Right now, you might be thinking, “Is there anything that I can say to my ex wife to make her want me back?”
The answer is yes.
So, here are 4 things to say to your ex wife to make her begin to want you back:
1. Tell Her What You’ve Changed About Yourself, But Don’t Ask For Another Chance
One of the quickest ways to make your ex wife begin to see you in a more positive light, is by telling her (in a relaxed, non needy way) that you’ve understood her reasons for divorcing you and have made changes to your thinking and behavior to fix those things.
For example: Imagine that a man got broken up with because he had no drive and ambition and was just drifting through his life, expecting his wife to put up with the fact that their future seemed uncertain or boring.
To show his ex wife that he understands why this was a problem in their marriage and that he has already changed, he might say something like, “Looking back, I now see why you left me. I now realize that it’s the man’s responsibility to take care of and provide for his wife and his family and that’s something I was clearly not doing in our marriage. I see how that must have made you feel uncertain about the future and caused you a lot of stress and worry. I was clearly not the husband you deserved. I let you down and I’m sorry for causing you pain and stress. Of course, I’m not that guy anymore. Our divorce was like a slap in the face for me, but instead of feeling sorry for myself, I just made changes. You might not care to hear this or you might be happy to know that I finally quit my dead-end job and I’m now working at a better company for more money. I’m actually in a management position now and I’m already working towards another promotion, which is enjoyable and what I should have done before when we were together. I’ve even started investing for the future and am developing an investment portfolio. I bet you never thought you’d see something like that happen hey? Look though…I know it’s probably too late for us, but at least I can now sincerely apologize to you and let you know that I get it. I understand why we split up. I wish I had figured it all out sooner, but that’s water under the bridge. I’m not expecting you to want to get back together at all. Yet, can we at least be friends from now on?”
Another example is if a woman divorced a guy because he took her for granted.
In a case like that, the guy might say something along the lines of, “It’s clear to me now how much I took you for granted. I just assumed that because we said “I do” all those years ago, it was enough and that I didn’t have to put much effort into the relationship anymore. I didn’t have to put in the effort to show you just how important you were to me. That was really immature of me and I’m truly sorry for making you feel like you were second or third best in my life behind my work (or friends). I know that if you had treated me the way I treated you, I would have hated it and would have been complaining to you just like you complained to me for so long. The fact that you put up with me for as long as you did is proof that you’re an amazing woman and that I really did stuff things up between us. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for everything that I put you through. I’m not asking you to care about me apologizing or give me another chance or anything like that. I just want to let you know that I mean what I say when I say that I love you, I’m sorry and I was a total jackass in our marriage. For example: I was in the habit of making a mess all over the house and just expecting you to clean up after me no matter how busy you were. Well, you might laugh at how I am now, or you might get angry because I have changed all too late. I’m actually quite a neat freak now and I make sure that I clean up as I go. Looking back, I can’t believe how messy I was and how patient you were with me. I know it might sound impossible for you to believe I’ve changed, but feel free to come check up on me any time and have a laugh at how tidy my place is. I don’t expect you to believe me that I have changed and I’m not asking you to get back together again. However, I do want you to know that I’m not that guy anymore and I’d like it if we could at least be friends again.”
Essentially, by being confident enough to admit your mistake to your ex wife and then telling her what you’ve changed about yourself, it shows her that you’re no longer the same guy she divorced.
So, even though she might initially have thought, “A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” your new, more mature attitude makes her see you differently (even if she doesn’t openly admit it to you).
When that happens, her walls come down and she begins to feel some respect and attraction for the new you.
2. Turn Cold Conversations Into Something to Laugh About Together
It’s understandable that a woman might not be very open towards her ex husband.
She might be cold and unfriendly and it may be difficult to talk to her because she is so being distant and uncooperative.
Naturally, the ex husband might feel frustrated, or even a bit angry towards her because he just wants to have a chance to talk to her and clear things up between them.
Yet, getting angry or annoyed at her in any way is only going to make matters worse.
Women are naturally attracted to men who can maintain composure and guide a conversation into feelings of laughter and love, especially when a woman starts out being cold.
