their bad behavior.
Mistake #6 – Flunking “The Father’s Test”
As the head of his household and protector of his family, many fathers will appear subtly aggressive, hostile and distant when they meet their daughter’s new boyfriend. To these fathers, they are simply testing the new man in their daughter’s life to see if he is strong and mature enough to be considered as another of her protectors (in addition to him of course).
If the new boyfriend is unable to hold his ground and behave like a man under the pressure, he will have failed what I call, “The Father’s Test.” On the other hand, if her father sees her boyfriend’s maturity and strength in the face of his aggression, he will welcome him into his family and they will become friends and allies.
Handling Difficult Situations with Maturity
Throughout your life, you will likely come across many situations where unreasonable or immature people create unnecessary problems. As a strong man, you know that you can rise above these dilemmas and easily come out as the winner by not getting drawn into pointless disagreements or battles of will.
Leading with your strength, maturity and intelligence, you will be a man that a woman can look up to and fall deeper and deeper in love with. Others will see that you are a man of strength and maturity and they will naturally show you the respect you deserve.
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I have been using the modern man products for almost a year now and it has changed everything! I have more girl friends and friends in general than i could have ever imagined. The “Better than a Bad Boy” videos are pricless. thank you Dan, Ben, and Stu. You guys really know what you are talking about- Thomas
Thanks for sharing your success mate! Much appreciated.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Powerful tools Dan I do only trust in you pro. This is the only website i do trust.
Thanks mate! Glad to hear that you’re enjoying what you’ve been learning from the site.
You are my hero mate. No bullshit you tell it how it is unapologetically and with incredible insight.
I wish I had your advice and principles 10 years ago; how things may have been different in my marriage and subsequent relationships. I realise I made every nearly every cardinal nice guy mistake you mention in your articles at one point or other and suffered as a result. I am reading the flow and your articles every night with great enthusiasm as part of my major life overhaul and in becoming a real man of purpose, one that can attract and keep a woman who will not leave or lose respect for him.
Keep up the brilliant work, you are literally changing lives for the better including mine!
Thanks for your kind words and vote of appreciation.
It’s funny that you say that because just this morning I was thinking, “If I could live my life over again, would I want to do it differently?” Usually, people say, “Nah, I wouldn’t have become the person I’ve become today,” but I actually thought, “Yes, I would want to know what I know now and not have to have wasted so many years of my life! The great times I’m having now with women, friends and family are awesome, but I wish all that was happening back when I was hopeless with women.”
I wasted many years of my life in limbo and many more trying to overcome my insecurities and anxiety around beautiful women and many more trying to understand how to be truly successful with women. I’m glad that I worked it all out, but it would have been much nicer to have always been so confident, alpha and clear-headed as I am these days.
Thankfully now, guys can arrive at my site and learn in HOURS what took me MANY YEARS to work out and go directly into feeling confident and becoming more and more successful with women each day. It still amazes me how quickly guys go from hopeless to successful with women by following our advice. It’s just awesome! We literally get success stories every day and it NEVER gets boring. I know how much is SUCKS to be hopeless with women, to get by on “getting lucky” with women and to suffer the consequences as a result. I also know how AWESOME it is to have your CHOICE with women and enjoy easy, natural and consistent success with women…which has been my life for almost 7 years now. I’m now in a truly loving relationship with a beautiful girlfriend who is cool, caring and fun to be with. I chose her when I saw her for the first time and picked her up with ease, even though she had been rejecting all other guys for almost a year before I met her.
I look forward to hearing about your success Brian. Enjoy the great times ahead!
Dan I want to do the same as you have done and reach my potential with relationships. I can relate to you as we are of a similar age and you are a thinker. Pretty much every other aspect of my life I have been successful when I put my determination and effort into it. I’m at a crucial point in my career at them moment with professional exams, but when I finish in a month I intend to throw myself fully into the flow and some of your other resources. Sometimes I wonder whether it is too good to be true, your results and methods; but the more I read your articles and reviews of others who have been on your courses the more I realise you are just helping guys unlock the person inside them that wants to come out. And that the reason it works is because you have put in the time effort and critical reading/analysis/philosophising to develop your craft and produce a method which accelerates the development of guys like me.
