It’s well documented that one of the keys to a successful relationship is to spend quality time together as a couple, but, unfortunately, the word quality is all too often confused with the word quantity.
Quality time can best be defined as time dedicated to being together, but crucially it’s also time focused on being attentive to one another. For instance, this means that sitting together in silence in front of the TV is not quality time. You might be next to each other, but it's not the type of time that is going to bring you closer together and deepen your love and attraction for each other.
It’s not about the amount of time you spend together, it’s what you do with your dedicated “together time” that matters. Sitting in front of the TV could become quality time if it’s used as an opportunity to connect with one another, but let’s be honest, how many guys really pay attention to what their woman is saying when they’re watching a good TV program?
Quality time with your wife or girlfriend can be as simple as connecting with one another and making sure that you’re both still involved in one another’s lives, including talking about each other's wants, dreams, ambitions and interests. If you lose touch with who your wife or girlfriend really is, wants to be and loves to be, you will lose touch with the real her. Communication is essential in any healthy relationship and good communication means not only talking, but also listening to what she is saying and not saying when she speaks. A woman wants to feel understood and noticed, not misunderstood and overlooked.
It’s fair to say that busy daily schedules often get in the way of just taking the time to check in on how each other’s day went, and that the “urgency” of needing to be somewhere else can make meaningful communication feel too time consuming. In fact, it’s all too common for guys to slip into just nodding in agreement when their woman talks, without paying any real attention to what is being said. Of course, the guys who slip into pretend listening run the risk of creating a “disconnect” that eventually becomes an emotional wedge in their relationship.
Not showing genuine interest in what your girlfriend or wife has to say, will be taken to heart by her and seen as a demonstration of you not having much genuine interest in her as a person. When an emotional gap begins to form, she will also begin to distance herself sexually. However, let me be clear and say that the answer to a successful relationship is NOT about you being Mr. Attentive for her all the time. If you want a woman to WANT to be in the relationship, you need to create the type of relationship dynamic where SHE wants to please you, be attentive to you and improve YOU...not just you being good to her. If you don't know how to create and maintain the type of relationship dynamic where your girlfriend/wife is constantly trying to impress YOU, watch The Modern Relationship.
Doing everything together as a couple does not guarantee a close relationship. In fact, it’s actually a recipe for disaster in most cases. In an effort to spend more time together, some guys make the decision to invite their woman to join them in their existing “male centric” hobbies. Truth be told, the majority of guys who do this may well have done so in an effort to “kill two birds with one stone” by spending time with “the wife” and also doing things he wants to do. On the surface, it may seem like a good plan: He gets to keep his hobby time and his girlfriend or wife gets to spend more time with him. Problem solved, right? Wrong! It’s not more time together that’s needed, it’s quality time. Quality time is part of what will allow your love and attachment to each other to deepen over time.
The guys who try to make their girlfriend or wife love their masculine hobbies have not only mistaken quantity for quality, they’ve also taken an important element of a healthy relationship out of their relationship – separate interests. It’s only through having separate interests outside of the relationship that both parties can continue to grow as individuals, and without personal growth there’s a real danger that the relationship will stagnate. It’s a statistical fact that one of the most common causes of divorce is simply “growing apart.”
Individual interests provide new and different things to talk about when you do spend time together and without those separate interests, sitting together in silence in front of the TV is much more likely to become the norm!
Quality time is time that should be focused on being attentive to one another, not time spent together with attention focused on some other activity. However, it’s not unusual for guys to feel that quality time is somehow extra time that has to be created and pulled out of thin air in a life that’s already too busy for words! This makes trying to do stuff you normally do on your own with her seem like a good compromise, but it’s missing the point. Quality time is not something you do! You're not “doing hard time” or doing a chore. Quality time is something you make happen by making each other feel noticed, loved, self-confident, understood and sexy to name a few things.
Understandably, a lot of guys who feel they are already spending a lot of time with their woman (e.g. eating dinner together, watching TV together, commuting to and from work together, going to the supermarket together, etc) get confused by her suggestion that they need more quality time in their relationship. As he sees it, they already have quality time and if they spent anymore time together, they'd practically be living in each other's pockets. However, as she sees it, they don’t spend much quality time together. If he asks her what she means, almost every woman on the planet will not be able to explain what she means by quality. Why? Most people don't understand what it means.
A boyfriend/husband may think, “If the time we already spend together isn’t enough, does she want me to give up my “hobby” time? To stop seeing my friends?” Understandably, this can lead to frustration for the man and the woman, because they both don't know how to resolve the problem.
Finding the answer to the question of how fulfilling your quality time is together, will depend on your ability to communicate with one another and to discover what quality really means to both of you. It’s not the overall amount of time you spend together that matters, it’s how “together” you are in the time you have. Don’t be one of those guys who slips into sitting in silence in front of the TV every night, be a guy who learns the difference between quality and quantity and learns how to keep a quality emotional and physical bond in his relationship as a result.
If you want to learn how to make your girlfriend or wife fall deeper and deeper in love with you, become increasingly attracted to you sexually and have a deep and loving respect for you as a man, I recommend you watch The Modern Relationship and learn what most men don't know about creating and maintaining a successful relationship with a woman in the modern world.