Getting your ex back can be a simple, straightforward and successful experience if you follow the right approach.
Yet, if you end up making classic ex back mistakes, or use a technique that doesn’t fit your situation, you might completely miss out on the chance to get her ex back.
So, here are 11 of my best tips as a get your ex back coach, which I recommend if you honestly want her back:
1. Don’t use the No Contact Rule on her if she doesn’t feel much or any attraction for you anymore
The main reason why is that if she doesn’t have much or any feelings for you right now, then she’s probably not going to miss you and wish she could be talking to you again.
Instead, she’s probably not going to care at all and you will be ‘out of sight, out of mind’ for her.
She may also feel relieved about being able to move on and begin going out and meeting new guys, without you attracting her back into a relationship.
So, when she meets a new guy who makes her feel attracted, she may just decide to open up to him (i.e. kiss him, go on a date with him, have sex with him, begin to fall in love with him).
Then, by the time you do get in touch with her again after several weeks or even months (i.e. because the No Contact Rule states not to contact an ex for 30 to 60 days, or even longer), she will probably already be in a new relationship and will have gotten over you completely.
As a result, it then becomes more difficult for you to get her back (e.g. because she may have blocked your number or unfriended you, be reluctant to interact with you in case it interferes with her new relationship, be angry with you for ignoring her, or decide to want to ignore you back to get revenge for ignoring her and not even trying to contact her after the break up).
By the way…
If your ex does still have some feelings for you (i.e. she still feels a bit in love with you, misses being around you, feels attracted to certain things about you), using No Contact on her can still backfire because she can take it as a sign that you’re no longer interested in her.
That can make her feel rejected, or insulted and she might then just hook up with another man to make herself feel better.
Alternatively, she may push herself to get into a relationship, fall in love and be happy without you, rather than keeping her heart guarded and remaining single, or just casually dating for many months or years after the break up.
This is why, the best approach is always a direct one (i.e. interact with her, re-attract her and get her back into a relationship).
When you interact with your ex and make her feel sparks of attraction again, it makes it a lot more difficult for her to move on ad forget about you.
She feels attracted and drawn to you again, which make her want to give the relationship another chance, or at least hook up to see how she feels, rather than risk walking away and deeply regretting it later on.
2. Understand that it’s not needy to calmly and confidently re-attract a woman
Some guys worry that contacting their ex woman will make them seem needy or desperate.
It won’t, as long as you approach it correctly.
For example: Here are some examples of contacting an ex woman in a needy way vs. being attractive and appealing:
- Needy: Sending her loads of texts to explain your feelings for her, apologize and try to convince her to give you another chance.
- Attractive: Text her to get her attention, then confidently get her on a phone call and use humor to bring down her guard and make her feel open and interested to see you in person. When you have made her feel that way, suggest catching up to say hi as friends. That’s a lot different to a guy calling or texting about his feelings and desperately trying to get her to agree to talk to him in person.
- Needy: Being very nice and sweet to her all the time, regardless of how cold or even bitchy she is towards you.
- Attractive: Laughing and putting her back in her place (in a loving way) when she treats you with disrespect and showing her that even though you want her back, you’re not going to just put up her bad behavior to make it happen. Instead, you have the balls to stand your ground, while still being a good, loving man.
- Needy: Desperately chasing after her and begging and pleading for another chance, while you ignore your other goals in life and focus on feeling sorry for yourself.
- Attractive: Focusing on your own goals and interests and having fun in your life without her, while also interacting with her and making her feel attracted to you again.
- Needy: Sucking up to her and giving her the impression that she’s in control of the ex back process (i.e. she gets to decide whether or not you will get another chance).
- Attractive: Treating her well and making her feel loved and appreciated, but also being enough of a challenge so she feels motivated to use her charms to win you over. You then gain more control over the ex back process and are literally letting her get another chance with you.
As you may have realized by reading through those examples, it’s not needy to pursue your ex in a calm, confident manner.
So, don’t hide away from her and worry that she might think this or that if you contact her.
Just get on with re-attracting her and getting her back.
You can do it.
3. Know that a woman can change her mind, if you change how she feels
A common mistake that guys make when trying to get an ex woman back, is to attempt to ‘reason’ with her.
For example: A guy will come up with reasons why she shouldn’t walk away from him or the relationship, tell her why she means so much with him and try to explain how things could be different if she’d just give him another chance.
Yet, that rarely works because it doesn’t make a woman suddenly develop feelings again (i.e. feel attracted, feel in love) and instead, it can make her look at the guy as being selfish because he wants her back, even though she doesn’t feel the same kind of way about him.
So, in her mind, it would be a one-sided relationship where he loves her and feels attracted to her, but she feels turned off and doesn’t feel the desire to be close with him anymore.
That’s not appealing for a women, which is why a woman will usually reject it when it is offered to her.
The best way to get a woman to change her mind, is to change how she feels (i.e. interact with her and actively make her feel new sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you, based on how you now talk to her, behave around her and get her to behave around you).
