Here’s how other men have successfully gotten their girlfriend back into a relationship.
1. Understand what part of the attraction experience was missing
One of the most important questions to ask yourself after a break up is, “What aspects of my thinking or behavior caused her to lose respect, attraction and love for me?”
When you can identify her real reasons (not the excuses she might have given you like, “I need some space” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore”), you can quickly make some adjustments to the way you behave and interact with her.
Then, when she sees that you’re not the same guy she broke up with anymore, she will no longer have a valid reason to want to stay broken up with you.
Her original feelings will come flowing back and her guard will naturally start to come down.
At the same time, she will also feel respect and attraction for you for being man enough to figure out what she always wanted from you, without her having to spell it out for you.
Suddenly, the idea of getting back into a relationship will seem like the right thing to do for herself.
After all, she feels drawn to you now and is afraid that if she doesn’t give you another chance, she will end up regretting it and missing you for life as the one who got away.
This is why knowing your girlfriend’s real reasons for breaking up with you is key to getting her back.
So, a question for you at this point is…
Do you truly understand what part to the attraction experience was missing in your relationship with your girlfriend, or are you still feeling a bit unsure about it?
If you’re still a bit confused about what might have gone wrong, here are some common reasons why a woman will stop feeling as attracted as she once did.
- He stopped being the confident, emotionally strong guy she first met and fell in love with and became an insecure, self-doubting, clingy and needy guy.
- He stopped being an emotionally masculine guy who made her feel like a feminine woman and ended up becoming too emotionally sensitive (e.g. he cried to her, fell apart when faced with a big challenge in life, leaned on her too much and expected her to take care of him emotionally).
- He put up with her bad behavior (e.g. she threw tantrums, was disrespectful towards him) and allowed her to treat him badly because he was too afraid to say or do anything in case she got upset and left him. As a result, she lost all respect for him for being such a wimp.
- He stopped making her feel feminine and girly in his presence and began to treat her more like his best friend or a buddy.
- The gap between her relationship intelligence and his became too big (e.g. she wanted to get serious, settle down and focus on the future, while he remained stuck doing childish things like getting drunk, playing video games, not getting a job and drifting through his life).
- He stopped making her feel loved and appreciated in the relationship.
- He took her presence in his life for granted (e.g. treated her badly, expected her to do all the work around the home, expected her to be romancing him all the time even though he was doing that for her, expected her to respect him all the time even though he didn’t do that for her).
As you can see from the list above, there are many different reasons why a woman can lose respect, attraction and love for a guy when in a relationship.
Fortunately, when you know what those reasons are for you and your girlfriend, you can then change and give her the attraction experience she always wanted from you, but didn’t get.
So, if you want to get her back for real, you’ve got to change the things that really matter to her.
When you actively make her feel attracted to you again (e.g. by being so much more confident and emotionally independent, by being so much more emotionally masculine than her and making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, by making her laugh and smile), getting back together again will be a natural outcome.
The next step you need to take is…
2. Regain control of your emotions to overcome the heartbreak
It’s only natural that after a break up, a guy is usually going to feel a range of negative emotions (e.g. shock, disappointment, panic).
However, where a lot of guys go wrong is, rather than quickly regaining control of his emotions so he can re-attract her properly, he starts behaving in ways that turn her off even more.
- Begging and pleading with her to change her mind.
- Crying and telling her that he can’t live without her.
- Promising to change whatever she wants to make her happy.
- Asking her to tell him what he needs to do to be the man that she wants.
- Apologizing to her repeatedly and taking the blame for everything that happened between them.
- Being extra nice to her and putting up with her bad treatment of him in the hopes that she will take pity on him and give him another chance.
Yet, rather than making a woman think, “He must really love me if he’s willing to put himself at my mercy! This is what I always wanted. Clearly his feelings for me are strong, so I’m going to get back with him because of that,” she’s just pulls away from him even more.
A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him and respect him as her man.
So, when a guy is begging, pleading, crying, asking for her help to change and generally being emotionally weak and needy, he’s actually making her feel the opposite of what he needs to make her feel to get her back.
In his mind, he might be thinking, “It’s okay. She will understand that I’m just being emotional like this because I love her so much.”
Yet, she doesn’t see it that way.
Instead, she thinks something like, “I didn’t realize it before, but he’s so emotionally weak and insecure. I’m glad I broke up with him when I did and didn’t end up being stuck in a dead-end relationship. He’s not man enough for me.”
So, even though you are 100% justified in feeling heartbroken after being broken up with, make sure that when you interact with your girlfriend again (e.g. via text, on social media and especially over the phone and in person), you display confidence, emotional maturity and emotional masculinity.
Rather than desperately trying to get her back by begging, pleading, crying and behaving in other unattractive ways, focus instead on re-sparking her feelings for you by behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confident, charismatic, self-assured, emotionally independent, emotionally masculine).
The next thing you need to do is to…
3. Fully prepare to re-attract her
Although understanding what part of the attraction experience was missing in your relationship with your ex is very important, it will mean nothing if you don’t use that information to then give her a next level attraction experience.
A next level attraction experience is where you level up your ability to attract her and let her feel it.
For example: If you were kind of confident before, then you are very confident now.
If you were emotionally sensitive in the relationship, you are emotionally bulletproof now.
This doesn’t mean that you have to become perfect before your girlfriend will want you back.
It simply means that you need to level up.
For example: Imagine a guy realizes that the main reason why his ex broke up with him was because he stopped making her feel like a real woman in his presence.
