If your ex is currently replying to your texts in a cold, distant way, here are 6 possible reasons why…
1. Your texts don’t make her feel respect and attraction
Although you can regain some respect and attraction via text, it’s just not enough to get a relationship back together.
To make her feel enough respect and attraction for you to feel motivated to want to get back together for real, you’ve got to get her on a phone call and then meet up with her in person.
If you try to hide behind texts because it feels easier, you waste a lot of time where you and her could have been hooking up and may end up asking yourself, “Why isn’t she responding?” or “Why are her replies to my texts so cold and distant?”
To convince your ex that you’re worth a second chance, she needs to see (via the way you talk, behave, interact with her and respond to her) that you now understand the real reasons why she broke up with you and have already made some changes to become a better man as a result.
That’s very difficult to achieve via text.
A woman knows that a guy can put on a persona and pretend to be anything he wants via text (e.g. he can pretend to be confident and having a great time without her, while he’s really feeling insecure and sitting at home yearning to be with her again).
So, unless a woman can experience the new and improved version of her ex face-to-face, every time she gets a text from him, she’s likely just going to be thinking, “What does he want? Why is he bothering me?” and she will then begin to reply in a cold, distant way in the hopes that he’ll get the message and leave her alone.
To break down her walls, you need to call your ex and say something like, “Hey Sue…I just wanted to call and say that I’m sorry for what happened between us. I know that I hurt you, but I’ve had a huge wake up call. I now understand why you broke up with me and I realize if the roles were reversed I would have also broken up with you. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me and I don’t expect you to take me back, but I’d like us to at least try and be friends.”
By saying something like that to her it calms things down.
Watch this video for another example…
Talking to her in that way gives her a chance to determine whether or not he really has become more of a man (i.e. by analyzing what he is saying and how he’s responding to her and how he’s reacting to her when she’s being cold, distant and unfriendly towards him).
If she can see that her ex has genuinely changed and become a better man, her guard will come down and she will automatically start feeling some respect and attraction for him again.
However, if he hasn’t changed at all and is still saying and doing the same things that were turning her off before (e.g. being insecure, trying to convince her to give him another chance via text), she’s just going to continue being cold and distant and she won’t be open to meeting up with him.
2. You text too much
Another possible reason why your ex replies to your texts in a cold, distant way is because you’re texting her way too much.
This often happens when a woman doesn’t want to talk to her ex on the phone.
He might then decide that the best way to get through to her is via text.
For example: He might say to himself, “If she doesn’t want to talk to me or see me in person, I will just keep texting her. That way, she won’t be able to forget about me and our relationship and that will stop her from moving on with some other guy. Hopefully, by texting her every day she’ll realize that I won’t give up on our love so easily and she will then stop avoiding me. She’ll agree to meeting up with me and then I can convince her to try again.”
He might then decide to text her random things throughout the day (e.g. “How was you day?” or “How is work?” or “Are you finished exams yet?”), as a way of staying in touch with her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
When texting a woman, if a guy doesn’t first trigger her feelings of respect and attraction (e.g. by making her smile and laugh), she’s most-likely just going to feel annoyed to constantly be interrupted, regardless of how sincere he is being.
The fact is that nothing you text to your ex will truly convince her that you’ve changed and that she should give you another chance. Why?
Firstly, it’s just a text message, so she can easily misinterpret what you’re saying because she can’t hear your tonality or see your body language to determine your state of mind while you’re texting.
When she reads your text message, she has to guess at how you were feeling when you typed it (e.g. were you feeling confident and self-assured, or were you feeling nervous, insecure and desperate?).
If she currently perceives you in a negative way, she will most likely read your message and think the worst of you.
So, if you want to contact your ex via text after a break up, remember to only do so with the intention of making her feel enough initial respect and attraction for you, to allow her to open up to talking to you on the phone.
Don’t waste a lot of time sending her random texts that will potentially annoy her and turn her off even more, in the hopes that she will warm up to you.
On a phone call, it’s so much easier to melt her iciness and make her feel respect and attraction for you. How?
By making her smile and laugh and showing her that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
For example: You call her up and say, “Hey ex girlfriend…how you doing?” rather than saying something boring like, “Hey, how are you?”
Alternatively, you call her up and say, “Hey, how’s it going. Look, I know that we’re broken up, but my laundry has started to pile up and I need someone to do it for me.”
She will almost certainly laugh at that and you have then successfully gotten her to open up and feel some respect and attraction for you.
When you make a woman smile and laugh during conversation, it becomes difficult for her to remain cold and distant for long.
She drops her guard, starts to feel good talking to you again and then becomes open to meeting up with you in person.
3. She doesn’t want to make it easy for you to get her back
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and wants to get back with him, she’s won’t always say so via text.
In most cases, a woman doesn’t want to text her ex and tell him about her feelings for him, because she doesn’t want to make it easy too for him.
She wants to know that he’s man enough to take responsibility of the ex back process and guide both him and her into a relationship.
Women are instinctively attracted to men who remain confident and go after what they want in life (including an ex that they still love), regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does.
On the other hand, women are instinctively turned off by guys who need women to encourage them to feel confident and worthy.
