When talking to your ex on the phone, you need to:
1. Use Humor to Bring Down Her Guard
Just because you and your woman have broken up, it doesn’t mean you now have to be serious when talking to her.
In fact, if you are too serious, emotional or “deep and meaningful” when your ex isn’t feeling respect and attraction for you, her guard will remain up because she will feel as though you’re putting on an act and trying really hard not to say anything “wrong” to avoid screwing up.
On the other hand, making your ex laugh, smile and feel happy when you’re talking to her on the phone is the quickest way to make her drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of getting back together again.
A mistake that a lot of guys make is feeling unwelcome to flirt or joke with their ex when talking to her on the phone.
For example: A guy might think, “She’s so closed off and cold towards me when we’re talking on the phone. If I try to flirt with her, or make a joke, she might close up even more and say that she never wants to talk to me again. I don’t want to lose my chance with her by stepping out of line. So I will just keep things plain and unattractive between us and hopefully she will eventually open up.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Making her open up to you will be much easier and will happen a lot faster, if she’s feeling good and feeling attracted (women are attracted to guys who can make them laugh, especially when they are being cold and bitchy) every time she interacts with you.
So, don’t be afraid to joke around with her.
For example: Imagine that you’ve just called your ex on the phone and she says something like, “Why do you keep calling me? Just leave me alone.”
The serious, polite answer that won’t create any attraction between her and you would be, “Sorry, but I really care about you and I want us to work things out between us.”
Nothing about that response is going to allow her to experience the new you.
Instead, she’s likely just going to keep her guard up and say something like, “It’s over. Just accept it. Leave me alone.”
However, if you instead use humor to deflect the seriousness of her comments, it allows her to relax and be more open to talking to you.
So, if your ex says, “Why do you keep calling me? Just leave me alone,” you can respond by joking with her and saying something along the lines of, , “I’m not going to stop calling until I get the pepperoni pizza I ordered. This is Pizza Hut, right?” or, “I’m not going to stop calling you until you deliver my Chicken Chow Mien and fried wontons. This is the Chinese Gourmet Food Express, isn’t it?”
At this point, she will probably be laughing and feeling a little self-conscious about being so cold towards you.
You can then say, “No, cancel the pizza. Anyway, I thought I’d give you a call to say hi as a friend. How have you been girl?”
She will most likely laugh at that as well. You could also end that sentence by referring to her as your ex girlfriend, “No, cancel the pizza. Anyway, I thought I’d give you a call to say hi as a friend. How have you been ex girlfriend?” if you and her are cool with joking around with each other like that.
After you bring her guard down with a bit of humor, just have a chat with her and add in some more humor as you and her keep talking, to ensure that she remains relaxed and open while talking to you.
By talking to her in this way, she will be able to see that you’re no longer thinking, behaving or interacting with her in the same ways you used to before (e.g. insecure, desperate to impress her and not lose her) and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
2. Let Her Sense That You Really Have Changed
If you call your ex on the phone and end up talking to her and interacting with her in the same old ways (e.g. insecure, giving her too much power, trying to explain your “feelings” to her), she’s just not going to be very interested in getting back together with you.
If you want to get her respect back, you need let her sense (via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to her) that you really have changed and are not the same guy that she broke up with.
For example: A guy might have been insecure and timid in his relationship with his ex.
He might then have reacted by allowing her to push him around and always get her own way.
To convince her that he’s changed, he now has to react completely differently when she tries to dominate him emotionally.
For instance, if she tries to put him off when he calls her by being cold, bitchy and uncommunicative, rather than react by getting upset and giving up hope of ever getting her back, he needs to remain calm and confidently stand up to her.
So, if she says something like, “I don’t want to talk to you,” he needs to just laugh and say in a joking way, “That’s okay. You did all the talking when we were together, so how about I take over and talk for a bit just to give you a break? Let me tell you about this great new course I’ve enrolled in…” or, “Let me tell you about the book I read last week. I’ll explain it from cover to cover” and then have a laugh with her about it, without explaining the book (obviously!)
He can then say, “Only kidding…anyway, so I’ve been working hard lately. Howe about you? How has your day been so far?” to get the conversation moving alone.
By standing up to her, he’s showing her that he’s no longer the emotionally weak guy that she remembers.
He’s emotionally strong now and he doesn’t allow her to push him around or make him do whatever she wants.
This triggers her feelings of respect and attraction and she begins to think things like, “Why do I feel different now? Why is he so confident? I wish he were like this before. I wasn’t expecting him to improve and change so quickly. He used to let me walk all over him. I always felt so dominant over him. He is so much more confident and sure of himself now…and I like it. He’s emotionally strong and masculine now. Why do I feel like I want to see him all of a sudden?”
Essentially, if every time you’re talking to your ex on the phone, you respond in a confident, mature way, she will see that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
When that happens, she won’t be able to stay closed off towards you for long, no matter how hard she tries.
