Love never dies…
It simply gets pushed into the background when a woman doesn’t feel enough respect or attraction for her man.
If you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you from now, she will naturally and automatically begin to reconnect with the love that she once felt for you.
She will then begin to open up to the idea of being with you again, or at least communicating with you and meeting up with you.
Relationships Have Changed
In the past, a woman had to choose one man, marry him and then stick will him until the end. It was shameful to get divorced, so even if she wasn’t happy in the marriage, she had to put up with it.
In today’s world, a man has to be able to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for him over time.
If he fails to do that, the woman will gradually fall out of love with him and will then either break up with him, cheat on him or ask for space to be alone so she can then find a replacement guy and move on.
Before breaking up with a guy, a woman will go through three, distinct stages.
1. She loses respect for you (e.g. because you became insecure, treated her badly).
2. She stops feeling attracted to you because you don’t change and keep making the same mistakes.
3. She falls out of love with you.
To get her back, you’ve got to focus on making her feel respect for you again.
Watch this video for more info…
When she respects you again, she will then allow herself to feel attracted and will then open back up to having real feelings for you again.
When you get her back, she will fall back in love with you and it will be better than it was before because you will be a new, improved man who can now make her feel attracted in ways that you previously couldn’t.
A Classic Break Up Scenario
Couples break up for all sorts of reasons (e.g. cheating, bored of being in a long distance relationship, trust issues, etc), but no matter what the specific reason is, the core problem is always about a loss of respect, attraction and love.
In terms of respect, some guys ruin a woman’s respect by being needy, while other guys ruin it by not needing her or caring about her at all. There are many different ways that it can happen, but when it happens, things change and a guy needs to know how to handle it or else he will make the problem worse.
Here is a classic break up scenario that explains what often happens when a woman changes how she feels and starts to pull back her interest…
When “John” and “Wendy” first began their relationship, everything felt blissful, exciting and hopeful.
They spent as much time as possible together, their sex life was amazing and John felt as though he’d finally met the woman of his dreams. She even said to him on a few occasions that she wanted to be his wife one day, start a family and grow old together.
Wendy really loved him and the feelings they were experiencing together were exciting and made life worth living. Everything seemed perfect and John didn’t think that Wendy could ever change how she felt.
Yet, she did…
All of a sudden, she became distant and was no longer interested in hugging, kissing or having sex like they used to. Not knowing what else to do, John reacted by becoming clingy and protective, which turned her off even more.
Instead of being the confident, easy-going guy that she first got into a relationship with, John was now an insecure, tense guy that needed her to tell him that she wouldn’t leave him. He would ask her things like, “Do you love me or not?” and try his best to be the nicest, most considerate, loving boyfriend he could.
Yet, it didn’t work.
He asked her why she was being so cold and demanded that she hug him, kiss him and show him affection like she used to. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?” John would ask.
No matter what he said or did, Wendy only grew more distant and seemed even less interested in being with him. The more he tried to fix the problem, the worse it became.. She just wasn’t the same Wendy anymore. She was like a completely different woman now.
He reminded her that she used to tell him that she wanted to marry him, have a family and grow old together. “How can you forget how you felt before?” John would ask, “Have you forgotten all the good times we had? Do they count for nothing?”
Wendy looked down at the floor and remained silent. She looked up and said, “Well…no, it does count. We had good times before, but it’s just not the same anymore. I don’t feel the same way as I used to.”
John and Wendy had experienced some bad times in their relationship before, but this time it was different. John knew that something was seriously wrong, but didn’t know what to say or do to fix it.
He asked her to explain what was wrong, but she just said, “Nothing…I don’t know…I don’t want to talk about it.” John thought that if he just left her to think on her own, she would get over it and things would go back to normal in a few days.
Yet, nothing changed.
A few days later, Wendy called him up and said, “We need to talk. I’ve been thinking a lot and I just don’t feel like we should be together anymore.”
John was shocked.
This is was the woman who’d said she would marry him and grow old with him. How could she change her mind so quickly? Their relationship was so good before, so surely it could be fixed. John asked her what he could do to change her mind and she said, “I don’t know.”
Not having the courage to break up with him right then and there, Wendy said, “I think I just need space for a while. I need time to think and find myself. Maybe we just need a break for a while.”
John gave her space for three weeks and then called her. When could tell that he was hurting and lost without her.
She asked him, “So…how have you been? Are you okay?” and John then admitted that he hadn’t been able to sleep or eat properly since the break up, had been getting into trouble at work and basically staying at home waiting for her call.
Wendy realized that he was still the same insecure, needy John that she broke up with. John didn’t realize that behaving in that way isn’t attractive to women and he simply turned her off even more by saying that.
Did You Know That She Was Going to Break Up With You?
Before breaking up with a guy, a woman will usually give him plenty of warning and a lot of signs that she is rapidly losing interest in the relationship.
Here are some classic signs that a woman is beginning to think of breaking up with a guy…
1. She is rarely available to see him
Unless something else in her life (e.g. work, study) is taking up all of her free time, a woman will always make herself available for the man she loves. Women thrive on having love flowing through their life and when a woman is with a man that she loves, she will make time for him no matter what.
2. She avoids communication with him
Most women stay in close contact with the man they love. If she is avoiding his calls and taking a long time to reply to his texts or messages, it’s a clear sign that she isn’t interested. The best way to test a woman’s interest level is to stop all communication for a 7 days. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will contact you within that time.
If she doesn’t, it’s pretty clear that she has fallen out of love with you, is cheating on you with another guy or just isn’t interested in being in a relationship with you.
3. She flirts with other men in his presence
It is fine for a woman to be social and friendly with other men in a group setting, but when she OPENLY and OBVIOUSLY starts FLIRTING in a sexual way with a man (or men) in front of her boyfriend (fiance or husband) presence it means that she’s not his girl, she’s anyone’s girl.
4. She goes out partying without him on a regular basis
Some guys get lucky when they meet their girlfriend or wife. They don’t really know how to attract women properly and simply met a girl who gave them a chance.
In cases like that, many women will keep their “lucky boyfriend” around until they find another guy to replace him. If she going out to party with her friends without him on a regular basis, it means that she is opening herself up to meeting and hooking up with new men.
If a woman loves you, respects you and wants to be with you, she would want you to come along to the party or she would have little interest in going out to party on a regular basis.
5. She avoids sex or affection as much as possible
If a woman is attracted to her man, respects him and is in love with him, she will naturally have the urge to hug, kiss and have sex with him.
However, when a woman (who was previously into hugging, kissing and having sex with her man) suddenly becomes turned off by it and doesn’t change, it means that she is turned off by what her man has been saying and doing around her.
She has lost respect and attraction for him and if he doesn’t know what to say or do to get that back, she will continue to move on. The only way that he can change how she feels is to change his approach to her.
For example: Be loving rather than desperate or needy, be confident rather than insecure and make her laugh rather than making her feel annoyed.
Only when he is able to say and do the things that make her feel respect and attraction for him, will she then begin to change how she feels. If a woman feels respect, love and attraction for a guy, she will naturally have the urge to hug him, kiss him and have sex with him.
6. She doesn’t care about her appearance anymore
There are always going to be times when both of you aren’t looking your best (e.g. hungover in the morning, feeling sick with the flu, etc), but women in a happy relationship will always make a huge effort to look attractive for her man.
If she no longer cares about what her man thinks of her physical appearance and puts little or no effort into making herself look appealing, it means that she no longer cares about him.
7. She no longer gets jealous about other women, at all
In the past, if he mentioned another woman during conversation and talked about her attractiveness in a positive way, she would become jealous and possibly even get upset about it. Now, he can talk about other women all day and she doesn’t care one bit.
She may even go as far as encouraging him to start hooking up with other women and tell him that she doesn’t mind.
If a woman ever says that, you can be 100% sure that she has now opened herself to the idea of hooking up with other guys. She no longer sees you as the guy that she wants to spend the rest of your life with.
If another guy (who knows how to make her feel sexual attraction) meets her and kisses her, she will most-likely cheat on you and then break up with you. I hear about cases like that all time where a guy suddenly gets dumped because his woman kisses a random guy or starts having sex with a guy from work, university, etc.
What Do You Want to Do About it?
If you’re reading this post, you’ve mostly been broken up with by a woman or you are currently in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t seem that interested in you anymore.
So, what do you want to do about it?
Here are your three options:
- Get the spark back in your existing relationship before it breaks up.
- Get a new woman.
- Get her back and give the relationship another shot.
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Dan, this article brought about s*** loads of painful memories. Described me and my previous girlfriend in every small yet significant detail. The hardest thing was to feel like you were the only guy in the world who suffered this. Not to sound selfish, it’s sort of relieving to see that it wasn’t just me (worst chapter of my life and one all guys should vow never to experience). A couple of days or so after my ex dumped me, she came back to me with a tough attitude and was accusing her friends of thinking she still missed me. Needless to say, I returned the attitude and I told her we were through and that her friends were probably talking rubbish. She deleted me from Facebook straight after and requested friendship again some time later. With all the crap she gave me, I refused her request (twice so far). 4 years later, we are pretty much friends since she joined a social activity I do. I do still get a little nervous being around her. Do you think during that time after the break up, she sort of wanted to give me a hinted message that she wanted me back or was testing my stance at that time?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, thinking that you are the only one going through a problem situation or suffering from a issue is a common assumption that humans make. However, the truth is that the more personal your problem is, the more common it is. For instance, Guys who are shy often think that it’s only them who gets nervous in front of other people. However, most people suffer from some level of social anxiety or shyness. Of course, for me, I’ve cured myself of all that unnecessary stuff and have been living in a state of pure confidence ever since.
As for your question: It doesn’t matter what she was thinking back then. We can only guess. The only thing that matter is whether she has lost respect for you as a man, which in turn has killed her attraction and made her fall out of love with you. If a woman loses respect for a guy as a man (i.e. he makes these type of mistakes: 7 Reasons Why Women Lose Respect For Men), she will then lose attraction for him and then begin to fall out of love with him. The only way to change her feelings about you is to be a real man and CONTINUE being that, so she can go through the process of respecting you, then feeling attraction for you again and then once again falling in love.
You need to care less about what women say or do and spend more time focussing on being a man. Women hate guys who always worry what women think.
Seems this article was talking to me. Am going through this right now and its not pleasant. The first few months were magical but things got out of hand and wanted us to quit because it wasn’t working with the distance and all. i managed to convince her to change her mind. i think its getting worse now. conversations are now routine and she picks when she wants to talk. am getting fed up but cant convince myself to let her go. she behaves like we the best when her friends are around but everything goes back to normal when they are not around. No matter how bored or annoyed i am, hearing her voice changes everything.
