If you want to win your ex back after being dumped, here is what you should do…
1. Don’t Ignore Her For More Than 7 Days
In most cases, a guy can reactivate a woman’s feelings for him immediately, or within a few days of trying.
So, if you want to win your ex back, don’t wait around for longer than 7 days to start the ex back process with her.
Just give her a few days to a week of space to allow things to calm down between you and her and then contact her.
The best approach is to call rather than text her, but if she won’t answer your phone calls, you can text to get her attention and then call and she should answer.
On the phone call, you need to actively focus on making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be interacting with you again.
Then, at the point where she’s feeling good to be talking to you, get her to agree to seeing you in person to catch up.
At the catch up, you need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and cause her to think things like, “I don’t know if I made the right decision about dumping him. At the time, I thought it was impossible for him to change and be able to give me the type of attraction experience I really want in a relationship, but he has changed. I actually like being around him now. It feels good. I think I might have made a mistake.”
When she starts feeling like that, her guard comes down.
It is then up to you to build on her initial feelings of respect and attraction for you, until she’s longing to be back in your arms, kissing you and having sex with you again.
Where a lot of guys go wrong when trying to get an ex back is by thinking that if they ignore her for a long time (e.g. 30 or 60 days), she will somehow change her mind about dumping him and come running back.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “My ex was really angry with me when she dumped me, so if I try to contact her now, she will probably just hang up the phone, or tell me to get lost. Yet, if I give her a month or two apart, hopefully she will calm down and realize that she misses me and then she’ll call me up and we can get back together again.”
However, here’s the thing…
Generally speaking, the only time a woman will contact her ex when he’s ignoring her is if:
- She’s still in love with him and can’t bear not hearing from him.
- She can’t find a replacement guy, so she tells herself, “My ex will do for now until someone better comes along.”
- She’s inexperienced with relationships and can’t handle the pain of being broken up.
- She just wants to check if he’s still missing her and if so, she will continue moving on without having to rejected by him.
In almost all other cases, if a woman has reached the point where she has lost respect and attraction for her guy to the point where she dumps him, she’s not really going to care that much if he’s then ignoring her.
In fact, she’ll likely be thinking, “Phew! I thought my ex was going to make a big deal about the break up and start begging and pleading and making all sorts of promises to change. Fortunately, he seems to have gotten the message that I don’t want him in my life anymore and he’s leaving me alone completely. Now it’s time to find a new guy!” and she will just move on.
Even if a woman decides to come back after a guy has been ignoring her for a long time (by the way that happens about 20% of the time), when she realizes that he hasn’t really changed (e.g. he’s still insecure, needy, lacks drive and determination, is too emotionally sensitive), she simply dumps him again.
So, don’t bother wasting a lot of time ignoring your ex in the hopes that it will get the relationship back together because it only works (temporarily in most cases) about 20% of the time.
The best approach is to be active and get her back by making her have feelings for you again.
7 days of space is more than enough for even the messiest of break ups.
After giving her the 7 days, just focus on using every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, on a phone call, on social media and in person) as an opportunity make her feel respect and attraction for you again.
The more she enjoys interacting with you, the more her walls will come down and then the idea of getting back together again will feel good to her.
2. Reactivate Her Feelings During Interactions
The fastest way to win your ex back after being dumped is by actively re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for her guy, she will usually avoid him and try to move on, rather than calling him up and telling him what he needs to do to get her back.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t sit around hoping that she does all the work for you.
You have to be the one who takes the lead and actively triggers her feelings of respect and attraction for you during interactions.
Regardless of whether you’re sending her a quick text, messaging her on social media, calling her up on the phone, or meeting her in person, you have to use every opportunity to put a smile on her face, get her giggling again and make her think, “This is fun. I actually like hearing from my ex again. I feel good with him now.”
Where some guys go wrong is in thinking that the way to win an ex back, is by using every interaction as an opportunity to explain his feelings to show her how much he cares.
For example: A guy might send a woman a long series of text messages saying things like, “I’m so sorry about what happened between us. I really love you and I can’t live without you. Please forgive me. I know we can work things out. I can’t bear the thought of never seeing you again. Please baby… just give me one more chance.”
He might also call her on the phone and say something along the lines of, “I miss you so much. I just can’t stand it. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since we broke up. Please give me one more chance to prove to you how good things can be between us. You mean the world to me. I know I stuffed up, but if you will just tell me what I need to change to get another chance I will do it. I’ve never loved another woman as much as I have loved you. I will do anything to ensure that we have another chance. I don’t care about other women. I just want to be with you. I know that we can make this work. I love you. Please listen to me and understand that I am being sincere.”
He’s hoping that by pouring out his heart to her, she will change her mind and get back together with him.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for her ex, she’s not going to care that much about his feelings.
In some cases, a woman may even think, “Good! I’m glad you’re suffering. You put me through hell when we were together, so you deserve the pain that you’re feeling now.”
She might also reply to messages with, “I don’t know…I need more time” or, “I still care about you a lot, but I just need space right now” to make him feel as though his messages are working.