Instead, he started treating her more like his best friend (e.g. stopped touching, kissing and complimenting her, fell into the habit of treating her like ‘one of the guys,’ rather than making her feel like his feminine girl) and she slowly lost respect and attraction for him over time.
To get her back, he needs to make her feel like an attractive, feminine, sexy woman in his presence again.
In other words, instead of being a nice, neutral friend around her, he needs to spark her feelings of sexual attraction by flirting with her and building up some sexual tension between them.
Another example is if a woman broke up with a guy because he became too emotionally dependent on her (e.g. stopped pursuing his own purpose and interests in life and made everything about her, which resulted in him becoming needy and clingy).
To re-attract her, he shouldn’t make the classic mistake of cutting off all contact with her in the hope that it will convince her that his more emotionally independent now and make her come back on her own.
Using the no contact approach in situations like that almost always backfires.
Rather than making a woman think, “Wow, my ex must be over his neediness for me if he hasn’t been in contact for so long. He’s so cool! Maybe I should give him another chance,” she just uses the time apart to fully get over him and move on with a new guy.
She doesn’t believe that he has changed and has no evidence of it, so rather than risk contacting him and making him become needy again, she just remains quiet.
So, what should he do instead?
Show her that even though he still cares about her and wants her back, he doesn’t actually need her back anymore.
He let’s her see (via his actions and the way he behaves when he interacts with her) that he’s happy, confident and moving forward in life now and no longer needs her to feel emotionally fulfilled.
Of course, he does want her back, but he doesn’t actually need her back to feel okay again.
When she realizes that he’s truly changed and become more emotionally independent, she won’t be able to stop herself from thinking about him in a more positive light, because he is now behaving like the kind of man she can actually look up to and respect.
She feels drawn to him again and then the idea of getting back together again starts to make her feel good.
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back into a relationship with you, make sure that you prepare yourself to re-attract her by quickly changing the things that matter to her.
For example: Become a lot more confident, make her feel like a feminine woman by being more emotionally masculine, be more emotionally dominant than her during interactions and become more charismatic.
Remember: What matters most is how you make her feel when you interact with her on the phone and in person.
That is what really counts when getting an ex woman back, so focus on that.
From there you need to…
4. Meet up with her and re-attract her
Your girlfriend probably won’t commit to getting back into a relationship with you, until she can see for herself that you’re now at a different level as a man.
Note: I said, “see for herself” and didn’t say, “read for herself.”
In other words, trying to get her back via text is a big no, no.
The problem that a lot of guys are faced with after a break up, is that their ex often doesn’t want to talk on the phone or meet up in person.
So, rather than push her (e.g. because he fears scaring her off), a guy will decide to interact with her via text instead.
He’s hoping that she will eventually soften her attitude towards him and text something like, “Hey, why don’t you give me a call tonight so we can talk over the phone?” or “Hey, why don’t we meet up sometime to catch up in person?”
Yet, that rarely, if ever, happens.
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect and attraction for her ex, receiving endless messages from him that are going nowhere, will usually only make her feel bored.
Rather than keep up the charade of texting back and forth indefinitely, she will likely just stop responding to him altogether and focus on moving on.
Alternatively, she might continue responding to his texts while she is secretly meeting new guys, having sex and falling in love.
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back into a relationship with you for real, make sure that don’t waste a lot of time texting back and forth.
Get her on a phone call as quickly as possible, so you can re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction (e.g. by making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again) and then arrange to meet up with her in person.
If your girlfriend keeps resisting the idea of a meet up, you can say in a joking way, “Hey, I promise we’ll only have a quick cup of coffee together. No 7 course meals or anything like that, okay?” then add in a more serious tone of voice, “Look, all I’m asking for is a quick catch up over a cup of coffee. We can do that, right? After all, we’re mature adults. We can be friends and have coffee for 10 minutes. It’s no big deal. Besides, if we meet up and you decide you’re having a terrible time, you can leave right away. So, how about it? How does tomorrow afternoon sound? Will that suit you?”
Then, when you meet up with her, you need to keep saying and doing the types of things that will make her believe that you really are a new man and convince her to give you another chance (e.g. being very confident, making her feel feminine in your presence, making her laugh and smile).
The more you re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, the less time she will want to spend apart from you.
If you don’t get back right away, she’ll find herself thinking about you and wanting to be around you again.
5. Make her really want the relationship, rather than asking for another chance
To get your girlfriend back for real, you need to make her want it as much as you do.
There’s no point in telling her, “I love you so much and I want us to get back together again. Will you give me another chance?” if she doesn’t feel the same way too.
So, to get her to feel the same way, you need to focus less on discussing the relationship and more on making her feel attracted.
For example: If you say things like, “I really messed up, didn’t I? I’m so sorry for putting you through all that. Can you possibly forgive me? I know that I made things really difficult for you, but I can change. Just tell me what you want from me and I promise that I’ll do it. I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to get you back,” it’s not going to make her feel attracted.
Instead, she’s just going to think, “He’s right! He did stuff things up! What am I doing here talking to him again? He’s just highlighting to me all the reasons why him and I are wrong for each other. It’s over and it should remain over.”
On the other hand, if you focus on having fun together and building up sexual tension as you talk to her, she will naturally begin to want to get back together without you having to convince her to.
Suddenly, she’ll find herself thinking things like, “He’s so different now. I really enjoy his company more now. I’m having so much fun. Being around him now is even better than it was when we first met. I like feeling like this. I want him back! I’m not going to just walk away now. This is fun!”
Once she is thinking that way, getting her back and keeping her in a relationship will be very easy for you.
So, make sure that you stop thinking about how badly you want her back and focus instead on making her want you back.
That’s how it’s done.