If you need support to get your ex back, be sure to read these 4 essential tips:

1. Get clear on what works and what usually doesn’t work to get a woman back

Some ex back approaches work better than others on women, or men.

Here at The Modern Man, I only focus on helping men get women back because the techniques you need to use to get a woman back are different from what a woman needs to use to get a man back.

For example: Some guys hear about the infamous No Contact Rule that works well for women who want to get a man back after being dumped, but rarely, if ever works for a man who wants to get a woman back after she has dumped him.

So, if you’re a man who needs support to get your ex back, make sure that you’re not just using any ex back technique you find.

You’ve got to use what works on women.

Here are some things that always work, as well as things that usually don’t work when trying to get an ex woman back…

What works

  • Making her laugh and smile during interactions with you, so she feels relaxed and happy to be talking to you, rather than being too serious or trying to discuss the relationship, which then makes her feel tense, stressed out or like she wants to get away as quickly as possible.
  • Being confident regardless of what she says or does to make you feel unsure of yourself around her (e.g. she’s cold or uncooperative during a conversation, she says things like, “I don’t have any feelings for you anymore” or, “I’m not interested in getting back with you and nothing is going to make me change my mind”). It’s important to respect what she says, but not to let it make you lose confidence. Women aren’t attracted to insecurity, self-doubt or hesitancy from men. When she sees that you remain confident in yourself no matter what, she will feel some respect and attraction for you. Additionally, if she was only saying that to test your confidence, she will be impressed that you didn’t buckle under pressure and have been able to prove to her that you’re a man she can look up to, rely on and feel protected by because of your unbreakable confidence.
  • Showing her that even though you do want her back, you don’t actually need her back to feel okay about yourself (e.g. by getting on with your life, pursuing your goals and dreams, having fun with friends and posting photos on social media). Don’t tell her that you don’t need her. Just let her see it and sense it based on how you are approaching life without her.
  • Flirting with her during interactions to create sexual tension between you, which she then wants to release with hugging, kissing and sex. For example: She asks, “So, have you missed me?” and rather than just answering her question in a straightforward manner, you flirt with her by playfully (not seriously) saying, “Well, that’s a cute way of trying to tell me that you’ve missed me” or, “Not as much as you’ve missed me” or, “Only as much as you’ve missed me.” She then gets to laugh, feel attracted to your confidence, feel excited by the moment you’ve created and want to experience more of you. That builds some sexual tension and draws her to you.
  • Being more of a challenge to her, so she feels as though she now has to put effort to keep you interested in her and want her back, rather than coming across as though you’re willing to accept bad behavior from her just to be able to talk to her or spend time with her. For example: She asks, “Can you do me a favor?” and rather than just saying yes, you playfully ask, “What’s in it for me? Are you going to cook me dinner?” Since you’re being playful and confident when you say it, she knows that you’re not being arrogant, mean or behaving like an asshole. She knows that you’re being a challenge. Women love guys who are challenging in a playful way. It’s exciting for them and makes spending time with a guy so much more enjoyable.

What doesn’t work

  • Ignoring her for weeks or months in the hope that she comes running back to you, even though she’s not attracted to you anymore. You then end up losing her because she gets over you and moves on with another man.
  • Begging and pleading for her to change her mind, which turns her off because it seems desperate and needy. Women aren’t attracted to desperation and neediness. It never works.
  • Using texts as your main approach to getting her back. She then feels annoyed, bored or takes it as a sign that you’re not man enough to call her or meet up with her in person, so she loses interest and moves on.
  • Being a nice, reliable friend to her and making her feel pleasant, neutral, friendly feelings for you, rather than making her feel sexual attraction. When she isn’t attracted to you, she focuses on feeling attracted to other men and ends up moving on.
  • Staying at the same level you were at before (e.g. you continue to feel insecure about your value to her, you continue being jealous and controlling, you still look at her as being the main purpose of your life because you lack ambition or purpose outside of the relationship with her). As a result, she feels like she’s better off without you in her life.
  • Handing over all your power by being too nice and sweet to her no matter how badly she treats you. She then looks down on you and sees you as not being man enough for a woman like her.
  • Bombarding her with gifts, flowers or romantic gestures (e.g. getting her a ring, offering to pay for a holiday for the both of you, helping her in some way) in the hope that she’ll see how much you still love her and then want you back. The reality is that the vast majority of women aren’t impressed by what a man can give her, but rather by how he makes her feel when she’s with him (e.g. attracted, in love, excited about the future, lucky to have him because he could easily attract another woman if he wanted to).

