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My Girlfriend Said She Needs Space
There are many reasons a woman will feel as though she needs space. Some you can fix, some you cannot.
- “I need some space.”
- “I need to go find myself.”
- “It's not you, it's me.”
- “I don't know what I want. I need time alone to think about it.”
- “I need to find out if I really want to be with you.”
- "I think we should have a break for a while."
Your girlfriend or wife most-likely began the conversation by saying the dreaded four words, “We need to talk,” which probably made you feel sick to the pit of your stomach immediately, right? Suddenly, you felt like you were about to lose something really important to you and panic set in. Now, you're wondering how on Earth you can turn things around before it's too late.
So, what makes a woman say things like, “I need some space” and can you give her that space without ending the relationship completely? First, let's look at why women say it.
5 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Might Need Some Space
1. She doesn't want to settle down yet.
For some women, getting involved in a long-term relationship at a young age or marrying young can quickly lead into a life of becoming a wife and mother, before she has the chance to really knowing who she is as a woman. If she reaches a point in life where she only knows herself as “someone’s mum” or “someone’s wife,” she may mean exactly what she says when she states that she needs some space to find herself.
The highest number of divorces happen for people who marry before they age of 30. The same applies to non-married relationships. At that point in a person's life, they are usually still trying to find themselves and their calling in life and are often conflicted by the tempting choices of the modern world. It's not like how it used to be back in the early 1900s. Modern relationships are more complex and under more pressure [See: The Modern Relationship].
2. She wants to find a new guy, then fully break up with you.
Instead of coming right out and saying, “I want out. This relationship is over,” some women will keep you on the side until they find a replacement guy. When she finds her new guy, she'll come right out and tell you, “I'm in love with him and I want to be with him” and may even tell you that she's been having sex with him.
A woman will do this because she doesn't want to go through the pain of seeing you hook up with a new woman before she finds a new guy. So, she will string you along and pretend that there's still a chance for you as a couple, until she is safe to fully break your heart and fall into the arms of the new guy. It sounds cold I know, but that's what many immature people do to each other at the end of a relationship.
3. She's bored of being with you.
If your girlfriend has said to you that she needs some space or needs to go find herself, it can also just mean that she's bored of the relationship and being with you. Often, she won't be entirely sure why she’s bored, but she is listening to her gut instinct and it is telling her to move on.
4. She doesn't want to accidentally become pregnant to you.
Many women worry that if they stay with a guy whom they're not suited to, they may end up becoming pregnant accidentally and then they'll have to stick with him for life or at least have him in their life all the way. If she's getting the sense that she needs to distance herself from you and is the type of woman to worry about the unwanted pregnancy, she will quickly lose interest in having sex and will want to end the relationship as soon as possible.
5. She no longer respects you as a man.
The most common reason a woman will say that she needs some space or needs to go find herself is that she has lost respect for you as a man. This happens when you become the type of guy who hides from the world and your true potential, behind your relationship with her. In the beginning, you may have told her about your big dreams and ambitions, but as the relationship went on, you became more of a couch potato and stopped striving to become a bigger and better man in life. Now she has the feeling that she's in a relationship with a half-man, a weak man, a fraud or a no-hoper. She feels as though she deserves better.
Did you have big plans about where you were going in life when you first got together, which have now taken a back seat? Have you settled for “ordinary” and “average” instead of the “extraordinary” you were shooting for? Have you stopped hanging out with friends and doing things together socially and instead, spend most of your time in front of the TV, playing with your phone or aimlessly browsing the web, but never really achieving anything?
Have you made her feelings about your relationship change from, “This is it!” into thoughts of “Is this it?”
Can You Give Your Girlfriend “Space” Without Fully Losing Her?
If you've read the above reasons why a woman will say that she needs space or needs to go find herself, you may have already realized that she really does want out. However, there are ways for you to get the spark back in the relationship before it's too late. If she does decide to have some space away from the relationship, make sure that you don't make any of the mistakes outlined in this article, Can You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back?
If your mistakes in the relationship are what has caused her to lose attraction and respect for you and to fall out of love for you, the only way back into her heart will be to change what you've been doing. You need to use the approach that women want. Women want to be with a real man and unless you are exactly that, most modern women will just break up and move on.
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By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+
(Personal photos with women)
I am suffering the opposite, my girlfriend is always in top of me, and she doesn’t give me time to do the stuff I like, and when I tell her I need some time for myself in a calm, confident way, without fighting nor anything, she like, blows up and gets super angry with me simply because I wanted three to four hours of rest for myself, she even rejects my calls when I call her, it’s really a bad thing, and she reaches the level she starts insulting me. Sometimes I think I have an obsessive girlfriend. Dan, you are to me the greatest dating advicer in the world, how can I deal with such a very hard event? Should I break up and look for another girl to talk to?
