Getting dumped by a girl that he truly loves isn’t something that any guy wants to experience.
It’s a horrible feeling that I experienced many years ago, which forced me to learn what I now teach here at The Modern Man.
Destroying the “One True Love” Myth
You might have heard some people claim that there can only be one woman who can be a “soul mate” for you in this life.
It isn’t true.
The “one true love” myth was spread by people who assumed that the person they were in love with was the only person they could ever love. In most cases, it was their first love or the first time they had experienced love, so they assumed that it meant they were soul mates.
The myth has also been spread by people miss the one who “got away” and now feel as though that person was their soulmate.
For men, looking at an ex-girlfriend as “the only one for me” usually happens when isn’t very good at attracting women, so he doesn’t have many options to choose from. Since he doesn’t have access to the types of very attractive women that he really wants, new women just don’t make him feel the same way as his ex did.
You Now Have Access to Millions of Women Who Would Be Perfect For You
For most of human history, men didn’t have an abundance choice of women to choose from.
There were no cars, planes, phones or internet so men had to choose from the small amount of women in their local area. Nowadays, we live in larger towns and cities with millions of people and we have access to women from all over the world.
New women fly into your country every day for a holiday and even come to live their with family. In today’s world, there are millions of women who would be perfect for you. All you really need to do is have the confidence to approach them and the skills to make them feel attracted to you.
When you can do that, you have your choice of women…
There are millions of women who would truly love you, cherish you and stay with you for life.
If you believe the “one true love” myth that was created in earlier times of human history (when men and women had to choose from a small pool of options) and made popular by Hollywood movies, your belief in it will ruin your ability to experience true love with other women after a break up.
For example: If you’ve had a loving relationship with a woman that you think was the “the one” for you, it may cause you to avoid looking for love again because the “one” has already gotten away.
There will always be naïve people who continue to push the one true love myth as fact, but it’s just not true and the majority of today’s women have already realized it.
A survey carried out by Dr. Shauna Springer, a relationship psychologist, revealed that 81% of the 1200+ women she questioned completely rejected the “soul mate philosophy” and stated instead that they believed it was possible to find love more than once in a lifetime.
Of course it is.
Love is everywhere.
A Fear of Love Will Ruin Your Entire Life
If a guy puts his heart and soul into a relationship, believing he has found his one and only true “soul mate” and she then ends the relationship, it can be hard for him to commit to the idea of loving another woman for two main reasons.
1. He’s stuck in the belief that you only get one shot at “true love” and that if you mess it up, you will never experience true love ever again.
2. He’s afraid of fully loving another woman because that would leave him wide open to the potential for “losing” her love too.
You have to understand and know that love is everywhere. You can experience amazing, mind-blowing with many different women. I know that because I’ve experienced it myself and I also know it because I’ve seen it happen to other people all my life.
You have to open yourself up to feeling, experiencing and living true love with another women. Don’t close yourself off in fear because love isn’t something to be afraid of. If you know how to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you over time, she WILL want to stay with you.
The love will feel deeper, more meaningful and more pleasurable as the years go on. That is what’s possible when you approach relationships in the right way with a woman that you’re truly attracted to and sincerely want to be with.
However, a fear of love can ruin a man and cause him to completely shut himself away from the world of love, connection and intimacy. I recommend that you become fearless when it comes to love; go into a loving relationship with an open heart and don’t worry about whether or not it might end one day. Just love and love well.
When you can walk through the world with an open heart and true, deep confidence in yourself as a fearlessly loving man, you will be surprised at how easily women fall in love with you.
I’m not just talking about when you get into a relationship – I’m referring the instant feelings of love that you’ve probably seen some women have for some guys. Personally speaking, I’m at a point where I can get a woman to fall in love with me every time I go out to meet women.
They become love struck and can’t help themselves from wanting to be with me. It’s a nice power to have over women, especially when you use it with good intentions. Update: I did use it for good intentions after recently accepting the marriage proposal of my girlfriend and then marrying her.
The Cliché Line of, “There’s Plenty More Fish in the Sea” is Actually TRUE
Getting a new girl is a lot easier than you might think. As long as you approach and interact with women in the right way, you will have a new girlfriend or lover after talking to only a few new girls.