When you use an approach that re-attracts your ex, she will become open to giving the relationship another chance.

On the other hand, if you use an approach that turns her off, you may find yourself getting blocked, ignored or rejected by her time and time again.

Another essential tip to support you as you get your ex woman back is…

2. Get her back quickly by re-attracting her sexually and romantically, rather than trying to convince her with logical arguments or promises

Get her back quickly by re-attracting her sexually and romantically, rather than trying to convince her with logical arguments or promises

Some guys make the mistake of trying to get their ex girlfriend (or wife) to change her mind, by making promises and giving her a bunch of logical reasons why he believes they should get back together again.

For example: “Please give me another chance. We used to be so happy together, but I messed up. I promise that if you give me one more chance, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel like that again. Besides, these days it’s so difficult to find someone you can be compatible with. At least you and I already know that we have a great connection. Sure, we’ve had some problems, but we can fix those problems as long as we don’t give up. Isn’t all the time we’ve already invested in our relationship worth making the effort for? Why lose everything we worked so hard to build together over a few mistakes? Relationships like this only happen once in a lifetime. Don’t give up now.”

It sounds pretty good, right?

He makes some great points.

Yet, regardless of how logical or interesting his reasons may be, if a woman doesn’t feel enough attraction for him anymore, she simply won’t want to be in a relationship with him.

If you want to get your ex back for real, you must focus on sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you.


By showing her that you’re no longer at the same level you were at when she broke up with you.

Don’t tell her that you’ve leveled up.

Let her experience it based on how you now talk to her and interact with her.

She will sense if you’ve become more confident, for example, or if you’re now a lot more manly in your behavior, attitude or actions.

Women sense these things without you having to tell them about it, or explain it in any detail.

Women go with how they feel and when you make a woman feel attracted, she goes with you.

It’s just how it works.

So, don’t try to convince her to give you another chance based on reasons why you think the relationship can work, or based on promising to do this or that.

Just be more attractive, so she naturally feels like giving you another chance or hooking up with you again to see how it feels.

3. Choose your ex back coach and follow their tested, proven to work plan

There are plenty of ex back coaches for you to choose from.

Just make sure that you choose an ex back coach who makes the most sense to you and whom your gut instinct tells you is right.

Don’t make the mistake of becoming so desperate to get her back that you jump from one coach to the next.


The advice you’ll get is usually so conflicting, that you might end up feeling confused and not knowing what to do for days or weeks, which will lose you precious time.

For example: One coach might suggest that you use the infamous No Contact Rule on your ex and ignore her for 30 days to make her miss you and want you back.

Another coach might say that you need to wait 60 days and if she doesn’t contact you, wait another 30 days or just move on without her.

As for me, I always advise men to focus on re-attracting her as quickly as possible, which results in many men getting ex women back within 24 hours to 2 weeks at the latest.

If you feel like you need to give her some space, I recommend 3 days or up to a week, but no longer than that.


3 days proves the point that you’re not being needy and desperate, but also doesn’t leave it so long that she ends up trying to make herself feel better by dating new men.

In some cases, a guy needs to wait up to a week because he needs to calm down, stop feeling so desperate, have fun with friends and feel more emotionally secure before contacting her.

That’s fine.

However, if you wait too long (e.g. 30 or 60 days), she will almost certainly move on with a new man, or be enjoying single life (i.e. sleeping with random guys) and won’t be interested when you contact her.

So, make sure that you choose an ex back coach that you feel has the best advice for your situation and then follow through on it.

4. Get her back and enjoy a better relationship than you had before

Did you know?

Reactivating your ex’s romantic feelings and making her fall back in love with you after a breakup, is one of the most amazing feelings she will ever experience in her life.

In other words, you’re not going to be doing a bad thing, or being selfish by getting her back.

You are going to be guiding her through one of the most enjoyable, amazing relationship experiences of her life.

She will never forget you because of it and will always look back positively on the time you and her are about to share together again.

You may end up getting her back for life, or just temporarily, but you will get her back.

When you do, make sure that you allow both you and her to enjoy a relationship dynamic that is better than what you previously had.

It’s easy to do and will truly change you as a man in so many positive ways.

You will become so much stronger, more sure of yourself and capable of maintaining love in a relationship than ever before.

Best of all, she will love you so much more because of it.

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