Hi Kevin
Thanks for your question.
No, you shouldn’t break up with her. Use this as an opportunity to grow and become a stronger man. You need to use the approach I talk about in Better Than a Bad Boy. When you do, your woman will be respectful and on good behavior at all times. In this comment, I’m not going to explain how you can turn that around because it takes a while to explain. Better Than a Bad Boy is 10 hours and 50 minutes of video for a reason! Lol…
Cheers
Dan
My gf left me because she said she couldn’t handle being a mom again. I have a 7 year old daughter. We talked about that in the beginning she said it was no problem. We lived together for months . We only dated for 7 months . We did everything together. Then all of a sudden she said she could do it. We were looking at house to buy for us and all. she says sbe loves me and theres nothing wrong with me at all. She just cant help tbat feeling. She already raised 2 girls 18 and 20. I sti lived with her as normal for a month Trying to find a place to go. We still slept together and everything .
How do I get her back?
Hi Tommy
Thanks for your question.
A woman won’t put up with extra stresses in a relationship, UNLESS she is madly in love with the guy, fully respects him, feels intense attraction for him and truly loves him. If you are more in love with her than she is with you, more attracted to her than she is with you, etc, then she is going to feel like not only is she putting up with a less than desirable man, but she has to take care of his child as well.
My advice to you would be to learn what makes a woman fall madly in love with a guy and how to ensure she retains that feeling. My advice for it is in Better Than a Bad Boy.
Cheers
Dan
After reading countless stories and what to do in a break up situation I have found someone to spill my story to. I met my girlfriend when she was 19 and I was 24. We have been together for a little over 3 years. I was at a point in my life when we first met that I had partied and did my fair share of partying and sleeping with random women, I was ready to settle down. She was never a big party person, a slutty girl and wanted a stable man who had a good job his own house ect. She basically moved in within 3 months of dating and we lived together ever since. Our sex life was good, I was more experienced in bed then she was but she was so beautiful and hot it didn’t matter. After about 6 months into the relationship I started to feel smothered she was the first girlfriend I lived with and I even rejected sex at times because she would initiate while I was doing something that didn’t involve paying attention to her. We fought a little bit during this point in our relationship because I started partying with friends again and she thought I drank to much. I knew I loved her so I decided to buy a dog and move a little bit away from my friends who were a bad influence and didn’t like seeing their buddy leave them for a girl so she never felt accepted by them. Well we lived together for the next 2 and a half years all the while her sex drive diminished more and more as time went on. We ended up moving back closer to friends and family about a year ago and it all went down hill from there. We had some financial problems for a little while but worked through it but I started to feel like a bad man and a bad provider for the life we were trying to build. We talked about marriage a lot the first 2 years and I was ready until one night she blew up saying she didn’t want to get married yet. That’ was a year ago but we tried to work things out. In February this year one day I came home and she said she was leaving she packed her clothes and left her other things to stay at her fathers house, where she hates being. Of course I begged and pleaded with her to come back, even crying, which I tried to never do in order to not appear weak. She did come back but things have never been the same I told her I bought a ring in January and she shouldn’t go. At this time I told her our sex life is really starting to take a toll and I told her I would not cheat, which I did not and I know she hasn’t either she loves me to much. So I quit drinking because that was a request of hers but the sex never got better almost 2 months went by and she would barely touch me except a kiss when we left for work or went to bed, no cuddling or hugging or any physical contact. I sat and talked with her many times about this over the coming months as that was my biggest concern. Within the most recent 2 months I have given up and we both sat down last week and agreed we weren’t happy and our initial reaction was to just end things cordially. The problem is she stayed for 10 days after that and I just wanted to move on she slept on the couch and I stayed in the bedroom. She finally moved out 10 days later. Now that she moved all her things out and after talking she has been stand offish and cold but over that period I realized I really didn’t want her to leave and I wanted to work on things, of course putting myself out there. Her mind was pretty made up at least a month before this talk I could tell she want happy and she always says I took away from her 21 I want to party times in her life and I understand because I did get to do that and she didn’t. The problem is I know she doesn’t like to party and she is shy in bed and does not really want a new partner or maybe she does and I don’t realize. She has recently become more active on Facebook posting pictures of herself and not us like she used to. I always said Facebook is the devil of relationships. Either way she has been putting herself out there and I know it’s to see if other men are interested, she is very pretty and will get a one night stand if she wanted one but maybe I haven’t made her feel comfortable in bed or she will say she hates herself and her body. Now she moved out 5 days ago and we haven’t spoken since, yesterday she put a picture up of her stomach because she’s working out. I instantly deleted her, my family and friends all saw this post and called me saying it was classless. Just to clarify I do love this girl and I want to make it work, I know I am not supposed to contact her and let her come back to me. My fear is her never coming back I don’t want to let her go and I don’t see other women the way I see her. It may be my fault that i didn’t make her feel sexy or appreciated but I only wanted this break because I wasn’t happy about our sex life. She was unatracted to my drinking, which let me tell you isn’t as bad as she makes it out to be and I told her if it helps fix us then I wouldn’t drink but she has to figure out the sex part. Unfortunately I do know this is the women I want to spend the rest of u life with. I am 28 now and she is 23. I know her so well that she wants to get married and have kids ect. How do I go about this, obviously I am the one hurting here and not her. She says she wants this time to figure out who she is and what she wants and she isn’t interested in meeting a man but I know she liked an ex boyfriends page before I deleted her, he was an asshole to her. I would have a very hard time ever dating her again if she slept with another man especially that we had had sex in 4 months before the break. All my friends tell me I am to good of a guy and I know good guys always finish last and girls are attracted to a strong man. The ball was always in my court and she knows it is in her court right now, what do I do? Thank you
Hi Jarrett
Thanks for sharing your story.
