Choosing a Sexually Satisfying Woman
Have you ever had sex with a woman who blew your mind with her beauty, sexiness and skills in the bedroom? Likewise, have you ever had sex with a woman who really didn't turn you on much at all and left you feeling unsatisfied?
When it comes to choosing a woman for a sex or a committed relationship, it sounds pretty obvious to say that you should choose the first type of woman. If you want have amazing sex and have the capacity to remain passionately attracted to your woman, you need to choose a woman whom you find incredibly attractive. Additionally, if you want to have a successful relationship, you need to choose a woman of good character (i.e. loyal, honest, good values).
However, for reasons that I will discuss in this article, most guys avoid going after the type of women they truly want and end up making what I call The Big Mistake. Before we get to that topic though, let me ask you some important questions that will help you avoid making The Big Mistake...
What Type of Woman Do You REALLY Want?
If you could choose the ideal woman for a relationship, what would she be like as a person, what would she look like and how sexually satisfying would she be for you? Would you prefer a “Plain Jane” type of woman that other guys wouldn't want to hit on, or a beautiful woman that would stick by you for life if you knew how to be her type of man?
Let’s take a look at a few random examples of women and you can decide which one sounds more appealing to you. If you could choose from the following three types of women, which would you choose for a long-term relationship?
Option 1: Plain Jane, Not Very Attractive, Low Sex Drive, Isn't Too Fussed if Her Relationship Breaks Up or Her Marriage Ends Up in Divorce
She is a woman who is plain in most ways including her personality, looks and opinions on just about everything. At the end of a day, she's usually too tired or stressed from work to be a sexy woman for her man and just wants to eat, watch TV and then go to sleep. She has a very low sex drive and rarely, if ever, initiates sex. On the rare occasion that she wants to have sex, she basically just wants it to be over and done with as soon as possible.
While she might stick by her man for a long time, it's not because she's passionately in love with him and enjoys pleasing him sexually. She will stick around because she has nothing better to do, but will be wide open to being seduced into an affair after enduring years of a boring, sexless relationship. Since she isn't too fussed about her relationship ending or marriage ending up in divorce (possibly because of her parents doing the same or the characters in the TV drama shows she watches getting divorced and being so much happier afterwards), she may just go ahead and have an affair or simply dump her guy and fall right into the arms of a new man.
Option 2: Very Sexy, High Sex Drive, Doesn't Care About Traditional Family Values, Marriage or Staying Loyal to Her Man
She is a woman who the man’s friends and family often mistake for a hooker because of her provocative and revealing attire, her slutty behavior and that she “talks dirty” and swears like a drunken sailor no matter whom she’s speaking with.
This woman is not only extremely sexually adventurous in the bedroom, but behaves in an overtly sexual way in public. She’s an easy pick-up by virtually any man she meets; especially after a couple of drinks. If the sex ever gets boring, this woman will view it as perfectly normal to go off and have an affair behind her man’s back. She doesn't care if they’ve had children together and are now raising a family, if she wants out because she's bored, she'll just leave or have an affair or two. To her, family values are for “old people” and she just wants to have fun and enjoy herself.
Option 3: Very Sexy, High Sex Drive, Cares About Traditional Family Values and Keeping a Relationship Together, Being Loyal, Honest and Good to Her Man
She is a woman who is a lady in the living room and a sex kitten in the bedroom. Her man knows he can confidently take her anywhere and she will dress sexy or formal depending on the occasion and depending what he wants to see her in. She can speak intelligently on a wide variety of topics and he knows she’ll never embarrass him when they’re out in public because she has great social skills and is a positive, respectful person.
Everyone she meets enjoys her company and, because she is beautiful, intelligent and down-to-earth, men are always flirting with her. However, when she’s in a relationship, she is completely loyal and she is also so gracious about rebuffing any other man’s advances that they don't even feel badly that she turned them down. Almost any guy she comes across feels lucky to have spoken to such a beautiful, intelligent and down-to-earth type of girl at all, whether he had any chance with her or not. She won't flirt sexually with other men, but she will be nice to them. She will only flirt sexually with her man and will be loyal to him no matter who is trying to hit on her. Then, when they get home and hit the bedroom, she has the confidence to let loose and behave like a porn star for him or be all sweet and innocent. She is open and ready for any type of sex her guy tries with her (and likely will come up with a few ideas of her own that she knows will blow his mind) and will do virtually anything he wants in and out of the bedroom.
