Almost every guy has a girlfriend they wish they could get back. I personally don't have that problem anymore because I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman and most of my ex GFs are still trying to get me back. Why do I have such "luck" with women? I was previously dumped by the love of my life and that inspired me to improve myself and become the type of guy that NO woman wants to break up with.
It all started when my "perfect girlfriend" cheated on me and then broke up with me the next day on the phone, explaining that she'd kissed another guy and realized that she didn't want to be with me anymore. The whole experienced killed my confidence and self-esteem and made me avoid meeting new women for quite a long time.
- Get Your Ex Back: Super System
- Ultimate Make Up Sex
- Facebook, Phone and Text Message Examples (to use when contacting your ex).
Eventually, I got the point where I was sick and tired of being single and feeling lonely and I decided to work out the secrets to success with women, dating and relationships. I wanted to know how to be the type of guy that women would NOT want to break up with, AT ALL. Since discovering the attraction, dating & relationship secrets that I now teach here at The Modern Man, NO woman has ever wanted to break up with me (not even close). However, despite my new found success with women, I do have a HUGE AMOUNT of genuine sympathy and empathy for guys who want to get an ex girlfriend back. So, I'm willing to help out with this article!
You will find over 140 comments and questions at the end of this article. Make sure you read the questions that guys have been asking me about how to get an ex-girlfriend back and read my replies. You will learn a LOT about the reasons why your ex-girlfriend DOESN'T want you back right now and what you can do to change her mind. Spend an hour on this site and I will truly help you understand what has gone wrong in your relationship and how to fix it ASAP. If you want to watch my free video about how to get your ex back, sign up here for free: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
The Way a Break Up Usually Works
A few days, weeks or months after a relationship has broken up, most people eventually realize that their relationship had run its course and breaking up was a good idea after all. The two individuals then move on to a new chapter in their individual lives by dating other people and leaving their past behind them.
However, sometimes the man (for example) is left grieving for months (or even years) and can't think of anything else but how to get his ex girlfriend back. He finds it difficult to eat, sleep and concentrate on anything for too long before he's back to thinking about his ex. Nothing that anyone says about "moving on" and "plenty of fish in the sea" makes any sense to him. He wants his ex-girlfriend back...NOW! He feels that what he had with her was special and he won't be able to find the same type of love and experience with another woman.
Do You Want Her Back or Need Her Back?
The first thing you need to determine is whether you want her back or if you feel that you need her back. This is a very important distinction that changes the whole argument.
If you want her back because what you had was a really good thing that somehow got messed up, you definitely have a reason to try and get her back and it is possible that you will get her back. On the other hand, if you feel as if you need her back because you're too scared or lazy to go out there and find a new girlfriend, then you probably need to stop and be honest with yourself. If I am to be honest with you as I always am, I would say this:
You may not be able to see it now, but you’ll likely have several more important relationships throughout your life. This woman may be special to you right now, but if you had 3 or 4 other attractive women who were interested in you right now, you probably wouldn't be so worried about losing her. Likewise, if you knew that you could go out and approach a woman in a bar and get a positive response every time, you probably wouldn't be so worried about trying to meet new women. Additionally, you may not realize that love is truly abundant in this world and, while the love you experienced with your ex-girlfriend was special, it doesn't mean there is no more "special love" for you out there. You will always experience love, as long as you are open to it and have the skills to guide a woman into love with you.
I know, I know! You don't want to hear that though, do you? You want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back ASAP. So, let's get back to your relationship with your ex...
Why Did You Break Up?
Most breakups don't happen out of the blue. There are often many warning signs that you either ignored, were too inexperienced to notice or failed to notice because you weren't as emotionally involved in the relationship as you should have been. In other words, you wooed her, you won her and you then dropped the ball and took her for granted. Usually though, most of the guys who want to get their ex-girlfriend back have either become too needy, too protective or too much of a wuss around her. If that is you, then I recommend you watch my free video on getting your ex back: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html You will need to go through a 3 step process to get her back and I explain all that in the video for free.
Cheating causes a huge loss of trust that will be very difficult, but not always impossible to get past. If there was infidelity, who was the one who was unfaithful? If you were the one who cheated, then you not only have to be sincerely sorry for it, but you need to truly know in your heart that you won't do it to her again and then slowly rebuild her trust in you. That is, if she's willing to take you back. On the other hand, if she was the person who slept with someone else, you must determine if you're willing to live with her indiscretion and not hold it against her in the future. Be warned though: Most studies show that people who cheat in relationships usually end up doing it again, so I would personally you advise to break up with her and move on. That will be less painful that getting back together, falling deeper in love only to have her go and cheat on you again.
If you decide to forgive her, but continue to bring up the past, especially when you're fighting or you want to 'hurt' her, your relationship will eventually end anyway. So, you might as well just move on and find a new girlfriend. When you begin a new relationship with the next woman, you have to make sure that the resentment and distrust you felt for your ex isn't carried into your new relationship. You can't punish your new girlfriend for another woman's mistake by being overly suspicious, guarded and not trusting her. That will only set you up for yet another breakup.