Well, let me say first that it sounds like you did some thing right in the relationship. You certainly aren’t clueless with women.
However, this is a case of having your judgement clouded by your emotions and perception of reality. Let’s look at both of those individually:
1. Emotions.
When humans are faced with am emotionally-challenging situation, they go through an emotional process of recovery. I’ll put the emotions in italics so you can see what I mean.
In your current state of despair, you’re going to need to go through the process of recovery until you again reach an emotional state of happiness. Ahead of you will be feelings of jealousy, which you are feeling now when you see her post pictures up on Facebook or click “like” on things to do with her ex-boyfriend. Then, you’ll probably want to make yourself better by feeling the emotions associated with revenge, by hooking up with another woman who is hotter than her and posting those photos up on Facebook. Then, you’ll probably feel a bit discouraged because you’ll realize that it didn’t fix your hurt completely, so you’ll begin to worry if things are ever going to get better. You might then feel a bit disappointed or frustrated about the whole thing, until you eventually get to the point where you feel bored of thinking about her/feeling for her. You’ll then feel quite content about your situation and will be willing to move on. You’ll start feeling hopeful about the future, without her in it. You’ll feel optimistic and begin to expect good things to happen to you again, like falling in love and being happy with a new woman. You’ll become enthusiastic, you’ll feel passionate about new women and then once you find a great new woman, you’ll feel happy again.
2. Perception of reality
Humans only know what they know. At the age of 28, you really don’t know the YOU that is ahead of you and how your life will unfold. Right now, you feel that you’ve got it all worked out for YOU. You want her, you want a relationship and marriage with her and you think that it will make you happy for LIFE (even though you and her have stopped having sex and aren’t fully attracted to each other anymore. Note: Without sexual attraction and sex, it’s just a friendship. A successful, happy and fulfilling marriage is not just a friendship, it’s also a sexual relationship).
You are going to learn more about yourself and life as the years unfold. Right now, I’m 35 and when I experienced what you did at age 23, I thought I had it all figured out too. I thought she was the one for me and I should keep trying to make it work. However, I eventually realized that a successful relationship (the type of relationships that I’ve had since discovering what I now teach at The Modern Man. BTW: The ONLY reason my relationships have ended is because my girlfriends have wanted to start a family with me/marry me and I am not ready for that, so I break up with them) is one that is full of love, sexual passion, fulfilling companionship, personal growth, ecstatic laughter and respect.
Let’s have a look at a couple of your comments:
“I don’t want to let her go and I don’t see other women the way I see her.” One thing you’ll learn Jarrett is that each women you have a loving relationship will be special to you. You won’t look at women the way you see that woman. Even though you experienced a unique type of love with this girl, it does not mean you will not experience love again. You will experience a new, unique type of love with the next woman. Why am I talking as though you’re going to get with new women, instead of this one? Dude, you and her aren’t even sexually attracted to each other! You ended up in a neutral relationship, where you weren’t clearly the man. She bossed you around about stuff that really didn’t matter (i.e. your occasional drinking). Personally speaking, my girlfriend will happily sit there watching me play Xbox for 2-3 hours without complaint, because she knows I am a man of purpose. I am rising through the levels of life, I am reaching for my true potential as a man and I am not afraid of the world. I make things happen and when I work on my things, I really put in my heart and soul. So, if I want to chill out and play Xbox or have a drink, my girlfriend will be excited to sit with me. She’s just happy to be around me, no matter what I do.
