Here are 4 tips on how to tell your ex how much she means to you:
1. Make sure that you make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you first
According to a recent survey of men trying to get their ex woman back, 70% are still able to communicate with her.
It really depends on the woman and how you’ve handled the break up so far.
For example: Your ex might have been feeling a lot of negative emotions towards you and then cut off all communication (e.g. blocked your number on her phone, stopped answering your texts, unfriended you from social media).
Alternatively, your ex might have remained open and willing to reply via text, or answer her phone, but when she does, she’s usually cold and distant.
She might say things like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. Maybe we can be friends, but that’s all I can offer you from now on,” or “I’m just so confused about how I feel right now. I need some space to figure things out,” or “Just accept that it’s over and move on. I’m not the girl for you.”
Whatever the case is for you, the most important thing that you need to do is use every interaction that you have with her as a way of actively making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
If you don’t focus on re-attracting her first, then her guard will stay up and nothing you say to her will make much of a difference to her.
Think about it this way…
If you burn your left hand on a flame, it won’t matter to you if someone says, “Wow, your right hand looks fine,” because you’ll be focused on the pain in your left hand.
On the other hand, if a person gives you a burn salve to take away the pain from your left hand and then compliments you on your right hand, you’re more likely to feel happy about the compliment about your right hand.
In the same way, if you tell your ex how much she means to you before you take away some of the pain from the break up (i.e. by reawakening her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you), it won’t make much of a difference to her.
She won’t be on the same frequency as you in terms of feelings.
You will be feeling like you are in love with her and really want to be with her, but she will be holding onto the negative emotions that caused her to break up with you in the first place.
This is why it’s so important to not pour your heart out and tell your ex how much she means to you, until you make her feel attracted to you again.
In other words, you have to make her feel like you mean a lot to her first and you cannot do that by telling her how much you mean to her!
Don’t worry if you don’t; you will get it now.
Here is a simple equation to help you understand:
Ex isn’t attracted to you + You tell her how you feel = She doesn’t care
Ex is attracted to you + You tell her how you feel = She does care
In other words, what matters more to her is how she feels about you and not how you feel about her.
So, if you reawaken her feelings first (e.g. by making her laugh and smile when you interact with her, maintaining your confidence around her no matter what she says and does, making her feel feminine and girly in your presence), she then feel good when you tell her how you feel.
Here’s an example…
Imagine that you’re talking to your ex over the phone and she says something like, “Look, I don’t want you to call me anymore. I need some space to sort out my feelings about you and our relationship.”
If you rush and say something like, “Please don’t say that! I can’t lose you. You mean so much to me. I’ll give you some space if that’s what you want, but please don’t give up on me. I love you so much,” she won’t be impressed about how you feel.
You haven’t made her feel attracted yet.
You are feeling attracted to her and in love with her, but the feelings aren’t mutual.
You have to make the feelings mutual, or at least close to mutual for her to actually care.
If you don’t do that first, she will continue thinking of you as the guy she broke up with and remained turned off.
On the other hand, if you make her feel attracted, she will start to think about you in a more positive light.
For example: If she says, “Look, I don’t want you to call me anymore. I need some space to sort out my feelings about you and our relationship” then just use it as an opportunity to make her laugh and smile.
Maintain your confidence and say, in a joking way, “Hey, no problem! How much space do you need? Will 10 minutes be enough? Okay, okay…maybe 10 minutes is too much. I don’t want to make you think that I’m ignoring you or anything, so I’ll give you a full five minutes of space and then I’ll call you back” and then have a laugh.
She will most likely laugh and might then say something like, “Hey, I’m being serious here!”
You can then say, “Hey, I know I’m making a joke, but I think we’re mature enough not to need to cut off communication with each other to sort things out. I accept your decision to break up and I’m not going to push you into anything you don’t want. However, I think we both have a better chance of healing in a positive way, if we just stay in touch as friends rather that cutting each other off completely. So, how about it? I’ll give you a call in a few days to say hi as a friend. If you don’t want to talk to me in a few days, then I will stop contacting you and never contact you again if that’s what you want. No problem.”
By saying something like that to her, you’re showing her (without using the words) that you are a confident, emotionally mature man who is in control of his emotions and knows what he wants.
That is attractive to her.
The sparks of attraction she will feel will plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she actually wants to go through with the break up.
She starts to think things like, “What’s going on here? That’s not the response I was expecting from him. He’s changed. He’s so much more confident and mature now. In the past, he would just be telling me how much I mean to him and how he misses me, but now he’s so relaxed and confident. I really like it.”
When she starts thinking of you in that way, her defenses begin to come down a little bit and she automatically begins to feel drawn to you.
