If your wife has been saying, “It’s over. I just want a divorce,” it’s only natural that you may be worried about losing her forever.
However, the good news is that you can get your wife to reconsider divorce.
1. Start giving her the attraction experience she wants.
Just because a man and a woman say, “I do,” and agree to be married for life, it’s not a guarantee that everything will remain perfect in their marriage from that moment onwards.
To make a marriage last, they both have to make an effort to make the love, respect and attraction grow over time.
What often happens is that a man might initially spend a lot of time making his wife feel loved, appreciated, taken care of and attracted because the marriage is new and exciting.
Yet, over time, other things, like having and raising children, getting a house and paying it off, ensuring that the children get a good education and managing day to day life, might take priority over the relationship between him and his wife.
There are a lot of other things to focus on and having fun with his wife or maintaining a happy, harmonious relationship at all times might not be at the top of the list.
Eventually, the wife may start to feel that something is missing in her life.
She might begin to wonder, “Is this why I got married? Are the kids and the bills the only things that matter in our marriage anymore? Am I going to spend the rest of my life just taking care of everyone and being a mother, housekeeper and taxi driver? Do I not get to experience being in love anymore? Where has that gone?”
Over time, her feelings of unhappiness can intensify, to the point where she starts thinking, “I don’t want to do this anymore! I want to feel sexy and like a real woman when I’m with my man. I don’t want to feel like I’m his roommate, friend or big sister. I’m sick of all the arguments and emotional distance between us. I could be so much happier with someone else. I know it. He just doesn’t know how to make me love him again. He just doesn’t get it. I want a divorce.”
When she hits him with the news, a man will usually be left thinking, “What happened? I thought we were happy together. How could she just give up on us like that? We vowed to be together for life on our wedding day.”
Here’s the thing…
A wife seldom gives up on her marriage, unless it’s absolutely unavoidable (e.g. her husband is physically or mentally abusive, he’s dishonest, he cheats on her, he turns her off with his mean, selfish or unattractive behavior and attitude).
You may be a good man, but there have been things about your behavior, attitude and approach to the marriage that have really turned her off.
You know what those things are.
Don’t worry; you’re not a bad man for making those mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships.
What matters now is how quickly you fix those mistakes and transform yourself into a man that she can feel emotionally attracted to again.
For example: If a woman wants a divorce from her husband because he has become too insecure and has turned her off for years as a result, he needs to connect with a newfound confidence and let her experience that during every interaction with him from now on.
You can show her that you’ve changed.
Don’t try to tell her that you’ve changed; show her. Let her feel differently around you and she will change her mind about the divorce on her own.
Up until now, she just hasn’t been getting the attraction experience she wants when around you (e.g. she feels bored, feels like she’s your big sister or mother, is stuck in a rut of being the good wife and not getting much benefit in return) so she wants to get away from that to make herself feel better.
To get your wife to reconsider divorce, the main thing you need to focus on is changing the way you interact with her and communicate with her from now on, so that she naturally changes how she feels about you and being with you.
You need to say and do the types of things that will reactivate her feelings of attraction, respect and love for you again.
Some of the ways you can do that is by…
- Showing her (by the way you talk, behave, act and respond to her), that you’ve understood and fixed some of the issues that have been turning her off (e.g. you’re more confident and emotionally strong now, rather than insecure and needy, you’re more goal oriented and driven, rather than wasting more time in your comfort zone that has been getting you nowhere for years).
- Focusing on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be around you, rather than making her feel like your roommate or friend.
- Confidently leading the way in the relationship, thereby allowing her to relax into feeling totally feminine and girly around you.
When you start giving her the attraction experience that she really wants in the marriage, a woman naturally begins to feel more respect and attraction for you.
She then begins to ask herself, “Can I really give up on our marriage when I still love him and it’s obvious that he’s changed for the better? I think we can make this work after all.”
So, just because your wife is currently saying, “I want a divorce,” it doesn’t mean that she won’t change her mind when you start making her feel the way she wants to feel in the marriage with you (e.g. loved, appreciated, attractive).
Feelings change all the time.
You can change her feelings and get your wife to reconsider divorce, simply by giving her the attraction experience she wants from you.
The next step is to…
2. Turn arguments or cold conversations into laughter, smiling and feel good emotions by not allowing you or her to take things so seriously.
When a marriage reaches the point where the wife is asking for a divorce, a couple might find themselves getting into arguments, fighting over seemingly insignificant things, or treating each other in a cold, distant and unfriendly way.