“Unfortunately I do know this is the women I want to spend the rest of my life with. “ Unfortunately, that’s you being clouded by your emotions and not being able to see beyond the current moment. She isn’t the right girl for you, period. The right girl for you is the one who will beg you to marry her and will worship the ground you walk on. Believe me, there are literally millions of women in this world who would feel like the luckiest woman on Earth to be your girlfriend. You’ve just got to have the confidence and belief in yourself to walk up and talk to them, then guide them through the process to kissing, sex and into an amazing relationship.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. If you want to learn what I know, which makes women fall MADLY in love with me and makes their feelings of love, attraction and respect GROW over time, rather than fade away, I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. It’s not cheap to buy, but it will deliver you the priceless benefits of love, confidence and happiness for the rest of your life.
Hey Dan,
Sorry for this long message, but I’m just confused and need to talk this out to someone I trust. If you can offer any tips or anything it would help. This is my first real GF, we have been dating for almost 2 months.
Last Friday my woman and I were out tubing down a mountain. We had a great time time and went for food at a formalish pub. She was making out with me at the table and it was getting pretty full on. She was getting a little out of hand (aggressive) and my back was hurting from tubing so I said something feels off, which it did. She persistently asked me if I was okay, over and over and it got annoying so I was just like, ‘I’m fine’ in a more negative tone. On the way back to the car she burst into tears and said I spoke like her ex husband. I lead her aside in between some cars so people wouldn’t see her, I hugged her and talked to her and apologized. We drove home and we went into my place and she said she was going home (we had a big night of sex planned). I made out with her at the door very passionately and told her I loved her, she said she loved me. She was crying a lot still. To make this complicated her best friend was *just* diagnosed with cancer and her husband left her when her mother was dying, this is all quite recent (within a year). I sent her an email the next day saying again I was sorry for how I spoke to her. She sent me back an email saying she needed some time to herself and would let me know when she would come by for another visit. She didnt leave any xo’s or anything like she usually does. I decided to give her space, but we haven’t been in any form of communication for 4 days. Normally I don’t think I would accept this type of behavior but I feel sympathy for her, yet I’m here left wondering whats going on and wondering if shes going to dump me.
Is there any tips or advice you can offer when a girl asks for time to herself?
Thanks
Hi Andrew
Thanks for your question.
While it’s fine to apologize to a woman in this type of situation, she should also apologize to you for her over-reactive behavior. Don’t let her push you around like that and make you behave like her little puppy dog.
Give her time for herself. Do not call, text or message until she does.
Cheers
Dan
Hi people. Me and my girlfriend are been together for 6 years we started to date when we were in high school when she turn 18 we decide to have skid together Evrything was okay until she cheated on me and I was mad so I started to talk to girls she found out and we kept doing this to each other. She found out couple weeks I send a message to a friend and she decide to break up. We live in cal I had to leave the country for some personal prob. So the time on not with her I she told me that she’s been talking to this guy for couple moths and now she’s been goin to see him and she takes my kid with her now my son knows who the guy is and he buys him toys and I don’t like that. Well she tells me that she needs a break because she’s confuse but she’s need seen this other guy and when she goes out she invites him to go out with her they take pics together they already hook up and I don’t understand why she’s doing this that I’m not there. I would like to know what can I do to make her hange her mind to work things out with me she tells me their good friends and that’s it that they don’t think they be datting soon. But they still hooking up and she tells me she wants to keep talking to him and that she dosent want to deal with me or work things out it just confused because I’m not in town and I just think about what she’s doing this whole time I you guys can please help me. What do I do when my gf tells me she wants to be single but she’s been talking to other guy?
Hi Marco
Thanks for your question.
This is a classic example of how most people need to have more than one relationship before settling down for life. Why? In the past, it was shameful to break up (especially if the couple had children like you and your girl have), but these days society doesn’t frown upon divorce or break ups anymore. If a woman is unhappy, she will just leave and hook up with another guy. It’s unfortunate that society has changed, but it has changed and we modern men need to adapt our ways to secure a successful relationship. In the past, a woman would put up with her man for life instead of facing the shame of a break up. She also would have needed him a lot more because she couldn’t earn money on her own. These days, women can make just as much money as men (or more) and are supported by government systems for single mothers. Women don’t need men as much as they used to, so you have to create a relationship dynamic where the woman WANTS to stay with you.
Basically, you’ve made a mistake by starting a family so young and with such little relationship experience. You and your girl are going through natural changes that people in the early 20s go through where you start to work out what you really want from life. Right now, it seems like you and your girlfriend have different ideas of what life is about and how important it is to keep a relationship together. Read: The 5 Stages of a Relationship and Will My Relationship Last?