2. Understand that if the feelings aren’t mutual, she won’t be amazed by your feelings for her
For example: A guy might say, “I know that you don’t want to be with me right now, but before you make your final decision, I want you to know that you mean the world to me. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known and imagining my life without you makes me feel empty. I’ve never loved a woman as much as I love you. I know I stuffed things up pretty badly between us, but if you just give me one more chance, I promise to make it up to you.”
He hopes that by confessing his love for her, it will be enough to change her mind about the break up and get him another chance.
She will be amazed at how deep his feelings for her and will say, “I never realized I was so special to you. That changes everything! Now that I know how much I mean to you, I’m willing to give our relationship another try.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
Think back to the equations I shared with you earlier…
Ex isn’t attracted to you + You tell her how you feel = She doesn’t care
Ex is attracted to you + You tell her how you feel = She does care
For a woman to care, the feelings of attraction need to be mutual, or at least kind of mutual.
If a guy tries to get a woman back based on his feelings for her, she will feel annoyed that he is only thinking about himself and what he wants.
She might even tell him that he is being selfish and in most cases, the guy won’t have any idea what she means.
It’s pretty simple.
He’s being selfish because he wants her to give him another chance, even though she’s not attracted to him anymore.
In other words, getting her back is all about him getting what he wants.
So, she will be thinking things like, “What about how I feel? What about all the things he did that caused us to split up? Am I supposed to ignore all that and jump back into his arms just because he’s telling me that he still cares about me? Well, it’s going to take a lot more than him having feelings for me to forgive him and give him another chance.”
Of course, not all women know that they can easily be re-attracted back into a relationship.
Heck, most guys don’t know it as well.
I’ve heard back from countless men who have been amazed at how quickly and easily they re-attracted their woman by following through on my advice.
Watch this video for some bonus tips…
As you will discover from the video above, you need to be focusing on how you are making her feel, rather than telling her how you feel.
If she’s not feeling enough respect and attraction for you right now, then knowing that she means the world to you isn’t going to matter much to her at all.
On the other hand, when you reawaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction first, she won’t be able to stop herself from letting her guard down and opening herself up to being seduced back into a relationship.
From there, you can build on her feelings for you until the feelings are mutual between you and her.
Then, when you say something like, “I love you. You mean so much to me,” not only will she be happy to hear you say it, but she will respond with something like, “Me too! I feel the same way about you!”
That’s what you want.
What you don’t want to happen is for you to tell her how much she means to you and then she says something like, “I don’t care. I don’t feel the same way about you. It’s over.”
That will most likely happen if you tell her how much she means to you before you’ve reawakened her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
3. Don’t get too deep and meaningful
Blabbing on about how much a woman means to you doesn’t impress her, unless she is in love with you.
Even if she is in love with you, she doesn’t want you babbling on about it like you’re in a romantic movie.
Instead, she wants to see that you’re a confident, emotionally strong man who isn’t afraid to say what he feels, but doesn’t become emotional like a boy or a woman would when expressing his feelings.
So, how should you approach the topic?
First, make sure that you’ve been making her smile, laugh and feel good in your presence first.
Second, make sure that she is feeling attracted to you again and is enjoying your company.
Then, go ahead and just tell her like a man, by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I just want to tell you that you really are special to me and I would love it if we got back together again. However, I don’t expect you to take me back just because I’m saying that, I just wanted you to know that you are special to me.”
Saying it in that way means that she isn’t being pressured into expressing her feelings for you, or giving you another chance.
Instead, you’re simply helping her to understand where she stands with you now, which is an important thing to do when an ex woman is feeling attracted to again.
If she starts feeling attracted to you again, but isn’t sure if you are open to getting back with her, she will almost certainly play hard to get and act uninterested to avoid seeming too keen.
After all, she broken up with you and has been in the power position for some time, so she doesn’t want to just hand that over to you.
This is why it’s important for you to casually let her know that she is special to you AFTER you have attracted her again.
Don’t do it beforehand and don’t just attract her and remain silent.
Attract her and then put her mind at ease by letting her know that she is special to you and that you’d be open to getting back with her, but wouldn’t ever want to push her into anything she didn’t want.
By approaching it in that way, she will automatically feel more respect and attraction for you and her guard will come down further.
On the other hand, if you try to have a big, deep and meaningful conversation with her about your feelings, then she is most likely going to close up and lose interest.
Modern women don’t like it when men get too soppy about things and go on and on about their feelings.
It’s not what women will say in the media due to political correctness, but it’s the reality of relationships.
When a man keeps going on and on about his feelings, a woman rapidly loses interest.
He’s essentially taking on the woman’s role of being consumed by his feelings.
She wants to be in that position.
She wants to be consumed by her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him and be thinking about him 24/7.
Allowing a woman to be in that position in a relationship pretty much guarantees that she will never cheat on you, never leave you and will always try to impress you for life.