If you’ve ever been dumped or are in the process of coping with a break up right now, you will no doubt have had a well-meaning friend or relative tell you that “there’s plenty more fish in the sea!”
Of course, when your heart is broken and the pain of facing life without “the one” is still raw, it’s unimaginable that you could ever find love again, no matter how many fish there are in the sea. However, there’s no getting away from the fact that your potential to find love again comes down to your openness to it.
If you stick with the “one true love” myth or avoid opening yourself to love again because you fear losing it, your life will pass you by as you experience years of unnecessary emptiness and sadness.
Maybe the love you lost really was true love from your point of view, but things change and people change. Maybe when you met and got together it felt like a pre-destined “perfect match,” but two people in a relationship are not “destined” to develop with relationship in the same way or at the same rate.
Maybe you were good together initially, but unless you’re both looking for the same things in life at the same time and shooting for the same goal in your relationship, it’s naïve to believe that “destiny” is going to hold you together.
No matter how in love you are, you and her are still two individuals and if your core values don’t match or you are no longer compatible, it’s going to begin pushing you apart unless changes are made.
Relationships stay together because both parties are prepared to roll with the changes and do what it takes to work towards a common goal.
It’s not about finding your one and only soul mate that allows you to do that, it’s about finding love and then having the “relationship intelligence” (i.e. like social intelligence, emotional intelligence, academic intelligence) to go through the phases of the relationship properly and deepen the love, attraction and respect you feel for each other.
If it doesn’t work out and you or her realize years later that you want to break up, it doesn’t mean that you will never find love again. In fact, you will find it the next day if you wanted to and if you were open to it.
Of course, it’s only natural to want to go through a short grieving process if you’ve been dumped, but the truth is, if you’re the type of guy that women desperately want to be with, you won’t be getting dumped anymore.
Personally speaking, no woman has broken up with me since I discovered what I now teach her at The Modern Man. I’ve only been getting marriage proposals and ex-girlfriends who desperately try to get me back, year after year.
Believe me, it’s a much better life to be living that one where you are being dumped or are afraid of being dumped.
The Love is Always Different With Every Woman
The thing is, with each woman that you have a loving relationship with, you will experience a completely different type of love. It is never the same and cannot be because each women is a different person and the subtle nuances and differences in your relationship will create a new type of love.
Personally speaking, I really loved my ex-girlfriend (who I broke up with because she wanted to get married and start a family with me, but I didn’t want to do that with her) and we had an amazing relationship for one and a half years. Yet, I now love my wife so much more than I ever loved my ex-girlfriend.
A few months after my wife and I got into a relationship, I told her that I used to say, “I love you” to my ex-girlfriend, but with her I always seem to say, “I love you so much.”
She asked me why and I jokingly said it was because of her skills when using her mouth, if you know what I mean. She playfully hit me and I said, “No, it’s because you’re so beautiful…and you make me coffee all the time” and she playfully hit me again.
The thing is, I could have easily married my ex-girlfriend and some of the many other loving girlfriends that I’ve had over the years who wanted to settle down with me.
Yet, I knew that it is possible to experience love with many different women and I also knew, deep down, that I shouldn’t settle down with any of them because, despite being beautiful, they weren’t 100% perfect for me.
Me (Dan Bacon) and the woman who finally got me to say yes to marriage
If you are wondering how you can cope with your break up, you should understand that the love you experienced with your ex-girlfriend was a special type of love that you and her shared together. However, it is NOT the only love that is available to you.
You WILL experience love again if you are willing to…
Open Yourself Up to Love
Love is abundant in our world.
You will realize that if you open yourself up to it and allow yourself to see it. If you want to live an amazing life and experience true love with one or many more women, don’t close yourself off to it.
Fearlessly open yourself up to love, knowing that no matter what happens, you can always find love with another woman if it doesn’t work out.
When a woman senses that you are a man who is fearless when it comes to love, you will be surprised at how easily she opens up to you. You will see that women look at you in a different way. They are excited because you are the sort of guy who can make them feel a deep and truly fearless love that most people only ever get to experience once in a lifetime.
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Life is funny. Here I’m sitting with a broken heart and an article on the ModernMan website that helps me out in an instant. I’ve experienced and learned great things in my life all in just one year thanks to you guys! I can not express my gratitude so I have to make due with a simpel “thank you”!
