If you’re saying, “My wife thinks we need time apart,” then you might be feeling as though your life is falling apart at the seams right now.
All those promises you made to each other when getting married seem to mean nothing to her now.
If she is asking for time apart, it means that she is breaking up with you in the most subtle way possible.
She wants to create some distance between you and her, so she can hopefully move on without you.
Chances are, you might be asking yourself questions like:
- Does “time apart” mean that we’re essentially headed for a divorce?
- What if she really enjoys the time apart and then decides that she doesn’t love me anymore and no longer wants to be married?
- Do I want to start from the beginning with another woman after all her and I have been through?
- Will the time apart possibly help our marriage, or will it make us grow even further apart than we already have?
- Will I be on my own for years or for the rest of my life, while she happily moves on without me?
- What if she meets another man during the time we have apart apart?
- Has she already met another man, which is really why she wants time apart from our marriage?
- Is it already too late to fix the problems in our relationship?
- Is there anything I can do to change her mind?
Right now, you might not be feeling very hopeful or optimistic about your chances of keeping the marriage together, but the truth is that it’s not too late to change how your wife feels and get her to change her mind.
When you get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again, she will naturally reconnect with her feelings of love for you and begin to reconsider her decision to want time apart.
When you make her reconnect with her original feelings for you and fall back in love with you, she will stop feeling the need for time apart.
However, if you continue to keep making the same old mistakes and setting off negative chain reactions in your marriage, she will move forward with her idea to be apart.
What is She Not Telling You?
When a woman decides that she needs to separate from her husband, her decision is not based on her feelings over just one fight or argument.
In other words, she’s not going to sincerely say, “We need time apart,” just because of an argument, or because, just this once, he forgot to pick up his clothes off the floor, or he didn’t do the dishes even though he promised he would.
Most women take a long time to come to the decision of separating from their husband.
Of course, there are some women who are immature and who aren’t truly ready to take marriage seriously (e.g. think of some of the celebrities who’ve gotten married and divorced within a year).
There are also some women who aren’t fully committed to being married and at the first sign of a disagreement, they give up and begin to think of divorcing or spending time apart.
However, in most cases, from the moment a woman says “I do,” on her wedding day, she is going to committed to making her marriage work.
So, when she eventually makes a decision to ask her husband for time apart, something very negative and ongoing about his behavior, thinking or attitude has brought her to this decision.
After helping a lot of men successfully fix their relationship problems with women, I’ve found that at this point of a relationship, many guys aren’t sure what has caused the woman’s desire to finally ask for time apart.
For example: A guy will usually say things like, “We have been fighting a lot lately, so I guess it’s because of that,” or “I don’t think it’s about specific things; it’s probably just because she’s tired of fighting with me.”
This isn’t the guy’s fault, but it’s simply because most women don’t come out and explain what the real reasons for her loss of respect and attraction are.
A woman might say things like, “I don’t love you anymore” or “You don’t make me feel happy anymore,” but that is rarely (if ever) followed with instructions on how to get her love you again and how to make her feel happy in the relationship.
A woman will usually give vague excuses like, “I think we need time apart,” or “I just need some space to think things through,” or even, “Things might improve between us if we take some time apart.”
Why don’t women give instructions on how to win them over and be the man they really want?
A woman doesn’t want to take on the role of being a guy’s teacher on how to be a man or how to be attractive and loveable in a relationship.
If she takes on that role, it changes the dynamic of a relationship from a man and a woman, into a mother and child or teacher and student dynamic.
For a woman to remain respectful of her man, attracted to him and in love with him, she needs to be able to look up to him as her man, not look down on him as a lost guy who still hasn’t worked out how to be a man.
So, if you’re saying, “My wife thinks we need time apart,” and don’t really know why, then you need to start by working out what you’ve been doing over the course of the marriage to eat away at her respect and attraction for you.
Getting Her to Feel Attracted to You Again
Growing up, most guys are never taught how a woman’s attraction for a man really works.
We get told things like, “Be nice, listen and treat her like a princess,” but we don’t get told, “Oh, but a woman will only appreciate that nice treatment if she respects you and feels attracted to you.”
No one tells us that niceness isn’t what turns a woman on and makes her remain madly in love with a guy.
What does attract women?
