Right now, if you’re saying something like, “My wife wants a divorce and I don’t,” then you probably believe that there’s not much you can do to change her decision.
Just because the situation might look hopeless to you, the truth is that it’s not too late to make your wife reconsider her decision; even if she’s saying there’s nothing you can say or do that will change how she feels.
What you need to realize is that when you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man, she will naturally feel more willing to reconnect with the love she felt for you at the beginning of your marriage, and make her want to be in love with you again.
How can you do that?
You Need to Begin Offering Her What She Really Wants, Not What You Think She Wants
It’s natural that if you’re saying, “My wife wants a divorce and I don’t,” you will be feeling desperate to change how she feels immediately.
However, desperation can lead to behaving in an insecure way, which will turn your wife off further and make her even more determined to go through with the divorce.
Where Many Husbands Go Wrong When Faced With the Possibility of Being Divorced
When a man is suddenly faced with the possibility of being divorced by his wife, he will usually make one of the following classic mistakes…
1. He will ask his wife to tell him what he’s done wrong and what needs to do to be the man she wants.
On one hand, it seems makes total sense to ask your wife what you’re doing wrong, so you can then fix the problem and get on with enjoying married life together.
Yet, women don’t like it when a man asks for instructions on how to be the man she needs.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for teaching her husband how to make her feel the way that she really wants to feel in a marriage.
If the student/teacher role becomes an ongoing theme in the relationship, the sexual dynamic will go out of sync.
Rather than feeling naturally attracted to a husband that she looks up to and respects, she will feel turned off by the ongoing cycle of a teacher/student or mother/son type of relationship, where she essentially has to teach him how to grow up and be the man she needs him to be.
By asking his wife to explain what he’s been doing wrong, a man is essentially telling her he’s unable to work it out by himself. The wife then feels as though he isn’t going to be the type of man she wants unless she takes on the role of being his teacher and tells him what to do and how to behave.
To a man, it makes total sense, “Tell me and I’ll do it. Simple. Now, let’s get on with enjoying married life together,” but it’s not the role that a woman wants to take on.
Most men don’t care who they get their instructions from, which is fine for us men, but it’s not fine from a woman’s perspective.
Women instinctively know that they shouldn’t be the teachers of men. They know that men shouldn’t need a mother figure or female teacher to help them to be an attractive man that they can look up to and respect.
Being her husband’s guide on how to be a man makes a woman feel turned off at a deep level because she has to take on the responsibility of being the “man” or the “mother” figure in their relationship, which doesn’t allow her to feel like a real woman (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional, etc).
Sometimes, a wife will tell her husband what the problem is, but she won’t always be explicitly direct about it. Some wives are committed to the marriage no matter what and will forgo their natural instinct to be feminine, in the hope that they can save the marriage.
Yet, she won’t like how it feels to be her husband’s teacher. It will turn her off on a deep level.
In most cases, a wife will avoid the responsibility of being her husband’s relationship teacher and will instead give him plenty of warning signs and hints that she is unhappy. She will then hope that he gets the message and changes before its too late.
Although some women might come right out and say something direct like, “When you choose to spend every Saturday with your friends instead of me, I feel that you are putting me in second place in your life and that makes me feel neglected and taken for granted,” most women will simply show their dissatisfaction via their behavior, body language and actions.
By the time that a wife has reached the point where she wants a divorce, she usually feels that she’s exhausted all her options in getting through to her man.
Despite all her hints, he still hasn’t taken the initiative to change and become the sort of man who is deepening her feelings of love, respect and attraction over time, rather than destroying them.
When a wife gets to the point where she’s now considering divorce, she might say something like, “That’s it! I’ve had enough! I want a divorce. I’m leaving you” and will tell her husband that she no longer feels happy and doesn’t love him like she used to.
If her husband then says, “Don’t do this to us! We made a vow to stay married for life. Tell me what I need to change and I’ll do it,” she will feel even more misunderstood and turned off by him.
For her to take on the role of teacher, it will mean that she has to forgo experiencing the type of respect, attraction and romantic love that a woman wants to feel for her man.
Rather than being with a husband that she can look up to and respect, she will feel as though she’s stuck with a confused guy who doesn’t yet know how to be the type of man that a woman will remain attracted to, respectful of and in love with for life.
How about you? Do you know how to make your wife feel attracted to you? Do you know how to deepen her feelings over time, rather than having them fade away?
What you need to understand is that the amount of attraction that your wife feels for you is largely under your control.
You control how many attractive personality traits and behaviors (e.g. confidence, drive, determination, emotional security, etc) that you display around your wife.
Likewise, you also control how many unattractive traits and behaviors that you display around her (e.g. insecurity, jealousy, taking her for granted, not following through on your biggest ambitions in life because you’re hiding behind the safety of the marriage, expecting her to think, behave and act more like you – a man, etc).
2. He falls to pieces and ends up crying, begging and pleading with her.
Divorce is a really big deal, so it’s completely understandable that a man will be shaken if his wife wants a divorce and he doesn’t.