But now that I’m at it I thought I’d ask a question that is on my mind for a while. “What is fear of commitment? Three of my female friends actually said this to me. I do remember that I read/hear? somewhere that explained what it was but I’m not sure where and whether it was on oen of your products. Help?
Hi Eland
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad we’ve been able to help you out when you need it most mate. About the fear of commitment, it’s pretty simple. It means you that fear committing to a long term relationship. Often, a person has a fear of commitment because they:
– Don’t want to get their heart broken again.
– See the high divorce rates and don’t want to go through all that pain if their relationship doesn’t work out.
– Aren’t ready to commit to one person yet.
– Have trust issues because they’ve been cheated on before.
And so on. We don’t talk about the fear of commitment in our programs. Instead, we talk about how to be strong and fearless when it comes to love and relationships. You’ll find that information in Better Than a Bad Boy: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/better-than-a-bad-boy.html
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, I was actually on the “Can you get your ex back” page but I couldn’t find the comment box. I hope it’s still cool, because I really need help. I was dating a girl for about 3 months and they were great. She’s 18, beautiful, and the ideal girl for me in my minds eye. Though just a few days ago she broke up with me. She said she liked me before and it was great but her interest in me faded out and there was a lack of “chemistry” towards me. She also said that she wasn’t completly over her ex (her first boyfriend) I THINK they may have started simply just talking not sure though because I asked her if there was another guy and she said no… Needless to say I deleted her on facebook (temporarily) and deleted her number and am trying the “no contact” method, But I still really want her back. What do I do?
Hi Quin
Thanks for your question.
First off, I want to point out that the so-called “No Contact Method” is not my advice. I don’t know where you learnt that from. Second, I want to point out that getting your ex-girlfriend back isn’t as simple as using one technique. A woman’s feelings for a man is a COMPLICATED thing, which is why I spend 10 hours and 50 minutes (in Better Than a Bad Boy) teaching the viewer how to make a woman feel the deepest level of attraction, respect and love possible…and how to not ruin those feelings of attraction, respect and love.
If you want her back, she needs to be able to RESPECT you as a man. When a woman loses respect for a man, she will then lose attraction for him and then fall out of love with him. You’ve most-likely done many things that have caused her to lose respect for you as a man. In most cases, the loss of respect will be due to you being emotionally weak in some or many ways. If a woman feels stronger than you, mentally and emotionally, she will naturally lose respect for you as a man. If you want to get her respect back, learn how to be a man by watching Better Than a Bad Boy.
Cheers
Dan
Dear Dan,
Similar to Quinn, I have a situation regarding “getting your ex back” but the comments are closed on that page. I hope this alright.
Firstly, I would like to say that I admire what you do for other people. It is a great thing that you do.
I am from Fiji. I have been in this relationship with a girl for the last 6 years, since uni. She is a very pretty,nice hearted and innocent person who loves to read story books.I will try to be as succinct as possible…but you wont be able to advice me correctly if I do not tell you everything. Please bear with my long message.
During the 6 years, the relationship has been up and down, mostly due to my jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness. She was possessive too, just to let you know. I am well educated, but not very lucky with good jobs…so I am working on an island (marine biologist) for the past two years and was maintaining a long distance relationship (first 4 years was in uni). She works as a lecturer. We meet once a month and spend a night on hotel. The sex is great (that’s what i think). I am relatively poor, and she comes from an established family. We have broken up many times and have patched up. She was the one who called it off every time. I got her back through manipulation, stalking..n all other things…each time. I know its not manly and was wrong….but it always worked for me.
Just recently we broke up and she has said that its final and is not going to fall for any more tricks this time. One of the warning sign was that she had stopped having sex with me for the past 5 months before breakup. (Do you think she was planning this breakup). We had fights regarding that but she defended saying that she feels cheap going to hotels each time when I meet her in a month.
We broke up over the phone. Here is what she said:
1. that She does not love me anymore..in fact she hates me.
2. that She fell out of love during the first two years of the relationship but remained with me coz i forced and begged her to (forcing and begging part is true). Moreover, I was poor and needed financial assistance so she stayed with me for 6 years out of pity.