So, if you’re wondering why your ex has been replying to your texts in a cold, distant way, it could be because she’s feeling like you’re hiding behind texts in the hopes that she will make it easy for you by saying something like, “Hey, call me :)” or, “Hey, what’s up? I miss you.”
It would be nice if she made it that easy, but most women won’t.
So, you just have to make it happen yourself, otherwise she will move on and it will then be even harder to get her back.
Don’t make her get to the point where she starts to believe that you’re hiding behind texts because you’re too afraid to face her.
For example: If a woman keeps getting text messages from her ex, but he never plucks up the courage to call and arrange a time to meet up, she may start thinking, “Why doesn’t he just call me? Why is he being so timid? Doesn’t he know that women are attracted to confident men who take the lead and make things happen? I hope he doesn’t think that I’m going to do all the work and guide us back into a relationship.”
So, start the ex back process by showing her that you have the balls to be the kind of man that she needs you to be by calling her.
On the phone call, focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be interacting with you again.
The more you make her smile and laugh while you’re talking to her, the more difficult it becomes for her to keep being cold and distant towards you.
When she hears the confidence and sincerity in your voice, her guard will come down and she will open herself up to the idea of meeting up with you in person again to see where things go from there.
4. You’re being too serious or too emotional via text
Sometimes, a guy will use text messages as a way of telling an ex how much he loves her, how sorry he is about what happened and how he promises to do whatever she wants if she gives him a second chance.
When he’s feeling lonely and missing her like crazy, sending those texts might seem like a good idea, but it’s not.
He might even think, “If my ex realizes just how much I care for her, she won’t be able to stay cold and distant towards me anymore. She will have to forgive me and agree to talk to me again.”
Yet, when a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy, him texting her about his feelings isn’t really going to matter that much (if at all) to her.
Instead, she’s going to feel even more annoyed with him and she may think something like, “Actions speak louder than words and right now all I’m getting is a bunch of words on a screen from a guy who clearly doesn’t have the emotional maturity to deal with a break up like a real man. He’s just falling apart like a woman who has been dumped. He’s being emotional and expecting me to care, even though he hasn’t done anything to make me have feelings for him again. He just doesn’t get it. I’m not going to care unless I have feelings for him again.”
Here’s the thing…
A woman only appreciates it when a guy expresses his love for her if she has feelings for him too.
If he has turned her off and she currently has negative feelings for him, she’s just going to feel annoyed when he’s being too serious or emotional via text.
Also, because she can’t see his body language, hear the tonality of his voice, or assess his vibe and energy in the moment, she will just think the worst of him, rather than give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he has changed and is a better man now.
What most guys fail to remember is that a woman can’t experience the new and improved version of him via text messages.
So remember: Only text your ex as a way of getting her on a phone call with you, where you can actively trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again, and get her to meet up with you in person.
5. She still hasn’t experienced the new and improved you in person, so she feels as though she is replying to the old version of you that she broke up with
To stop your ex from being cold and distant towards you, you must have the balls to call her and reactivate her feelings for you again by displaying attractive traits (e.g. confidence, humor, masculine mindset, charisma).
If you just keep sending her boring text messages without ever calling her or seeing her in person, she will just keep saying things like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. You need to stop texting me.”
After all, she’s just getting texts from you. She’s not really interact with the real you. It’s just words on a screen.
For example: Watch this video of me as I help you understand how to impress your ex.
You will see that it’s much different to watch me and listen to me than it is to just read words on a screen…
Another reason why your ex may be replying to your texts in a cold, distant way is because…
6. She doesn’t want to waste time texting if you aren’t going to be the one for her
If a woman gets a sense that her ex hasn’t changed or won’t be able to change, she will feel like it’s a waste of time for her to remain in contact with him.
If there is no respect or sexual attraction, she will disconnect herself from him and open herself up to meeting new men.
Most women prefer to cut off an ex completely (or just be cold and distance until her leaves her alone), if they feel that he’s not going to be the right guy for her.
For example: A woman will ask herself questions like…
- Can he change and become the man that I need him to be, or will he continue to behave in the ways that turn me off (e.g. being insecure, needy and clingy, jealous and controlling, taking me for granted, lacking drive and ambition)?
- Do I feel good when I’m interacting with him, or do I feel bored, stressed out, or annoyed?
- Does he make me feel sexually attracted, or does he turn me off?
- Is he more masculine than me, allowing me to feel like a real woman around him (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional), or does he make me feel like a friend or one the guys?
- Do we have the same long term goals, dreams and plans for the future (e.g. to get married, start a family, go traveling), or do we want different things?
- Is he the kind of man that I can look up to and respect for life, or do I look down on him?
- Is he the kind of man I can feel proud of, or do I feel a bit embarrassed to admit that he’s my guy?
If she discovers that there are more no’s than yes’s, then she will naturally become cold and distant towards him because she doesn’t want to give him hope.
So, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to focus on letting her experience the new and improved you.
You can’t do that all through texts thought.
Your ex will continue reply to your texts in a cold, distant way until you call her up on the phone and make her feel like she would be losing out if she didn’t get back with you right away.
When you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction via the way you think, act, behave and interact with her on a phone call and in person, her iciness melts and she feels motivated to want to see you in person again.