If you want her back, you’re going to need to have the knowledge and skill to have a mature conversation about life, relationship values and your future together. If you make the mistakes I outline in this article, you will only push her further away: Can You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back?
Cheers
Dan
Hi dan my girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. We are both in college. We met a few years ago and we liked each other since then. When came she went to the college I go to now and we met and got into in a relationship. We were happy at first then she started breaking up with me for stupid reasons and I didn’t know why. I keep on being with her because I love her. Oh yeah she is a only child she is 20 about to be 21. Im 21 about to be 22. Her parents love her very much and so do I. She told me that I get on her nerves. She also told me to give her space for a day. I did that then she got mad at me again. Now she said she need space for awhile. Should I be worried? Is this a breakup?
Hi George
Thanks for your question.
Yes, she will want to break up with you soon if you don’t change. Basically, it sounds like you’ve made the mistake of making this girl the focus of your life and avoiding a lot of your true potential as a man because of it. Women don’t want men who try to hide from their purpose in life (or hide from rising through the levels of life and reaching their true potential as a man) behind a relationship with them. If you are just wanting to be around her all the time, she will feel that you are hiding from your potential behind her. It’s a deep turn off for women. 99.9% of women won’t be able to explain it like that and will instead say, “You’re getting on my nerves” or “Give me some space” or “Why are you always lounging around on the couch. Do something!”
It also sounds like you’re not behaving like a masculine guy around her, which is why you’re getting on her nerves. If you don’t want this relationship to end, you’re going to need to change and become more masculine around her. I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy if you want to learn how.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years then
Last week she decide to break up with me because she wasn’t happy and that she had many family issues and needed time to find herself and to find why she was so depressed. Also she said we have been drifting apart and I never dealt like that and if we did it was because of school so we got busy. I am jet wondering what I should do because I love her and want her, she also told my mom that she stilled lOved me and missed me and still wanted me just she thinks this is for the best. Do yOu think I still have a chance with her and how do I get her back if I can?
Thanks
Sam
Hi Sam
Thanks for your question.
Basically, your girlfriend has lost attraction for you. She’s probably also lost respect for you as a man, but I can’t determine that because you haven’t given me enough info in your comment. When a woman loses respect for a man (i.e. you don’t behave like a man and instead behave like a boy or behave in a feminine, cutesy way around her too much, etc), she will then lose attraction. When she loses attraction, she will then fall out of love with you.
Put it this way, if your girlfriend was passionately attracted to you and looked up to you as her man, she would not be trying to get away from you. She would be drawn to you like a magnet. I can teach you to fix it, but my advice (which has taken 7 years of research, testing and application to perfect) is not free. If you watch Better Than a Bad Boy and follow the advice, she will then begin respecting you as a man again, feel deep, uncontrollable attraction for you and fall back in love. However, if you continue behaving like you have been around her, she is not going to change how she feels.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan. I am in the middle of the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life. I am 20 and me and my girlfriend have been dating for two years. We met in high school and were high school sweethearts. We was each other first love and shared a connection that I have never experienced before.We were both self concious but could be completely open with each other. The past two monthes I started a sexual relationship with another girl and she didnt mean anything but sex to me. my gf eventually foundout and broke up with me right away. She didnt answer my calls for three days then eventually called me back after I emailed her. She was very defensive and all I did was apoligize. I called her the next night and she was still heated she eventually calmed down a tad bit but said she needed space and wouldnt agree to met with me in person until she was ready. She said she would always love me but she was no longer “in” love with me, but i dont know if she was just saying that out of anger. She said she promised she would meet with me eventually but she would have to be ready and she would let me know. The next afternoon I apoligized for pressuring and told her I would give her the space she needed. I explained how I have since changed. She emailed me back and said thankyou for apoligizing and she hopes I really am on the path to becoming a better person. Since then I have truely been working to better myself but cant get her off my mind. I caved today and sent her another email that said… “I know i said i wouldn’t email you again but something really exciting
happened in my life today and i just wanted you to know first. I now
feel stonger than ever and i know that whatever the outcome of me and
you ends up being, i will fine. I now see how you can remain strong no
matter what the given circumstances are. I just realized the honest
reason why i have loved you for two years. Thankyou for actually
giving yourself space so that you dont make important decisions out of
anger. I feel that you still care about me and that is why you are
giving yourself time to think. Dont be affraid with your feelings
towards me because now that i am medicated i am a lot calmer, i can
think things though first, and my emotions no longer get the best of
me. When you are ready to meet with me i cant wait to tell what
happened today. Feel free to just call if you want to just chat, it
can be about anything random.”. I havent gotten a reply and its killing me not talking to her everyday. What is the best way to get her back?