On the other hand, women are turned off by men who expect women to help them emotionally by being nice, compliant and easy-going at all times.
So, if her ex husband gets annoyed or angry in any way, she will pick up on his frustration and may think to herself, “See? Nothing has changed. He is still reacting like a child every time things don’t go his way. He still hasn’t even worked out how to be a real man. No way am I giving him another chance. It will just be more of the same.”
She then starts to close up, which makes him feel even more annoyed and emotionally, which turns her off even more!
It’s a vicious cycle that only leads to further separation and negative feelings towards each other.
So, rather than letting your ex wife’s coldness get to you, focus instead on making her laugh and feel good to be around you again.
For example: If your ex wife is accusing you of hurting her in the past, rather than react in the usual way (e.g. by defending yourself, telling her that it was her fault, apologizing for the 1,000th time) turn it into something you can both laugh about instead.
Note: Turning it into something that you can laugh about together doesn’t mean that you don’t take her feelings seriously or that you disrespect her.
It simply means you’re taking a difficult situation and looking for something positive to laugh about together, rather than getting sucked into the negative feelings and becoming even more disconnected from each other as a result.
In other words, you’re being the man by using your emotional strength to bring the interaction back to love, rather than letting her control things and have you get dragged into her unnecessary drama.
When you make your ex wife smile and laugh, it naturally causes her drop her guard around you and it then becomes more difficult for her to stay stuck on the idea of hating you and remaining divorced.
3. Ask Her to Forgive You For Her Own Benefit
Getting your ex wife to forgive you is a very important step if you and her are going to start over with a clean slate.
However, just asking her to forgive you will rarely result in her sincerely forgiving you.
She might say that she has, but that’s different to actually forgiving you for real.
Additionally, if you just ask her to forgive you because you need it, she might say something like, “No. I will never forgive you. What you did to me was unforgivable. I will never, ever forgive you for that.”
So, a better way to ask her to forgive you is by telling her that forgiving you is for her own benefit.
Explain to her that if she doesn’t forgive you, she will always be going through life carrying the baggage of her relationship with you and it will likely cause her problems if she tries to have another relationship someday.
Don’t worry – it’s not about helping her move on.
Instead, forgiving you for her own benefit makes her stop looking at you in a negative way because she has forgiven you for what happened.
When she goes through that emotional transition, she naturally starts to feel better about interacting with the new and improved you.
She finds it easier to clearly see that you have changed and you’re no longer the same man she separated or divorced.
So, you might say something like, “You and I are both mature adults and if we can honestly forgive each other, both of us will be able to properly move forward without allowing the negative things that happened between us to cloud future relationship. If you forgive me, you will feel better about your future without me. You won’t have to go around feeling that knot in your stomach every time you think of me. You will feel lighter knowing that even though I made some mistakes in the marriage, it’s over now. I’m not that same man anymore because I have changed. We’ve grown from the experience, we are better people and forgiving the past is part of the process of moving on for real. I made some mistakes, but that’s not something you have to keep holding on to for the rest of your life. If you keep holding on to negative feelings of anger and resentment, it will just cause you to have unnecessary emotional baggage. So, what do you say? Can you honestly forgive the old version of me? Can you see that I did make mistakes, but that is in the past? Can you let that part go by honestly forgiving me for making the mistakes I did back then?”
Important: Saying something like the above to her is not about encouraging her to move on and have another relationship.
Instead, when you’re mature enough give her the freedom to not have baggage in a future relationship with someone and she then forgives, she automatically stops looking at you in a negative way.
She stops thinking about all the mistakes that you made in the past and she begins to look at you with respect.
Her guard starts to come down and she becomes more open to talking to you, seeing you and even thinking about you in a romantic way (even if just a little).
Remember: Forgiveness breaks down her walls and opens her up to seeing the new you in a more positive light.
Without forgiveness, she will likely just keep going over the negative things about you and your relationship in her mind and she will think of you as the man she left.
So, make sure that you aim to get her to forgive you (for her own benefit).
When you do that, her guard will come down and she will be much more open to you.
From there, you just need to make sure that you are sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again whenever you interact with her.