When she feels differently about you, her thoughts, behavior and actions will automatically change (e.g. she will become more open to texting you, talking on the phone, seeing you in person, hugging you, kissing, having sex and so on).
4. Don’t give up if she doesn’t immediately come running back into your arms
Here are some reasons why a woman won’t always instantly run back into her ex’s arms:
- She doesn’t want to seem desperate and risk giving him the impression that what he did wasn’t that bad after all. If he thinks that, he may assume that the break up was just her attempt to make him chase her. As a result, he won’t feel like he made much of a mistake and potentially might do it again in future.
- She wants to punish him a little bit for what happened, by making him wait longer or try harder.
- She’s afraid that he might hurt her again if she gets back with him, so she doesn’t want to rush into it and regret it later on.
- She wants to see if her ex will lose confidence in himself and give up, or if he really is the strong, confident man he’s been claiming to be (or suggesting her will become) since the break up.
- She wants to interact with him further to assess how she feels (e.g. Does she feel enough attraction to get back with him? Does he really understand what secretly turned her off and has changed enough to avoid doing it again in future?).
This is why you need to remain confident throughout the ex back process.
You might get her back in 24 hours, a few days, or a few weeks, but whatever the case is for you, just ensure that you remain confident no matter how she is behaving.
Don’t become insecure, or feel that it’s all too difficult, or she could never change her mind.
Understand the reasons I’ve listed above to know that sometimes, a woman needs to wait a little and assess how you will react, or how she will feel as she continues to interact with you.
5. Understand that she isn’t going to care about your desire for a relationship, until you make her want it first
Many guys lose their ex woman by pushing for a relationship when she doesn’t want it…yet.
For example: He feels 100% attracted and in love with her, but she only feels 20% attraction and love for him.
So, to her, the idea of being in a relationship with him again just seems very unappealing.
Additionally, if she feel as though he is trying to pressure her into it, she may become defensive or stubborn because she wants to be able to make up her own mind for her own reasons, rather than getting bullied into it by her ex.
She might also perceive him as being selfish because he seems to be only thinking about what he wants.
He wants her back and doesn’t really care about the fact that the feelings aren’t mutual, or even close to mutual.
As long as he gets her back, all is good.
Yet, she just doesn’t see it the same way as he does.
It’s not all good for her.
It’s potentially going to be a repeat of the relationship she just broke up, or worse (e.g. he becomes more insecure, more confused about how to make her happy), which will then result in her having to go through yet another break up with him.
This is why, the best way to approach getting your ex back is to use interactions with her to build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, without trying to get her to commit to a relationship again.
Just let her start to want to be back with you, without any prompting from you.
When you allow her to truly feel the excitement of wanting to be back with you, she will naturally begin to fall back in love with you, or at least develop a new kind of lust with you.
Either way, it will lead you back into each others arms and it will feel amazing for the both of you.
6. Make sure that you quickly level up in the ways that count, rather than the ones she won’t value
In other words, if one of her reasons for breaking up with you was because you became too needy in the relationship, promising to be more romantic isn’t going to make her want you back.
Alternatively, if she wants a guy who is more of a challenge (i.e. wants a guy who makes her feel the need to impress him and maintain his interest, rather than a guy who is solely trying to impress her and maintain her interest), then telling her that you’ll do anything she wants for another chance will just turn her off even more.
So, to successfully re-attract your ex and get her back, you first need to understand her real reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. you weren’t manly enough in your behavior, became too emotionally sensitive, or she felt too much like your sister or buddy, rather than your woman).
When you understand what actually counts to her and level up in those specific ways, she then feels understood, surprised and curious to explore her new feelings of attraction and desire for you.
7. Be willing to give her up to a week of space if she needs it, but don’t wait longer than that
A week is enough time to allow for things to calm down between you and make her begin to miss you a little bit.
A week also proves the point that you’re not being needy or desperate.
Yet, waiting any longer than a week almost always has the opposite effect that men hope it will have.
For example: If a woman doesn’t hear from her ex guy for more than a week, she will usually:
- Start focusing on the things she hates about him (e.g. he was too insecure and needy, he made her feel unappreciated, he didn’t know how to handle her tantrums and would throw a tantrum in return, he was vindictive, spiteful or selfish), rather than on missing the things she loves (e.g. his sense of humor, his focus and determination, his kindness, his sexual confidence).
- Get over any residual feelings she might still have for him.
- Go out, have a good time and hook up with other men.
- Get into a new relationship with another man who actively sparks her feelings for him, rather than wanting the ex that she dumped.
This is why, you shouldn’t spend weeks, or even months, ignoring her in the hope that she will miss you even more.
In almost all cases, it simply does not work to do that.
Important: The No Contact Rule can work very well for a woman who wants to get a man back who dumped her.
One of the main reasons why is that if a man dumps a woman and she just accepts it and never contacts him again, he will usually feel rejected and want to get her back to see that he can.
Alternatively, he may struggle to get laid or find a replacement girlfriend and then contact her so he can have someone to have sex with.