Anyway, I do have some good news.. The day after I posted this I bumped into this girl at work that I had a major crush on about 6 months ago. I had just broken up with my gf of one year and had seen this girl about the traps. Like my ex she was blonde intelligent hot and about 10 years younger than me. I had approached her at the time at work and started up a friendly chat on a couple of occasions. She was quite friendly and seemed to be impressed by me or perhaps my friendly nature. At the time it was 1 month prior to my breakup so I was just being a friendly guy with no ulterior motives. Fast forward to the weeks after my breakup and I had seen her a couple more times and had always smiled and made conversation once or twice.
I found her on Facebook and started a conversation with her. It turned into a sudden interaction where we were telling each other stuff about our interests and overseas holidays, and she mentioned how she travelled alone and and felt like she was missing out seeing all the other happy holiday couples. I thought it was cute, albeit a slightly insecure thing to say. I bumped into her at work and she went all red and later apologised for being all shy around me. I was stoked.
It escalated to a coffee at work the following week, but here is where it went horribly wrong. I got all excited I guess and started FB messaging her more than she was me. I also mentioned my ex in one of the messages. Her replies became delayed and then silence. I think she might have seen one of my profile pics with my daughter in it. The coffee never happened.
I discussed it with a female friend and showed her the interactions. You can imagine what she said and where I went wrong. Too keen. Mentioned ex. Too many messages etc.
Anyway the next few weeks I approached her if I saw her but she was basically cold and short with me. I was like WTF? I forgot about her, but a couple of months later was out at a local cool beer garden with some girls from work and their friends. I had a silly crush on one of them and spent most of the evening chatting with her and her friends. I was with a mate but he had to leave early so I was literally surrounded by 5 beautiful girls at a packed outdoor venue. Earlier, the girls I were with were getting hit on by other guys as they were hot, especially the one I was interested in. I was looking like the stud muffin surrounded by girls. I am a nice guy, good looking but pretty naive in relationships or picking up and this was quite an unusual situation for me to be in historically. Then I saw the chick that I had been face booking. Awesome I thought. She had guys hanging around her but they looked like boys not men. Anyway I am keeping an eye on her and I see she gets up and walks straight up towards my table. I catch her eye and wave. She stops and says hello to me and some of the girls who she knows. We have a brief chat and she says she is on her way to get food, but she was headed in the wrong direction and I suspect she appreciated me catching her attention when she “accidentally” walked last, despite me being in the thick of things so to speak. Anyway, I went home at same time as my crush; nothing eventuated unfortunately. One of her friends seemed very keen on me, but she was a 6/10, not a 9/10 and I wasn’t interested in going there especially in front of the 9/10. Her friends had invited me out to continue partying at a club but without the 9/10 I wasn’t interested and had an early start the following day so didn’t go. Also I didn’t really know them and felt social anxiety as I didn’t really know them, and wasn’t the clubbing type, unless I was with my younger ex who was a party animal. You see 8 years of a failing marriage to someone ultra conservative and reserved, and never going out robbed me of the usual partying and fun people have in their twenties.
Anyway the blonde chick at work was much the same to me at work and I stopped making any efforts to say hi.
For the next 5 months if I passed her she avoided eye contact and I was like whatever.
So the other day I walked past her unexpectedly. I was in a great mood and smiled at her. She blanked me. I was pissed off but determined not to ruin my day. I had been reading the flow that morning and your articles and remembered what you said about interactions with girls and not worrying what other people think of you etc, and developing inner confidence. My mantra was “I am a good guy, I’m proud of who I am and I deserve good things”. So I walk into the cafeteria and see her in the corner, opposite to where I am with my friends. She is alone. I have to walk past her and I see she looks up. Normally I would be like “piss off” in my head, but for some reason I think, fuck it, I’ll do an experiment. I smile and wave at her. She smiles and waves back. I sit down next to her and start chatting. She apologises for not saying hello when passing me as she wasn’t wearing contacts and didn’t recognise me till I passed. Anyway I have a don’t care confidence and start chatting with her about work, exercise and what she’s up to. There are periods of silence and instead of filling them with nervous chatter, I do what Stu said and smile and look relaxed and comfortable. She starts asking me questions and I make her laugh. After about 5-10 minutes I tell her I have to meet my friends and we say goodbye. It was a genuinely fun and pleasant interaction. She walks past about 20 minutes later and I see her looking over at me out of the corner of my eye and I turn around and she gives me a little shy wave.