Yet, she knows very well that his desperate, pleading approach via message (or e-mail) is a huge turn off.
She knows that she will only give him another chance if he is able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction on a phone call and in person.
Even though she won’t ever tell him, texts and messages from him have hardly any effect on her and usually turn her off because she imagines them coming from the weak, desperate version of him, rather than the cool, confident version of him that she liked initially.
So, don’t waste your time trying to get her to give you another chance by explaining your feelings for her via texts, e-mails or social media messages.
Instead, make her care about you again (for real) by reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you first.
For example: You can do that by…
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence.
- Making her smile and laugh when she’s interacting with you.
- Showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
- Being confident and emotionally masculine around her, even when she’s being cold and is saying things like, “Go away. My feelings for you are dead.”
When she starts to feel respect and attraction for you again, she will be more open to the idea of getting back together with you again.
3. Be Persistent About Getting Her to Meet Up With You in Person, But Do So in an Easy-going Manner
Regardless of how often you make your ex laugh via text, e-mail or even on the phone, the relationship isn’t going to move beyond that point unless you meet up with her in person, hug, kiss and possibly have sex.
So, make sure you don’t waste a lot of time texting, e-mailing or phoning her without getting to the point where you arrange to meet up with her in person.
For example: Imagine you’re talking to your ex on the phone right now.
Just keep things light and relaxed between you and make sure you’re making her smile and laugh at times.
Then, after you’ve chatted for a 2-3 minutes, simply say, “How about we get a cup of coffee or a quick bite to eat sometime this week so we can say hello?”
She might say “Yes” right away, at which point you can arrange a time and place that suits you both, or she might say “No.”
If she says “No” don’t worry about it.
A mistake that a guy might make is to take the initial rejection too seriously and start saying things like, “Why are you being like this? All I’m asking for is a meet up over a cup of coffee! It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me or something. Why can’t you just be nice this once?”
Obviously, reacting in this way and getting angry or upset with her is probably not going to make her think, “Silly me! Why am I being so difficult? Clearly my ex is having a difficult time dealing with our break up. I should meet up with him and see if we can patch things up. I like the way he reacts so immaturely!”
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking, “Hmmm… and he wants to get back together again when he’s behaving like a spoilt little boy? Well, that’s not going to happen now. Even if I had some doubts before, after this performance I know for sure I don’t want to be with a man who is as emotionally weak and immature as he is. I need a guy I can look up to and respect, not a guy who needs to be mothered and taken care of.”
So, if she’s saying no, or playing a little bit hard to get, don’t let it bother you, but also, don’t give up.
Just laugh and say in an easy-going manner, “Look, all I’m asking for is a quick meet up over a cup of coffee. I promise that I’m not going to assume that because you’re agreeing to meet up with me it means we’re going to get back together again. It’s no big deal, it’s just coffee. Ex’s do that all the time. If, after we see each other, you never want to see me again, I’ll respect your wishes and stop contacting you completely. Okay?”
In most instances, a woman will most-likely relax her guard and say something like, “Oh, okay. I suppose I can spare 10 minutes,” or, if she’s still really angry with her ex and feels like she wants him out of her life, she might say, “Sure, if you promise to leave me alone after that.”
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet her at a time that suits you both.
4. Build On Her Feelings in Person By Giving Her the Attraction Experience She Wants
Initially, your ex will likely approach the meet up with some hesitation and skepticism.
She will probably be thinking, “This is just coffee. It doesn’t mean anything. I know that he was cool over the phone, but he’s probably just going to be the same guy I broke up with. I doubt that he’s changed. I need to keep my guard up and make sure that I don’t feel anything for him.”
So, to counter that, it’s up to you to build on her initial feelings of respect and attraction for you by giving her the attraction experience she really wants.
For example: If a guy is too emotionally sensitive and insecure and a woman wants a guy who is emotionally stronger and more confident, she’s not going to change her mind about the break up unless he shows her that he has become emotionally stronger and more confident.
Another example is where a guy is too nice and allows the woman to dominate him emotionally in the relationship, and she wants a man who can take the lead, allowing her to relax into thinking, feeling, behaving and taking action like a feminine woman.
To win her back, the guy needs to show her that he is now more masculine in the way he thinks, feels, behaves and takes action in life.
So, if you want to win your ex back after being dumped, focus on showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
When she experiences your new, attractive behavior in person, she naturally begins to feel more respect and attraction for you as a man.
She then drops her guard, and without even realizing it, she finds herself back in your arms and saying to herself, “I missed this. I’m so glad he had the courage to go through the ex back process and get me back.”
Even though you might not be feeling very confident after being dumped by her, you can change that.
Confidence is like a muscle; the more you build it, the stronger it gets.
Likewise, insecurity is also like a muscle and if you feed your insecurities with self-doubt, nervousness and anxiety, you’re not going to feel very confident about getting her back.
You can become extremely confident about getting her back and you can do that within a matter days…