3. that She cant think of a future with me coz I am not stable yet financially, and she cant risk telling that to her parents. *Please note that she is 25 and needs to get married soon (u know how indians are).
4. that I am her biggest enemy coz I wasted 6 years of her life.
5. that She is not at all attracted to me anymore.
6. that She felt trapped with me and now she wants to be single and free.
7. that She is scared of me and has bad dreams about me.
8. that she was hoping that I never come back from my visit to Australia last month.
9. that she will complain to police if I try to come near her.
One thing I know she will never do, is cheat me while in a relationship. But, do you think that she broke up with me in order to get with someone else who she admired for some time and vice versa (probably where she works…some other lecturer maybe)?… And I was clinging to her and never letting her go….so she finally had to make a final move.
In simple terms, she is using the past as the sole reason for breaking up…when in fact I have changed a lot for her in the past two years. However, long distance was there (though she never blamed it). Yet, she called it off saying that how I was in the past (first 4 years in uni) is her bad dream which she cant get over and forget. She just used the past and dumped me with a big quarrel over the phone.
First, I would like to understand her from your point of view. Secondly, do you think I have a chance of getting her back this time. Coz after going through your site…I do not plan to manipulate, stalk, beg, or convince her to come back. But I do want her..badly! Do you think she is going to come back by her own. Is she really over me…and all that phone conversation is true?
Please advice.
Hey Shiva
Thanks for sharing your story.
Mate, you went too far with her. When a woman wants to call the police to stop you contacting her, it means you’ve gone too far.
The only chance you’ll have to get her back is to become a real man and become more successful in life. She values that in a man and you haven’t been able to become what she hoped you would. I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy and become a real man for you and for her.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan you have amazing advice. I’d like to ask for so e help myself.
I dated my ex for a year 1/2. I was 25 with no kids Ans she was 28, divorced with two kids. She was cheated on a lot in her life and has trust issues and that’s what caused her to get divorced. She had those with me too because when we first got together I went back and forth with my previous girlfriend twice and finally stuck with the new one. It hurt her pretty bad. Well I never ever cheated on her but her trust issues were always there but I was pretty well at letting her know that’s not acceptable and she has no reasons to worry. She was madly In love with me. I was also in love with her. After a year and a half I lost a close one and she was wanting me to get pretty serious and settle down and move into a new house with her. I felt my world closing away because I didn’t know if I was ready to comit to that yet. That’s a big step! With the loss and pressure I cracked. I just wanted to be single. I loved her but I broke up with her selfishly. For 6 months she tried so hard to get me back and I wouldn’t. We still hooked up but I wasn’t ready. I told her to move on and she wouldn’t. Finally after she gave me real space for about a week. Then she wanted to come over and talk about it. She said I’m really going to move on and date other people and I said wait, I’m ready for you. I didn’t like the path my life was heading down being drunk all the time and really having no set goals. I then decided to break away from that life and truly try for good with this one. I believe I could marry her. I tried for two weeks to convince her and she was still in love but skeptical. Come to find out she had started seeing a guy for a couple weeks. I didn’t give up. Apparently he’s a great guy and does everything she’s always wanted and knows she still has feelings for me but just asks that she doesn’t mention me or anything we do. So fast forward 6 months. Its now present day. I’ve been struggling for this damn long trying to get her back. I’m kept in hiding from her friends and family when we meet up and talk but he’s welcome with her family and friends. She won’t become official with him and be his girlfriend because she still is trying to figure out things with me. I’ve to ally started becoming stronger and got in shape, landed a great new job, stopped partying and drinking so much and really took control of my life. The one thing I can’t get back is her. Anytime I leave her alone and tell her not to text me until she figures it out she can’t go longer than three days without texting/calling me. She said he treats her better than any man ever has, but he just doesnt click like we did and its not the same. shes not in love with him and is still in love with me but is scared. She told me I have her heart and she really believes I’ve changed and doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone but she knows she has to but she just can’t do it yet and still doesn’t know what to do. Shes afraid i will break up with her and leave again and break her heart after things get comfortable. So two nights ago I told her I can’t take it anymore. I can’t be the man being hidden from your family and friends while you’re openly dating another man even though its not “official.” I said to her I’m going to begin the process of moving on and healing. If she ever wants to be with me then talk to me about it but I’m done being the guy on the side. I told her we won’t contact each other anymore and that’s that. It’s been two days since and I miss her like crazy but I’m very strong minded and I will NOT contact her. I can definitely go out and bang other women if I please and it’s not hard at all but I really would love to settle down with this one because our bond was/is so strong. Do you think I have a chance and can you give me any advice? I’m hoping she will contact me again but if she does I don’t want it to be like the other times where I let her back in but then it gets to the same level of nothing. Please help!