Another thing to say to make your ex wife begin to want you back is…
4. Say That You Accept the Break Up, But Still Miss Her From Time to Time
It’s not weak to tell your ex wife that you miss her sometimes.
In fact, being able to tell her that you miss her, even though you accept that you’re broken up, is a sign of emotional strength (which is attractive to women).
So, don’t be afraid to say it.
However, something to bear in mind is that you can say “I miss you” in a way that will spark your ex wife’s feelings of respect and attraction for you and make her drop her guard and there’s also a way of saying it, that will cause her to feel even more turned off by you.
So, here is an example of the right and wrong way to tell an ex wife that you miss her:
The wrong way to say “I miss you” is by being emotionally weak and needy when you say it.
For example: A guy might say, “I miss you so much! I just can’t get through my days without you! My life is a mess now! I can’t eat or sleep properly. Please give me another chance. I need you back. You are the only thing that is important to me. You mean everything to me. I need you. Please!”
The right way to say “I miss you” is by being confident, mature and emotionally strong when you say it.
For example: You might say, “I definitely do miss you from time to time. I would have to be a very shallow man to not miss the woman I promised to spend the rest of my life with. However, I’m not dwelling on the past. Life goes on. I’m focusing on my career and I’m busy making progress with my business/job. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about you or miss you from time to time, but I accept that we’re divorced now.”
By being open and honest with your ex wife in a strong, emotionally masculine way (rather than a needy, insecure way), you’re building on her feelings of respect for you.
The more she respects you, the more she will feel attracted to you and the more respect and attraction she feels for you, the more she will be able to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
That’s how it works.
Respect comes first, then attraction and then her love for you begins to flow back into her heart.
She suddenly starts thinking, “I actually kind of miss him too now. If only he was like this when we were married, the divorce probably wouldn’t have happened. I know we had a lot of problems that aren’t fixed by him being emotionally strong by saying that, but what if he really has changed? What if we can make it work the second time around? Maybe we should give our relationship another try. After all, we both clearly still love each other. So, why not? Who cares what other people might think? I have to follow my heart here. I want this.”
4 Things Not to Say to Your Ex Wife if You Want to Get Her Back
Now that you have a better idea about what to say to make your ex wife begin to want you back, here are some things to avoid saying if you don’t want to turn her off and ruin your chances with her.
1. Asking her to start over and begin dating again
When a woman is at a point where she’s not interested in even thinking about getting back together with her ex husband, she’s not going to like hearing about the idea of “dating” again.
If you want her to be open to that, you must re-attract her first, so she actually has feelings for you and wants something to happen.
When a man goes straight for the kill and asks to begin dating his ex wife again, she will often think something like, “No. I can’t just put away all my negative feelings and pretend that we’re like a couple who has just met, going on nice, romantic dates together. It just doesn’t work like that. He doesn’t get it. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore and he doesn’t even know how to make me have those feelings again.”
So, forget about dating and focus instead on letting her experience the new and improved you.
That way, she will want to start dating you again naturally and that will then lead to you and her getting back together.
The more she can see for herself that you’re not the same man she divorced, the more quickly her negative feelings about you and the relationship will fade away and be replaced by positive emotions such as respect, attraction and love.
Then, the idea of getting back together again starts to sound good to her.
However, if you just ask her to start dating again without renewing her feelings for you first, she’s just going to keep saying things like, “No. We’re divorced now. Let’s leave it at that.”
2. Saying that your life isn’t worth living without her
Getting divorced isn’t fun, easy or anything nice.
It’s a disaster, an emotional rollercoaster and one of the worst things that can ever happen to a man.
Even when a couple truly believe that they would be better off without each other, it doesn’t mean both of them won’t feel the pain of loss once the reality of the divorce sinks in.
The marriage is over.
Your identity as a married couple is broken. You’re on your own now and it sucks.
So, it’s only natural that a man might find himself feeling desperate as he worries about losing his wife forever and never being able to get her back.
He may even think to himself, “My life is ruined! I’ve got to get her back. This isn’t how I imagined my life would be. We are supposed to grow old together. I need her back! I can’t cope without her. She makes my life having meaning.”
