If you want to get your ex woman back, follow these 5 rules:
1. Regain control of your emotions
After a break up, a guy will often experience a range of negative emotions (e.g. shock, fear, depression, panic) that can cause him to behave in ways that turn his ex woman off even more.
For example: He might start sending her emotional texts, pleading with her to give him another chance or worse, even crying to her to hopefully get her to change her mind.
When his initial approach to getting her back doesn’t work, he will often feel even worse about himself.
- Put himself down and start thinking, “I’m such a loser. I ruined the perfect relationship with my perfect girl. No wonder she dumped me. This is what I deserve.”
- Blame himself for everything that happened between him and her.
- Believe that he will never get her back.
- Tell himself that what he did was unforgivable.
- Convince himself that no other woman will ever be able to make him feel the way she did.
- Start thinking of her as being perfect in comparison to himself.
- Become depressed and unmotivated (e.g. he refuses to go out and socialize with his friends, spends most of his evenings and weekends avoiding the world).
- Feel angry and betrayed by her.
- Become bitter and negative towards her and women in general (e.g. he might say, “Women are all untrustworthy, unreliable bitches! Who needs them anyway? I’m better off by myself!”).
Unfortunately, where a lot of guys go wrong is that they allow negative emotions like that to spiral out of control.
Then, if the guy does interact with his ex girl via text, on the phone or in person, she’ll be able to sense the hostility, resentment, insecurity and sadness on his part and it will cause her to keep her guard up and want to continue moving on without him.
Here’s the thing…
Feeling sad about your break up is perfectly normal and to be expected.
You may even temporarily feel a bit depressed and angry about how she has left you.
You might also start to doubt your ability to get her back.
However, you can’t let those feelings and thoughts take over and cause you to turn into an insecure guy who feels unworthy of her.
You have to regain control of your emotions and take control of the ex back process…
If you don’t regain control of your emotions before you interact with your ex again, she will pick up on your negative state of mind (e.g. via your body language, by what you say and do when you talk to her) and it will turn her off.
Then, rather than think, “Wow, he is taking our break up badly, so it must mean that he truly loves me,” she will likely be thinking, “I never realized that he’s so emotionally weak. He can’t even cope with a simple break up without falling to pieces. Well, I think I’ve made the right decision by breaking up with him. After all, I need a man who can handle his problems in life no matter how big they are. I need a man with emotional strength and perseverance, not a guy who falls apart like a woman at the first sign of trouble in life.”
So, if you want your ex back, you need to regain control of your emotions, so she can naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you next interact with her.
The next rule after a break up is…
2. Get clear on what will make her feel attracted to you again
Wanting your ex back is great, but if don’t get clear on what it will take to re-attract her, you may end up turning her off even more (i.e. because she’ll feel as though you still don’t understand her).
So, if you want her back for real, get absolutely clear about what you need to start saying and doing to properly re-attract her.
For example: Consider the following questions…
- What attracted her to you in the first place? Was it your confidence, your ability to make her feel like a feminine woman in your presence, your sense of humor, your drive and ambition?
- Did you continue to display those qualities throughout your relationship with her, or did you slowly fall into the habit of behaving in less attractive ways?
- Did you become insecure about your attractiveness to her and as a result, start to behave in clingy, needy way?
- Did you start treating her more like a neutral friend or ‘one of the boys,’ rather than treating her like a sexy, feminine woman?
- Did you become too serious and stern in the relationship?
- Did you stop focusing on your goals and become too emotionally dependent on her?
- Did you take responsibility for maintaining and building on the feelings of love, respect and attraction between you and her, or did you take it all for granted and assume that she’d always love you because she did at the start?
- Did you take the lead in the relationship, or did you make the mistake of thinking that she would be happier if she was the one in charge?
When you can honestly answer those questions and see where you went wrong, you will have a much better idea about what you need to work on to successfully re-attract her and get her back.
The next rule after a break up is…
3. Don’t wait too long to make contact
Sometimes a guy might think that giving his ex a few weeks or even months of space will allow her to calm down after a break up and hopefully start missing him.
Yet, that’s not usually what happens.
In most cases, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s because she has lost a lot of respect and attraction for him as her man.
So, when she doesn’t hear from him for a long time after the break up, she doesn’t feel too bad about it.
Instead, she usually uses that time to fully disconnect from her feelings for him, move on and find herself a replacement guy.
Alternatively, if a woman is secretly still in love with her ex and is hoping that they can get back together and she then doesn’t hear from him, she may decide that he doesn’t care enough about her anymore and will then focus on getting over him.