Yet, falling to pieces in front of a woman and crying, begging or pleading with her to change her mind will simply turn her off even more.
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by weakness, so when a man cries, begs and pleads because he is feeling emotionally weak and insecure, it’s a huge turn off for a woman.
This is especially true in a marriage. A married woman understands that life can often be challenging and that a man requires mental and emotional strength to be able to properly survive, thrive and prosper in this world.
A wife wants to know that she can rely on her husband to be a strong man in difficult times, rather than feeling as though she is the stronger one in the marriage and needs to take care of him emotionally.
Falling to pieces in front of her at such a crucial moment, only serves to reinforce her opinion that he’s not enough of a man for her and that she would probably be better off divorcing him and moving on.
However, don’t worry if you have momentarily lapsed into behaving in an emotionally weak way around your wife. You can still change how she feels right now by being emotionally strong from now on and focusing your attention on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man.
If there’s any hope still left in her heart that you and her can make the marriage work, she’s going to need to see that you have the ability to get her respect and attraction back.
If you can’t do that, then she probably won’t take any of your promises seriously and will simply stick to her decision to get divorced and move on without you.
3. He makes her promises that he can’t really keep.
In most cases, when a marriage gets to a point where divorce is being discussed, a husband may have already promised to change many times during prior arguments or fight with his wife.
Yet, once he and his wife have “kissed and made up,” it’s common for the man to then slowly forget about his promises and go back to his old patterns of behavior and thinking once again.
As a husband, he mistakenly feels as though he is fully protected by the vows they made on the wedding day and that she will stick by him for life, because it would be shameful, embarrassing and exhausting to go through a divorce.
It would be nice if those things were enough of a deterrent for divorce for women, but they’re not, which is why the divorce rate is so high these days.
In the past, a woman would stay with a man for life, even if she was unhappy and being mistreated, because it really was shameful to get divorced.
It was also very difficult for a woman to be able to earn her own money, support herself and find a new guy after already being married before because divorcees were looked down upon.
Yet, in today’s society, divorce is often pushed as “the right thing to do” by TV talk show hosts, Hollywood movies, female pop singers and TV drama shows that glamorize the process of having affairs, getting divorced and starting over afresh with someone new later in life.
It sucks, but that’s how the modern world works. Women have a voice on TV and many TV shows are aimed at female audiences, who usually love to watch the drama of affairs, divorces and new love stories playing out.
In today’s world, if you want your marriage to last for life, you have to be able to deepen your wife’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time.
In the past, men didn’t have to learn about how to deepen a woman’s feelings and keep her happy because they could simply take their wife for granted.
You’ve got to be able to guide her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time, or else she will start talking about divorce if the relationship makes her feel unhappy for long periods of time and doesn’t seem like it will ever change.
A husband making promises to his wife that he will change usually doesn’t work when she’s asking for a divorce, because she’s probably heard it all before and knows that he’s only saying what he thinks she wants to hear to stop her from divorcing him.
For example: He might be promising her that he’ll stop spending so much time with his friends, that he’ll take her on the holiday she has always wanted.
He thinks that it will make her happy and shut her up, but that may not be what the real problem is for her.
To her, the real problems in the marriage might be that he’s too insecure and has been turning her off for years because of it. She feels as though he lacks the all-important mental masculinity that she finds so attractive about men and tends to be a bit of a woman at times because he’s so emotionally sensitive.
It might also be because she feels that he’s been putting off having a baby, or moving to a new house, even though he knows how important it is to her.
Whatever the case, if you make promises to your wife without actually knowing what is really causing her to want a divorce, you will only highlight to her that you’re still clueless about the real problems in your marriage and that even if she changes her mind, the same problems will probably continue.
The Really Good News
Your wife’s current, negative feelings for you are not set in stone.
You can change how she feels.
Think about this…
Have you ever really disliked someone (maybe even her at some point), but you then really liked that person when they changed the way that they interacted with you, treated you or communicated with you?
The same fundamental law of human emotion applies to your wife as well. She can change how she feels if you change your approach to her.
If the current way that you’ve been communicating with your wife has been turning her off, then it’s only natural that she seems unwilling to reconsider her decision to get a divorce.
In fact, it’s more likely that she’s going to be behaving coldly towards you and maybe even saying things like, Leave me alone” or “I don’t love you anymore.”
However, when you change the way that you approach your interactions with her and begin to make her feel differently about you as a result, she will automatically begin to reconsider her feelings for you.
No matter how bad things look right now, your wife’s feelings are not set in stone. Feelings can, and do, change all the time. You can change how she feels.
Just think about how you felt when you first arrived at my site to how you feel now.
You most-likely feel a lot more hopeful, happy and inspired than you did before you read my article or watched some of my videos on this page.
This is because human emotions are fluid and open to change. Emotional states are not set in stone and unchangeable.
You can change the way that your wife is feeling right now, by changing how you approach your interactions and communication with her.
When your wife feels enough respect and attraction for you, she will become open to forgiving your past mistakes and will begin reconnecting with the love that she felt for you on your wedding day.