If a man was to have a family with her, she will want to stick by him through good and bad times because she believes in traditional family values. She sees other women getting divorced and cheating on their man, but she wants to do the right thing by herself, her man and her family.
So, if you met those three RANDOM women next week, which would be your best choice for a relationship? Chances are, if you’re like most men, your choice is Option 3...and it should be! So the next question is – why aren’t you pursuing that type of woman? If you're not pursuing that type of woman, you're likely headed for...
The Big Mistake
Too many men make what I refer to as “The Big Mistake” by pursuing basically ANY WOMAN who shows them the slightest bit of interest, instead of choosing a woman that will make them truly happy and is someone they can enjoy a successful relationship with. Rather than choosing the type of woman they truly want, these men will take whatever they can get when they “get lucky” and usually end up in an unhappy relationship or will eventually hear the words, “I want a divorce” or “I need some space. I think we should take a break” or “I'm in love with someone else. It's over between you and me” from their woman. Read: Is Getting Lucky the Answer to Success With Women?
Additionally, a lot of men pursue an “Option 1” type of woman (i.e. an ugly woman or a “Plain Jane” that other men don't want) because they feel “safe” with her. A man like this hopes that she’ll make a “good wife” or a “good girlfriend” in the traditional sense of those words. However, when it comes to their sex life, he quickly discovers that it becomes disappointing, unfulfilling and boring. He then spends most of his time looking at porn to “relieve himself” and he and his wife or girlfriend begin to drift apart. A break up or divorce is then highly-likely.
Such men will usually find it difficult to get their woman to loosen up and be open during sex because THEY, TOO, are uncomfortable with it. These men get excited when watching sexy, erotic (and even hardcore) scenes from porn movies, but they usually can't even work up the courage to “talk dirty” to their woman during sex. On one hand, the guy wants to blame his woman for their mediocre sex life but, on the other hand, he knows that he has a lot to answer for as well because he isn't very confident in the bedroom and refrains from behaving how he really wants to in the bedroom. He might love the idea of hardcore sex or talking dirty, but when it comes to sex with his woman, it's usually the same old routine, same old positions and same old vibe.
A woman may try to suggest they “try new things,” but her excitement will quickly fade when she notices that her guy is still having trouble letting go and being the confident, masculine man that she dreams of having in the bedroom. To have a successful relationship, the man needs to be confident and skilled enough to guide his woman into deeper feelings of love, attraction and respect for him. If he is unable to get her to open up and be more erotic during sex, she will rarely take the lead and do it herself.
Guys like this will often endure years or decades in an unhappy relationship while feeling unsatisfied and confused about life. The woman also will be feeling the same way and, unfortunately, in today's world where divorce is no longer seen as shameful to most people, a woman will only put up with it for so long. Statistically speaking, women now initiate divorce around 66% of the time because they are less inclined to put up with an unhappy marriage compared to women of previous generations. The percentage is even higher for college-educated couples with women initiating divorce 90% of the time. So, if you're one of the guys who has been thinking, “I'll marry an educated girl and we'll be happy together because we'll both be intelligent and can connect on deep and meaningful topics and have intellectual discussions for the rest of our lives,” think again. While women from the 1800s and up to the middle of the 20th century might have put up with an unhappy marriage or relationship, many modern women have a completely different attitude.
Regardless of what type of woman you choose for a relationship, she will want to be able to respect you, feel sexual attraction for you and love you. She also wants those feelings to deepen, rather than fade away and, if you don't know how to achieve that in a relationship, you will likely experience problems in the long run. Most guys are okay at getting through the first year or so of a relationship, but it then quickly becomes boring and the sex dries up. However, there are many guys who know how to guide their relationship into deeper love, respect and attraction and that is what we teach here at The Modern Man.
Unfortunately, most guys will never stumble across this website or meet someone in their life who can truly help them become more successful with women, so they'll either become another divorce statistic, endure life in an unhappy relationship or end up getting dumped or cheated on. Unlike in earlier times when people encouraged couples to stick together (especially if there were children involved), today, most people around the woman will usually encourage her to move on. We at The Modern Man hate the idea of divorce and don't like the fact that TV sitcoms glamorize it, but we can't stop those TV shows from running. We can help by stopping the woman wanting to divorce her man in the first place, by teaching him how to guide her into deeper feelings of love, attract and respect rather than having those feelings fade away.