We loosing it now. Don’t know what to do
Thanks for your comment.
This is pretty simple. She doesn’t feel much attraction for you and doesn’t respect you as a man. How do I know that? She would be calling you if she felt attraction for you and respected you. It sounds like you’ve made many of the classic mistakes that cause a woman to lose interest.
If you want to get her interest back, you need to learn how to be the man that she wants. Watch Better Than a Bad Boy and then next comment you will be making is, “Dan, my girlfriend doesn’t stop calling me. She’s addicted to being around me. How can I get her to relax and stop thinking about me so much!” Lol…sounds like an exaggeration, but use the advice and you will see what happens to her.
Basically I met a girl who was hot around a year ago now and we were meeting each other regularly and having sex each time we met and I really liked the girl too.
Then all of a sudden, we stopped talking, no idea why to this day.
I didn’t want to message her on Facebook or text her, but then I did recently.
I said hello to her on facebook and she said hi back, then I replied “long time no see 😉 how’s it going?” To which she never replied, any advice as to how I can get this to how it once was?
Plus when I told my friends about the girl I was having sex with and showed her nude pics she sent me they showed me loads of respect and this is why I find this girl really desirable.
Thanks for your question.
If both of you stopped talking to each other, it’s a pretty clear sign that the relationship you were having was not a high priority for either of you. Put it this way, if she was madly in love with you and you stopped calling her all of a sudden, she would call. Vice versa.
It sounds like it was a pretty average relationship where you both just using each other for a bit of sex, attention and affection. How do you get the original spark back? Have sex with her again. However, this time, use the relationship approach I explain The Modern Relationship so you both fall madly in love with each other.
Hey Dan, I believe this is what lead to my gf breaking up with me. Idk if she still likes me and regrets breaking up with me. I just saw her after 3 weeks of winter break and she is subtly trying to get my attention like coming into my view and checking if I’m looking. She is also indirectly hitting on guys when I’m around. Its so obvious that she is purposely doing it. For instance, there is this guy she hooked up with and she knows I know. So she was holding onto his arm and checking if I was looking. The guy has a gf so I don’t have to worry. She’s also very quiet now. She would be louder and happier. Now she just looks sad. She told me over text last week that she doesn’t want to get back together but still wants to be friends. I told her in a humourous way that we will just play it by the ear and I understand her feelings. She didn’t reply after. Why did she say that but is trying get my attention and being sad? I also want to fix the awkwardness around us. Its not me that’s making it awkward, it’s just her. She told my friend that she doesn’t want an awkward relationship with me but it’s her that is making it awkward.
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it’s sound pretty obvious to me that your ex is simply trying to make you feel bad (hitting on guys in front of you) so you show her attention. She will then be able to feel good about herself until she finds another guy to fully replace you. It’s not that she’s a mean person, but simply insecure. Insecure people do those types of things to avoid experiencing painful emotions. She wants to feel good about herself and is immature enough to be okay with making you feel bad so she can feel good about herself.
You just need to get on with dating other women, being confident in yourself and going after what you’re trying to achieve in life. The more she sees that from you, the more she will be attracted to you and respect you.
What is the most effective way to open a girl on Facebook?
I am a professional man working two jobs so I find it hard to get out during the week and sometimes weekends, this would be a big help.
Also, with regards to before, is it a good idea to tell the girl I was having sex with, how I really feel?
Thanks for your questions.
1. Honestly mate, that’s a lame excuse for the real reason, “I am afraid to approach women I find attractive.” Watch this video about online dating and be more honest with yourself.
2. She probably already knows how you feel. If she liked you, she would have reached out and tried to contact you. She didn’t reply to you for a reason. If you are really keen to rekindle things and have another shot, go through The Flow process with her from scratch…but save the “feelings” speech until after you’ve had sex with her again.
Hey Dan I just came across your website a couple of weeks ago and I like what you have here. I’m not currently able to buy any of the products but I defiantly plan on getting them in the future. But anyways I have a question and this seemed like the best place to ask it.
Let me start by saying im still in highschool. Alright I just started dating this girl very recently. We met at my freinds house a couple of weeks ago and went ice skating that night, I felt like I played my cards right with her and the night ended with us making out in my basement. Immediately after she wanted to get in a relationship. I thought it was a little fast but I went with it. After that she was constantly texting and facetiming me. I was cool with that but I feel like she is starting to get bored. She lives 20 minutes by car ride away and goes to a different school and it doesnt help that we don’t have our licenses and she is really busy all the time so it’s hard to see her. It’s been over a week sense I last saw her. She’s a really cool girl and I want to have a long lasting relationship with her but I think she’s getting bored. How can I spark that initial interest with her so I can play my cards a little differently and have her pushing all of her stuff aside to spend time with me instead of me pushing all my stuff aside to see her?
Thanks for your question.
The answer to this one is pretty simple: Have sex with her. She will then make time for you. To do that, you might need to organize what I call a “Half Date.” Read: My New Secret Weapon For First Dates
Also, I would recommend you read The Flow so you can make her more attracted and interested in you (rather than bored!) each time you text, Facetime or talk on the phone.
I heard about you recently and your dating programs seem 100% more effective than any other products on the market, and you also seem like a genuine dude. I just wanted to ask you a question though; Im in college and last year I was seeing this girl who was a transfer student from Argentina, and I hit it off with her extremely well. Unfortunately she was the only girl I was with because I was never used to approaching girls, even though I’ve heard numerous female friends/classmates tell me im very attractive. Anyways I technically never asked her out, we would text a lot and hang out occasionally after school. The problem is, I didnt even kiss her until 3 months after first talking to her, and she had to kiss me! I began feeling insecure and nervous around this time because I feared losing her, this was b4 she went back to her country. I felt like she went cold on me and lost all interest after this, what did I do? any suggestions on this 1? (btw I was confident with her in the first month of knowing her, but lost it later on). Ill never see her again but I never want to feel this crappy with women again.
Thanks man, and can you recommend 1 of your products for a guy with these types of problems?
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Wow, you didn’t kiss her for 3 months? She had to kiss you first? Phew! The poor girl! 🙂 Lol…she would have thinking, “What the heck is this guy doing??” She will learn from that experience and not waste months of her life again with another guy who treats her like tha. She’ll know what to look for and will reject guys who are as sexually hesitant as you were.
Why didn’t you kiss her? You probably thought it wasn’t the right time or she “wasn’t ready” or something like that. You may have been so afraid of rejection that you waited until she made it completely obvious before you did anything. In most cases, a woman will NOT kiss a guy first and will simply lose interest and move on to another guy. In your case, it sounds like you got lucky because she was inexperienced.
By the way…
These days, a lot of guys get brainwashed by what they see in TV shows (e.g. women slapping guys for showing sexual interest, women tipping a drink over a guy’s head for trying to kiss her, etc) because they fail to make the distinction between ENTERTAINMENT and EDUCATION. What you see on TV and in movies is mostly designed to entertain you, rather than educate you. In the REAL world, if a woman is attracted to you she WANTS you to kiss her and she will NOT reject you. However, if she is NOT attracted to you and you try to kiss her, she will simply tell you that she isn’t interested. She won’t slap you, tip a drink over your head or call a bunch of her male friends over to beat you up. Real life is completely different to the drama you see played out on TV for the sake of the viewer’s entertainment. I recommend you read this article about kissing and learn how it important of a step it is in a natural, sexual courtship: The Kissing Drug
Anyway, onto the product recommendation. I recommend that you start with The Flow because it sounds like you have a lot to learn about the fundamentals of attracting a woman and going through a natural, sexual courtship. If you need to learn more after that (some guys pick things up quicker than others and don’t need a lot more training after learning from one of our programs. However, some guys need to learn from a few or all programs and have things explained in many different ways, with 100s of examples before they finally understand everything), I would recommend Dating Power for you.
It also depends on how you like to learn. Some people prefer to read, others to watch videos and others to listen to audio. I recommend you check out this page: Which Product is Perfect For You?
If you have any further questions, just ask.
Great download and lots of ideas and techniques I can apply to my relationship of six months.
Im been dating this great girl but Im not always happy with her behaour and nasty comments sometimes. Sex is still their along with the physical but she can be very demanding and bossy and seems comfortable with saying nasty things sometimes. She is a solicitor, a professional and earns twice as much as me, and she acts the same around her partents as she still lives at home. I think maybe its not the relationship but just how she is with people close to her, but is very nice with strangers and her close friends?? She says she loves me and texts regular. She is a very insecure girl which also causes probs, like watchng TV she will say how hot guys are all the time, so I started doing it and she gets annoyed !! One thing is its my first serious relationship and sometimes struggle with handling it.. Your download has been very helpful and knocks the nail on the head in lots of areas..keep up the good work.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
This is a classic example of lacking what I call “Relationship Intelligence.” Just like with academic intelligence, social intelligence, emotional intelligence and so on – each area requires learning and practice. It’s only natural that you would be making “newbie mistakes” in your relationship that are allowing such issues to arise. No woman would ever treat me like that. If she did, I would be ushering her out the door in seconds unless she apologized profusely.
First, I want to say you touched on many points that are true. Can’t recall you mentioning, allowing her into your world. Just as guys want to feel “needed”, so do women. We don’t want to feel as if guys only need us to do the “womanly” things (home, bills, etc.) And we especially don’t like being told we can’t handle stress. Everyone’s life has stress but when a couple fights those stresses of the world together, WE can beat anything.
You also stated taking her for granted. This is how I felt in my 13+ years (relationship/marriage combined). And yes it has taking a toll on our relationship but like one of the comments on here stated, “No matter how bored or annoyed i am, hearing her voice changes everything.” That’s how I feel. For the guys who read this, treat you lady with the utmost respect. If you love her, tell her, show her because we don’t like trying to figure out how you feel about us. And if you’re not good verbally expressing yourself, write her a note. She’ll appreciate it more than you could possibly imagine. We’re sentimental like that. 🙂
Thanks for your positive feedback and for sharing your experiences.
Yes, too often in a relationship, both a man and a woman can forget about showing their true love and appreciation for the other person. If both people know how to behave in a relationship, things just flow so smoothly and everything is great. However, in most cases, the man has no idea and the woman is left feeling as though she needs to take on the leadership role and guide the man. Of course, most women do not like that at all. The best case scenario is when a man knows how to guide his woman into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction for him. When he understands that a relationship is about growing more and experiencing more than you could on your own.
Our mission here at The Modern Man is to help as many guys understand what it means to be a man in life and with women, so that both men AND women can enjoy happier, more passionate and fulfilling lives together.
About your suggestion of guys writing a note to their girl: It’s true. A man should show his love in all sorts of ways. However, a woman should be doing so at the same time. It has to be balanced.