He might then decide to try and convince her to get back together again, by saying things like, “Please honey, this isn’t right. You and I are meant to be together. I just can’t go on without you in my life. You are my reason for living. Can’t you see that? You are everything to me. Yes, I stuffed up, but we can make it work. Don’t throw away our love. I need you. Please.”
He’s secretly hoping that if she hears his heartfelt plea, she will suddenly realize her mistake and want to get back together again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Rather than convince her to change her mind, telling a woman that life is not worth living without her, actually turns her off even more.
Even though most women like the idea of being with a man who loves, appreciates and wants her, she doesn’t want a guy who can’t be a happy, forward moving man without her.
For a woman to feel attracted to a man, she needs to be able to look up to him, respect him and feel proud to be with him.
So, when a guy tries to get her back by saying that he can’t live without her, a woman will usually pull away because he is turning her off with his emotional weakness.
The fact is, most women want a man who:
- Is emotionally strong and can face the problems in his life head on, without seeking pity from her or others in his life.
- Has more to his life than just her (i.e. big dreams, goals and ambitions that he is following through on and making progress with).
- Is reaching his true potential as a man, rather than hiding behind the comfort of being in a relationship and feeling like he doesn’t have to strive to achieve anything any more.
- Is loving, devoted and emotionally supportive towards her, but isn’t a pushover who essentially does whatever she wants.
So, don’t put yourself in a position with your ex wife where she perceives you as being emotionally weak and insecure.
The best way to prove to her that you’re the kind of man she can look up to and respect, is by re-sparking some of her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
The way to do that is to show her (via the way you talk, think, behave and interact with her) that you are being an emotionally strong man who can live a happy, successful life with, or without her.
3. Being too nosey about what she’s been up to in her personal life
Sometimes a man might feel worried that his ex will move on without him, before stopping to give him another chance.
He might say to himself, “What if she meets another guy? What if she’s having sex and falling in love with a new guy right now? I will lose her forever. I need to find out what she’s up to.”
He might then look for ways to find out what she’s doing.
For example: He might:
- Call her friends and family to ask them if she’s seeing anyone else.
- Stalk her social media accounts to see if he can pick up any conversations that will tell him what she’s doing, or find pictures of her with other guys.
- Follow her.
- Regularly text or call her and ask what she’s been up to.
- Show up at her place of work unexpectedly to catch a glimpse of who she’s hanging out with.
- Drive past her house to see if there’s another car parked in her driveway.
Although, you might feel justified in wanting to know what your ex wife is up to (after all, she is your wife), don’t make the mistake of becoming a snoop, being too nosey or acting like a jealous ex husband who is losing it.
There’s nothing wrong with asking her how she is and what she’s been up to since the divorce, as long as you are being easy-going about it.
If you seem tense and are putting pressure on her to give you lots of little details about what she has been up to, it will simply make you look jealous and insecure in her eyes and she will feel turned off.
4. Asking if she’s changed her mind yet, even though you haven’t changed the things that turned her off
As tempting as it might be to want to ask your ex wife if she’s changed her mind about being divorced, don’t bother doing it if you haven’t really changed any of the things that caused her to divorce you in the first place.
For example: Imagine that a woman divorced her husband because he was stuck in his life and had no future direction or purpose.
He stayed in a boring, dead-end job and in his spare time, he usually just sat around watching TV, hanging out with his friends and generally avoiding moving forward in his life.
So, his wife eventually got fed up waiting for him to be a man and take charge of his future.
She began to feel unsafe with him when she imagined their future together.
Over time, after many arguments and disagreements where she kept trying to get through to him in the hopes that he would change, she finally divorced him.
If he now wants her to change her mind and give him another chance, he needs to have made real changes himself.
He needs to show her that he’s now set some big goals in his life and he is actively working towards achieving them.
He doesn’t have to have already achieved the goals to be able to convince his ex wife that he’s changed, but he does need to at least have made some initial progress so that she can see that he is for real.
If you try to get your ex wife back without first changing the things that have been turning her off, she will likely just say no.
So, if you want to make your ex wife begin to want you back, the best way to go about it is by sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you and showing her that you really are a different man now.