3. Get Her to Feel a Renewed Sense of Respect and Attraction For the New You
Sometimes, a guy will call his ex and focus his attention on telling her how he feels, in the hope that she realizes how important she is to him and then thinks, “Hmm, he really does love me. It must mean that we are meant for each other. Okay, I will get back with him.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
Your ex will want to get back with you when she feels a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you.
It’s not about telling her all about how you “feel.”
She doesn’t care much (or at all) about your feelings right now. She wants to have feelings for you.
Of course, most guys don’t realize that at the time, so they unload their feelings onto their ex and hope that it makes all the difference.
For example: A guy might say to his ex woman, “I want you to know that even though we’re broken up, you’re still the only one for me. I understand that I stuffed up and that’s why we’re not together anymore, but I feel that if we can get back together again, things will be different. I’ll never hurt you again…I can promise you that. You mean the world to me and being without you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. Please give me a chance to show you that I’ve changed. I will never love another woman the way I love you. You are the only one for me. All I care about is you. You mean the absolute world to me. What you and I had was so special and I don’t want to lose that. I really love you and care about you. Please believe me.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though a woman might feel slightly flattered to hear that her ex feels so much for her and is unable to move on without her, if she doesn’t have feelings for him, it’s not going to make her suddenly think, “Well okay then… I know I don’t feel respect and attraction for him anymore, but since he loves me so much, I guess I should give him another chance.”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
For a woman to open herself up to the idea of getting back together with her ex, she needs to be able to look up to, respect and feel attracted to him first.
So, when you’re talking to your ex on the phone, don’t waste you’re time talking about your “feelings” with her, unless you’ve triggered her feelings for you first.
If she’s currently saying things like, “Look, I know you’re hurting, but I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “I’m sorry but it’s over between us. Please accept it,” it’s probably because she’s just not feeling enough respect and attraction for you in that moment.
She doesn’t care that you care so much about her and want her back.
That’s about you, not her.
She will see your attempts to get her back as being self-serving and may even accuse you of only wanting her back to make yourself feel better.
However, if you get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you first, it becomes about her wanting you back too.
She can’t stop herself from letting her guard down and thinking, “Maybe we can work things out between us after all.”
4. Tell Her That When You Look Back at Your Previous Behavior, You Understand Why She Broke Up With You
For example: Imagine that a guy got broken up with because he took his woman for granted.
To prove to her that he understands why she broke up with him, he might say something like, “Looking back at my behavior, I now understand why you broke up with me. I see now that I took you for granted. I just assumed that because you loved me it was okay to not put much effort into the relationship. I let you down. I put you in second place in my life and made you feel like you didn’t matter much to me at all, even though you did. I know that words are not enough to get you to forgive me, but I am sorry that I hurt you. You have always mattered to me, but I just didn’t show it to you in the way that you needed. I know that if our roles had been reversed, I would have hated being treated the way I treated you. However, I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me right away. I just want to say that I’m sorry for everything that I put you through. I still care about you and want you back, but I also accept your decision about us breaking up. I’m not asking you to take me back. Instead, I just want you to know that I fully understand why you broke up with me and if it had been the other way around, I would have probably also broken up with you too. So, maybe I can ask you now: Can you forgive me so that we can start over with a clean slate, or can you forgive me so we can at least be friends again?”
By saying that to her and being confident enough to admit his mistake, he is showing her that he has changed and is no longer the same guy who took her for granted.
When you confidently admit to your ex that you’ve learned from your past mistakes, you instantly become more attractive to her, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
5. Don’t Try to Get Her to Commit to Getting Back Together Over a Phone Call, Unless She is Hinting at it
In some instances, when a guy sparks a woman’s feelings over the phone, she might be open to getting back together with him right away.
She may then say something like, “Hey, I miss you. I thought being broken up was what I wanted but now I’m not so sure,” or “I wonder what things would be like between us if we go back together?” in the hopes that he will then be courageous enough to take the lead and guide then both back into a relationship together.
Yet, that isn’t the case most of the time.
Sometimes, a woman will initially be a bit resistant to giving any sign over the phone because she doesn’t want to make it easy for him.
She wants to see if he has the confidence and balls to guide her back into a relationship without her having to encourage him along.
This is especially true with cases where the guy was dumped for being insecure, jealous and wasn’t man enough for her.
So, in cases like that, a guy needs to keep moving the ex back process forward, regardless of the lack of positive signals she is giving him.
Go From the Phone, to Face-to-Face to Back Together
Always remember: Talking to your ex on the phone is a great way of sparking her feelings for you again, but the key is to get her to meet up with you face-to-face.
If your ex isn’t very open and is not clearly hinting that she’s missing you, you just need to get her to meet up with you in person.
At the meet up, you need to continue making her smile and laugh and making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
When she interacts with you in person and experiences the new and improved you, her walls come down and getting back together again feels good to her.
It becomes about her wanting you back for her own reasons, rather than feeling like she’s being pressured to get back together with you to make you feel good about yourself again.