Many women want to end up just like their mother.
They adore her, they love her and they want to have the same type of life that she has had.
I remember having a girlfriend who was raised by a single mom who had broken up with her husband after a few years of marriage. My girlfriend looked up to her mom, lived with her and spoke about her to me quite often.
A year into our relationship, I realized that she would be completely happy to end up as a single mother as well. So, one night when we’d had a few drinks and were beginning to feel a bit more than tipsy, I asked her…
“How long do you think we will last?”
“Oh…maybe 7 years?”
That was it.
That was the moment I knew I had to dump her. Why? She had been talking about starting a family with me. In the months prior to that conversation, she had begun to bring up marriage, babies and family.
Yet, she was looking at our relationship as though it had an end date.
So, I dumped her that night. She tried to get me back, but I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with her again, let alone give her another chance. I said to her, “Look, it’s over…you said that you wanted babies with me and then said you thought we’d last 7 years. We’re finished. I’m not going to end up as a single dad. No frikken way…”
…and boy am I glad that I broke up with her. I would hate to have ended up getting her pregnant and then having to pay child support to a twisted woman for the rest of my life.
In her mind, she saw being a single mother and perfectly normal and acceptable. She wanted to be just like her mom.
Like Mother Like Daughter?
A woman’s relationship with her mother is complex.
Some women seem exactly like their mother, whilst others seem like polar opposites.
For example: Your girlfriend is neat and clean, but her mother has a messy, unorganized house. Your lady can’t operate the microwave, while her mother is a gourmet cook. Your girlfriend is addicted to shoes while her mother…oh, forget that, all women are addicted to shoes.
The reality is that mothers and daughters will share a number of similar traits, whether the daughter likes the comparison or not.
Nice to Meet You
When you first meet your girlfriend’s mother, if you extend your hand and she grabs you and gives you a big bear hug, it’s likely that your girlfriend is a warm and affectionate person too.
So respond back to the hug. Don’t be afraid to embrace the moment and show that you aren’t afraid of family affection. If her mother is more formal and simply extends her hand, greet her in kind while also understanding that this can be an indicator of how your girlfriend is likely to interact with your friends and family in future.
Show Some Pre-Interest in Her Parents
If you’ve been invited for dinner and are going to be spending several hours with your girlfriend’s parents, try to get to know a few things about them beforehand.
Ask your girlfriend what her parents are like as people, what they do for a living, their hobbies, some of their favorite things to do and some of the things they really hate. This will help you to make small talk and give you a hint of what subjects to bring up and what subjects to avoid.
Although you should always be your completely real self and never put on an act around anyone (especially your girlfriend’s family), you should also try to be respectful and show that you’re interested in starting the relationship off on the right note.
The more real you can be around her parents, the more real they will be around you. Then, you will be able to get a more accurate prediction of how they will behave months or years after you’ve known them.
What Does Her Mother Look Like?
If your girlfriend’s features closely resemble her mother’s, it’s a good bet that as she ages, she’s going to look more like her mother.
Look around for family photos. If her mother was a slim stunner when she was younger, but has put on more than a couple of pounds over the years and is really showing her age, yes, your girlfriend can easily develop those same physical traits without much effort.
This is definitely something to take into account so you don’t regret your choice of woman in the future.
Lovers or Enemies?
When interacting with your girlfriend’s father – is her mother warm, loving and affectionate or does she snipe at him and bark orders? This will give you a view into your potential relationship with the daughter. It’s sort of a “monkey see, monkey do” situation.
If your girlfriend learned that she can treat her man poorly once she has a ring on her finger, then it’s more likely that once you’re engaged or married, she will eventually start treating you in a similar way.
Of course, if you start seeing any indications of that earlier in your relationship, then you should put the brakes on that behavior immediately by letting her know that you won’t tolerate that type of treatment.
Alternatively, you can choose to make a speedy exit from the relationship and find a warmer, more caring woman to enjoy a loving relationship with.
Make Room for Mother?
Does your girlfriend still live at home with her parents, or with her single mother? If so, why?
Is it because she’s helping to financially support her mother? Perhaps it’s because they are best friends and need each other for emotional support. Whatever the case, if you plan a future with your girlfriend, you need to determine if she has any plans to ask you to allow her mother to move in with you at some stage.
Some men, especially those who are particularly close to or who are financially supporting their own mother, might understand this relationship and not mind having her mom in the next bedroom. If you’re not one of those men, you have a decision to make. Get out now or deal with the consequences later on.
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Even if she is like her mother, she won’t want you to make an issue out of it. She will want you to treat her like her own person. Love her for who she is, no matter how much she resembles or acts like her mother.
I have to say I can relate with this article due to the fact my father went through 2 divorces. I tend to probably be reserved about who I date and not as affectionate at first… just because I have seen my father get burned. So, I think perhaps it could also be said that if the girlfriend’s only parental figure left is their father… possibly that could be a reflection too of how the girlfriend is going to be.
I had a girlfriend who was a lot like her mother. Her mom was a really great person as well but I started noticing how opinionated her mother way about everything. She was very set in her ways about a lot of stuff. My girlfriend at the time didn’t seem to share this same attitude but I was nervous she would become like her mother the longer we went out. The more I spend time with the 2 of them together the more similarities I noticed. Long story short, she wasn’t the girl for me….
I agree that some mothers can be judged based on their mothers, but luckily my girlfriend isn’t like her mother at all.
Meeting my gals parents is something I will dread. I’m shy, and I know I wouldn’t be able to make small talk with the parents, but I know I’ll try.
I’m going to use some of these pointers though if I have to ever do this.
The first time I met my girlfriend’s family, I was so nervous that I was thinking they might not like me. My girlfriend is so affectionate and I saw that same quality with her mother to her father. I’m happy that at the end of the day it was a nice dinner. I think what matters most is how you present yourself to them, just be respectful and show them that you really love their daughter.
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