Watch this video for an example of how to make your wife feel more attracted to you and stop your wife from feeling the need to have time apart…
As you will discover from the video above, you have a lot of direct control over how much attraction your wife feels for you.
It’s up to you how much you decide to attract her by displaying the personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women.
Likewise, it’s up to you how much you decide to continue displaying the personality traits and behaviors that turn a woman off.
Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Get Her to Reconsider Her Desire For Time Apart
If you want your wife to reconsider having time apart, you need to make sure that you focus on making her feel what she wants to feel.
It can’t be about you getting what you want from her. At this point, she likely doesn’t care too much about what you want because she is fed up of not getting what she wants.
With that said, here are some common mistakes to avoid making…
1. Making desperate promises that you’re not sure how to keep
Most guys are good guys and it’s natural that if they see their wife crying or being unhappy, they will want to make her feel better.
Although it might seem like the right thing to do to apologize to her and even to say, “I promise I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make you happy and make our marriage work,” it’s not what she wants.
The problems in your marriage probably didn’t just happen overnight, which means that you’ve probably apologized to her many times before.
You may have promised to change, but because you weren’t fully clear about what she really wanted from you, it’s possible that you’ve been offering to change the wrong things.
For example: A husband and wife might have had several arguments about him working late. In his mind, the husband concluded that the issue was his long working hours so he might have said, “I’m so sorry honey. I promise I’ll stop working so late.”
In his mind, he had already solved what he perceived to be the problem and he was making things right again.
However, to her, the problem was a lot more complex than that, and his working late was only a small example of his taking her for granted in many other areas in their marriage.
Yet, by promising to fix only a small part of the problem, (i.e. by working less hours), he was clearly showing her that he didn’t fully understand the root of the real problem.
Rushed apologies don’t work on wives who want to leave, because they’ve usually gone through a lot with their husband already and know when he is clueless vs. clear on what he really needs to do.
Women instinctively know that a man first needs to understand what is causing her to be unhappy, and it will then take some time (days or weeks) for him to fix any emotional issues that he may have and improve on the mistakes that he’s been making.
So, if he makes desperate promises and claims that he’s already changed or “it wont happen again,” a wife will usually know that he not going to be able to follow through on his promise.
2. Crying, begging or pleading with her to stay
When a wife says to her husband that she thinks they need time apart, it’s only natural that he might feel shocked and emotionally stunned by the news.
However, if then loses control in front of her, it only accomplishes 1 of 3 things:
- She loses even more respect and attraction for him because he’s behaving like a weak man in front of her.
- She feels like she holds all the power in the relationship, which then makes her question whether or not he deserves her.
- She feels like she has to console him because he is so emotionally sensitive, which kills her attraction for him as she takes on the role of mother, big sister or friend.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men and repelled by weakness.
No matter what a woman says to other people, deep down she wants a masculine man who makes her feel safe and taken care of; not a guy who loses control of his emotions like a boy or who can’t face the challenges of life or relationships.
Fortunately, even if a husband slips up and makes this mistake, it is still possible to regain her respect, attraction and love; so don’t worry if you’ve begged, pleaded or even cried to her.
There is a way back.
It’s Not Too Late to Regain Her Respect, Love and Attraction For You
Right now, it might seem like an impossible task to get your wife to change how she feels. However, there are so many easy things that you can do today to begin re-sparking her respect and attraction for you.
Remember: If the love was really there between you and your wife, it will still be there in the background; even if right now she’s disconnected from it.
You don’t have to sit around wasting time, saying, “My wife thinks we need time apart,” and hoping that if you give her enough space, she will miraculously change her mind and come running back to you.
What you need to do is change how she feels about you right now, before it’s too late.
You need to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction when you interact with her in person, on the phone, via text messages or on social media.
When she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of love for you and she will then reconsider her need for time apart.
Sometimes, a wife will come back after time apart because she’s just not used to being on her own.
However, if she comes back and her husband is still unable to make her feel like she’s in love with him, she will just want to leave again.
So, if you want her to stay with you for life and be in love with you, make sure that you are making real changes today.
There’s only so much that a modern woman will put up with these days.
All she has to do is turn on the TV and there new examples every day of women who divorce their husbands and enjoy a better life without him.
You’ve got to get the spark back with her before it’s too late.
Get her to fall back in love with you again and she will stop feeling the need to be apart from each other.