Then, by the time he does make contact with her, she might say, “I’m sorry, but you’re too late. You never once bothered to call me and see how I was doing. It’s over now. I don’t see myself being with a man who is as heartless and you. Please don’t contact me again. I’ve already begun to move on and I’m happy now without you. Goodbye.”
So, don’t wait too long to get your ex girl back.
The best approach is to interact with her (on the phone or in person) and make her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you again.
The more you reawaken her feelings for you, the more she will want you back.
On the other hand, if you wait too long, you may discover that she hooks up with a new guy and moves on in the meantime.
Another rule after a break up is…
4. Believe in yourself and know that it’s possible to re-attract an ex and start over again
When a woman is saying things like, “It’s over between us. Nothing you say or do is going to ever change how I feel, so just accept it and move on,” it’s only natural that a guy might start doubting himself and his ability to get her back.
He may even say to himself, “I’m such a loser. I ruined my relationship with my perfect woman and now I’ll end up being alone for the rest of my life. There’s no way she will ever forgive me and give me another chance.”
Yet, thinking like that doesn’t accomplish anything.
In fact, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When he interacts with her again, she will pick up on his lack of confidence and self-belief (e.g. via the tonality of his voice, his body language and the way he responds to what she says and how she treats him) and it will turn her off.
Women aren’t sexually attracted to emotional weakness like that, especially from an ex.
So, if your ex senses that you don’t believe in yourself and your value to her, she might decide that she made the right decision to break up with you because you’re just not man enough for her.
On the other hand, if you honestly believe in yourself and in your ability to re-attract her and get her back, she will sense that confidence and feel respect and attraction for you because of it.
As a result, she will naturally begin to open up to you and consider giving you another chance.
The next rule after a break up is…
5. Interact with her and make her feel sparks of romantic and sexual attraction
If you want to get your ex back, the most important rule is this:
You have to actively interact with her and make her feel sparks of romantic and sexual attraction for you, so she actually has a reason to get back with you.
Getting a woman back can’t be all about how much you want her back, how sincere you are to do better this time or how messed up you’ll be if she doesn’t give you another chance.
It’s about how she feels.
If you make her feel sparks of romantic and sexual attraction for you, she will naturally open back up to you.
For example: You can do that by…
- Using humor to make her laugh and smile and feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence once again, especially if she is being cold, distant or difficult to talk to.
- Maintaining your confidence when she tries to make you feel nervous or uncertain about your chances with her.
- Being more emotionally masculine than her as you talk to her.
- Behaving in unexpected ways (e.g. you are no longer insecure and now have bulletproof confidence around her, you are no longer emotionally selfish and are now able to make her feel loved and appreciated, without coming across as though you’re trying to suck up to her to get another chance).
The more attracted you make her feel during interactions, the more her defenses come down.
She then feels as though there is a reason to give you another chance (i.e. because there is clearly still something between you and her and if she walks away, she is going to be missing you and will likely end up regretting it).
4 Mistakes That Some Men Make After a Break Up
Getting a woman back after a break up is possible and if you do it right, it’s actually quite easy and straightforward.
However, if you make one or more of the following mistakes that other guys make, you will find it difficult and maybe even impossible to get her back…
1. Trying to get her back via text
If your ex refuses to talk over the phone or meet up in person, sending her a text message might be the only way that you can contact her.
That’s fine, to begin with.
However, don’t make the mistake of sticking to text as your main method of getting her back.
When a woman can’t hear the tonality of your voice, or see your confident body language and behavior when she tries to make you doubt yourself (e.g. by being unfriendly or distant during a conversation), she will usually just imagine you as being the way you were when she broke up with you, or how you behaved leading up to the break up.
For example: If a guy was insecure, unsure of himself and needy, an ex woman will continue to assume that he is still like that until he proves otherwise to her.
She can’t see the changes via text and knows that anyone can act confident, cool or in control via text, even though they are insecure, worried and panicking in real life.
So, a woman usually won’t give her ex guy the benefit of the doubt and think, “He was an insecure, needy guy with me, but maybe he’s changed since then. I should at least give him a chance. After all, he is texting quite well. He seems like he’s got it together.”
Instead, she’s going to be thinking something along the lines of, “A leopard never changes its spots. My ex is probably just the same jerk he was before, so I’m not going to even bother wasting my time with him. He can text me all he wants…I’m moving on!”
So, if you truly want to get your ex back for real, don’t waste time trying to get her back via text.