Hi Marcus
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it does sound like you have a chance with her. However, it also sounds like she wants to make you feel the type of pain you put her through for those 6 months. She would also want to make absolutely sure that you are going to devote yourself to her, because she doesn’t want to get hurt again like before. However, while all this is going on, it’s possible that the new guy could get her pregnant or get her to commit for real.
Since you mentioned that it would be easy for you to get out there and have sex with new women, I recommend that you do it. I also recommend that you post up some photos of yourself having a good time with your new women. Nothing gets an ex-girlfriend’s attention faster than seeing that.
Cheers
Dan
Thank you Dan. I’ve assured her numerous times that i surely want to devote my life and time to her like she wants…which is what I sincerely want. She says she believes me but still has that worry. Any advice on how to convince her? She’s never lived more than one week without me being in her life and tells me the thought of me not being in it is very scary and she doesn’t know if she can do it. So I decided last night to make it clear that we should cut all ties and if she decides she wants it then to let me know but otherwise just no contact. Will that harm me in proving I want to devote my time and life to her and her kids?
Hey Marcus
You’re welcome mate.
Yes, that is the right approach for now because she needs to make a decision on her own. If she feels a strong desire to be with you, she will reach out and contact you. In the meantime, you’ve got to become an even more desirable man than you were before. Watch the video here: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
Cheers
Dan
Need help me and my ex were together for almost three years the past 6 months I working away my mind was everywhere we talked about moving west she was feeding that she wanted to Abd was depressed at work I just wanted to move where we were living it was a party house I worked a 20 and 8 shift and then I stayed up for 2 months right before christams she said that it was the nail in the coffin I wasn’t being the man I know I am I was going home spending more times with my friends then her and we wernt having fun I stayed out to get my mind right and focused on going home and showing her how I much I care three days before I went to fly home she told me she loved me couldn’t wait to see me and I asked her if she felt the same she called me said no I flew home and tw first day was great but she had a huge wall up I didn’t know I hurt her so bad three days after christams she left me and said SW wasn’t feeling it when I was gone guys were showing her attention and I was gone so I couldn’t I wasn’t there for her she said some pretty nasty things to me and I know that she loved me so much but I wasn’t being what she wanted in the end my mind was so clouded being away I told her I would quit my job and move home said it was to late it’s been since dec I havent been home in 3 months haven’t talked to her in a month because I did the don’ts of breaking up she said she wants some one who knows what they and I do I want to spend my life with her I painted the wrong picture she thought I would always be working away and I can’t blame her but I want her back I don’t need her back but I want her back badly I always loved her I messes up and I need help big time I’ve been in the gym I dropped 38 pounds I went home for Christmas with a big beard and fatter then I ever was when I met her I’m getting more confident and have a couple really good looking girls talking to me I’m not intrested though that past months were biding when I was comming home I should have been taking her out she moved to the place I wanted to and is doing everything I truly wanted to do she seems more happy then ever and she has our dog and it’s fit me mentally messed up I want her and our dog back and I want to move back home how can I explain all this to her Abd get her to see my point of view I know where I went wrong trust me I do I wrote her on Easter she never replied so how can I get her to see me or get her to let me see our dog I miss them both and I want get her to see me in my current state and that I’ve grown big time and is really love a chance to show her I have a purpose and I truly know what I want please help !!!
Hi Jeff
Thanks for your question.
First things first: Use full stops to break up your sentences! 🙂 This was the most difficult comment for me to read all day. It’s an absolute mess of words, which potentially says a lot about you and how you operate in life. I say potentially to be polite, but based on what you wrote, man – you sound like a big mess of thoughts and worries and insecurities. You’ve got to sort yourself out mate.
Get clear on who you are and what you are going to achieve in life. If you don’t know what your purpose in life is (it’s different for each man), watch Better Than a Bad Boy and go through the guided, Purpose Discovery Exercise that I provide.