However, if a man and his wife continue to communicate with each other in a negative way (e.g. arguing, being cold and closed off towards each other), the chances of resolving their problems and making her reconsider divorce become slim.
Instead, they both continue to feel hurt, betrayed and misunderstood. The marriage just doesn’t feel good anymore.
Out of frustration, he might say to her, “Why are you acting like this? Why are you doing this to us? Why are you being such a cold-hearted bitch? Don’t you remember that we promised to be together for life on our wedding day?” causing her to become even more defensive and closed of from him.
She might then say, “As usual, you think the problem in this relationship is me. You still haven’t taken any responsibility for what has happened between us. Nothing has changed. You can’t accept that our marriage just isn’t working. I’m sorry, but divorce is the only option here. There’s nothing you can say to change my mind.”
Don’t worry; she will change her tune if you change how she feels.
How can you do that?
Rather than getting into endless, pointless arguments with your wife, just focus on making her laugh and feeling good to be around you again.
For example: If your wife gets angry with you about something, rather than react in the usual way (e.g. by defending yourself, accusing her of being unreasonable) turn it instead into something you can both laugh about.
Note: It doesn’t mean you have constantly crack jokes or not take anything seriously.
It simply means you’re looking for something positive to laugh about together in stressful moments, rather than getting sucked into the negative feelings and arguing and feeling disconnected from each other as a result.
If you can make her smile, laugh and drop her guard around you, it will make it more difficult for her to stay stuck on the idea of getting a divorce.
Instead, she will start thinking, “Well, things aren’t so bad now. At least we can still have a laugh together. Maybe getting divorce isn’t the answer after all. Maybe it’s not too late to actually work things out between us.”
She will then begin feeling good around you again and the negatives of your marriage will feel less serious to her.
Don’t waste a lot of time trying to convince your wife to reconsider divorce by trying to reason with her.
Instead, make her change her mind by reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you, and building on that until she’s saying, “Okay, I’m sorry for thinking that divorce was the answer. I love you and I was just being selfish. Our marriage is now working and we don’t need to end it.”
3. Start getting rid of your insecurities, so you can be the emotionally strong man that she needs.
As painful as it might be to admit, your wife probably wouldn’t be asking you for a divorce if she didn’t believe she had some very good reasons to do so.
So, if you seriously want to get your wife to reconsider divorce, the first thing you need to do is get rid of any insecurities that might be coming between you and her.
For example: A guy might feel as though he got lucky when he met his wife.
He knows that a woman of her quality could have easily picked a man who was better looking, richer, taller or whatever.
As a result, he may become insecure over the years and begin to think things like, “What if she realizes that she can do better than me? What if she meets another man, feels more attracted to him and then leaves me?”
Insecure thinking automatically changes a man’s behavior and actions, and he can’t stop himself from gradually becoming more clingy or needy (e.g. giving up his interests and hobbies to spend more time with her, regularly asking her, “Do you still love me?”).
He may also become increasingly jealous and controlling (e.g. he secretly reads her text messages or e-mails, forbids her to talk to other guys).
Although his heart might be in the right place, this type of behavior makes a woman pull away even more. Why?
Insecurity, clinginess, neediness or jealousy are not qualities that women find attractive in men.
Rather than make a wife think, “I’m so lucky that my husband loves me so much that he goes crazy when he thinks about losing me,” she will usually just think, “I thought he was emotionally stronger than that when I married him. What happened? Why has he suddenly changed into this insecure, needy guy who is always trying to control me? Yes, it’s nice to have a husband who loves and adores me, but he’s going overboard. He’s stopped being the type of man I can look up to and respect and he’s become an emotional child that constantly needs me to support and reassure him that everything will be okay. I just can’t live like this. Maybe he wasn’t so confident in the beginning after all. Maybe that was an act. Maybe he has tricked me all this time. What have I done? Why did I marry him? I’ve got to get out of this marriage and find myself a real man,” and she will then ask for a divorce.
Another example of insecurity is when a guy remains stuck in a dead end job because he’s too afraid of taking a risk in his life and stepping up to a higher level of responsibility.
His wife might initially try to motivate him to overcome his fears by saying things like, “Why don’t you apply for that promotion? You can do it,” or “If you don’t feel like you’re getting what you deserve at work, why don’t you take that night class to help you get a better qualification so that you can get a better job?”
