If your ex girlfriend won’t talk to you, what you need to do is take a step back and think about the ways you might be turning her off.
In most cases, when a guy says, “My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me,” I can usually guess what he’s been doing wrong.
For example: Here are three classic mistakes that lead to an ex girlfriend not wanting to talk to her former boyfriend…
Mistake 1: Sending way too many emotional texts or messages
When a break up happens, it’s normal for a woman to want to put some distance between herself and her ex boyfriend.
She wants to try to get him off her mind and calm her feelings so she can think straight and work out whether or not she wants to be with him at all. She will try her best to avoid calling him, texting him or seeing him in person as much as possible.
For her, having that space helps her begin to move on with her life, go out to party with friends and maybe even flirt with some new guys to make herself feel better.
Yet, for the guy who has been dumped, not being able to be in contact with his ex girlfriend feels horrible. He worries about her kissing, having sex with and falling in love with another guy. He wants to stay on her mind, not out of her mind, so he texts and messages her as often as he can. Yet, the more he texts and messages her, the more she begins to ignore him.
When that happens, his messages often become more desperate…
- “Why won’t you talk to me?”
- “Why are you doing this? Don’t you remember the good times? I said that I would change. Just give me a chance to talk to you.”
- “Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
- “Are you getting my messages?”
- “I said I’m sorry. Please don’t ignore me…”
- “I can’t live without you.”
- “I don’t know what I’m going to do if you are not in my life. I don’t want to live anymore. Please answer the phone and talk to me!”
Unfortunately, those types of messages simply push an ex girlfriend away even further. Why? Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men and turned off by the weakness.
Emotional text messages never make an ex girlfriend feel more attraction and respect for a guy. Instead, they just make her feel like her ex-boyfriend needs her for his emotional security and stability, which is something that women are instinctively turned off by.
Another reason why sending emotional text messages to an ex-girlfriend is a problem is that she has to GUESS at what emotional state he is when he sends the message.
She can’t see his body language, listen to his tone of voice and assess his overall attitude and vibe via text, so she has to guess how he would be thinking, behaving and acting if he said something like that to her in person.
During a break up, a woman will almost always assume that her ex-boyfriend is being insecure, desperate and needy, rather than guessing that he is feeling confident and emotionally secure at the time of sending the message.
If you want to get your ex girlfriend to talk to you again, the only text message that you should be sending her is one that arranges to get her talking to you on the phone.
When she’s talking to you on the phone, she can hear your confident, emotionally secure tone of voice and ask questions if she doesn’t understand what you mean.
If you want to go from saying, “My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me” to “I’m meeting up with my girlfriend tomorrow,” then don’t waste time sending messages that are only going to make her even more irritated with you. Get her on the PHONE and arrange a meet up where you can regain her respect and attraction for you by showing her that you’ve changed.
Mistake 2: Not understanding the real reason why she broke up with him
Your girlfriend would have given you some reasons why she broke up with you, but a woman will rarely tell you the real reasons.
After providing a guy with some subtle reasons, a woman is more likely to say something like, “I need some space,” “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”
She approaches it that way because she doesn’t want to have to deal with how a guy would react if she said something like, “You’re just not enough of a man for me” or “You behave like a woman at times” or “You don’t make me feel girly, sexy and turned on. I feel like more of a friend to you because you’re so neutral around me.”
She also doesn’t want to teach her boyfriend how to be the man she needs. Instead, she wants him to know what to do, because unless he figures out what went wrong by himself, he will just carry on making the same mistakes over and over again and she’ll have to be his teacher (or “mother figure”) for life.
A guy can make all kinds of promises to his ex, but unless he can work out how to make her feel the way that she really wants to feel when in a relationship, she won’t be interested in anything he has to say.
In her mind, he just won’t understand what she really needs and she won’t want to have to teach him. If he can’t work it out on his own, most women would rather cut their losses and try to find another man who understands.
Feeling confused and not knowing what else to do, some guys contact their ex girlfriend and say things like, “Please tell me what I did wrong and I promise that I change” or “I will do anything you want me to. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
In the guy’s mind, he is just trying to do the right thing. He loves his ex-girlfriend and is willing to do whatever it takes, but she simply isn’t willing to teach him. He will wonder why his ex girlfriend suddenly stops wanting to talk to him and just won’t make any sense.
So, before you do anything else, it’s important to understand why she broke up with you so that you can fix those things before you contact her.
Think back to all of the fights that you and her had and think about the specific things she said to you. For example: If she said, “You never pay attention to me,” she was telling you that she was feeling neglected. If she said, “I’m always the one doing the dishes while you play your video games,” she was telling you that you were taking her for granted.
Ultimately, when you know the real reasons why your ex broke up with you, you can make the right changes. Then, when you get her on the phone, you will be able to explain to that you fully understand why she felt the way she did and she will feel happy that you’re taking her concerns seriously.
Mistake 3: Expecting her to take him seriously before he has fixed his issues
Many guys assume that by saying, “I promise to change if you give me another chance,” they are giving their girlfriend what she wants (i.e. an attentive, caring man who is willing to do whatever she wants or needs).
Yet, in most cases, promising to change isn’t enough to make a woman give her boyfriend another chance. Why? When a relationship gets to the point where it has broken up, a woman has usually already given a guy plenty of chances to improve before that point. Each time it has happened, he has promised to change, but he just keeps falling back into his old ways.
After a while, a woman gets to a point where she feels like nothing will ever change and she just wants to feel the pain of a break up and move on, rather than having to continually go through the same cycle with him for life.
If that applies to your situation, what you need to do is begin to fix your issues (e.g. insecurity, neediness, clinginess, fear of commitment, etc.) and improve yourself both mentally and emotionally.
Remember: Your ex girlfriend broke up with you because you stopped making her feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship. By fixing your issues, you will automatically begin to feel more appealing to your ex girlfriend when she next interacts with you.
Even though you are saying, “My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me,” what you need to realize is that the negative emotions she feels for you right now are not set in stone.
The emotional state of a human being changes all the time. A woman can be angry at a guy one day and crying about missing him the next. It all comes down to what you say and do to influence how she feels. If you’re currently making her feel turned off and causing her to not want to talk to you, then you’re going about things in the wrong way.
Are You Willing to Do What it Takes to Get Her Back?
If you are serious about getting your ex-girlfriend back, what you need to do is figure out exactly where you are going wrong and what you need to do instead.
You need to focus on triggering her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you, rather than triggering feelings of anger, disgust, disappointment and apathy.
Are you willing to do what it takes to get your ex-girlfriend back?