Secondly, you cannot convince a woman to take you back by giving her your point of view. She has to feel respect and attraction for you, both of which she ONCE had for you, but has now lost. You can get her respect and attraction back and I provide advice in this free video: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
Cheers
Dan
My current girlfriend used to cheat on me, we had brock up severally & now we are back because she found out that i was dating someone else who she said I should break up with for our date to start anew, she brock up with her guy as well & we are now together, does she really love me? How can i be sure & is it possible for a woman to love two men at once with equal love?
Hey Felixnsonga
Thanks for your question.
You can’t be sure. If you worry about it, it will make you insecure. Just forget it, give her your trust and get on with the relationship. This time around, you should make sure that you create and maintain the right relationship dynamic between you and her, to avoid problems in future. Watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
Thanks for your concern regarding my relationship issues. I am a 47 year old man and my ex was 43. She was divorced after her husband had cheated one her. My ex pursued me on online and we me shortly after and had a nice date. Initially I was attracted to her, but was not flabbergasted although she was very beautiful. We continued to talk after tithe first date but did not go out. She sent me a text on Christmas of that year wishing me a happy holiday. I did not talk to her until she re- contacted me the next year. We went out again and I became very attracted to her after a few dates.
We started dating regularly shortly after and she became my girlfriend in the summer. We did everything together after that. We spent most of our free time together and I fell totally in love with her. I bought her expensive gifts, took on trips, etc.. Basically I treated her like a princess. We did have our petty arguments which seemed to always shadow our relationship. I asked her to move in with me, but she never gave me a reply. She then decided to move approximately 20 miles away from me and the was a point of contention since she did not include me in the process. Shortly after I vented my frustration over this, and she broke up with me. I tried to contact her afterwards, but she did not want anything to do with me. I went overboard on trying to contact her and said some mean things to her. I wrote her a long letter professing my love for her, but she did not reply.
She then contacted me via email saying she had read my letter. Shortly after we began dating again and everything was great. I loved her so much and was so happy she was back in my life. We did so many fun things together and were in love. We talked about marriage and even attempted to have children. I again spoiled her with gifts, etc… Unfortunately, the petty arguments began again. Some my fault, some hers. She never seemed to take responsibility for some of the arguments. I must admit that some of the arguments were caused after we had been drinking. None of the arguments were blow outs, but rather over petty issues. We loved each other but seemed to argue from time to time. I continued to do so many things for her but, She said she appreciated everything and indicated she loved me. Unfortunately I did not feel the love reciprocated to me. After about a year, our sex life and affection for one another seemed to be diminishing. I was not spending a lot of time with her during the week, and only on the weekend. She still spoke highly of me and supported me. Gradually, we had a big lull in our communications. Her texts and emails were dwindling, although we spoke on the phone several times a week. During the second week of January, we went to Cirque de Solei show but she seemed very distant. It was shortly after that that we weren’t talking at all. She defriended me on Facebook and would not call me back. I finally pleaded for her to call me, and she did. She said she was unhappy and had been for a long time. She said this although she told me during those months that she was my biggest supporter and loved all the nice things I did for her. During this phone call she said She didn’t want to date anyone at this point and felt I should be with someone who appreciated me. She thanked me for my generosity and said she wasn’t going to change her mind. I asked her to meet me in person and she agreed, but cancelled the next day. I saw her at the gym the day we were going to meet, and she said ” you can say Hi!” Unfortunately I was shocked to see her and walked away from her in disgust. A week later I wrote her a nice email, but she did not reply. A few weeks later I attempted to call her, but she did not answer and I did not leave a message. She texted me the next day asking why I was contacting her and what did I want. I told her I loved her and was desperate to talk to her. I also told her I was depressed and was not doing good. She replied, Get some help, I am unhappy. I asked why she was being so mean and callous toward me. She replied, ” I, I, I,” go ahead and make me the the Villain in this thing.
I ended the text telling her that I wish her nothing but happiness and that I loved her. I also told her to contact me if she ever needed anything. She did not reply and I haven’t seen her or heard frome her since. I have not contacted her in over 2 months, but am still madly in love with her.
