How to be a loser on Facebook

Don't be a Floozer! (Facebook Loser)

Thanks to Facebook’s ‘Status Update’ feature, some users feel the need to tell their Facebook Friends what they're doing on a minute-by-minute basis. While a small percentage of people enjoy reading the inane comments of their Facebook Friends, the majority quietly laugh at the person for being so needy and emotional about their daily life.

Read the following ‘Status Update’ tips to ensure you don’t end up looking like a Floozer (Facebook Loser) in the eyes of your friends.

10. Don’t Think

Before you click ‘Share’ and reveal your Status Update to your list of Facebook Friends, think about whether you'd honestly be interested in reading what you’re about to post if one of your friends did the same. Would you really want to know that they've just had a glass of milk in the last couple of minutes and are settling down to watch an episode of CSI New York? If not, chances are that most people feel the same way. It’s up to you if you want to post uninteresting Status Updates, but doing it regularly is a sure way to look like a lonely loser.

9. Copy the Girls

Have you ever seen Status Updates from girls that go something like this, “No! He didn’t just say that to me!” or “Why is life so hard?!” While it’s fine for girls to do it, it is not fine for men to do it. That is, unless you want to others to think you’re a sissy.

Naturally, women are more feminine and men are more masculine. Part of being feminine is expressing yourself in reaction to your ever-changing emotions. This is why women make such posts - it is natural for them. However, this sort of behavior is not natural for men. As such, if you 'act like a girl' in this way, women will not feel attraction for you because they are naturally designed to be attracted to men. Yes, except for the lesbians.

8. Be Encouraged By Other Floozers

Just because one or two other Floozers respond to almost every one of your updates, it doesn't mean anyone else is interested. You may think that having someone else comment (no matter who it is) makes you look cool. It doesn’t. People know a Floozer comment when they see one.

7. Don’t Say it in Person

Airing your dirty laundry in public has never been cool. Likewise, it’s not cool to use a Status Update to send personal attacks or apologies to someone. Say it in person, send a personal message or forget about it. It’s tacky and immature to do it in front of everyone on your Facebook Friend list.

6. Post Everyday

It doesn't matter how interesting your Updates are – if you post too often it just makes you seem like a lonely loser with nothing better to do. Resist the urge and if you absolutely must do something on Facebook, make a comment on another person's Facebook stuff (i.e. a photo, video, comment) – they’ll appreciate it and most-likely return the favor every once in a while when you make an interesting update to your profile.

5. Quote Like Crazy

A recent trend is for Facebookers to quote lines from their favorite movie or song. The occasional funny quote can be a great way to add some much needed humor to the Live Feed, but being serious about your quotations is just corny and lame. Keep the serious, deep and meaningful stuff amongst your close friends in person or in personal messages.

4. Tarnish Your Work Reputation

The occasional, “Ugh – work!” might seem funny to you and a couple of like-minded friends, but if you have work colleagues (or worse – your boss) on your list of Facebook Friends, don’t expect them to see the humor in it.

3. Post When You’re Feeling Highly-Emotional (or Drunk)

The most regrettable things are done on Facebook when we are highly-emotional. If you’re angry about a certain situation, or madly in love and want to tell everyone about it – wait 24 hours. While it’s fine for women to air their emotions on a daily basis, you need to show control as a man. You’re not a woman, so don’t act like one.

2. Look for Pity

We all know a person who constantly posts the worries and woes about their personal life. They’re hoping to get a, “There, there…poor you” pat on the back from their friends and family. Don’t do it. You’re a man, not a boy, not a girl. Men don’t whine and complain about their problems in life – they deal with them logically and with minimal emotion.

1. Type 'Lol' all the time

An occasional ‘Lol’ (Laugh out loud) is fine, but including an lol in all of your comments, Status Updates and messages is one of the fastest ways to look like a girl. The funniest men are those who don’t need to laugh at their own jokes or comments. They have the balls to say what they want and then let the silence or the pause after the joke to be the funniest part.

In conclusion: If you’re a guy who simply must make Status Updates – pay attention to these tips  to avoid coming across as a Floozer and ruining your chances with women you're hoping to impress.