Thanks,
Michael
Hey Michael
Thanks for sharing your story.
Your e-mail to her was going quite well, but you lost me at “now that I am medicated.” Saying that doesn’t win you any “Wow, you’ve changed!” points. It just highlights to her that you’re unstable and, unlike other men, you need pharmaceutical chemicals to keep your emotions in check.
About her saying that she wants to wait until she is ready. I have a sneaking suspicion that is because she wants to sleep with another guy first, so she at least gets even. Otherwise, she’s just going to be focussing on the fact that you cheated and she’s been loyal. She says that she’s no longer in love with you, which is true at the moment. However, you can get her love back. Getting it back is a 3-phase process. First you need to get her to respect you again as a man. When she respects you as a man, she will then begin feeling attraction for you again. When she feels attraction for you again, she will open herself back up to love.
If you want her back, you’ve got to get your emotions under control naturally and without drugs. To do that, you simply need to understand how to be what women refer to as a “real man” and that is what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
Hello Dan
The fifth point in this article seems very accurate for the reason i feel my ex left me, When we first met i was very driven, i was a British champion in my sport and had a good chance of making a fairly lucrative career out of it. Yet during my 20 month relationship ( Which was completely healthy and loving about 99.5% of the time) I stopped training as much, I vacated my status as British champion to pursue my sport in a different weight category but it never came to fruition, Purely as i found excuses. I behaved like this because she made me happy and no other reason, i felt i didn’t need anything else
Anyways what im asking is this, Will picking up My “status” within my sport attract her? I very much love what i do but i did get comfortable.
I have been hammering away at this endeavor for a few months now and the ball is really starting to get rolling.
Also, I have been approached by a few fitness magazines to do photos for there respective mags and Have a few interviews with local news for my sport. Do i want to be “broadcasting” these things to her? I want to show her im still the driven man she fell in love for but am very aware that there is a fine line between doing so and flat out just pushing it in someones face.
Thanks
Zay
Hey Zayvian
Thanks for your message.
Well, if your relationship was loving 99.5% of the time as you say and you’re also still quite successful, it doesn’t really count as you being a man who hides from the world behind a woman. A woman won’t break up with a man because he vacated his championship status and dropped down to simply being excellent at what he does. There has to be other reasons involved.
Read these articles and let me know what mistakes you think you’ve made and where else you think your relationship went wrong:
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/should-men-do-housework.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why-women-lose-respect-for-men.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/relationship-myths.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/how-to-spend-quality-time-with-your-wife-or-girlfriend.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/my-wife-doesnt-want-sex.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/can-you-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/will-my-relationship-last.html
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/always-arguing-with-girlfriend.html
If you get back to me with more info, we can get to more of the root causes for it and how you can get her back.
Cheers
Dan
Hello Dan, Thank you for the response.
At this moment i am not as successful as i was. Upon last speaking with her i had vacated my titles, lost contact with the people that had helped me get there and i was not taking the kind of care of myself that i usually do. ( exercise, diet, grooming). As i did get to comfortable and shouldn’t have put all my eggs in the relationship basket.
In her eyes, on the career aspect of things and as a man as general she will have the impression im probably in the same place i was when she left me. Yet i have rebuilt the bridges, addressed my insecurity’s and am really focused on pushing it through and maintaining the confidence i always had prior to the breakup.
Also, ill put more vital points in i think are important.
During the breakup, I did become suspicious of her moves, as she was acting irregular and dis interested ( hiding her phone from me and hanging up on me when her “friends” came into ear fall, which she never used to do.)
I did also play a rather pathetic victims role during the breakup, at the time i didn’t see why it was all happening, I tried buying her flowers, sending small gifts that had significance and special meaning between the two of us, Even recorded my own rendition of a song that was special to us on guitar for her….. I told her i didn’t want anyone else and wanted to be with her ( I know, total tool. Wont do it again
hah). Basically turned into a complete wimpy, needy man.
Yet, prior to all this she was excessively insecure, She would get extremely jealous of the ring girls if they tried to contact me. ( i never gave my details out to these girls to contact me, they found me via facebook ) and ALWAYS wanted to be around me. Even stopped socializing with her friends purely as she didn’t want to leave me alone. However, I never tried to make her jealous, She had access to my phone and social media at any point she wanted it, so if she wanted to check up on me she could have ( and did fairly regular ).
During the last few months of our relationship, with me switching management i wasn’t earning for a about 8 months. ( i had saving to tide me through but SHE was the one earning money ) I feel that during this time she lost respect for me, particularly when i naively didn’t follow through with the new management due to contract issues.
