Here are 4 things that you can talk about with your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person to get her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be talking to you again:
1. The way you reacted when she broke up with you
When a woman breaks up with a guy who loves her and wants to be with her, he usually won’t take the news very well.
As a result, he might then react in a way that he may come to regret later on.
For example: Some of the regrettable ways that a guy might respond to being broken up with are:
- He starts begging and pleading with her to change her mind, which makes him come across as emotionally weak and turns her off even more.
- He makes promises to change and become the man she wants him to be if she will just give him another chance. In most cases, she doesn’t believe he can change, so she doesn’t give him another chance.
- He asks her to tell him what he needs to do to make her happy in the relationship with him. This makes her feel stressed and turned off because he needs her to help or teach him to become a better, more attractive man for her.
- He tries to change her mind by bombarding her with gifts, flowers or even helping her out financially. Yet, a woman doesn’t fall in love with a guy because of what he can buy for her, but rather for how he makes her feel when she’s with him.
- He sends her a long letter, e-mail or series or text messages telling her how much he still loves her. Yet, she doesn’t care about his feelings anymore and is only focused on how she feels and what she wants.
- He gets angry with her and possibly even accuses her of cheating on him. This just convinces her even more that she’s made the right decision.
- He cuts off all contact with her in the hope that she will miss him and come running back. Yet, that approach only works if a woman still has feelings for her ex guy. If she doesn’t, she will simply use the time apart to fully get over him and move on.
So, if you reacted in a way that you’re not proud of when your ex girlfriend broke up the relationship, you can use it as a conversation topic when you talk with her on the phone or in person.
Make light of it.
Laugh at yourself and how you reacted.
For example: You can say, in a joking way, something along the lines of, “Wow, I really made a fool of myself when we broke up, didn’t I? I don’t know what came over me! That was such a silly reaction for me to have” and have a laugh with her about it.
Essentially, by laughing at yourself, it shows her that you’re aware that your reaction was unattractive to her.
It also shows her that you’ve learned from the experience and have already taken steps to become a better, more emotionally strong and mature man.
As a result, she begins to drop her guard a little and allows herself to relax, smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.
She then becomes open to forgiving your mistakes and giving you another chance.
Another thing you can talk about with your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person is…
2. How much she has missed you since the break up
For example: After getting past the initial part of the conversation (e.g. “How are you? What have you been up to?”), you can say something along the lines of, “Okay, so be honest now…how much did you miss me?”
If she responds with something like, “I didn’t miss you,” or “Who says I missed you? Don’t flatter yourself. I have been fine without you,” just laugh and say in a light-hearted, playful manner, “Yeah, right…I know you’ve been missing me,” and have a laugh with her about the fact that she has been missing you, but doesn’t want to admit it.
By making light of it, she is more likely to drop her guard and she may then say something like, “Okay, maybe I missed you a little bit.”
If she’s too embarrassed to admit it, get her to admit to a percentage by saying, “Okay, out of 100%, what percentage did you miss me? 45%, 55%, 65%?”
She might then joke with you and say, “Fine! I missed you 1%,” and you can laugh with her about that.
By interacting with her in this way, you’re not only making it possible for her to acknowledge to herself that she did actually miss you (even if just a little bit), but you’re also sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you by using humor to bring down her guard.
You’re also showing her that you’re still confident and sure of yourself around her, even though you and her have broken up.
Having confidence in yourself like that is going to be attractive to her.
She will see for herself that you are an emotionally strong man that can remain confident under pressure and not doubt yourself.
As a result, her guard will naturally come down and she will begin to open back up to you, even if just a little bit initially.
When she begins to open back up to you, she then starts to look at you and think about you differently.
She then becomes open to interacting with you more and more to see where things go from there.
Another thing you can talk about with your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person is…
3. Life in general
Talking about what you’ve been up to since the break up is obviously a good thing to talk about with your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person.
However, don’t make it a boring chat about that (e.g. what projects you’re working on at work, the intricate details of your latest business deal, how you’ve been studying for exams).
You can mention those things to her, but make sure you’re being easy-going, playful and adding in some humor when you can.
For example: You might say something along the lines of, “I’ve been studying hard for my upcoming exams.”
She might then respond with something like, “Oh, okay…and how has it been going?”
You can then say in a joking way, “I’m not sure. I’ve had so much coffee to keep me awake that I don’t really remember anything since last week. I’m hoping it will all come back to me when I get to my exam. If not, I can always fail my exams and become a beach bum instead. I’ll go around begging people for money at the beach, carrying a sign that says, ‘I failed my exams’” and have a laugh with her about that.