I’m enjoying the material so far, thanks. I’m writing to seek advice for my current situation.
I have been an inconsistent Alpha throughout my life. I have enjoyed the pleasures of many beautiful women, and have fallen for a few even. I met an amazing, beautiful woman almost two years ago. We hit it off, shared many common interests, and bonded. A few months into the relationship, it dawned on me that I really loved her. It was a different kind of love that I had felt before, though. It wasn’t the “my souls on fire gotta have you” feeling. It was a smoldering, slow-burning flame. The kind I knew that if nurtured would last a lifetime. Having never felt something like before, it freaked me the hell out. Long story short, out of fear of losing that feeling and her, I lost myself…my mojo. In sport-speak, from that moment I played to not lose instead of to win. With my confidence and security gone, I continued to project masculinity. Masculinity without self-assuredness, an “Alpha Mindset” and no respect for women’s feminity is arrogance. That arrogance bred stupidity. Completely off my game in no man’s land, I took the “act like I don’t care to keep her card” way too far without doing much to make up for it. After almost a year and half of this, she ended it. When that happened I went from having false confidence to a pleading, sobbing, begging, pathetic Omega for 3.5 months afterward. She still insisted we be friends and talked, texted, hung out a couple times, but it usually wound up with me in an Omega state being with her.
I made her lose her attraction for me so she broke up, but I made her lose respect for me post-relationship. Other fish in the sea, blah blah, I know. I’ve had a few rebound flings, but she’s the one I want. I really and truly love her and want to spend my life with her. She’s put herself back on the dating market. I walked away from the situation about a week ago and haven’t contacted her and don’t plan to for at least a month.
I’m using you courses to help me find myself again, but not sure how to approach the task of showing her I am again the confident, masculine, charming Alpha that made her fall for me in the first place.
Thanks for your question.
Great to hear that you’re enjoying the material. However, I need you to starting it into action more. It sounds like you are learning, but not doing much with the advice you learn. The old saying “Knowledge is power” is an incomplete saying. It should actually be, “Knowledge is power when used.”
On to your question: You have pretty much stuffed this one up. The way you behaved around her is SO unattractive that it’s the equivalent of her packing on 200 pounds, having big yellow, puss-filled pimples all over body, vomiting all over you, stepping in a big pile of dog poop, rubbing it all over herself and then saying, “Come here. Hug me, kiss me, lick my body.”
Gross, I know.
However, that is about as turned off as a woman feels when a man behaves like you did.
So, how do you get her back? Okay, now imagine that the unattractive woman I just explained suddenly arrived at your door in perfect shape, in a sexy bikini, smelling like the soft, beautiful perfume of a sexy woman and just looking amazingly beautiful. She looks so good that you immediately feel attraction for her and cannot help but want to have sex with her.
THAT is how you need to make her feel about you.
The ONLY way to do that is to become a strong, confident, masculine man who knows how to make her feel like a real woman during ANY interaction, whether it be a conversation, cuddle on the couch or sex. You have to make her feel AMAZING around you by being the man she truly wants. That advice is provided in Better Than a Bad Boy. I checked (using the e-mail you provided when making a comment) and can see that you have purchased Better Than a Bad Boy. My advice? Use the advice! All of the answers, techniques, strategies and solutions (for becoming the man that women desperately want) are in that program.
Use the advice. Transform yourself into the man that will giving her SHOCKINGLY powerful feelings of love, respect and attraction. That is what you need to do.
Thanks for your reply. Last night I went to dinner with a colleague and his gal. She had a friend in town for a day and didn’t want to feel like a third wheel, so I got the invite. I was reluctant to accept and kind of dreaded the whole thing driving to the restaurant because I had the ex-girl on the brain and wasn’t feeling up to it. As I got closer to the restaurant I decided this would be a great opportunity to get back in the game and just have fun. My buddy was running about 30 min late so I knew I was going to have these two women at the table whom I never met before all to myself. I just rolled with it man. I applied GIST and techniques from the FLOW (in other words being “myself” again for the first time in a long time). The girl I was set up with was eating out of the palm of my hand within minutes. She was a strong type of woman, too…a bit of a masculine front. She actually said to me that I scare her because she had never liked a guy that much so fast. 45 minutes after sitting down at the table she was asking if I would come to visit her in California. Needless to say, I got lucky last night.
I still love my ex-gal and still want her back. I know you said just to apply what I’ve been “re”-learning. My concern is how to go about it in my situation with her. She’s dating again now, and I know has this unattractive perception of me. I haven’t had contact with her in a week and a half. Should I continue no contact for a while? When I do reach out to her what would be the best approach? This has got me a little stumped. Your guidance is appreciated.
Thanks for your question.
When you interact with her again, you need to be an attractive man (i.e. confident, emotionally secure, masculine, etc). Simply be the guy that I explain how to be in Better Than a Bad Boy and she will naturally begin respecting you again and will feel some level of attraction. From there, she will begin to open herself to the idea that, “Hey, he isn’t so bad after all. In fact, he’s a LOT better than most guys I’ve met since. Maybe I made a mistake.” Since she is already dating, the best way to get her attention and speed up the process of her wanting you back is for you to hook up with a woman who is at least as hot as her, but ideally hotter. When that happens, she will see that other women like you and maybe she did make a mistake. Just make sure you continue using the approach I talk about in Better Than a Bad Boy when you interact with her. Be strong, don’t fall for her tests. She will test – she will want to know if you’re an improved man for real, or are just putting on an act.
I got two of your programs a few months back and I just want to pop by your site and say thanks. I was going through a rough time after the break up and simply by using your 21 ways to get a girlfriend I got myself four new women in two months and I’ve had sex with three of them. It’s great to be back in the game. I’ve got a lot of confidence now and feel happy and positive about the future because I know I can get many women. I will choose one soon for a committed relationship but right now I’m just having fun.
Thanks and thanks again!
Thanks for sharing your success so far.
I’m glad you’re out there enjoying yourself with women and honored to be the one who showed you the way.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Hey Dan, Great website It’s helped me emotionally quite a bit. I Have just gotten out of a relationship with a girl I have been dating for 6 months, on and off. She has a bit of a temper and says things she doesn’t mean and usually “breaks up” and the next morning acts like things the night before never happened. But recently the thing that changed was she dumped “again” but then got a new boyfriend-hes a guy we both know and she knows that I especially don’t like, and have been dating for about a week. So after reading some of your other articles I decided to just let things be for a while, to try and get over it. Here’s the problem, when she sees that I don’t talk to her, text her, make it hard for her to “get ahold of me on the phone” answer her skype calls. she suddenly goes from into a bad mood for whatever reason shes mad at me, into a “I’m not mad at you just talk to me” attitude, even though shes dating this kid I dont like that she claims she really “likes”. I havent been responding her texts and I plan on not answer her calls. And I told her this just night and just this morning I wake up with a text from her saying “I cant get over how much this kid looks like you”-hes a person in one of her classes that reminds her of me. I was reading the other articles about letting her know you’re happy with or without her. But the fact is I’m not, and every time she tries to get in contact with me I make the mistake of giving her the time of day. Recently I was talking to one of my pals about skyping with another girl and she called me and said “why are you skyping other girls, I don’t want you talking to that whore”. When she obviously has a “boyfriend”, so it shouldn’t matter than I’m talking to another girl, so I my pal ask why it mattered and she gave him the answer “I dont care, if he talks to other girls”. She still gets jealous though when I do talk about other girls. Bottom line is when I try to get away from her, I find her still trying to get ahold of me as if shes can’t believe im ignoring her, and I’m wondering if that means she still has feelings for me, even though shes dating that kid I dont like? She isnt the type of girl to want attention from more than her current boyfriend, but she seems to still be wanting it from me. If these are signs that shes still interested in me. What can I do-such as ignore/not ignore calls, talk to her more ofeten/less, etc.-to use this situation to my advantage and would lead her back to me? Thanks, -Rich
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
She is using you to feel better about herself as she gets over the break up. When you’re not calling, texting, etc she worries that you don’t miss her and like another girl. So, instead of feeling the painful emotions of rejection, loss, sadness, fear, etc she wants to have “feel good” emotions like confidence, self-esteem, feeling valuable, feeling wanted, feeling loved, feeling missed, etc. In most cases like these, as soon as the girl finds a guy that she likes more than you, she will dump you harshly and use your pain to make herself feel good.
Reading this article reminds me of a very close friend of mine who is in sort of a bad situation right now. About a year ago he met this girl from his previous work. She isn’t very attractive and by my standards, even below average. (My friend openly admitted that he was only desperate to get a woman though.) So here’s the thing: Right now, he’s not sure if he should break up with her. And the girl is probably feeling that right now (based from my observations) and is desperately trying to get him attracted again. (This is just my opinion, but I think that this girl rarely gets any suitors and that’s why she’s working so hard for this idiot friend of mine.)
He told me his problem while we were drinking one night, and I told him that he’s a complete and utter idiot for getting himself into a relationship with a girl that he wasn’t even THAT interested in the first place. He then told me that he can’t break up with her. Because then, he’d have no girlfriend. (Which I think was a really lame reason) Personally, I think they’re being unfair to each other. But I’d really like to get the opinion of a specialist on this one. What do you think Dan?
Just tell your friend this, “If you accidentally get her pregnant, you’ll be stuck with her for life or have in your life forever.” Then ask him, “Would you be proud to have children with her? If not, get out of the relationship before you make the mistake of your life.”
Also, tell him to read these if he’s interested:
Nice site, I’m going through what most of the guys here are as well
All was going well, until we had a difference of opinion, not an argument, just a discussion…this led her to say a couple of days later that our discussion made her feel like she was back with her ex (he mentally and physically abused her)…I was gutted…she decided to call it a day and after seeing her face to face she told me she didn’t have the emotional energy to continue with us, (but said loved me to bits and I was so right for her)…and everything else in her life…..it seemed so clinical the way she cut the ties, from both being so happy, till 48 hours later she didnt want to continue….you can guess the last weeks have been very difficult….but I dont sense this from her…she seems to have put me in a box abd put the box in a filing cabinet…she has sent a couple of emails which were quite positive, i.e. remaining friends…etc…but since then i have had no contact with her and only one email replied too…I must say I have given her the space she wanted and in over three weeks I ave only sent two emails….I feel that even to try and form a friendship is very difficult being at a great arms length…..my question is….not embarrassed to say i love her too bits, I wish i could get angry but cant…but whats the next step, if any?
From one confused guy??
Thanks for your comment.