I just feel i need to show her the man she fell for is back, just a bit wiser and a lot more focused. But in a eloquent way =D. She really did mean the world to me. I have dated other girls but they just arnt filling the hole she left.
Anyways i hope this is enough information and look forward to your response
Thanks in Advance
Zay
Hey Zay
Okay cool. The extra info helps clear up a few things for me.
Here are the possibilities for you:
- It sounds like she may have actually met another guy before she broke up with you. It doesn’t mean she slept with him, but it sounds like, because of your high status, attractiveness to other women and ability to get a replacement woman quite quickly, she would have wanted to have an instant man ready and waiting after she broke up with you. Many men and women do this when getting out a relationship to avoid being the one left alone and lonely. After the break up, she would have tried to sleep with another man quite quickly to help get over you or at least lessen the pain if she found out that you quickly slept with another woman.
- It sounds like she is a good woman in many ways, but she doesn’t have the all-important trait of loyalty. If you want to have a woman for life, she can’t only be beautiful and have a good personality, she also needs to have good character (i.e. loyalty, trustworthiness, etc). If she was willing to leave you for vacating your titles, it shows that she would the type of woman to have an affair while married if the marriage was going through a rough time. A real woman would stick by you, encourage you and give you the time you need to get back on track.
- It sounds like she may have ditched you because she feared you might ditch her down the track. As you mentioned, she is insecure about the ring girls (I take it you’re a fighter. Nice!) and probably feels like she won’t be able to compete with them as she gets older. The fear of being cheated on or dumped when she was older may have been too much for her. I don’t know because I don’t know enough about her, but for instance, she might have wanted to get away from the possibility of eventually having children with you and then you running off with a younger woman. Maybe, in her family (like my family BTW), the idea of divorce or separation of family is completely looked down upon and the couple is expected to stick by one another and work things out instead of breaking up a marriage or family.
Here’s what you can do:
- Find out some of the real reasons she wanted to break up. What was it really about? It would be great if you could have that conversation with her and let me know how it goes. You need to ask her directly, “Did you want to break up because you feared I would eventually cheat on you?” and “Did my lack of passion for my career have anything to do with it?” Etc, etc. Don’t be afraid to get this info from her. It’s very important for you to learn it. Going through your life with a mistaken assumption of why she broke up with you, will only lead to more confusion in future relationships.
- Get focussed on your purpose again. Not for her (women don’t want you to do it to impress them. They want you to do it because you’re a man of purpose. I talk a lot about that and how to do it in Better Than a Bad Boy http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89).
Let me know how you go mate! …and good luck with your next bout in the ring.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
After a long 5 weeks of not much communicating, my GF broke up with me (via email), citing she was too exhausted from life and felt guilty she couldn’t give the relationship the attention it deserved at the present moment. It’s been a week and all of her stuff is still here at my place (its not a lot, some clothing, a few odds and sods, and she still has my house key. She told me when things settle down in her life she will come by for a visit to talk. I don’t know what that means. Is it okay for me to ask for clarification? I still love her and want to be with her, but I don’t believe in friendship after dating, and I don’t know when to show forgiveness and when to draw the line. Should I just start seeing other girls and ignore her? I feel she is being genuine in her claims but this is what brings me to my final question.
Dan, I’m really tired of being disrespected by everyone, especially woman. I have a very hard time setting boundaries and standing up for myself. I’m so tired of being a meek wimp on the inside, I always feel powerless. I’m afraid if I draw lines with people they will leave me or will want to fight me. Whats the one thing I can do to empower myself and start garnering REAL respect from the world and be a REAL man?
Hey Andrew
Thanks for your question.
No, that’s not the real reason she has broken up with you. The real reason is that she lost respect and attraction for you because you’re too afraid to stand up for yourself and be a man, so she now cannot feel true love for you. Sign up to watch the free video here: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
About your question: You already wrote the answer to it in your comment.
Cheers
Dan
I only came to fully realize how much Ive been disrespected a couple days ago. I’ve already decided to start calling people on their crap and to get rid of the people who see me as someone they can disrespect. I’ve had it with people thinking they can walk all over me to make themselves look better. Thank you Dan. No more crap. From now on people have to earn my respect.
Hey Andrew
You’re welcome mate.
Just make sure that you don’t get too aggressive with it, otherwise you’ll come across as an arrogant a**hole. The best way to do it, is to be assertive, but also be light-hearted about it. Calling people on their crap doesn’t have to be a serious, intense interaction. You can smile and be light-hearted about it, while being assertive.