Then you can add something like, “Talking of the beach… did I tell you that I’ve taken up surfing? It’s pretty cool. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, but I’ve got the hang of it now. It’s actually quite a rush when you stand up and are able to surf the wave for a while.”
Alternatively, you might say something like, “Nah, just kidding. I think I’ll do fine with the exam. I’ve got it sorted. How about you? What’s been happening?”
Alternatively, if you are working in an office, you can say something like, “I’ve been working hard lately. Well, that’s what I make it look like to my boss anyway” and have a laugh with her about that.
As a result of using an easy-going approach to the conversation, your ex will feel more comfortable to drop her guard a little and be more easy-going and open with you.
When she does that, she will feel a connection with you and will start to think of you in a more positive light.
The next thing you can talk about with your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person is…
4. Apart from all the things she didn’t like about you, what are a few of the things that she did like?
Rather than bring up all the negative things about you and your relationship, which will just highlight to her why she broke up with you in the first place and put her on her guard, try to talk about the good things instead.
For example: You might say something along the lines of, “Okay, so look…I know that I stuffed up and that you and I are now broken up for good, but I’m sure that there has to be something about me you really liked. So, come on…tell me what it was.”
She may then be a bit defensive and say something like, “No, there was nothing,” or, “I don’t to talk about that” or, “That doesn’t matter now” to test whether or not you’ll doubt yourself and give up.
So, if she says something like, “Nothing really” to put you off, you can laugh and say, “That’s impossible! There has to be something! How about my smile? Surely you liked my smile. If not that, how about the hugs I used to give you? You liked them, right?” and laugh with her about it.
She will likely admit to those things, but if she doesn’t and is closed up about it, you can say, “Ahh, I get it that you don’t want to admit those things to me. Never mind, I know that you liked many things about me…especially the way I used to kiss you” and have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, she might open up and tell you a few things that she liked about you (e.g. the way you always treated her well, your drive and determination, that you’re a good guy).
By getting her to talk about your good points, you plant seeds of doubt in her mind about the break up.
She has to begin to think to herself that you’re not all bad and that there were something things about you that she really did like.
As a result, she may then begin to think, “Maybe we can work things out between us after all. He is a great guy in so many ways and he seems to have changed and improved since the break up. He’s so much more confident and self-assured than before. Maybe it’s not over between us. Maybe there’s still a chance for us. Maybe I should open back up to him and see how it goes.”
You can then fully re-attract her, seduce her and get her back into a relationship with you.
Where Guys Often Go Wrong When Talking With an Ex Girlfriend On the Phone or in Person
What you say to your ex from now on, will either re-attract her and make her open up to getting back together again, or it will turn her off and make her feel glad about her decision to end the relationship.
So, if you don’t want her to think that she made the right decision by breaking up with you, try to avoid making the following mistakes:
1. Feeling nervous and unsure of yourself as you talk to her
Even though she broke up with you and doesn’t seem to want you back, you must believe in yourself and know that you can re-attract her.
If you doubt yourself, you will fill your brain with self-doubting thoughts that will cause you to think, feel, talk, behave and act in a nervous way when interacting with her, which will turn her off.
For example: A guy might keep saying to himself, “What if I try to talk to her and she says that she never wants to speak to me again?” or, “What if she brings up the negative things that happened between us? What can I say that won’t make her think of me in an even more negative light than she already does?” or, “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me and gets angry at me for trying to talk to her?” or, “What if I’m just not good enough for her anymore? What if she says that she regrets ever being with me?”
The more he thinks like that, the more nervous and self-doubting he feels when talking to his ex girlfriend.
His self-doubt and insecurity then turns her off and makes her feel as though she made the right decision to end the relationship.
So, do yourself a favor and start imagining every conversation that you will have with your ex girlfriend going well.
Imagine her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be talking to you because you are being confident and add in some humor to lighten the mood.
Imagine that no matter what she says or does to try and throw you off and make you feel insecure, you are able to remain calm and believe in yourself.
When your ex notices this, she will begin to see that you are a much more emotionally attractive man now (e.g. you’re much more confident, self-assured, composed under pressure).
As a result, she will naturally start to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Then, the idea of giving you another chance will start to feel like something she wants to do, because you are now the kind of man that she always wanted you to be.
The next mistake is…
2. Assuming that she would get angry if you flirted with her like a boyfriend or lover would
Sometimes a guy makes the mistake of thinking that it’s not his place to flirt with his ex girlfriend anymore.
He may think, “If I step out of line like that (i.e. flirt with her), she will get angry at me and say that I shouldn’t be talking to her in that way. I’ll then lose my chance with her completely. At this point, she probably wants me to show her that I can be a nice, neutral friend who isn’t expecting anything sexual to happen. If I can do that, she will drop her guard with me and even consider thinking of me as a boyfriend or lover again.”