This is a pretty common scenario and it’s basically what you get for letting a woman be in control of your relationship. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html While it doesn’t sound like she completely dominanted the relationship, it does sound like you don’t know how to maintain control of a relationship and are the type who gives up his power to the woman gradually, little by little. Also, since you didn’t specify it in your comment, I’m going to have to take an educated guess here and say that this is what happened to you: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html You might also relate to this very strongly as well: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/choosing-a-sexually-satisfying-woman.html
You’re trying to “form a friendship” with a woman who doesn’t want to be with you. The truth is, she likely never truly loved you at all by the sound of her clinical breakup move. If you want her back, the next step for you is to become the type of guy who makes her feel the deepest levels of respect, attraction and love possible. That is what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
It’s me again. I have gotta good results so far with women. I know how to do mostly everything the The flow but I just don’t know the Playful humor. I just don’t know how to come up with good playful humor. I know I know, you have to apply it but is there any other way to improve my ability to use playful humor without approaching women? Like a way to practice it to get good enough to use it? You would really help me out tremendously and probably here a success story from me soon. Thank you so much in advance!
Thanks for your question.
Yes, if you’re too afraid to approach women and practice, we have created 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. In that program, you will put yourself in situations where you are surrounded by women who want to talk to you. It also comes with a 30 Day Challenge that starts off really easy and gets more and more challenging as you go along.
Check it out here: http://store.themodernman.com/in/e8ead2
I am ALPHA.
My woman has and still is tryng to impress me in every way.
She was talking about getting married 2x weeks ago.
And all of a sudden she wants a 4 week break to find herself.
None of the signs you mentioned above or in previous articles were applicable.
Sex was amazing, she was buying me things, etc etc.
Thanks for your question.
Until I searched you on Facebook (via the e-mail you used when filling in the comment form), I was kind of stumped too. Then I saw your photo and saw that you’re still fairly young. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/my-girlfriend-said-she-needs-space.html She most-likely feels that setting down at her age wouldn’t be the smartest move. Either that or she suddenly met someone else who she’s fallen in love with.
How do you know if a woman is testing you or if she just has a bad attitude? (Perhaps in the dating phase)
Thanks for your question.
It’s not an easy question to answer in a comment because the tests that women put men through are complex and varied. I do an entire section on testing in Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Some of this article hits home for me. Recently my gf and I broke up because she is having trouble dealing with issues from her past and has depression. Mainly it’s an ex that just won’t let her alone and move on. It does seem like she has fallen out of love with me and it hurts a lot. We still talk a little bit via text but obviously not like we used to. Do you still think I can get her back? She broke up with me before the holidays for the same reason and I stood by her and supported her and we got back together in January but again, just about 3 weeks ago she broke it off again.
Thanks for your question.
She wouldn’t be treating you like that if she felt more respect, attraction and love for you than she does the other guy. You need to change how she feels. Sign up here and I will teach you more about that: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
So much of this and the other responses resonate with my relationship. I work away from home. When I met my fiance at university I told her that I didn’t want a relationship as my job had destroyed my previous relationships. She persisted and we ended up together. We had lived with each other from the first day we met (flatmates first, then got or own place the following year) the only time we were apart was when I was at work. My fiance struggled to make friends, but got lots of make attention. Last year she was hanging out with another guy for a week whilst I was away on a 4 week trip (that turned into 9!). She phoned me and told me what happened and that she felt horrible for spending time with him and that nothing had happened. I hated my job but stuck at it to support us both (she is still studying and I was saving for post grad studies). In january she told me that she couldn’t handle me going away much longer and asked me to quit my job in september. We agreed that if she picked up more shifts at work I would quit sooner. My last trip in feb killed us. I hated the ship I was working on and had promised to quit after that trip. My fiance was ecstatic and spent the next couple of weeks telling me about all the things we could do.
2 weeks before I was due to come home she went out for a cocktail night with the mature students association (she is the youngest, 23) and then stopped talking to me for 5 days after it. She finally have me the ‘We need to talk’ chat over facebook whilst I was 1500 miles away. She told me I had caused her to take an overdose and that our relationship was over. I had 9 days before I would be homeand could do nothing. We had no phones so I couldn’t even call. She told me she needed space and to figure out who she was and if I wanted us to have any future I had to leave her be just now. When I got home I found out she was seeing another man from the day after we broke up. I had to leave my home and she spent my wages I’m anger. It had been over a month and the few conversations we have had she had told me she still sees a future for us, but not right now. I lost my job a week after I got home. My life had flipped upside down in a month. Despite her now being involved with this other guy I still love her and see a future for us also. Our friends have told me that they think she will come back but is embarressed to admit she handled things badly. I’m trying to focus on grtting my life back on track, but am finding it difficult to maintain motivation with no job our home at the moment. Shit to hear there are so many going through the same thing, but glad to read your stories.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Man, that must have been difficult to hear that your girlfriend wanted to break up, but you were 1500 miles away!
It sounds like she at least kissed that guy at the cocktail party, but may have slept with him. To get this woman back, you will need to be working closer. It seems like she did a good job of being faithful for a while, but at her age it is difficult these days. Women don’t normally settle down for life at that age, unless they meet a man who ticks all the boxes and can guide her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction.
With your woman, you either have to work close and be around her, or find the type of woman who won’t tray no matter what. If your friends are saying that she would come back, but is embarrassed, simply reach out and talk to her and say that you understand that she strayed because you weren’t around for so long and you know that she probably doesn’t feel very good about it. Then, meet up with her and re-attract her when you meet her. If you don’t know how to make her feel deep respect and attraction for you as a man, I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
My girlfriend just broke up with me because she fell out of love with me a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I cried and texted her for a few days after that in the hopes for her to change her mind. I love this girl more than anything in the world. I know I did some things that showed me as pathetic, but is there any way I can get her back? Please help me…this girl is the one.
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you have to be the type of man that makes her feel respect, attraction and love. Sign in here to watch the free video about that: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
Hi,Dan whats up!I think yur days is going happily …before going farther I hav to introduce myself,I am living in India,I workat ICICI PRUDENTIAL LIFE INSURANCE Company. Im single,im 22years old guy who realy searching for a good, swet, honest, loyal, understandable soulmate ..but see my unfortunate luck I didn’t find her yet ..but once I had lots of frnd nd girlfriend ut my main problm is tht if I want 2move fr a relatinshp im nt able to make it properly ..I want to know tht What would be the Qualities when “a girls love a. boy or what is the hidden secrets behind pick up a unkown girl…..I feel lonely sometimes ..as I feel bad when I seen guys who down frm me had a permanent girlfrnd ….sometms a get cruel,disrespect,ununderstndable regarding my family nd frnds …it might be happens frm dissatisfactn on mind nd heart …u tell me as a godfather tht what should I do??how to hold a relationshp??I would be very great full to u tht I got tht oppertunity to talk with u …u r like Angle in my life plzzz…………..dan help me out frm ths nightmare plz……
Thanks for your question.
Actually, you’ve asked me so many questions that it is pretty clear that you are clueless with women. Guys like you don’t need to sit around wondering what to do. You need to read The Flow and learn what to do. I’m not going to sit here and write my book (200+ A4 pages) for you in a comment.
Here is an article you should read, a video you should watch and an audio clip you should listen to:
hello, now my story is, that me and my girlfriend, we were best friends before us dating, and when we dated we dated over a year, now the things were as follows, she is the type of women if she changes with someone she will automatically will never come back to what she used to be, so what happened is my stupid actions and me messing up badly, and hurting her, she stopped being her self with me again, so she asked for time, now I’m falling in love with her more and more each day that pass’s we still talk but not much like texting most of the times that she is free, we drop texts and we do tell each other that we miss each other but other than that she dosnt show me her emotions, i’ve bought her couple of gifts, a ring and a neckless with a letter, yet she loved them but she didn’t give me that chance yet.. now in this case i’ve been fighting for her and trying to get her back, and today i’ve sent her about how we should sort things out together and if we get back together we will fix things and work it out for sure, and yes I’m keeping my word and am asking her for this last chance.. coz i believe i won’t mess up again and i believe that she is the right one, yet i need her so badly back, and I’m welling to fight for her more, coz as my mom said that if u love something fight for it to get it back and try to get it back and never quit. so i hope if u can give me couple of tips for me to tell her and win her back and let her get back to what she used to be, like being her self again and so. coz this is the problem. she isn’t being her self. this is a short thing from a long story. and i honestly miss her and love her so much.
Thanks for your question.
Your mother’s advice is correct when applied to many areas of life. However, the way you are using her advice is incorrect in this case. For instance, you don’t fight to get your ex girlfriend back buy BUYING GIFTS for her. Your ex girlfriend lost respect and attraction for you for reasons that CANNOT be fixed (AT ALL) with gifts. Fighting to get her back involves fixing the things about YOU that have been causing her to lose respect and attraction for you.
Watch this free video to understand where you went wrong and what you need to do to get her back: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
My girlfriend broke off our 5mth relationship about 6 weeks ago. During our time together, sex was good, and attraction was there but towards the end she said “It’s tiring to be around you, I’m not trying as hard as I did last time” and stuff like “all my relationships I always end up being a mother.”
After reading your articles on ‘how to win an ex-girlfriend back’, I knew immediately that it was my fault that I was a needy and a mentally and emotionally weak sorry excuse for a man.
In specific regards to my situation, before she actually broke it off with me, we had a week of “break” where she wanted to see some self-improvement in me. However, during this time, she was hanging out more often with another guy (much older, we are both 20 and he is 27) whom she is close friends with. I found out that he likes her and she also had always liked him since before we met but went for me instead because she liked me more. That weekend, I got so needy that I went to her house to check up on her where she officially broke it off with me and told me “not to fuck up” and cried.
The first 3 weeks of the breakup I tried desperately to get her back. I did things like study (which I promised her id do but never did it during our relationship) and being manly to no avail…she could smell my desperation and usually towards the end of every encounter ill go about getting angry and upset at her/guilt-trip plead her to take me back, in which she’ll respond by leaving. During this whole time, she was seeing more of the other guy, going out on dinner/movie dates and she mentioned that they have kissed.
The last 3 weeks really baffles me, as I was getting the hang of the notion of moving on…she starts to text me and gives me mixed signals. I was overtly confused so I decided to go over to her place and have a talk about this once and for all. She said “I like the other guy and we are just friends.” We go to the same uni and unfortunately for us, planned our timetables together at the start of the year. I asked her why she gave me mixed signals by holding my hands for brief periods of time during lectures and leans her head on me. Her response was “I thought I felt something but I was wrong.” Hearing that, I told her that we can’t be friends and I am moving on. In my mind I thought she was keeping me around in the case of if I became better she would choose me instead of the other guy. It just seemed so shallow. This happened last week.