Only you can determine if your current relationship (and what's left of it) is worth saving despite the fact that your girlfriend has surrendered to another man and openly let him penetrate her body and mind during sex. If she says she didn't enjoy it and only had sex with him to get over you or get revenge, she is most likely lying. The last time I checked (...last night!), sex IS VERY enjoyable, so she "probably" enjoyed it.
Deciding whether you will forgive and forget is a very personal choice and you should think long and hard about what are willing to accept. Only you know how much you're willing risk to be with her. However, if you're only getting back with her because you're scared to face the world alone, prepare for further heartbreak. She will sense your weakness, it will turn her off at a deep level and she will then feel the need to break up with you once and for all.
"We Have to Talk"
If you've missed or ignored all of the warning signs that your girlfriend has been unhappy and now wants to break up with you, how you handle the inevitable "We have to talk" discussion can greatly affect the speed at which you can get your ex girlfriend back.
It is always more difficult to fix things if she is only willing to say something like, "I'm sorry, but I need more space," "It's not you, it's me," or any another vague reason for the breakup. If that's all she gives you to work with, you'll have to do some really important soul-searching to determine what part you may have played in the breakup. You need to decide if her wanting to end your relationship was justified, what you're willing to do to correct any mistakes and if you really should be expected to change at all. After all, maybe it is her that is the problem.
Usually though, most women will never tell you the real reason why they want to break up with you. If a woman says, “I think we’ve changed as people” it usually means she’s no longer sexually attracted to you and she feels as though you aren't compatible for a relationship. It could also mean that, while you want to settle down and be serious, she wants to live the single life and have fun. However, it is very difficult to get that type of truth out of someone because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or look selfish for going after what they want.
If she is simply upset that you didn’t spend enough time together, you watched too much sports, you weren't ready to commit or other simple things that you can fix, you have a good chance of getting her back very quickly. However, if the break up is due to her losing respect and attraction for you because you became too needy, protective or insecure, you will need to fix your issues completely and prove it to her before she will open her heart to you again. Watch this free, 19-minute video for free advice on how to do that.
All Talk, No Action
Telling her that you're going to change doesn't work. She will only begin to believe you when you she can actually see the changes happening before her eyes. For instance, if you were insecure and needy, she would want to see that you're now confident and not dependant on her for your personal happiness and emotional security. If you don't know what areas you need to change, sign up to watch my free, 19-minute video here: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
The Do's and Don'ts if You Have Already Broken Up
- Don't plead, beg, whine or otherwise put yourself into a position where you're giving up your power in the relationship. It won't have the effect you desire, but will instead cause her to lose respect attraction for you and feel like she wants to get further away from you. Women are most attracted to men who are mentally and emotionally strong, so showing weakness like that is not going to turn her on at all.
- Don't hound her with calls, letters and text messages. The more pressure you put on her, the more she will want to distance herself from you. You and her were individuals before you met each other, you were individuals while you were in a relationship (despite how close you both felt) and you are individuals right now. She is an individual and can do whatever she wants with her individual life, just like you can. If you make her feel as though she doesn't have the freedom of choice as an individual human being, it will make her want to get further away from you.
- Don't call her friends or family and ask for their help because you miss her so much and you want her back. You'll embarrass and anger her and what might have been a potentially friendly breakup with a possibility of reconciliation may escalate to her telling you to stay out of her life forever.
- Do demonstrate that you're still happy with or without her. Talk confidently, do fun things, catch up with friends, go out to party and enjoy yourself.
- Do display the humor, charm and confidence that originally won her over whenever your paths happen to cross.
- Do post photos on Facebook of you hanging out with other women and having a good time with friends. This works better than trying to convince her to take you back. Let her see that you're a valuable guy and she will be more likely to rethink her decision.
- Do something to maintain your self-esteem (possibly try the 30 Day Challenge if you're up for it) and start casually dating some new women without shoving it in her face.
Will You Get Her Back?
If your relationship wasn't meant to be anything more than it was, then you will need to come to terms with the fact that you have been through a difficult learning experience and then take the lessons learned from this relationship into the next to make it more successful.
If you are meant to get back together and if she really does love you and want you back, she will realize that in good time. Sometimes, a woman will run back to you as soon as she sees that she's lost something valuable. Sometimes, she will need to "get out there" and date for a while before she realizes that she is meant to be with you. However, if your girlfriend broke up with you because you became weak, needy or too protective, you need to fix that first before she will open herself up to you again. For free advice, watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
Have a Question?
Please read the questions that visitors have already asked on this page. I have spent about 10 hours replying to the questions below this article (see comments below) and providing advice and solutions, so you will most likely find the answer you want and you will also learn a great deal more than you expected to.
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Free Audio Lesson
This 11 minute audio clip is about why my girlfriend cheated on me and then broke up with me. She didn't want to get back with me because I was making all the mistakes outlined in the article above. So, since I had stuffed it up completely, I eventually decided to get out there and meet new women. Press play to begin:
Some of the things mentioned in the audio:
Before You Go!
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