Yet, the opposite is actually true.
If a guy is not actively making his ex feel sexually attracted to him as he talks to her, she’s not going to feel much, or any motivation to want to give him another chance at being in a sexual, romantic relationship with her.
She might still keep him around as her nice, platonic friend so she can feel good about herself, but if she has disconnected from her romantic and sexual feelings for him, she might not even want that.
Instead, she might cut him out of her life completely and focus on finding herself a new man and moving on with him.
So, if you truly want your ex girlfriend back, don’t be afraid to show her that you still find her attractive and want her back when you talk to her (i.e. by flirting with her to create sexual tension between you).
When you create sexual tension, she then naturally has the desire to want to release that tension with hugging, kissing and sex and it then becomes a lot easier for you to get her back.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Stressing her out by trying to work things out, rather than making her feel attracted first
Sometimes, a guy will try to turn every conversation that he has with his ex girlfriend (either on the phone or in person), into a long discussion about the relationship and what he did wrong.
Essentially, he’s hoping that by talking about the problems, his ex will see that he isn’t trying to hide from his mistakes and is committed to fixing things with her.
She will then be impressed and open herself to giving him another chance.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you keep trying to work things out with your ex girlfriend by bringing up all your mistakes, it will only make her remember all the negative emotions she experienced at the time (e.g. anger, disappointment, annoyance).
So, it will then have the opposite effect to the one you’re hoping for.
Rather than opening up to you because you’re trying to make things work, she will close up even more and convince herself that she made the right decision to break up with you.
It’s okay to talk about the relationship problems briefly if she brings it up, but try to keep it short, easy-going and relaxed.
Try to also add in some humor at times to take away the seriousness of what you’re talking about, while also still being respectful and sincere.
If you only focus on being respectful and sincere, it will feel too serious and she may end up making the problems out to be worse and more traumatizing than they actually were.
So, try to avoid discussing the problems and if they do come up, keep it light, easy-going and add in some humor to lighten the mood (e.g. “Yeah, I really was a horrible boyfriend. I could probably win a prize for it I think. What you do think? Worst in the World award. Do you think I could win that?”) and have a laugh with her about that.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Appearing to have lost confidence since the break up
Naturally, being dumped by the woman he loves can cause a man to lose confidence in his attractiveness to his ex girlfriend and other women.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a guy talks to his ex girlfriend on the phone or in person and she picks up that he no longer believes in himself and in his value to her, rather than feel sorry for him and want to give him another chance, she will feel even more turned off. Why?
A woman likes the idea of being with a man who is confident, emotionally strong and believes that he is more than good enough for her, while also being loving and respectful toward her.
So, when a guy appears to have lost confidence since the break up, it only gives her even more reasons to not want to give him another chance.
She begins to think, “If I give him another chance, I’ll have to help him feel confident again. No thanks! I need a man who is already confident without my help, so I can fully relax into being his girl. I don’t want a guy who needs me to lift him up and help him feel okay about his value and attractiveness to me. It just won’t work.”
She then closes up even more and it becomes more difficult for him to get her back.
So, make sure that when you talk to your ex girlfriend on the phone and in person, you absolutely believe that you are good enough for her.
Then, re-attract her, seduce her and get her back into a relationship with you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
5. Giving her too much power during the conversation
A woman will sometimes try to assert her power over a guy during a conversation to see how confident and masculine he really is.
For example: When talking to her ex she might say something like, “Listen, I only have 5 minutes to spare for you. I’m really busy and I don’t have time to waste on you. What do you want?”
A guy who gives a woman too much power during a conversation and thus turns her off, might say something like, “I know you’re busy and I’m grateful that you’re giving me even 5 minutes of your time.”
He hopes that she will think, “Aww, he’s so sweet. He’s doing everything that I ask, just to please me. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on him. He deserves another chance for following my orders. He’s a good boy.”
Yet, that’s not what women think.
Instead, when a guy hands his power to a woman during conversation, she loses even more respect for him as a man and thinks something like, “What a wimp. He’s a fully grown man, but he’s behaving like a child. It’s like I’m his mother or something. He needs to grow a pair of balls and be a man.”
Here’s the thing…
If your ex girlfriend can’t respect you as her man, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two things in place, she’s not going to be interested in getting back together.
So, don’t let your ex girlfriend control you when you talk with her on the phone or in person.
Be the good man that you are, but don’t let her walk all over you during a conversation.
If she can see that you aren’t intimidated by her approach and also have the ability to continue being a good man at the same time, she will respect you and begin to drop her guard.
You can then begin to fully re-attract her, seduce her and get her back.