Despite my rather straightforward indication that I wanted to move on because I knew I couldn’t live like this for the rest of my life (where she is in my every thought), she persisted in the mixed emotions. Firstly by sitting next to me in class, leaning in and resting her hands on my legs then looking really sad and saying that it hurts for her too. By inviting me over to her house to “study,” where I left briefly after looking at her text to the other guy (like how she used to texted me, her boyfriend, using words like sweetie and stuff disgusted me) and only 3 days ago(Thursday) jumped on top of me and seduced me where we kind of had foreplay before she said that we should stop.
I met her last on Friday where we were studying and we got into an argument and I said “I don’t understand why you’re upset if we’re just friends” and she just walked away really quickly, pretending nothing was wrong. After lunch and cooling down, we studied a bit more and minor things happened such as when I asked her why she doesn’t just go out with Alex and she said it’s complicated and joked if I wanted to duke it out where I responded that “it’s a waste of my time.” She got upset and said “don’t say that.” Also, she made snide remarks that “we have very different kinds of humour, because I was too serious and around her (being a weak man and giving a damn about too many things) I gave her a lift home and she gave me a hug and thanked me for the lift/lunch and left.
Its been two days since we have interacted…I don’t know what/where to go from here.
I need some advice on what to do from here on out…
Thanks for your sharing your story.
This is a pretty clear case of you having a chance to get her back and her HOPING that you will suddenly “man up” and become an emotionally strong man, but you continually slipping up and giving her the power.
While most women are perfectly capable of taking the lead in a relationship and taking care of the guy, THEY DON’T WANT TO. It’s not what makes a woman feel SEXUAL ATTRACTION. If your behavior, energy, thinking and actions don’t make her feel sexual attraction, then she is naturally going to lose interest. You have a chance to get her back, but you have to change quick before she finds a guy who behaves/thinks/acts like a man. If that happens, you’ll be completely out of the picture until he is gone.
I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89 and go through the transformations that will happen when you watch the program. Then, follow the advice from their to build on your mental and emotional strength each day until you can naturally and consistently “be the man” around her and in life.
Thank you for your advice…we just had shopping together and it was a pleasant change from the tension between us. Before she left, she stared into my eyes as though she was really sad, in which i responded by staring back and saying see ya and driving off promptly…
Heres my question:
-What do I do about the other guy that she is (dating) idk what they are?
-She touched and asked for hugs many times today, when do I make a move on her physically? Should I touch her and how without coming off as needy?
-We have been texting to each other in prompt no bullshit text “where are you?” “im here”…should i mix it up? How should i be texting her? Again, without sounding needy..
-How often should I be asking her out to “hang out” if at all? Should I be waiting for her?
You’re welcome mate.
However, please understand that I don’t sit here and type out my 70+ hours of recorded advice (available here: http://store.themodernman.com/in/1957130) in the comments all day long! 🙂 I have a program called Better Than a Bad Boy, which is 10 HOURS and 50 MINUTES of video. Watch that and you won’t be asking me questions like that because it will all suddenly make sense to you. Here’s the link: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
I have broken up with my girlfriend for almost a week and half now. We have dated for nearly 5 months. The reason of the breakup was because we texted more than we talked in person since we can only see each other during school (whereas we are busy with schoolwork and such) and a dormitory isn’t an option. She thought our relationship status fitted the word I have dreaded, “friends” better than “sweethearts”. However, I doubted this was the only reason. If there was more than one, this was the one she told me.
And I admit I started the relationship because I was clingy and needy (which I have never realized since this is my first relationship so I didn’t have any experience knowing) and I needed someone to depend on. It was only after the break-up I found out I was wrong to do this. The point of the relationship was wrong and misguided, but the love I had for her was true.
Also, I thought if I gave her choices of what she wanted to do or let her win most little disagreements, she would be happy. However, being inexperienced, this had the opposite effect. I realized I needed to be the alpha male for her and make decisions for her. She had also informed me during the relationship that she hated to be given choices. Again, I overlooked this sign.
I wish I had been more educated on relationships and how to keep her happy. I now realized I needed to be more confident and alpha. The good thing is, despite that I was already ready to commit completely to her, I never begged her or acted desperate, partly because by my own instinct, I didn’t want to make her angry or reduce my chance of gaining her back.
I had done so much things for her, such as curing her depression that was related to her personal life problems that she couldn’t solve for years. Right now, I’m engaging the NC rule (No Contact). Before I started this, I had sent her a message saying this:
“I just wanted u to know that even though we aren’t together, I’ll always be there for u and if u ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here. I would still do anything for u.”
Was this the right choice to make? I was wondering that because girls love the feeling of security, but at the same time, I could also be permitting her to see other people, which is a bad side for me. However, she hasn’t been in a rebound relationship or is currently interested in any other men, so I have that advantage.
This is our first relationship and I’m not sure if any of what I have done are proper steps to attempting to gaining her back. I want your opinion and any honest advices on this. Reply back soon.
Thanks for your question.
This is a pretty simple one: She liked the idea of having a relationship at the start. It was what is commonly referred to as “puppy love,” because it was your first loving relationship with a girl. However, bit by bit, you ruined her attraction for you and, since there was no sexual attraction, but there was a relationship, she eventually just felt like a friend to you.
If you want her back, you need to make her feel sexual attraction for you and to respect you as a guy, instead of seeing you as the sensitive, feminine boy she now sees you as.
Hello again Dan,
I see your point and it all makes sense now.
Which one is a bigger factor in creating sexual tension, the female or the actions and what actions can I do to create the tension?
I have been acting as soon as possible on this and I’m making myself a better man, improving my self-worth and confidence.
My only progress is she has made contact to me first via texting in a 3 1/2 days no contact period. This was exactly 2 weeks post-breakup. This proves she still misses me, although I’m not jumping the gun yet.
Good to hear that you’ve been improving your confidence.
About how to create sexual tension: That’s the type of thing I discuss in my programs. If you want to learn how to make her feel intense attraction and respect for you as a man, you will need to watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
i feel desperate having to learn how to be a better man from another man. However i also really want things to work out. so basicly i was in a long-distance relationship with a very special girl to me. she claims that the feelings arn’t there, but i’m about to fly out and meet her(maybe stay if it goes well) but now shes seeing another man long distance and says i can come visit still as a friend but i really want to win her back and she knows that. i learned a lot from small mistakes i made and i learned a lot from seeing some of you free previews. my real goal is to get her to leave him(and he is an ass, thats not just my jelousy either) and come back to me. any advise on how to get her to see i’m better than this guy when i get there? and how to work up her attention between now and my flight. i’d appreciate anything to get this girl back. please and thank you, Dan.
Thanks for your question.
It’s great that you’ve learnt a lot already from watching my free previews. If you want to learn more, you need to watch this program: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
P.S. Flying out to see her before learning from my program: Bad idea. You’ll likely turn her off on levels you don’t even realize. However, I do wish you the best of luck.
Hi dan hows things?your video sums it up thing is me an my ex split up a week ago after being together a year an 2 months i went to see her to get answers an begging u know the stuff men shouldnt do and it went wrong she said she wanted to be on her own an she said she didnt know how she felt anymore ive given her space im thinkin a month at least im pretty angry considering i had th opportunity to move to wales close to family but sacrificed that an moved 300 miles from london to the north to be with her.we’ve been arguing last few months because i drink an start being stupid or just niggling an putting her down not knowing im doing it so she thinks were not right for each other or compatible shes given a few chances but ive messed up i miss her love her so much an want to put things right for the best this time will she regret her decision or still have feelings for me really want her back help me out mate cheers
Thanks for your question.
Basically, you need to become more of a man for her. The way you behaved around her is a result of you having an immature and most-likely insecure outlook on life. It’s not your fault that you haven’t been taught how to be a man, but it will be your fault for the rest of your life, if you don’t stop, learn and change your ways.
Thank you for the great resources on your website. They have helped me tremendously through coping with my ex breaking up with me two weeks ago after a nearly 5 year relationship.
I am set on improving myself because I have been very unconfident, needy and insecure. We had at times a lot of fun together, but then during the break up process she brought up the issues I listed above, which I have been aware of during the relationship but failed to do anything about. She said that she loves me but is not IN love with me. She said she didn’t have that spark or romantic chemistry. She also said that this was really difficult for her because everything else seems perfect in terms of compatibility (we both dance together, spiritual path, etc) and commitment. This is both our first long-term serious relationship. She ended the break off with the painful, “I could be best friends with you. You are my best friend. I can share anything with you”.
But, She says that the spark was gone after even the first couple of months 5 years ago but she had wanted it to work so much she gave me so many chances that I didn’t pick up on.
Now I’m going through many of your videos and the Flow to learn how to be [Edited: Comment revealed key technique from Better Than a Bad Boy]. I understand how much I contributed to her not being able to fall in love with me by not acknowledging her femininity and being a confident, masculine man because I have had serious self-esteem and confidence issues due to trauma in my life. Your words in Better than a Bad Boy show me just how many things I approached incorrectly.
My question is whether or not I can create that spark in her again? Was 5 years of her giving me chances too much for her to feel attraction for me anew?
Outside of the confidence section of the Flow and your words in Better than a Bad Boy, what other resources can I get a hold of to conquer my confidence, insecurity, and masculinity issues?
Thanks for your question.
Since she lost attraction for you after the first few months, but put up with it for 5 years, it will actually be EASY to get her attracted to you again. When she interacts with the new you, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you again. Whether you can get back into a relationship depends on how much attraction and respect you can get her to feel for you. When you get that back, escalate to sex and start the relationship again.
If you want to learn more, the programs I recommend for you are Alpha Male Power and The Modern Relationship. The faster you can put my advice into action, the faster you will overcome your insecurities and lack of confidence and become strong for her in the way she has always hoped you would be.
Hey dan, good job on helping people and responding to comments.
I have somewhat similiar problems.
I started dating with an older girl and everything was fine in the beggining. But i started to take for granted, was selfish and all that stuff when i knew i had her…she started to freak out because of that, and srarted to choke me everyday, so i broke up with hee…we kept co tact for 8-9 months she wanted to renew relationship but i was an idiot. So when i didnt took her for a new years eve with us she told me she cried all the night so i started too feel like a big dousche.. i then realized what a giant idiot i was and then slowly started to build something with her and show her that i want to be with her. But THAN-she rejected me ofc with excuse i hurt her much and she needs time.now passed almost 6 months still no positive answer from her. She says i dont have anybody else and just need time im so furious with you etc…ok i was pushy and maybe i lost her respect when i pressured her. My question is thos is there a way back or this is done deal. She says she has feelings for me but….standard girl answer in that situation imho…wanted to maybe release her of pressure when we next time contact (if) and to say i met someone we are not intimate but would like you to tell me stuff that u hated that i did to you?thanks in advance
Thanks for your vote of appreciation. I have spent 100s of hours replying to comments so far. It’s nice to hear my efforts are being appreciated.