It's a sad experience for a modern man to have his family torn apart because his woman decides to leave him. In addition to going through the painful experience of getting dumped and not being able to see his children as often, the dumped guy will then have to pay child support, while another man comes in to his ex-woman's life, spends time with his children, influences them in his own way and possibly even tries to shut him (the father of the children) out of their lives altogether. In addition to the financial burden of a divorce, the dumped guy also will be left on his own to get his confidence back and find a new woman. However, since the divorce or breakup likely shattered his confidence and, since he probably doesn't know how to get it back, guys like this will often fall into a depression and hide themselves away from the world behind work, hobbies, TV and possibly even food. Meanwhile, his woman will get on with her life with a new man and expect the dumped guy to pay half of whatever she and her new guy want to buy for his children.
This is one of MANY examples of “The Big Mistake” that, unfortunately, too many guys end up making because they lack the necessarily skills required to CHOOSE whatever woman they want and then guide her into deeper love, respect and attraction for him. Accepting whatever you can get with women and hoping to “get lucky” and for everything to work out perfectly is the type of thinking that a child has about fairytales. In a fairytale, the couple lives “happily ever after” and everything is perfect, sweet and lovely. In the real world, true relationships require skill, true love and the right type of communication between a man and his woman if their relationship is to endure the test of time. If the guy lacks relationship intelligence, if the love isn't completely true and if the communication isn't right, the relationship will eventually break apart.
Avoiding “The Big Mistake”
While most guys would love to have an “Option 3” type of woman, they are so scared of rejection, so clueless how to get an attractive woman to like them or lack so much confidence in themselves that the idea of approaching a woman like that makes them feel nervous and even nauseous. Since they don't know how to attract a quality woman like her in the first place, let alone be able to maintain her interest, they will spend most of their lives mentally beating themselves up about it. Then, after months or even years of being alone and not having a woman at all, they will happily and eagerly accept pretty much ANY half-decent woman who shows any interest in them.
Imagine right now that you are walking through a steaming hot desert and are absolutely dying for a glass of water. Your mouth feels like sandpaper and is completely dry. You're tired of being alone, you're hot and are continually losing valuable fluids via sweat. When you are feeling that desperate, would you reject water that was served to you in a dirty or cracked glass? Would you say, “Oh, no, sorry, I only drink Evian bottled water that has been chilled and served on ice in a tall, slim glass,”? Probably not! Almost every human being would say, “Please! Can I drink that glass of water! I'm really thirsty!” The same principle of desperation and neediness applies to dating and relationships, which often leads guys to making “The Big Mistake.”
The fact is, if you don't have any options with women because you're not very confident or lack the knowledge of how to escalate from dating to kissing and having hot sex with women you find attractive, you may get to a point where you are willing to drop your standards and accept pretty much whatever you can get from virtually any woman. Sure, you might not want to drink a glass of dirty, muddy water with dead insects floating in it, or accept an extremely unattractive woman but, if you're desperate enough, you may just decide to go ahead and drink from a dirty or cracked glass or accept an unattractive woman.
If you don't want to make “The Big Mistake” and end up feeling so desperate and alone that you are willing to accept a substandard woman, you need to become the type of guy who has his CHOICE of women. Right now, you have the choice to either become the type of guy who has his choice of women or a guy who is going to get so desperate that you are willing to accept pretty much any “half-decent” woman who shows you interest and then hope for the best. Unlike the past, women do not stay in unhappy marriages and “put up with” their man because they are no longer completely dependent on men and they are continually being brainwashed by those annoying TV sitcoms that glamorize divorce and affairs. If you want to have control over your dating and relationship life, you need to become the type of man who women do not want to leave. When you decide to invest in our training programs, we will guide you to success with women and show you how to avoid the painful experiences that other guys suffer because of their lack of confidence or skills with women.
If you want to learn how to create and maintain the ideal relationship dynamic where you are in the position of power and your woman continually tries to impress you and maintain your interest, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship. Unlike most guys who end up as divorce statistics or find themselves being cheated on or dumped in a long-term relationship, you will discover the secrets to making your woman’s attraction, love and respect for you to deepen rather than fading away.
By the way...
If you don't yet HAVE a girlfriend or wife and want to learn how to walk up to women and have them become IMMEDIATELY interested in you, I recommend you read The Flow. You will discover how to go through a natural, sexual courtship with a woman that ensures you won’t get rejected at any point along the way. As long as you follow the advice in The Flow, things will flow naturally from one stage to the next with a woman of your choosing.Next Page >>
By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+ (Personal photos with women)