We are both professionals and she has much more experience in relationships than I do. I want her back so bad but don’t know how to approach her. Is it too late? Or does it sound like a futile attempt to attempt to reconcile with her. I don’t even know if she will have any contact with me.
I must add that I have dated since, but I am really in love with my ex and want her back.
Sorry for the long email. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Thomas
Hi Thomas
Thanks for sharing your story.
What you’re going through is actually very common Thomas. Don’t think it’s just you who has made those mistakes. Additionally, your case is actually a very simple one, for me anyway:
1) A woman doesn’t want to be your purpose in life, but she does want to be loved and appreciated. You sound like you made her your reason for living/purpose.
2) Buying gifts and treating a woman like a princess doesn’t make her feel sexual attraction.
3) Being insecure in a relationship (the cause of your arguments), leads to a woman losing respect and attraction for you.
4) A woman does not feel sexual attraction for a man who plays the victim and tells her how weak (mentally and emotionally) he is without her.
5) Etc, etc.
The list literally goes on and on, but it’s the same as most guys who arrive here wondering why their woman lost interest despite their love. If you want her back, you need to get a proper education on what it means to be what women refer to as a “real man.” I respect that you’re a professional in your career (and assume you’re an intelligent man), but that doesn’t hold any weight in terms of what women want when in a relationship. Being a real man comes down to your way of thinking, behaving, doing and being. It’s who you are at your core and one of the fundamental parts of being a real man is understanding women. However, if you made her the focus of your life, then it’s clear that you don’t understand women. Additionally, if you’ve treated her like a princess (despite her bad behavior/lack of affection/lack of generosity towards you) then it is clear that you do not behave like a real man. A real man does not stand for such crap behavior from anyone. It’s not about being mean or domineering, but it is about being assertive and expecting nothing but the best (or at least the best “effort”) from people.
If you’re interested in learning, I recommend this program for you: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
P.S. A woman will become interested in getting back together with an ex, if she begins to FEEL sexual attraction and respect for him. You CANNOT achieve that by telling her how much you love her, miss her, need her, etc.
Hey Dan,
My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it has been difficult for me to handle. We are both 26 and we would always talk about marriage and T thought everything was great, until she dumped me out of knowwhere and her reason was that she just gave up on our relationship, and she tried for years, and when i asked her what it was I got no answer. I saw her last week and talked to her for 10min and she kept saying she thought we hit a wall in our relationship. I did the wrong thing and texted her a lot and since have stopped and not seen or talked to her in a week. Do you think i should text or call her to meet up?I think she wont pickup because she is running from me but the whole time we talked she said she loves me still but she just wants to be apart right now. The problem is we now both live in the same small town and will run into each other a lot. I never had trouble getting girls or being an alpha male, i just fell in love with this women and i want her to be with me forever. I really want her back but i dont know where to start, id like to just see her and get coffee or anything. Im giving her space but am afraid if I dont talk to her for a while she will go to another guy. From watching your videos maybe she left because i havent worked a lot this past year, but the thing is I have money and it was never a problem and I would always bring her to great restaurants and help her finacially whenever she asked, so im really lost. Any advice on where to start would be appreciated.
Hey Sean
Thanks for your question.
To help you properly, I need to know what you think she meant/was referring to when she said your relationship had hit a wall. Was it about you and her not committing, starting a family, going after life time goals with each other? Was it about her losing attraction, love and respect for you?
Cheers
Dan
hi mr.i am 23yr old.i had been inlove with a girl for almost 4years,and i truly loved her.one day i did smthing bad 2 her i cheated with her grl.friend while she was gone and i regret it,but eventually she found out.i treid 2 plead 4 4giveness bt it ddnt work out,she was so angry at me.aftr a year,she was alright and i axked her 2 4gv me,fortunately she 4give me,and she admited that she still love me,but she dont want us 2 be 2gethr again.she had meet another guy.bt i stil love her.how can i make her fell inlove with me again!
Hey Mthoko
Thanks for your question.
You’ve got to make her see that you’re better than the other guy. You can’t do that by TELLING her. You have to do it by BEING better than the other guy.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan.