About the next time you talk to your ex: Saying that you have met someone else, but are not intimate isn’t necessary unless it is true and you think it will help her to know that. Simply be the type of guy that she wants you to be and she will naturally start feeling attraction and respect for you again. She will start to show interest when she sees that and you can then attempt a reconciliation.
Wow! my girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago because she said she didnt love me anymore and doesnt want a relationship anymore, and i was in charge for the first few moths as you said she didnt want me to leave and stuff which made me feel great it was my first ever girlfriend and hurt me so much when she mentioned that she doesnt feel the same anymore and i blame myself for falling into the trap of her being in control which made me feel jelous and overprotective over her cause i fell for her so hard 🙁 can you give me some advice on how to deal with this huge breakup?
Thanks for your question.
Don’t worry – a lot of guys make the same mistake as you, which is why most songs you will hear guys sing are about ex-girlfriends. What you need to do is learn how to be what women refer to as a “real man” and understand how you need to behave in a relationship to avoid falling into the trap of handing over your power and becoming insecure. This is the program for you: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
My girlfriend and I broke up in April basically right after Easter and spent all of April and half of May not knowing whether we were going to be with one another or not. I felt like the power to decide whether our relationship was in her hands. She flip flopped and I needed answers. She broke up with me and of course I took the wrong steps in begging her to come back and pleading with her all of the stuff that doesn’t work. It was then that she had cut contact off with me for almost two and a half weeks. She then texted me on the first day of June and said something simple like “hope everything is going well and hope everything is good with baseball and work.” I waited a few hours and responded. We have been keeping a light conversation over the past week or so and as much as I want to text her like we used to I know that I can’t. I would like to know what I should be texting her to get her thinking about me all the time and wanting to get back in a relationship with me. It’s tough because she lives a distance away from me. (I live in CT she’s from ME)I would also like to know that when I see her in person how should I act or be. I have tried getting a lot of different advice from people but I’m not sure which one to take. I took the two and a half weeks to better myself and get back to the guy I was and more importantly the guy that she fell in love with. I need to act the right way and fast. Thanks in advance
Thanks for your question.
Basically, you can’t fix the core things about you that have been causing problems in the relationship and turning her off by learning a few things to say or how to “act.” You can’t get an ex back and keep her back by ACTING, it has to be REAL. If you want to learn how to make real changes about yourself and stop doing things that are turning her off, I recommend you watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89 You will naturally say and do the right things if the core part of you is masculine and what women refer to as a “real man.”
Its my first true love and iam totally lost how to deal with it.iam 25 years and she’s 24 years and we live separate states.iam her first bf and even lost virginity to me.we’ve known each other for like 8 years as we were classmates in college and university.we were very good friends and other girls used to tell me she always had a crush on me.in final semester we worked on a project for which we had to spend a lot of time together.we got closer as friends and started chatting over phone and skype.3 months before graduating i asked her out 2 years ago and she agreed to be my gf soon.but after college we left for our respective states and decided to stay in long distance relation.met her 4 times after college and everytime it would be for 4-5 days.of course we had lots of sex whenever we met. She always used to say how iam the best thing to happen to her and that never to leave her heart broken.then she lamded a job in december last year for which she had to go traing to amother state for 1and half years.iam still jobless.she joined training in january this year.everything was going fine and she was so excited about her new friends(her fellow trainees)and environment.although she had a hectic shedule to follow we would talk eveyday on the phone at night.she said anout a few guys who were showing interest but i dint read much into that as i trusted her.them she started mentioaning a lot of a particular guy about how good , kind,etc he is.after few days she started saying how tough it is for everyday out there and saying she cant talk much becose she is too tired.i would always try to lift her spirits but I could feel she was drifting away but thought its becose of stress.in the month of march she and other trainees eent for one month exposure trip.after this tour she totally changed.she dont text me, only night calls that too gor a few minutes becose she says she is tired.she dint recieve my calls on two separste nights.first night she said it was in silent.second night she said she dint get any calls although I called about 8 times and someone cut the last call. I know a guy who is also training eith her and asked for some help.i discovered that they are so clingy that they are alwsays hanging out togher in campus or off campus.although their hostels are only 4 minutes apart she usually calls him to go for classes together.while on tour she is always next to him in bus and resting her head on his shouder(which she denied saying she has her own pillow).and she also visits his room frequently (only his room).she serves food for him in the dining hall….I just felt that all these activities dont sound too encouraging for us.so I confronted her and she said that she cant ne with me anymore..she wants space..her feeling for me are not the same as before…she wants someone closer and long distance is to hard to maintain….but she never admitted that she is cheating, seeing someone or like someone.she said that its not me its her.now I made crucial mistakes like begging and pleading for second chance.but she was so cold and just told me to move on.im so devastated right now.dint contact her for 1 week now.i just want to know whats your take on her reasons..was she really not into me becose of the distanse or did she cheat? Should I try once more(I offered to visit her many times but she said its not possible)…I really miss her…help me.
Thanks for your question.
Firstly, for someone with a university education, the way you write is very sloppy and immature. No spaces, all lower case, etc. That style of writing says a lot about you and can be perceived as though you are quite boyish in your thinking, which is not attractive to women. It’s not “cool” to write like a boy.
Secondly, I do feel sorry for you and understand what you’re going through. This is your first love, your girlfriend and she’s basically developed feelings for another guy because you weren’t around. It’s not entirely your fault. At her age in our society, women in that situation aren’t necessarily thinking, “I’m going to settle down and commit for life” and are too easily swayed by the drama in relationships they see on TV (all the cheating, affairs, etc) and by the parties and single people around them.
Your ex is not going to want you back if you are in an emotionally WEAK state. She can’t feel attraction for that. If you want to become an emotionally strong man and quickly transform yourself into the type of man that makes other guys pale in comparison to you, then I recommend that you watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Thanks for your advice.Sorry for not following proper punctuations. You see its not too comfortable to stick to strict punctuations on a smartphone as I am new to touchscreen phones.Anyway I am glad that you got the message I am trying to convey.Thats all.
She broke up with me about 2 months ago. For the past almost a month, she’s contacted me almost daily. I sent her an apology letter after 1.5 weeks of NC, she started seeing me doing the things she wanted me to do, working on myself. She got frustrated.
I let her start everything. I don’t start anything. She feels rushed, she freaks out. She asked for time/space. Currently going through one of those. Yesterday called to let me know she was probably going to shut down for a few days. This morning called said she was feeling rushed. She felt she was “using” me because she has no friends right now, they’ve gone MIA. Her “best” friends have, but I could list three friends of hers she talks to daily. Course a half hour after this call this morning, she facetimes me to ask how she looks in a dress for a wedding this weekend, and seems a little depressed when all I say is the dress is fine. Ups and downs… The few days before this episode, she’s been falling asleep texting me. She admitted she doesn’t know how to talk to me right now, so I’ve been paying more attention and… well… helping…
She’s overly humble. When I bought her nice things, she was worried what her family would think. She always thought I was too good for her. In retrospect, all our problems could probably be linked back to that stuff. She had a nice thing, was too good for her, she slowly melted it down.
She’s 22. I’m 24. The less I do, the more responsive she is it seems. I have to monitor how much I respond back. There was a girl neither of us really liked, I ran into her and had a funny to tell her about it one day when we were talking, soon as I mentioned her she sorta flipped. I ignored her text when she was having a little panic attack, she called later and flipped. That was a week ago? I saw her this weekend for lunch. Went ok. Better then when I met her for lunch two weeks before. She was cold, didn’t look me in the eye. This time she did, and she talked and smiled. The more in control she is, the more relaxed she is.
I basically figure I just need to sit tight. It’ll probably take a few months more, wouldn’t surprise me. Just looking for third party opinions. I do love her. I went from not wanting to settle down till 30, to willing to marry her tomorrow. A month before this started, she brought up kids for the first time. A week before, she was still talking of marriage. The morning of, I forgot to say I love you and she called me back to make sure I said it.
Thanks for your comment.
You’ve said a lot there, but haven’t asked me a question, so I will have to assume what you want to know. Reading into what you’re saying, it seems that you’re approaching things with her fairly well, but you just don’t know how to get her to stop playing around and commit to the relationship again. If you want to learn how to do that (and get her committing in a hurry), then I recommend that you utilize my tested system: http://store.themodernman.com/in/3cc1619 Cases like yours are common and are easy to fix.
My ex dumped me bout a month ago today. This past month ive been very lost and confused. At first she said she was planning on taking me back when she was ready, but then her and her ex started talking. And well they got back together. They broke up about 8 months ago right before we got together. Shes had her rebounds but this ones serious. She told me that shes never been able to get rid of her feelings for him and that he was her first love and she was hers. I know that all sounds perfect and all and seems selfish of me to want her back, but I do know he used to cheat on her all the time. He lives down the road from her house, I live 30 minutes away. They used to have there wedding all planned out, and im sure that will resurface shortly. And shes also wanting me to try to be like her best friend now. More like her gay friend, like shes trying to convince me to help her pick out her homecoming dress cause she needs a guys prespective, so I feel like I just got friendzoned as well.
Ive tried moving on, daiting and stuff but nothing feels right. Ive never wronged this woman and this guys cheated on her so much but I know she will put up with it. He can see her everyday or whenever he wants and I cant. And shes lost her love for me and sees me as a friend and deepend her love for him. Now that you know the situation I will ask the question. Ive been looking at your get your ex back system youve desighned and want to purchase it. But will it work for me, is this situation to far gone and I just dont have the right situation, or if I follow your steps will she through that guy out the window and run back in my arms so I can try this again and not make those mistakes that led to the breakup in the first place?
Thanks for your question.
Of course my program will help you. Your situation is common and I’ve helped 100s of guys like you already.
Based on what you’ve written there, I can see that you just don’t understand women and what they really want. Even if you just learnt about that, you’d have a chance of getting her back, but the fact that my program is a tested, step-by-step system means that you have an action plan to follow to get her to start seeing you again. Just get started man, stop wasting time.
I have been reading a lot the articles on your over the past couple of weeks. My fiance and I were in a relationship for 10 years. She ended it 4 weeks ago. Said I love you, I care about you, you’re my best friend but I don’t have “those feelings” for you anymore. Said she hasn’t been happy for a while when I asked how long she said a year. During the past year we’ve been through a lot. Financial issues our son sleeping in our bed every night deaths in the family of her close family members just to name a few. After reading some of your articles especially this one I can’t help but feel like if I had read tbis sooner it could have bee avoided. We have two children together 6 and 9. I am 30 and she is 29. Over the past couple of weeks I found out she has been communicating with another guy through text messages and possibly phone conversatios. We have been doing a lot of talking and she says shewishes she could get those feelings back but can’t told me she was in love with me and happy for a very long time. We had sex a few days ago we hug each other I feel like she’s so close to jumping back in but can’t. Do you think there is any hope for a situation like this?