Of course, a lot of guys don’t know that, so they blab on and on about their feelings and end up looking like a woman to her.
For example: A guy might say things like, “From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one. We have grown so close over the time we’ve spent together. It’s a connection that I didn’t even think was possible. I thought a relationship like ours only happened in movies, but it was real. I missed you every minute that we weren’t together and would countdown the hours until we got to meet again. Just being next to you made me feel like a man. It made me feel complete. You mean the world to me and I just can’t imagine a future without you. I am willing to do whatever it takes and wait as long as you need before you are ready to give me another chance.”
Yet, as you would know by now, if she isn’t feeling attracted, she’s not going to be impressed by romantic words and confessions of deep, unconditional love for her.
So, just get to the point and say it directly like a man.
Tell her that she is special to you and then get back to making her smile, laugh and feel attracted in your presence.
Remember: When getting an ex back, how she feels about you is more important than how you feel about her.
4. Don’t tell her via text or email
When you tell your ex how much she means to you, make sure that you do it on a phone call or in person.
If you write it to her in a text or e-mail, she won’t be able to see any evidence that you really have changed, so she won’t know if you are now a man that she can feel sexually and romantically attracted to again.
As a result, she will most likely assume that you’re still the same the guy and are hiding behind texts or emails because you’re too afraid to face up to her.
So, don’t try to win her over with a long, poetic email or a sweet text.
It just doesn’t work.
If you want to text her, I recommend that you only use it to create an initial spark with her and then get to a phone call and in person meet up.
Watch the video above for some examples.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Telling Your Ex How Much She Means to You
After helping new men to get women back for many years now, I’ve found that men often make one or more of the following mistakes when in your position…
1. Sending her a love letter
Why does this turn her off?
Remember: Words on a screen (or a piece of paper) are nothing compared to watching you tell her how much she means to you in person.
According to many studies, non-verbal communication (e.g. your body language, the tone of your voice, your vibe) makes up 93% of the communication between two people who are talking face-to-face.
This means that a mere 7% of the communication is actually based on the words.
Everything else is based on their behavior, body language, attitude, tone of voice and actions.
For example: Is a guy able to remain relaxed and confident around his ex, or does he become nervous, insecure and unsure of himself?
Does he maintain his cool around her when she’s being cold and unfriendly, or does he get upset or start to doubt his chances with her?
Can he confidently laugh at her attempts to make him feel like he’s not good enough for her, or does he start having doubts about himself and his value to her as soon as she says something negative?
A woman can’t see any of that in a love letter.
In most cases, a woman has a negative perception of her ex, so she then reads his texts and emails in a negative way.
She doesn’t think, “Wow! He is so confident via letter! He’s so manly now!”
Instead, in most cases, a woman rolls her eyes and feels turned off by her ex’s lame attempt to re-attract her into a relationship.
This is why, if you are serious about getting your ex back, you should seriously start to improve your ability to attract her during in person interactions.
In other words, prepare yourself to be able to be confident, charismatic, funny, emotionally masculine and charming the next time you talk to her.
If you do that, you will see how easy it is to re-attract a woman back into a relationship.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Buying her a gift or sending her flowers
Buying a gift or sending flowers rarely, if ever works.
A woman doesn’t feel impressed by flowers or a gift from a guy that she doesn’t fully respect or feel attracted to.
Instead, she thinks something like, “Does he really believe that my love is for sale? If he wants me back, he’s going to have to give me what really matters to me (i.e. a man I can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love), not try to buy me back with gifts and flowers.”
She knows very well that the flowers or gifts are not him.
They are objects that he’s sending her, in the hope that it makes her forget about all the bad times and want him again.
Unfortunately, she’s not going to be getting into a relationship with the flowers or gifts, so it doesn’t work.
Of course, sending flowers can work in other situations.
For example: When in a relationship and you upset your girlfriend or wife.
You can then give her flowers or a gift as a gesture to show her how sorry you are.
Yet, that is when you are in a relationship.
What we’re talking about here is getting an ex back.
In most ex back cases, the woman isn’t attracted anymore, so getting flowers or a gift doesn’t woo her or make her forget about all the bad times.
Instead, she rolls her eyes at her ex’s lame, misplaced attempt to re-attract her.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Not understanding that feelings have to be mutual for a relationship to work
Unlike in the past where a woman had to stay with her man even if she didn’t have feelings for him or if he treated her badly, in today’s world, a woman can leave a man if she wants to.
In most cases, a modern woman can choose who she wants to be with, without worrying about what society or her family will think.
So, don’t make the mistake of assuming that she will give you another chance if you tell her how much she means to you.
To get her back, you have to make the feelings mutual or at least close to mutual.
When you do that, getting back together happens naturally and quickly because she wants it just as much as you do.