The whole thing was a complete shock and reversal of previous interactions. I spoke with a mate about it and he was utterly shocked at what I did and the result, given the history we had. But he is aware I am reading the flow and is reading it too, and is inspired.
Anyway, now I don’t know what to do about it. The more I think about her the more I start to feel infatuation and nerves about approaching her. I saw her at work today and didn’t stop to approach her. She was busy ans didn’t see me and I was nervous. My mate says, just see it as an exercise, otherwise I will get nervous and stuff it up again.
My life is crazy busy at moment and I should be sleeping now instead if writing! I am just getting over my ex, who I told her I still loved a few weeks ago after she dropped the bombshell that she was seeing some douche who treats her with great disinterest yet she pursues as he is might be a “good” bad boy (my words not hers). He probably has read the flow but sounds like a absolute prick/player type nonetheless. It didn’t get her back of course but felt good to get off my chest and helped me move on a lot.
I want to sort myself out before embarking on anything serious. I wouldn’t mind seeing where I could take this one though. But not sure what to do and feeling nervous at thought of approaching her. It was easier in cafeteria as she was sitting alone. At work she is usually surrounded by other people and I could look like a real douche approaching and then getting the cold shoulder or short reply. That happened once with her and I was just left standing there waiting for her to finish her conversation with a colleague, and I felt like a little boy waiting for her attention/audience, and the conversation was stilted and she hardly gave me time or even a goodbye. That was months ago though. In fact it made me think she was not worth it, yet this recent development is intriguing.
What do you recommend my guru?
I know what has happened is pretty minor in the scale of things and I have a long way to go in being able to get to step 4 with girls like this, yes i am a newbie, but I just want to be ready if I bump into her again. I have something cheeky in mind to say to her that will link in with our previous conversation as she told me I had inspired her to start exercising again. I don’t want to go back to omega male with this cute but annoying girl. It’s an opportunity for me to man up. Obtaining her number would be an achievement but feels like a bridge to far at this stage for me. Somehow getting that coffee she once agreed to would be ideal though to even the score.
I have rare moments of incredible Mojo with women and prior to my ex was dating 3 hot girls whom I met in the same week, but none really did it for me me intellectually, (physically hell yes) and all were around 30 and looking for long term commitment. They knew I was dating other girls but my honesty/naivety only made me more attractive for some reason – bizarre. I ended them and met my amazing ex shortly after. One of them wanted booty calls, and I couldn’t remain friends with her.
Most of the time I do not know how the hell to activate this irresistible mojo unfortunately, and any of my few exes have come to me through dumb luck, and brief moments of courage as opposed to a natural confidence in approaching them.
Cheers and thanks for reading I know it’s long!
PS I am enjoying the modern man video. Halfway through it. I don’t completely agree with the effectiveness of “training” of the woman to “be a good little girl”. That may not work on highly intelligent and emotionally intelligent women of high socioeconomic status/power that I am often attracted to, who might see through it and refuse to be shaped into the perfect stepford housewife type. And for it to work through the ups and down of marriage would be even better. I wish it would work as described and I will certainly use those techniques in future. The 10 year rule should be a compulsory part of premarital counselling or school curriculum. I wish someone had told me that 13 years ago!!
Phew! That took a while to read! 🙂
Believe me, I appreciate the comments you and every other guy makes on the site, but to you Brian and anyone else reading this – please try to make it briefer than that! I’ve got about 60 comments waiting for a reply, it’s 9:53pm and my girlfriend is sitting in the lounge room, watching Tv and waiting for me to finish up for the day. A long night ahead of me!
Okay, onto the reply…
Firstly, it’s great to hear that you’re doing the most important thing of all when learning from us here at The Modern Man: USING the advice. The way you were able to turn around the bad impression you originally made on her before learning from us is music to my ears. It means that you are learning and following the advice properly. Nice work.
As for what to do…
This part of your comment stuck out for me, “I was just left standing there waiting for her to finish her conversation with a colleague” You’ve got to be more alpha than that and not let people disrespect you. It’s not about being disrespectful to other people in that situation, but it is about getting their respect. I’d recommend you watch Alpha Male Power when you have the time.