My girlfriend and I broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I was very upset and got very emotional at the time. She had the excuse its me not you, that is something I don’t agree with I think she took the easy option rather than go into specifics with me. I know she is having personal problems with her ex husband over the house they own and he is expecting a child with someone else. Has this causes her so much pain and worry that she felt she couldn’t be with me. I was always understanding when it came to her having any problems with her ex. I would listen and talk about any situation that may have risen with her ex. I was always there for her and she knew it. Before we broke up she became more distant. I was having problems with my job, so I think last control of my emotions and I got a bit down over that. Did I become needy whiney unattractive to her. I bumped into her a few times and sent her a few text only 4 over the 6 weeks. But everytime I saw her I tried to get her to sort things out and meet with me. she was’nt having any of it. She won’t reply to my texts even though they are only friendly. She is adamant with staying in no contact for a clean break. We never fought in our relationship I treated her perfect I feel so down over her cutting me off like she did. I would be wasting my time trying to get things back on again, wouldn’t I. She has made it clear she won’t be contacting me. But I can’t seem to pick myself up and move on.
Hey Brand
Thanks for your question.
Honestly mate, a guy like you has SO MUCH to learn about women and relationships that it’s not as simple as giving you a quick reply in a comment. There are at least 5 mistakes I’ve picked up on just by reading your short comment. Truly Brand, you need to learn about this area of your life. It’s not something I can sit here and teach in the comments, as it would take hours each time I replied to a guy like you. Here is the video program for you to watch: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Don’t be ashamed of learning about this area of your life. Not every guy grows up with male role models who can show him how to be a man and how to be effective in a relationship with a woman. That is what The Modern Man is here for – we give you the education that you didn’t get while growing up.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
Im read this article first time, few days after my girl friend said she has feelings for another man.
All of what you say made sense. But I was still in shock and I couldnt move on.
its been almost 2 months now and I’ve said a final good bye to her and stopped communicating with her (even though she wants to stay in touch).
When I read this article now, lot of it makes perfect sense. When you honestly let that person go, you open up to lot of possibilities. There’s lots of love still out there in this world!
And there’s certainly plenty of fish out there.
Thanks again for the article!
Hi Dan, Dale here I’m totally over the breakup with my ex g/f and have found someone new but this time I want to get it right I want to purchase some of your products to help me become better with women to create sexual attraction and to get myself into a long term loving relationship what products do u recommend? I was thinking starting with the flow your thoughts?
Hey Dale
Thanks for your question.
Yes, The Flow is the perfect starting point for any guy. After you understand The Flow and what makes women feel true attraction for a man, you might want to learn even more advanced techniques from Dating Power.
I look forward to hearing more about your success.
Cheers
Dan
I was dating this girl over a year then one day she tell me she needs her space, I was so in love with her and I thought she felt the same, I was sitting around wondering what I have done, come to find she was seeing someone else, then she tells me this guy ask her to married her and they have only known each other about a month. still trying to figure this out.
Hey Joe
Thanks for your comment.
Man, that would have been a hard pill to swallow. I can imagine how sick to the stomach you would have felt when she told you. However, there is a clear reason why she did it and I explain that in this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi dan.
I met this girl at my School. She is an international exchange student. We dated for a month but decided to Call it off. She said she was scared to a commitment because she will be going back in soon. By my side, i didnt show that much i cared by her opinion but respected( i even told her in a comment). Further i wrote that i wasnt forcing her to do anything with me. With my knowledge i got from better than a bad boy, she called me a nightmare, because she told me that she had been thinking alot about what she told me. The thing is i respond to her in an open way, that im not scared for anything( very open to anything). She went on explaining about the distance but i just told her that i didnt have any problem With her decision of ending it. Now, my question is, how do i handle this further. I like the girl, should i play it patient or? The thing is she is hot to let go and nice too. Though the distance is the issue.
Thanx
Hey Alidi
Thanks for your question.
Don’t play it patient. In fact, don’t play any games. If she is moving on because she is confused about committing, then it is only a matter of time before she hooks up with another guy to make herself feel better about leaving you. If you have her on Facebook, make sure that you are posting up photos of you having a good time in your life without her. Preferably, you will be in photos where you are hanging out with or even dating other women and looking very happy while you’re doing it.
Jealousy and the feeling of loss are very powerful emotions. When a woman is made to feel that way, she will come running back to you in most cases.
Cheers
Dan