Getting dumped by a girl that he truly loves isn’t something that any guy wants to experience.
It’s a horrible feeling that I experienced many years ago, which forced me to learn what I now teach here at The Modern Man.
Destroying the “One True Love” Myth
You might have heard some people claim that there can only be one woman who can be a “soul mate” for you in this life.
It isn’t true.
The “one true love” myth was spread by people who assumed that the person they were in love with was the only person they could ever love. In most cases, it was their first love or the first time they had experienced love, so they assumed that it meant they were soul mates.
The myth has also been spread by people miss the one who “got away” and now feel as though that person was their soulmate.
For men, looking at an ex-girlfriend as “the only one for me” usually happens when isn’t very good at attracting women, so he doesn’t have many options to choose from. Since he doesn’t have access to the types of very attractive women that he really wants, new women just don’t make him feel the same way as his ex did.
You Now Have Access to Millions of Women Who Would Be Perfect For You
For most of human history, men didn’t have an abundance choice of women to choose from.
There were no cars, planes, phones or internet so men had to choose from the small amount of women in their local area. Nowadays, we live in larger towns and cities with millions of people and we have access to women from all over the world.
New women fly into your country every day for a holiday and even come to live their with family. In today’s world, there are millions of women who would be perfect for you. All you really need to do is have the confidence to approach them and the skills to make them feel attracted to you.
When you can do that, you have your choice of women…
There are millions of women who would truly love you, cherish you and stay with you for life.
If you believe the “one true love” myth that was created in earlier times of human history (when men and women had to choose from a small pool of options) and made popular by Hollywood movies, your belief in it will ruin your ability to experience true love with other women after a break up.
For example: If you’ve had a loving relationship with a woman that you think was the “the one” for you, it may cause you to avoid looking for love again because the “one” has already gotten away.
There will always be naïve people who continue to push the one true love myth as fact, but it’s just not true and the majority of today’s women have already realized it.
A survey carried out by Dr. Shauna Springer, a relationship psychologist, revealed that 81% of the 1200+ women she questioned completely rejected the “soul mate philosophy” and stated instead that they believed it was possible to find love more than once in a lifetime.
Of course it is.
Love is everywhere.
A Fear of Love Will Ruin Your Entire Life
If a guy puts his heart and soul into a relationship, believing he has found his one and only true “soul mate” and she then ends the relationship, it can be hard for him to commit to the idea of loving another woman for two main reasons.
1. He’s stuck in the belief that you only get one shot at “true love” and that if you mess it up, you will never experience true love ever again.
2. He’s afraid of fully loving another woman because that would leave him wide open to the potential for “losing” her love too.
You have to understand and know that love is everywhere. You can experience amazing, mind-blowing with many different women. I know that because I’ve experienced it myself and I also know it because I’ve seen it happen to other people all my life.
You have to open yourself up to feeling, experiencing and living true love with another women. Don’t close yourself off in fear because love isn’t something to be afraid of. If you know how to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you over time, she WILL want to stay with you.
The love will feel deeper, more meaningful and more pleasurable as the years go on. That is what’s possible when you approach relationships in the right way with a woman that you’re truly attracted to and sincerely want to be with.
However, a fear of love can ruin a man and cause him to completely shut himself away from the world of love, connection and intimacy. I recommend that you become fearless when it comes to love; go into a loving relationship with an open heart and don’t worry about whether or not it might end one day. Just love and love well.
When you can walk through the world with an open heart and true, deep confidence in yourself as a fearlessly loving man, you will be surprised at how easily women fall in love with you.
I’m not just talking about when you get into a relationship – I’m referring the instant feelings of love that you’ve probably seen some women have for some guys. Personally speaking, I’m at a point where I can get a woman to fall in love with me every time I go out to meet women.
They become love struck and can’t help themselves from wanting to be with me. It’s a nice power to have over women, especially when you use it with good intentions. Update: I did use it for good intentions after recently accepting the marriage proposal of my girlfriend and then marrying her.