So many men lose their ex girlfriend or wife simply based on making the classic, but very modern mistake of trying to get her back via text.
If you want to get her back for real, you need to call her on the phone or see her in person, re-attract her and then get to a hug and potentially a kiss and maybe even sex as well.
After you get to one of those levels, your ex’s guard is down, she’s feeling attracted to you again and it’s so much easier to get her back.
Yet, if you stick to text, you’ll probably end up with a history of texts between you and her that went nowhere.
Another mistake that other guys make after a break up with a woman is…
2. Feeling unworthy of her due to what she said and how she felt when breaking up with him
When a woman reaches the point where she wants to break up with a guy, it’s usually because she has disconnected from her sexual and romantic feelings for him.
After a break up, she usually won’t be thinking about him in a favorable way and regretting her decision.
Instead, a woman will often say something like, “Sorry, but it’s over. I don’t want to try anymore” or, “We had our chance and it didn’t work”, or, if she’s a bit more direct and cold about it, she might say, “I never want to see you again” or, “My feelings for you are completely dead” or even, “I will never forgive you for what you did to me. I hate you now!”
Although what she is saying makes it sound final, you have to block that out of your mind to maintain your confidence, otherwise you will won’t be able to re-attract her (i.e. because you will be insecure, feel unworthy, try to suck up to her, be too nice and polite).
Remember: Yes, you made some mistakes, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.
The truth is, every man makes silly mistakes in a relationship at some point in his life.
However, what separates the successful men from the losers is that the successful men learn from their mistakes and become even better men than they were before.
So, as long as you’ve learned from your past mistakes and have truly made an effort to become a better man since your break up, then there’s absolutely no reason to feel like you don’t deserve another chance with her.
On the other hand, if you allow what your ex said during the break up to make you feel unworthy of her, it will only make you seem even less attractive to her (and to other women).
A woman likes the idea of being with a confident, emotionally strong man who believes in himself and in his value to her no matter what she says or does during moments of anger or disappointment.
So, when a guy feels insecure and starts to believe that he’s not good enough for his ex girl, it actually makes her feel turned off by him and begin to think, “Well, it looks like I made the right decision. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I did the right thing. I have to move on now.”
So, if you want your ex back, make sure that you honestly believe that you are good enough for her (regardless of what she said, or is currently saying) and then take action to re-attract her and get her back.
Another mistake that other guys make after a break up with a woman is…
3. Hoping that if he just waits long enough, she will come back on her own
Even though a guy might want to get his ex back right away, he may also be afraid of coming across as being too pushy and scaring her off.
So, rather than contacting her right away (or a few days later), he decides to give her a lot of space in the hope that this will make her miss him and come back to him on her own.
Yet, that rarely happens.
In most cases, rather than running back to a guy that she no longer has feelings for, a woman simply focuses on moving on.
Then, by the time the guy decides he’s waited for her long enough and contacts her again, rather than hear her say something along the lines of, “I’m so glad you called! I’ve missed you so much. Want to meet up?” she’s more likely to say something like, “Oh, it’s you! Long time no speak. So, what have you been doing? Have you met someone else? I have and I’m really happy now. I hope you have too.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want your ex back, you need to be active about it (i.e. call her on the phone, or meet up with her in person), not passive (i.e. ignore her and wait for her to hopefully miss you, contact you and want you back).
Women don’t come running back to guys that they’re no longer attracted to or in love with.
So, if you don’t interact with her and re-spark some of her feelings for you, she’s almost certainly just going to move on without you.
Of course, if your ex is still in love with you and will miss you like crazy if you don’t contact her, then sure – cut off contact.
However, don’t do that for more than a week.
I’ve been helping new men to get women back for many years now and I’ve found that a man never needs to wait more than a week to start the ex back process.
Waiting a few days and up to a maximum of a week proves the point that you’re not needy and aren’t being desperate.
If you wait any longer than that, most women tend to assume that you’re not interested and will often try to make themselves feel better by flirting with and hooking up with new guys to get over you and move on.
Another mistake that some men make after a break up is…
4. Not preparing to re-attract her when he next interacts with her
Sometimes, a guy will make the mistake of assuming that his ex woman will give him another chance because he wants it so much and is so sincere about doing a better job this time around.
He doesn’t realize that to get a woman back, you have to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved you, so she actually has a reason to give you another chance.
So, if a guy doesn’t know that, he will interact with his ex woman and essentially come across as the same guy that she dumped.
As a result, she doesn’t feel like it would be fair to her to give him another chance, so she refuses to and just continues trying to get over him and move on.