Shes mentioned specific things about the relationship like how she felt she was in charge of everything.. me renouncing the male role and her not feeling like I loved her anymore. I feel horrible because its like exactly what you’ve mentioned in some of your articles just really worried it may be too late especially with her talking to another guy. Thanks
Thanks for your question.
Man, it’s comments like this that make me want to work even harder. I’m already putting in 10 hours a day, 6 days a week for The Modern Man, but when I hear about a family almost about to be torn apart – man, it’s just no good. It makes me want to work even harder for you guys.
Essentially, what your fiance is saying is that she isn’t attracted to you anymore. She also can’t fully respect you as a man. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
Someone in your situation (i.e. your relationship is on the ropes and you can clearly see that I am the guy with all the answers and solutions), really shouldn’t be asking me if I can help you. You just need to get my programs, learn, put the advice into action and have the situation naturally turn around as a result. Don’t waste anymore time Dave, seriously. Have you seen the 1,000s of success stories posted all over this site? I know, guys post them up on all sorts of articles, but just take a look at this page for a bunch of success stories on one page: http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html
Anyway, here’s what you need to do so I can help YOU avoid losing YOUR woman…
If she hasn’t yet fully broken up with you, watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
If she has fully broken up with you, watch Get Your Ex Back Super System: http://store.themodernman.com/in/23b8291
How do i know if something acually is wrong? If shes notgiving me loveandattention Should i just break up or ask her firstand talk? Sorry on phone hard to write.
Thanks for your question.
The signs will be there: No longer interested in sex, irritated when around you, talking about how things just aren’t the same as they used to be, not giving you love and attention, etc.
Sure, if you want to break up with her to make her realize what she is losing, then go ahead. However, if she feels as though she is not losing a great guy and it would actually be beneficial for her, don’t expect her to beg you to take her back. In those cases, the woman will often cry initially and be upset, but they will then move on pretty quickly.
If you want to fix the core issues of why she is no longer giving you love and attention, watch this program, use the advice and you will see a dramatic, positive change in her feelings for you: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
My girlfriend broke up with me. And now somedays I feel really good but most of the time I really want her back. I feel like I have made all of the classic mistakes that made her lose interest I guess. But I really want her back because I have realized my mistakes and I am now ready to be a real man.
Sounds good mate. Make it happen.
been reading your articles and they are great I’m glad that there is someone like you that is doing this to help us confused men out here. Ok met this girl, we dated it went quickly and she/we fell head over heels. She made it clear she was seeing 2 other people but wasn’t ready for a relationship and to take it slow, she fell in love with me and we spent a lot of time together, intimately, sexually emotionally ect. She said I love you first. I went away it got complicated and I pushed too much, got back, we almost ended whatever we had but pushed through. She has ptsd also. Helped her with getting the proper help for that. Anyhow fast forward, she ends it after 4 months and says I just need a friend right now. Anyhow took her out for a date last week and we had a lot of fun – arcade, amazing dinner held hands in the car, we reconnected on everything and she said she loves how I love life and make her a better person. She said we would be perfect together, but she can’t give me what I want right now.. she also said I love you and that a part of her really wants to kiss me right now and she would like me to stay over but if something were to happen given the current circumstances she is going through, it won’t be good and it would overwhelm her.(she said not to kiss her, don’t do that to me ) Planning a next date which she wants to go on… what do I do… do I make the move and kiss her when we have a moment of that connection?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you should definitely kiss her and reconnect sexually. However, just make sure that you don’t give her the power by trying to be Mr. Everything for her and being super understanding. If she feels like you will jump when she says jump, she will lose respect for you and then lose attraction. See: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
Thank you! Oh, did I mention she is still seeing the other two people? She is getting closer to one of them…. Do I still continue?
You’ve helped a lot of men here and I know that all of us really appreciate it.
You’re welcome mate.
Yes, you do continue, but not in the traditional way of, “Hey, do you want to give this another chance?” In your situation, you have to make the woman jealous by letting her see that you’re hooking up with other women. She sounds like the sort of girl who likes all the attention from having many guys interested in her at once. She’ll only start chasing you if you can make her feel as though she’s losing the best guy (out of what she’s got) to another woman. It helps if the woman is at least as pretty as her, but it is best if she is even prettier.
She was emotional on monday saying she couldn’t rely on the main person she was seeing. Went to make sure she was ok she talked about hanging out, going to Sydney for a quick trip, she was sorry she was pushing me away. Then Wednesday she calls and says she realises she still has feelings for me and is spooked about it and would want to be just friends and maybe not see each other for a while – no lunches or dinners until we sort the uncomfortableness out or boundaries. She admits that I’m the only one thats been there and seen her through her best and her worst and she trusts me with her life.(- I saved her from killing herself a month ago)
So far no contact for a week. This really hurts. is it the end of it?
Take care Dan and thank you.
It seems as though you are not listening to what I am telling you.
She is using you mate. She is the type of woman who FEEDS off having guys like you orbiting around her and showing interest. If you want her to respect you and see your value, you have to hook up with other women.
Most guys (about 90%) who I help to get their ex back do NOT have to hook up with any new women to get the woman back, but your situation is different. You are dealing with an emotionally unstable woman who uses the devotion from guys like you to make herself feel better. It is not an intelligent way of dealing with a lack of self-esteem, but many people do it because they don’t seek help from self-improvement experts or psychologists.
You could go around to “be there for her” 100 more times and it’s not going to change anything. She might have sex with you a couple of times while seeing other men, but she will not devote herself to you unless you stop placing her above you. At the moment, you’re treating her like she is best woman in the world for you, when she knows that she’s not even that valuable.
BTW: I can’t help someone like you via the comments here. You need to be taken through intense training on women, relationships and what it means to be the type of man that women WANT to be in a relationship with. If you want my help, watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/products/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html Believe me, watching it will probably one of the best decisions you ever make in your life.
Hey Dan I’m at odds with my self right now. It’s a pretty log story so I’m going to try and make it as short as possible. We have bin together for 2 1/2 years. At one point she cheated on me with her ex who basically used her and called her a hoar. After that she came back to me and while having sex she started crying and told me that she really did love me and that no man made her feel the way I did. Fast forward a year, and this guy comes back to her life. At this point we have a daughter. She starts putting distanced us. Till I confront her and she tells me that she doesn’t love me. By this point I freak out and beg her but nothing. A couple of day ago this guy does something to tick her of that she dumps him. This is when things star getting weird. She says that she loves him but can’t be with him. She called me to tell me that she left him. She start letting me in to the point of lying in bead together and me caressing her, she let’s me hug her and kiss her in the head,forehead,play with her hands (but not hold then) last night I tried to kiss her but she turned her face while in bead. What’s up with that? I know for fact they had sex. But why does she want my affection if she doesn’t love me? She’s the mother of my child and do to life we never were able to live together. I want to marry this woman. She’s the love of my life and I need help and help fast. Thanks in advance.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I searched you up on Facebook using the e-mail address you provided when making the comment. You’re a very young guy and based on your comment, you don’t have much experience with relationships. You are also dealing with a woman who can’t be trusted to be loyal for life.
About your desire to marry her: Not yet. The marriage will not work out unless you really, truly learn how to become more of a man for her. You’re in the USA and 60% of American marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. Based on the history of your relationship with her, that will probably rise to a 80-90% chance of divorce.
All that aside, I understand why you want to keep the relationship together. You have a beautiful daughter together and it’s only natural and normal to want to raise her in a traditional family unit.
If you want my help, you’re going to have to invest some time into learning how to be more of a man for her and into understanding what women really want in a relationship. There is no quick trick fix for your situation – you really have to become more of a man for her and understand where you’ve been going wrong. Only then will it make sense for her to want to get back with you.
The programs for you are:
You can get a 30% discount on those programs here: http://www.themodernman.com/special-discount-offer.html
My ex has just left her bf and came back to me she left him a week and a half before comeing to me they were only together for four months it’s been a week since we are trying to work things out she jumped straight in to the rashionship with the other guy four weeks after we broke up but now she’s giving me hot and cold signals what do I do?
Thanks for your question.
Make her jealous by hooking up with other women. Or, use the text and phone call examples from my system to get her to meet up with you in person and then blow her mind with sex (refer to the bonus program: Ultimate Make Up Sex): http://store.themodernman.com/products/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
Also, check this out: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/why-do-most-rebound-relationships-fail.html
Not one to normally read this stuff but I will say your content has consistently hit home and reads my scenario like a book. Good to know that there are patterns and solutions to these kinds of problems, and you’ve obviously done your homework and that’s really helpful for guys like us. I’ll try and keep it short.
Been with this girl for almost three years, she’s two years younger than me. This has been the only girl I’ve ever had a serious relationship with. After we dated for about three months she unexpectedly had us take a break, and we got back together. Then we dated for the 2 1/2 years until she just went abroad for a month—now we’ve been broken up for almost a month.
Turns out she made out with another guy over there, and I found out in a way that was less than pleasant. I tried to work it out with her, and in hindsight I made the knee-jerk reaction mistake of appearing weak/needy by professing how much she means to me and how we can make it work…and she said “I need space for myself, I cant be in a relationship right now, etc.”. Nothing surprising so far. Since then I feel I have played it reasonably well. I’ve kept very calm, kept limited contact, ignored all of her attempts to make me jealous with social media—and basically just tried to act indifferent. She’s texted me a couple times, saying “you seem like you’ve moved on etc. am I really that easy to get over?” or “fine we’ll never get back together if this is how you’re going to act”. Typical mercurial woman behavior, let alone she’s probably trying to bait me into getting pissed so she can offload some guilt for her mistake—I haven’t taken any of the bait. I’ve also been with a couple other women since the breakup, but as you can probably guess it’s not the same. I don’t have problems getting with girls, never did, the problem is I want her back. I know there isn’t really a “one” out there, but I certainly think she in this category.
The main problem in our relationship was that we we’re too protective/controlling of each other—and honestly I think it came from me mirroring her insecurities. For instance, she basically stopped having friends outside of me—not good for anyone. My fault was also letting in for what she wanted, giving her power in the relationship, which in hindsight may have been fatal because she definitely liked me initially for my masculinity/being a more dominant man (that’s how I am naturally anyway), and she’s a very timid girl who can appreciate a dominant man. But I’ve spent the time apart to work on myself and I’m fully confident that if we were to get back together the problems of the old relationship would be dealt with—the problem is how do I do this… I know she still cares a lot about me, and she’s definitely confused about what she wants. Despite some immature moves (e.g. deleting a picture of us together on vacation in her profile picture album, posting pictures of her hanging out with other guys, going out a lot, etc.), there’s just no way she doesn’t love me anymore. She’s told me as much.