Yet, if he just keeps making excuses and remains stuck in a rut in his life out of fear, his wife will eventually start losing respect for him as a man.
She may think, “Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of our life? Is he going to hide from becoming a bigger and better man? Has he given up out of fear, or because he is taking my love and commitment to him for granted? I can’t respect a guy who doesn’t even have the balls to change the things in his life that are making him unhappy. I want a real man, not a wimp.”
Over time, if he doesn’t pick up on her hints (e.g. tantrums, lack of affection, verbal attacks of his strength as a man, emotional distance) and make the effort to be the man she needs him to be, she will get fed up with trying to make him be the man she wants him to be and will decide to leave.
So, if you have been insecure in some way in your marriage with your wife, to get her to reconsider divorce, you need to show her that you’ve changed and that you’re now the emotionally strong man she needs you to be.
For example: If you were needy, insecure and jealous in your marriage because you felt that got lucky with your wife, you need to show her that you are more confident and self-assured now.
You believe in yourself and in your value to her.
Alternatively, if you lacked the courage to rise through the levels of life and be the kind of man she can look up to and rely on, you need to show her that you are now more focused and driven.
You’re taking action.
You have decided on your big goals and ambitions for life, and you have started to make progress towards them.
You’re no longer hiding from your true potential as a man. You are taking action and making things happen.
When your wife sees that you’re working on completely getting rid of your insecurities, she will naturally start to feel respect for you again.
When she feels respect she’ll start to reconnect with her feelings of attraction and it will then be difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings about you, because you are no longer the man that she wanted to leave.
So, if you’re at a point now where you’re asking, “How can I get my wife to reconsider divorce?” start by getting her to respect you again by eliminating and overcoming your insecurities.
4. Flirt with her to create sparks of attraction.
When a husband is wondering, “What is the secret of how to get my wife to reconsider divorce?” flirting with her probably seems like the last thing he should do.
He may think, “Things are so tense between us right now. I just don’t feel like it’s my place to flirt with her anymore and try to make her feel attracted. If I try something like that, won’t she just become angrier with me and make her want the divorced even more?”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a husband flirting with his wife and making her feel attracted to him.
As her husband, it’s your place.
You’re allowed to do that.
You are not doing anything wrong by being a loving, confident man who can still make her feel some attraction in a moment when there is tension between you and her.
In fact, when you can create sparks of attraction between you and your wife at a time when she’s saying, “I want a divorce,” it will automatically bring her guard down.
When you confidently flirt with her, she is going to feel good around you and will begin to think, “Hmmm…I haven’t felt like this in such a long time. It feels good to interact in this way with him again. I like this feeling and I don’t want to lose it. Maybe we can make things work after all.”
When that happens, it’s up to you as the man to take the lead and continue saying and doing the types of things that will show her that your marriage is worth fighting for.
However, if you just act neutral by not flirting, she’s just going to be thinking, “It’s over. I need to get out of here. There’s no spark between us anymore” and she’s just going to continue on with the divorce.
You Can Make Her Reconsider the Divorce By Reactivating Her Feelings
Sometimes, a guy will hold on to the belief that just because him and his wife pledged to be together for ever on their wedding day, it means she won’t ever go against it or that she shouldn’t.
Of course, it would be really nice if life worked that way, but it doesn’t
A marriage or relationship will stay together if both people remain relevant to each other and the love, respect and attraction deepens over time.
If the love, respect and attraction is destroyed by the man, the woman doesn’t actually have to stay with him, regardless of what she promised on the wedding day.
I know, her act could be considered a sin, but sinners are forgiven. Don’t forget that.
If you want the love to last for life, you need to create the type of relationship dynamic where that happens.
You can’t expect her to stick with you for life just because she said, “I do” on a happy wedding day.
You’ve got to make her feel happy with you now.
You can do that by reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love and then building on it.
So, rather than trying to convince your wife to reconsider divorce by saying things like, “Didn’t our wedding vows mean anything to you?” or “What happened to all the promises we made each other to stay together forever? Are you just going to quit so easily?” or, “What about the kids? How could you do that do them?” you have to get her to reconnect with her old feelings of love, by making her feel respect and attraction for the new and improved version of you.
When you do that, her feelings about the divorce automatically begin to change.
She starts to feel respect and attraction for you again and her guard comes down.
The idea of a divorce seems too harsh and unnecessary.
After all, she respects you now. She feels some attraction again and is falling back in love with you.
Don’t worry about how angry or distant she feels about you today.
You can change that.