You’ve been dating a girl for a while and you find out that her parents have invited you over for dinner.
You really like this girl, so you want to make a good impression on her parents so they help her realize what a great guy you are.
On the other hand, if you want to ruin that first meeting so her parents forbid her from ever seeing you again, or badmouth you so much and so often that she figures you’re just not worth the effort; here are the top ten ways to make her parents immediately dislike you.
10. Dress like a slob
Go over to her house looking like you’ve just rolled out of bed or from under a car you’ve been working on all day. Don’t shower, shave, remove the gunk from under your nails nor wash your hair. Hey, you’re just keeping it real. What do they expect? After all, it’s not important how you present yourself to the world on the outside; it’s all about what’s on the inside, right?
9. Arrive empty-handed
Why should you bring a gift? It’s not like it’s someone’s birthday. After all, they invited you over for some lousy meal. Who cares if her mother spent days planning the menu and hours cooking it all up in the kitchen – that was her choice.
There’s no reason for you bring over a bottle of wine or anything else. Your presence should be enough of a present for them all. Note: Bringing a bottle of wine usually works a treat and is more than enough of a gift.
8. Don’t act like it’s a big deal when meeting them
When your girlfriend opens the door and her mother runs out from the kitchen to gives you a warm welcome, keep your hands in your pocket and act all cool and unimpressed.
Just nod and say, “Hey,” when she greets you. What are you supposed to do? Bow when you meet her or stand up and shake her father’s hand when he enters the room. Come on, whose kidding who? They’re her parents, not frickin’ royalty or anything.
7. Ask for some booze
How rude can these people be? You’ve been standing there for about thirty seconds and they haven’t offered you a drink yet. So tell them you’d like a brew or a shot. Better yet, have them bring you the whole bottle.
With hosts like these, who knows when you’ll get another drink? It’s much better to have them set the bottle right in front of you so you can pour a glass when you want.
6. Rush to sit at the head of the table
When it’s time for dinner, rush to the head of the table and show them who’s boss. When your girlfriend mentions that her father usually sits at the head of the table, point out the other empty chairs that he can sit in.
After all, you’re the guest of honor and, as such, you should be shown the most respect.
5. Be a picky eater
When dinner is put on the table and it’s filled with an array of gourmet selections, look at it and say, “What the hell is this? Didn’t your daughter tell you I’m a meat and potatoes guy? Maybe you can go cook up a steak or something that I can actually eat. I can’t eat this crap.” They will appreciate your honesty and your simple tastes so they can plan future dinners.
4. Be controversial
Whatever conversation comes up, continually give your concerned or controversial views. You don’t want them thinking you don’t have an opinion! Better yet, give your opposing view to what they’re saying just to show that you can be objective. You love it when people get all heated when you disagree with them.
There’s nothing wrong with offering your own opinions – even if they are different – and having a lively, respectful debate, but playing an obnoxious devil’s advocate is not cool. No-one likes being around people who disagree just to be annoying and draw a flustered response from the other people in the conversation.
3. Tell lies
When her parents ask you about your intentions with their daughter, or your future career plans – just lie. Lie until you can lie no more. Come off as more ambitious, more righteous and more honorable than you could ever dream of being on a daily basis.
After all, her parents are from a ‘dumber generation’ so they won’t see through your crafty lies. Let them think that you are much better than you are and enjoy all the credit and praise they lavish upon you.
Proactively start conversations to brag and talk yourself up. Go for it! People love being around someone who boasts and constantly tries to look better than they are.
2. Leave the table when you’re finished eating
After dinner, even if no-one else is through with their meal, leave the table, head to the den, pour yourself another drink, unbutton your pants, put your feet up and turn on a game. You might as well; the women have to do the dishes anyway so you’re just giving them room to do their job.
1. Arrive late or blow off the dinner completely
You’re a busy man. You’ve got things to do and people to see. Who cares if you’re an hour or two late? They won’t start the meal without you. When you show up that’s when you’ll show up and they’ll just have to deal with it. Her mother can microwave the meal when you get there to make it hot again. No big thing.
Or maybe you’ll blow off the dinner altogether. Your friends called and want to go catch a game, which sounds like a lot more fun than a boring dinner with her parents. No need to call, just send her a text.
They’re going to eat the food anyway, so they won’t care that you didn’t come.
You know, you’re probably right. It would be better to skip this dinner after all.