Here’s the hook—I just graduated college a year ago and she’s going into her senior year (does great things for my imagination). I only stayed in town because of her, but with the uncertainty now it would be crazy for me not to pursue some really good opportunities (across the country) for my career. I will most likely move within 2-3 months. Honestly, one part of me wants to really let my alpha male personality take over and text her up one night and basically tell her im coming over…where I’ll remind her of what she’ll be missing sexually (never had a complaint from any girl in this department either), cant tell if this is a mistake.
If I’m lacking details definitely let me know but I tried to keep it short. What am I supposed to do?
Thanks for your positive feedback and comment.
Getting near the end of your comment, I was thinking, “Simple…T needs to have sex with her again” and then you said it. Nice.
In your case, what you need to try to do is hook up with her “one last time.” You can do that by getting her to meet up with you “one last time” before you head across the country. At the meet up, you need to get her respect and attraction back (when interacting with her, be the man that you know you should have been during the relationship) and then get her back to your place or hers. If possible, meet up at your place or hers and have some drinks, or start with coffee at a cafe and then get her back to your place to chill out “one last time” together.
If you want specific instructions on what to say to get her to meet up with you, what to say at the meet up and how to get her to want to have sex “one last time,” all of that info is provided in my program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
BTW: For any guys reading along who are wondering why I am saying “one last time,” the purpose of that phrase is to get the woman to put her guard down. She goes into the meeting feeling as though it’s the last time you will see each other, but obviously it won’t be if you play your cards right!
I will admit I messed up by complaining about my gf to her friends.
We had our ups and downs in the process.
And she asked for a 2weeks break, but she has called me from Monday to Wednesday, most of the times in the evening. She didn’t call on Thursday and Friday then I got worried and again she called on Saturday asking where I was and told me she wanted us to have sex in her place, I went to her but it was brief cos she didn’t want me to say anything but just to have sex and leave.
Do you have any idea of what she is up to?
I love her as well!
I have just completed 7days of not calling her but 7more days to go. What should I do?
Thanks for your question.
In cases like this, the woman tries to string the guy along and make herself feel good, while secretly trying to find a new guy.
You can definitely get her back and get her to change her mind, but not if you’re making some of the 100s of classic mistakes that guys make when trying to get an ex back. I explain all of that and what to do instead in my program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
Hi I been seeing this girl for about 2months and things were going better than any relationship either of us had before. She used to go into depth how perfect I was for her and that she has never felt this way about anyone before till she went for a drive with friends and never came back… She broke her phone and I couldn’t contact her so I tried Facebook and got a very brief response.. So I called her mum and she gave me a number to call her on which turns out to be some guys number she been with…. She sent me a txt saying how much she loves me and that she was sorry for taking advantage of me and treating me bad also mentioned she needed space to work her life out….but she’ll call me soon and never did… It’s been nearly 5 weeks and I haven’t seen or heard from her and a friend said she’s seeing that guy now…..
I spoke to her mum she said let her go and she’ll contact me when she’s done….. Cause I told her about the txt and when we first met she was so excited about me it’s all she spoke about.. Anyways all her things are still sitting at my house…. I love her and want her to be apart of my life and I understand that she is doing this to figure herself out…
It’s killing me knowing the guy she with is a pretty bad person.. And her parents don’t like him either…. I tried sending a few more Facebook messages asking if she can just talk to me since if we were only just friends plus I’m not mad at her either but still no reply…..
I’ve deactivated my account the other day so she can’t see me plus I stop checking up/emailing her…..
I don’t know what I should do as this is the most meaningful girl I’ve ever been with which I want in my life
She used to always tell me how she was crazy about me and was hoping to have kids etc
Please help me with your advice I’m lost without her in my life…..
Thanks for your comment.
Man, you have a lot to learn. I’ll start by pointing out a couple of the ways you’re doing it wrong:
1. You said, “I understand that she is doing this to figure herself out.” No she’s not. She felt attracted to the other guy, so she slept with him. How could she do such a thing after saying all those sweet things to you? Simple: She gamed you. Many women will say all sorts of sweet, romantic, deep and meaningful things (e.g. “Where have you been all my life?” or “I want to be with you forever” or “I want to marry you and start a family” etc) to get you to fall in love with her. She wants to use the power of her love for you to get you wrapped around her little finger. When she draws you in, she will then start pulling back and you will become confused, desperate and insecure. Then, she has you right where she wants you. Why would a woman do that? She is insecure and she wants to feel better about herself by getting a guy to chase her desperately.
2. You said, “I’ve deactivated my account the other day so she can’t see me.” Wrong. That is the opposite of what you should do. Why? Using social media is one of the FASTEST ways to get a girl back. How? That is explained in my program and I’ve the exact messages to send a girl to get her wanting to meet up with you.
I could keep going here, but you really have a lot to learn about women. Someone like you need to get educated about what women really want and how to beat them at their own game. Here is the program for you: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
Please, what do you suggest?
She sometimes tells me she is tired of the relationship and I avoid talking to her for some days. And she calls me the moment she does not hear from me again.
I will agree, I love her and she knows.
I feel she is using me. Because, she keeps saying I should always call her before I stop by her place and it’s really getting me worried, maybe she is just stringing me along. She even told me she will call me or I should call her when I need to be at her place. The last time I tried, here she goes “Evrything to u is abt sex,I see u at least 3 times a week,U still want to see me for sex,U re choking me.”
Just disturbed and bothered though.
Lately she asked me for money which I promised to give her at a particular date.
If you asked, ” do I want to give her after all her drama?”
I will say “NO”!
And she has stopped coming to my place,i will admit some of the reasons why she stopped coming to my place was my fault.
She only sees me when around my office…I got so furious at her at a point and she saw it.
What should I do?
Thanks for your question.
In your case, you need to use the approach of not getting frustrated, angry or overly-serious in response to her drama. Instead, laugh at it or ignore it and just keep moving things forward to sex and love.
An example of how to respond to that text she sent you about sex is, “;) That’s because you’re sexy babe.” If she replied with, “I never want to have sex with you again” for example (to be dramatic), just respond with, “Lol…”
Me and my ex met at work last July we started slow because she has two daughters and I didn’t wanna rush things. Around the end of October I finally met her daughters and we all took a trip to the city stayed in a hotel and I took all the girls shopping at the mall we all hit it off great. I must tell you that I’m 33 and she is 39. She has always been in bad relationships with guys that used and abused her. I’m not that way I had a very Christian up bringing and I took every opportunity to give my ex and her girls everything they could ever ask for showing them that I cared for them and they were an important part of my life. We had started to discuss getting a house and moving in together and even getting married around January of this year. In March we started looking pretty serious at houses and even started making payments on rings. We had a few fights about things and it always seemed like she would twist words around or put words in my mouth that I didn’t say just so she would be right in the arguements. In April I noticed a decline in her towards our relationship I notice now that I was becoming clingy not making time for anything outside of our relationship. Every time we would have a small arguement she would bring up past things and it would turn into a big one. Mother’s day weekend me and her and the girls went out of town to a festival in the town my brother lives in she decided that she wanted to fight over something petty and that pretty much ruined the whole day for everyone. The next day was mother’s day i gave her a card and when she turned around i popped a ring out and proposed that’s when she said bad timing we need to talk and continued to tell me that the spark in our relationship was gone and we needed to get it back. This broke my heart and i cried in front of her. So I decided to try and do things to get the spark back I bought her flowers and tried to be more romantic but she seemed to pull away more then she dropped on me that she needed some space that she felt smothered so I said ok and tried but it was hard not to text her and say I loved her. Up until this point we would spend a few nights a week together at her place. Slowly she felt more distant and kept telling me she wanted to work things out. This last week I bought her roses and had them delivered to work to suprise her and try and rekindle things. Later after she got home I asked her if there was anything that we needed to talk about and she said that it could wait but I pressed and she told me that her dad would have never approved of me because he would have seen me as weak. And that she only ever saw him cry once in her life and she had seen me cry more than once. She said that she still wanted to work things out though. The next day Friday after work on our way out she told me that she was breaking up with me because she was tired of all the fighting when I asked if it was temporary or permanent she said it was permanent. Later that day i asked her in a text if we could remain friends because I still care about her daughters and she said yes. So what do you think are the chances she would wanna give it another shot??
Man…I wish you I could talk to you in person right now. There is so much that you need to learn, so I feel sorry for you. You’re basically clueless about attraction by the sound of it.
Buying her flowers to rekindle things? Dave – flowers have nothing to do with a woman’s sexual desire for a man! 🙂 Flowers are colorful plants…they are not you. She has to want YOU. She’s not going to be in a relationship with flowers or a gift.
What you need to do is learn how to be the sort of masculine man that she needs you to be. She doesn’t need you to be even more sensitive and romantic than you already are. She needs you to be more masculine. If you can’t do that for her, it doesn’t matter how many flowers, rings or gifts you get her – it won’t make a difference.
Someone in your case needs to get a fundamental education on what it takes to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you in a relationship. Despite your good intentions, you are approaching the relationship with her in the wrong way.
For example: It sounds like you see yourself as the good, nice man that she has needed all along. She’s been with men who have abused her before and here you come, her knight in shining armor.
Yet, your missing the most important piece of the puzzle: You don’t even know what makes a woman feel sexual attraction for a man. You are expecting that she will want to be with you because you’re a nice man.
There’s nothing wrong with being a nice man, but you ALSO have to think, behave and take action in a way that causes her to feel sexual attraction and respect for you. If she doesn’t respect you as a man (crying to her was the final nail in the coffin), she will not be able to feel a sufficient amount of sexual attraction to justify being in a romantic relationship with you.
You do have a chance of getting her back, but don’t attempt it unless you are willing to open your mind and learn new ways of thinking in terms of how to treat a woman. My approach to women is to be a good man who is ALSO sexually attractive to women.
It’s great that you’re a good man, but it’s not enough. If you are ready to do what is required to get her back, here is the link to my program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
BTW: I recommend that you don’t contact her until you’ve watched the entire program because it really sounds like you need to get a fundamental education on how to properly communicate with a woman in relationship.
Despite your good intentions, the way you’ve been communicating with her is wrong because it has not been deepening her love, respect and attraction for you. If you continue to say or do the things that you’ve been doing around her up until this point, it will only push her away further.
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