Yet, when a man gets dumped by a woman who no longer feels attracted to him and he then doesn’t contact her, she doesn’t feel rejected.
She usually feels relieved and then easily moves on and starts sleeping with a new guy right away, or fairly soon after the break up.
8. Don’t refuse her offer of friendship
Staying friends with an ex is actually a great opportunity to get her back.
Unfortunately, some guys don’t realize that and end up pushing their ex woman away and missing out on getting her back.
For example: When she says, “Hey, let’s stay friends,” a guy might respond with, “No, that’s not enough for me. I want a relationship with you or nothing” or, “No, I couldn’t handle just being your friend. It would be too difficult for me, so it’s best that we just don’t talk to each other anymore.”
He then loses his chance to stay in contact, re-attract her and get her back because he played the ‘all or nothing card’ or the ‘pity me’ card when she offered a friendship.
Here’s the thing…
An offer of friendship is like a woman saying, “It’s okay for us to text, call and possibly even meet up again, if it feels right to me.”
Why on Earth would you reject that and then struggle to find an excuse to get in touch with her?
It doesn’t make sense, right?
So, just understand that being friends with an ex is an ideal way to get her back because it allows you to stay in contact and re-attract her, without coming across as needy, pushy or desperate.
Simply use any and every interaction that you have with her from now on, to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings (e.g. by using playfully challenging humor, flirting and by showing her that you’re now at a new level as a man).
The more attracted she feels to your confident, appealing approach during interactions, the more she will start missing you, wanting you and seeing you as more than just a friend to her.
You can then hook up with her sexually and get her back.
9. Don’t ignore her hints that she is open to getting back with you
Some guys pick up on hints from an ex woman and get the sense that she is open to him, but don’t act on it because they’re waiting for her to make it very obvious.
Yet, most women won’t give very clear signs and will simply move on if a guy doesn’t have the confidence or interest in her to make a move.
Some of the reasons why women usually don’t give crystal clear signs, include:
- She doesn’t want to get rejected by him if he isn’t interested in her anymore.
- She doesn’t want to come across as desperate and risk him thinking that she’s willing to accept him, regardless of whether he’s changed and improved any of the things that turned her off before.
- She wants to test his confidence and ensure that he’s man enough to go after what he wants (i.e. her), even though it’s not easy or obvious.
- She is testing the waters to see how she feels when showing some interest in him (i.e. does she feel more attracted or less attracted based on how he replies or reacts?).
- So, if a guy hesitates for too long because he doesn’t have the confidence to act on her subtle hints, she may take it is a sign that he’s not man enough for her, or isn’t interested enough to make a move.
- She will then begin to close herself off from him and may even act cold, bitchy or rude if he tries to contact her, which will make it more difficult for him to get her back.
So, make sure that you don’t take too long to make your move if she is giving you subtle hints.
Be a man and go after what you want.
10. Only show emotional strength and emotional independence
Some guys worry that by seeming to be happy without her, a woman will feel insulted (i.e. because he’s doing well without her, rather than falling apart), or will want to hook up with another guy to make herself feel better.
Yet, in most cases, the effect that it has on a woman is that she can’t stop thinking about him in positive ways because he is now behaving like the kind of man she can actually look up to and respect.
She feels impressed by his ability to be confident, happy and forward moving in life, regardless of whether she’s with him or not.
As a result, she begins to feel drawn to him in a way that feels good to her and she then becomes open to the idea of giving him another chance.
Important: Even if a woman does feel attracted to her ex guy now that he seems happy without her, she will rarely, if ever admit that to him.
Instead, most women will pretend to be annoyed or insulted to see if the guy then says something like, “No, but I’m not happy. That’s what you don’t understand. I’m just trying to move on, but I’ve been missing you like crazy.”
She then realizes that she still has power over him, he’s been putting on an act and as a result, doesn’t deserve the respect and attraction she was feeling for him.
So, don’t panic if she pretends to be upset, annoyed or insulted due to you seeming confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
Women feel attracted to that because they are attracted to the emotional strength in men, not the weakness.
11. Don’t try to get her back just via text
Texting is totally fine as a way of opening up the lines of communication with an ex, or to say some brief things here and there.
Yet, if a guy tries to discuss his way back into a relationship with an ex woman, or tries to attract her during long text conversations, it can be exhausting and stressful for her and will almost always lead to misunderstandings of what the other person actually meant by certain texts.
All that effort can then end up making things worse, rather than better (i.e. she suddenly feels annoyed about having to put in so much effort, in order to interact with a guy she no longer has strong feelings for. As a result, she stops responding or responds on a cold, bitchy or careless way to annoy him, turn him off or make him give up).
So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s fine to initially use text, but you need to get to a call at some point (video or audio call), rather than just sticking to text.
A call cuts through all the misunderstandings and allows you to instantly begin re-attracting her based on your confidence, masculinity, humor, flirting and so on.
She then naturally wants to meet up in person, so she can experience the new you in person, which makes it so much easier for you to get her back.
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