The Cliché Line of, “There’s Plenty More Fish in the Sea” is Actually TRUE
If you’ve ever been dumped or are in the process of coping with a break up right now, you will no doubt have had a well-meaning friend or relative tell you that “there’s plenty more fish in the sea!”
Of course, when your heart is broken and the pain of facing life without “the one” is still raw, it’s unimaginable that you could ever find love again, no matter how many fish there are in the sea. However, there’s no getting away from the fact that your potential to find love again comes down to your openness to it.
If you stick with the “one true love” myth or avoid opening yourself to love again because you fear losing it, your life will pass you by as you experience years of unnecessary emptiness and sadness.
Maybe the love you lost really was true love from your point of view, but things change and people change. Maybe when you met and got together it felt like a pre-destined “perfect match,” but two people in a relationship are not “destined” to develop with relationship in the same way or at the same rate.
Maybe you were good together initially, but unless you’re both looking for the same things in life at the same time and shooting for the same goal in your relationship, it’s naïve to believe that “destiny” is going to hold you together.
No matter how in love you are, you and her are still two individuals and if your core values don’t match or you are no longer compatible, it’s going to begin pushing you apart unless changes are made.
Relationships stay together because both parties are prepared to roll with the changes and do what it takes to work towards a common goal.
It’s not about finding your one and only soul mate that allows you to do that, it’s about finding love and then having the “relationship intelligence” (i.e. like social intelligence, emotional intelligence, academic intelligence) to go through the phases of the relationship properly and deepen the love, attraction and respect you feel for each other.
If it doesn’t work out and you or her realize years later that you want to break up, it doesn’t mean that you will never find love again. In fact, you will find it the next day if you wanted to and if you were open to it.
Of course, it’s only natural to want to go through a short grieving process if you’ve been dumped, but the truth is, if you’re the type of guy that women desperately want to be with, you won’t be getting dumped anymore.
Personally speaking, no woman has broken up with me since I discovered what I now teach her at The Modern Man. I’ve only been getting marriage proposals and ex-girlfriends who desperately try to get me back, year after year.
Believe me, it’s a much better life to be living that one where you are being dumped or are afraid of being dumped.
The Love is Always Different With Every Woman
The thing is, with each woman that you have a loving relationship with, you will experience a completely different type of love. It is never the same and cannot be because each women is a different person and the subtle nuances and differences in your relationship will create a new type of love.
Personally speaking, I really loved my ex-girlfriend (who I broke up with because she wanted to get married and start a family with me, but I didn’t want to do that with her) and we had an amazing relationship for one and a half years. Yet, I now love my wife so much more than I ever loved my ex-girlfriend.
A few months after my wife and I got into a relationship, I told her that I used to say, “I love you” to my ex-girlfriend, but with her I always seem to say, “I love you so much.”
She asked me why and I jokingly said it was because of her skills when using her mouth, if you know what I mean. She playfully hit me and I said, “No, it’s because you’re so beautiful…and you make me coffee all the time” and she playfully hit me again.
The thing is, I could have easily married my ex-girlfriend and some of the many other loving girlfriends that I’ve had over the years who wanted to settle down with me.
Yet, I knew that it is possible to experience love with many different women and I also knew, deep down, that I shouldn’t settle down with any of them because, despite being beautiful, they weren’t 100% perfect for me.
If you are wondering how you can cope with your break up, you should understand that the love you experienced with your ex-girlfriend was a special type of love that you and her shared together. However, it is NOT the only love that is available to you.
You WILL experience love again if you are willing to…
Open Yourself Up to Love
Love is abundant in our world.
You will realize that if you open yourself up to it and allow yourself to see it. If you want to live an amazing life and experience true love with one or many more women, don’t close yourself off to it.
Fearlessly open yourself up to love, knowing that no matter what happens, you can always find love with another woman if it doesn’t work out.
When a woman senses that you are a man who is fearless when it comes to love, you will be surprised at how easily she opens up to you. You will see that women look at you in a different way. They are excited because you are the sort of guy who can make them feel a deep and truly fearless love that most people only ever get to experience once in a lifetime.