It also sounds like you’re making the mistake of giving her the “dating power,” meaning that she is deciding who likes who, how things unfold, etc. You’re the man Brian, not her. You lead, she follows. Don’t wait around for her to lead you to a sexual relationship. Make things happen. The next time you interact with her, just make sure you refocus on Steps 2 and 3 of The Flow before doing anything else. Or, if you’re confident in your ability to use it, use the technique in The Flow that is about rapport and attraction. I don’t want to reveal it here in the comments.
Cheers mate – sorry for such a lengthy comment, I didn’t realise the volume of comments you get on this site; the reason is your answers are so damn good.
I will re-read step 2 and 3 and let you know how it goes. I watched the rest of the modern man video and I revise my earlier comment on the “training” of the woman to be a good girl. I can see that what you were getting at was by using positive reinforcement to build a stronger relationship and a better way of dealing with conflict in a relationship; as opposed to taking your partner for granted (something I am guilty of in the past), or reacting in an angry out of control manner which is destructive to the relationship (again I am guilty of this negative approach). It is really about being a good leader in the relationship like the manager you described; otherwise you are relying on the woman to steer the ship; or worse just to go drift aimlessly which is a pretty hopeless approach really. Awesome.
No probs mate.
About your revision of your comment: Yes, I didn’t mention that part of your comment because I knew it was a beginner misunderstanding. As you will see, my advice is always right in the end. Don’t fight against it – doing so will only waste your time. We spend years testing and developing our advice before we make it available in our programs. We only release advice when we’ve had it working perfectly in our own lives and had loads of phone coaching clients from around the world and guys that we training person use the advice and report back with success. Follow the advice and your success with women will feel easy and natural and more importantly – it will be consistent for the rest of your life.
For everyone else reading along, here’s what we went through just to develop Dating Power for example: http://www.themodernman.com/the_truth_about_dating_power.html
Hi Dan good news! I bumped into her again this week and got chatting using the conversation advice given in the ultimate guide. I was in a positive headspace from listening to it and reading the flow. Anyway we chatted for another 10 minutes in the corridor before she had to go (I had too as well, and should have been the one to take initiative again-doh!). Anyway I mentioned that the coffee never happened and she said she we should next time I was around; so I asked her number and then gave her my phone to enter details. I said I’d prank her but I think I’ll just text her nonchalantly later on next week to see if she is about for coffee too, without getting too bothered by it all. I don’t want to be too keen by calling her when she might be busy at work.
It’s an interesting development and I really surprised myself by asking her number.
Great to hear of your success so far.
Keep the momentum going. Let your belief in yourself build each day. You’re on your way.
You sure do know your stuff. Broke up with my girl 5 weeks ago, acted desperate for a week begging and pleading. Came across you on the Internet and followed your advice to the letter. Just got on with it, hit the gym more, hung out with friends got a promotion at work with great salary and a new BMW. She hates the fact I’m strong without her, she keeps ringing, texting and coming round. I have fulfilled my needs with her a few times and just walked away making her wild about me. Will not go back to being a yes man. Let the good times roll
Your a true Legend
All the best
Thanks for the positive feedback and for sharing your success. Much appreciated.
Yes, it’s great to be in the position of power and control. As you may have already realized, women actually WANT men to be in the position of power and control in the relationship. However, make sure you don’t abuse your power. Our advice is about being a powerful man, but also being a loving, caring and wise man.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Hey I have problems my girlfriend mom doesn’t like me no more we were drinking with friends and she smoked weed I didn’t but how can I get her mom forgive me because she doesn’t want us talking to each other no more
Thanks for your question.
It really depends on the maturity level of her mother. Some people are more reasonable than others. Assuming that she is a mature, reasonable person, you could tell her that you want to talk to her about what happened in the past. Then, without you going into any details of what you and her daughter got up to, just ask her what she didn’t like about what you and her were doing. Then, you can tell her that you are sorry for that (what she says she didn’t like, not what you think she didn’t like) and ask her, “What will it take for you to forgive me?”
Then, the burden is on her to forgive you. If she doesn’t forgive you, it is her who is creating problems, not you.
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