Cheers
Dan
Hi, I have an ex gf who left me because she thought I’d cheated. I proved her wrong and all parties involved backed me up that I never cheated!!! She begged n pleaded me to show her affection which I did, I paid for 4 holidays to go on, she even lived in my house rent free!!! She now is on depression tablets and has no feelings towards me what do ever! One day she’s all wanting to see me the next can’t stay far enough away. She will only call me on her terms. Not when I want to talk!! She’s now hiding her phone from me and won’t show me what’s on it even though I show her all what’s on mine!! The other day I found a letter to her ex out lining exactly how he was with her!! It appears she is being with me how he was with her, ignoring, disregard for feelings etc!! I’m at a total loss and have no idea what to do. I’ve asked her if I’m a re bound from her ex, she just blanks the question. Can you help?
Hi Shane
Thanks for your question.
You’re making the simple, fundamental mistake of letting a woman run the relationship. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
She’s not going to suddenly start chasing you and wanting you, if you keep chasing her and giving her so much power. If you want to learn how to run a relationship properly, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Me and my ex girlfriend met on a dating sight we started getting to know each other more we ended up going out with each other a couple of weeks later we were going out for 8 months she’s the type that likes to be open about everything and I wasn’t completely open and truthful to her about me and who I was she broke up with me because of that and said that I broke her trust ….. I’ve always been more to myself most my life but because of her I started opening up more Ive been falling for her since day 1 we talk to each other still but I can’t stand not being without her I just want to gain her trust back and get her back she says that no one has ever gained her trust back but I’m not just anyone and I know I can but I just need help doing so
Hey Nico
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you do need help in doing so. To start with, you need to stop giving her so much power in the situation. She is the woman, not the man. The man is the boss, the leader, the dominant one. In a male-female romantic/sexual relationship, if you hand over the reigns of power to a woman and hope that she’ll be nice to you, you’re asking for trouble. I would recommend that you watch this program and learn how to be the type of guy that women refer to as a real man: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
how risky it is 2 avoid your love of your life,when you truely love her.what can i do 2 make her get back 2 me?
Hey Mthoko
Avoiding her doesn’t get her back. Changing what turns her off about you does. Amateur advice online will say “Use the No Contact Rule” and not contact her for 30 days, but that doesn’t change the things about you that turn her off.
Change and she will change how she feels.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
Do alpha males get into arguments?
Example of a discussion I had with a female friend tell me where I’m going wrong or how you would go about it. (This is all through texts)
My friend: Hey, how are you?
Me: Hey, Is there any particular reason why you haven’t contacted me in 4 weeks?
My friend: I’ve just been busy, why haven’t you contacted me?
Me: I haven’t contacted you because you genuinely don’t seem to be interested in maintaing a friendship with me anymore. You say that your busy and ok yeah sometimes you genuinely are with work, and doing other things i get that but you have time to post stuff on facebook daily but not send a text to me in over a month?
My friend: You know I’m having a rough time right now I don’t need added stress of getting requests from you about what you need from me.
Me: Its not about “requests” if were supposed to be friends you should just want to contact me its part of any normal friendship. And you broke up with you’re boyfriend 6 months ago i’ve been supportive but its just weak you use that as a guilt trip now so you don’t have to put in any effort and to stop me mentioning things you don’t like.
My friend stopped responding after that.
I find having discussions is such a head spin often it snowballs out of control and you end up with more problems than when you began with. Often I think why did I bother saying anything. Is there something wrong with how i’m talking about problems i just go with how i genuinely feel about a situation and try and understand another person but it never works.
Chris
Hey Chris
Thanks for your question.
Honestly mate, that looks like two girls texting back and forth. Yes, there is a lot wrong with how you are approaching women and friendships. Being needy like that will NEVER make women attracted to you or make friends attracted to the idea of contacting you, being around you, etc. You can try to hide neediness by not contacting for a while, but as soon as you interact with the person, they will pick up on your neediness by how you behave, what you say, etc.
You should watch this program and learn how to be the type of guy who people naturally want to be around: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for quite some time and she would contact me everyday, multiple times a day and told me how in love she was. All of a sudden, she told me that she needs some space. Unfortunately, I lost my temper and she said some mean things that were opposite of what she’s been saying the whole time. She didn’t break up with me, but said she needs space and that I need to respect that. What do you believe will happen? I am so restless and lost.
Hey Joe
Based on what you’re saying, it sounds like she met someone else. Women don’t go from “I love you so much!” to “I need space” like that. So, unless you’ve left out a lot of the bad stuff you’d been doing, which may have caused her to lose attraction and respect for you, it’s a sure case of her meeting (and possibly already kissing/having sex with) someone else.
Cheers
Dan