Getting broken up with can either cause you to lose confidence in your attractiveness to women and go into your shell, or become more confident than ever before and become a magnet to women (including your ex).

What many guys don’t know is that going through the ex back process is an incredibly transformative experience that helps you become an even better man than you were before.

The ex back process is essentially about finding out where you messed up (usually not what she told you), improving in subtle areas (e.g. confidence level, approach to communication, masculine expression), re-attracting her and then keeping the relationship back together.

Before you begin that process though, here are 4 ways to help you become the man that your ex would want back:

1. Become the most confident you have ever been in life

If you don’t have a clear understanding of what confidence is, it’s very easy to get caught up thinking that it’s okay to feel dejected and to put yourself down after a break up.

You may even be thinking things like, “It’s all my fault that this happened,” or “I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have her and I stuffed everything up. I ruined her feelings for me. She deserves a better guy than me,” or “How will I ever find another woman like her to accept and love me?”

Yet, that’s not what someone who has confidence in himself would be thinking.

Become the most confident you have ever been in life

Yes, it’s only right that you will be feeling sad and disappointed about your break up.

Sure, you may experience days where you miss her so much it hurts.

Yet, feelings of sadness, disappointment or of missing your ex have nothing to do with how confident you feel about yourself as a man.

For a clearer understanding, here is the dictionary definition of confidence:

Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.

So, it’s very important that you use this opportunity (i.e. your break up) to build up your confidence, to the point where no matter what life throws at you (e.g. another break up, getting fired from your job, a challenging health issue, financial problems), nothing can erode how you feel about yourself as a man.

Never again will you have doubting thoughts about yourself, your value to women or your worthiness to your ex or anyone else.

For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…

  • Seeing yourself as already being a better man than you were when your ex dumped you, because you’ve understood where you went wrong in the relationship with her.
  • Taking definite steps to change and improve those things about yourself so that when you interact with your ex and other women, you automatically spark feelings of respect and attraction in them by displaying some of the qualities they’re instinctively drawn to (e.g. emotional strength, assertiveness, being a man of action, self-assurance).
  • Changing your self-talk (e.g. rather than putting yourself down when you make a mistake or fail at something and calling yourself things like, “Loser, idiot or chump” you say things like, “Everyone makes mistakes. This just gives me an opportunity to get even better.”)
  • Becoming more emotionally independent, so you don’t need your ex’s (or anyone else’s) approval or emotional support to feel good about yourself. You’re now a self-approving, confident man with or without her.
  • Believing in you attractiveness to your ex and other women, so you don’t feel as though any woman you want is out of your league. You know that you are more than good enough for any woman you choose and it comes through in your body language, attitude and behavior.

The more you believe in yourself, the more confident you will become.

Then, without even realizing it, it will become a reality.

If you then interact with your ex and she experiences the new you, her feelings will automatically begin to change.

Even if she tries to deny it to your face, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again for being so emotionally strong and becoming an even better man after the break up than you were before, rather than sinking into a pit of negativity, self-doubt and insecurity.

She will feel a spark with you and will wonder if maybe she should give you another chance.

When those kinds of thoughts enter her mind, the door to getting her back begins to open up and you can easily reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.

Another thing you can do to become the man that she would want back is…

2. Toughen up in the most important way of all: Emotional Masculinity

Toughen up in the most important way of all: Emotional masculinity

Emotional masculinity is different to physical masculinity.

So, before you rush off to join a gym and begin pumping weights to get bigger muscles, or change your wardrobe or appearance to look more manly (e.g. you start wearing leather jackets and dark sunglasses), consider the following:

If a guy is emotionally wimpy or sensitive, a woman isn’t impressed if he has muscles or any other type of physical masculinity.

So, even though she may appreciate and even be impressed that a guy has made an effort to improve himself physically, she’s going to be more interested in seeing whether he’s improved himself emotionally as well.

For example: Imagine a woman broke up with a guy because he was too wimpy and emotionally soft in the relationship with her.

No matter how much she pushed him, or how badly she treated him, he always backed down and let her get her way.

At the same time, he was often clingy and needy and got upset every time she wanted to do things independently from him and asked things like, “Do you still love me? Why don’t you want to be with me like I want to be with you?” or “Why do you hurt me this way? Don’t you realize you mean the world to me?”

Then, after the break up, he put all his attention on transforming himself into a really muscular, body-builder type with new clothes and a new haircut to re-attract her.

Yet, when she interacts with him, he still reacts the same as he did before (e.g. is wimpy and weak-minded, lets her get away with bad behavior, cries about how much he misses her).

As a result, rather than think things like, “Wow, he looks so hot and sexy now, that it doesn’t matter to me anymore that he still hasn’t leveled up as a man. I’m just going to overlook the fact that I can’t respect and feel attracted to an emotionally weak, wimpy guy and get back together with him because of his new appearance,” she’s going to be thinking something like, “It’s a pity that he didn’t put as much energy into improving the things about himself that really matter to me, like his emotional masculinity and his ability to make me feel respect and attraction for him as a man. If he had, I wouldn’t think twice about getting back with him. I would automatically want to give him another chance. However, he thought that his appearance was more important to me than fundamental traits like emotional strength, emotional independence and confidence. Too bad. I guess it’s truly over between us now.”

Here’s what you need to get clear on…

What matters most to a woman is your emotional masculinity.

In other words, your balls.

When she can experience the new emotionally masculine you during interactions, she will naturally relax into thinking, talking and behaving like a real woman around you (i.e. feminine, girly).

Her guard will then start to slip down and she will open back up to being in a relationship with you again.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should let yourself go, avoid exercising and wear old, unattractive clothes.

Instead, just know that it’s not the most important thing to a woman.

Who you are as a man is (i.e. confident, emotionally masculine, emotionally dominant).

Another thing you can do to become the man that she would want back is…

3. Become fearless when it comes to love

Become fearless when it comes to love

Too many men are afraid to show their love and appreciation of a woman in a relationship, because they worry that it won’t be reciprocated and they will then be in the one down position.

Yet, a real man doesn’t ever worry that he will be in the one down position, because he never is.

It takes balls to be fearless when it comes to love.

To not need 100% reciprocation from your girlfriend or wife all the time.

Ironically, when you are that type of man, she loves you more than she has loved any other guy.

So, if you were a bit closed off in your relationship with your ex before, you need to become more fearless when expressing your emotions now.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should suddenly become an emotional wuss who doesn’t stop talking about his feelings.

Instead, it’s about being fearless with your emotions like a man (i.e. maintaining your composure and masculinity, while also expressing some emotions without fearing how your ex will react or respond).

For example: Imagine you’re meeting up with your ex to say “Hi” as friends.

An emotionally fearless man will have the balls to say something like, “I’m happy to see you. You really look amazing.”

On the other hand, a man who is emotionally closed off and afraid of being hurt by showing love will likely say something along the lines of, “Hey, how are things with you these days?”

As you can probably see, there’s a big difference between the two.

One is open and loving, the other is closed and guarded.

Another example is if the woman then responds to the emotionally fearless guy with something like, “Thanks. It’s nice of you to say that. However, I hope you don’t think my agreeing to meet up with you again means I want to get back with you, because I don’t.”

Once again, the truly emotionally fearless guy (not one who is pretending to be), will maintain his confidence and respond with something like, “Who said anything about getting back together again? Sure I’d really like that, but I’ve accepted your decision and I’m cool with us just being friends for now.”

When you do that with a woman, she naturally feels strong surges of respect and attraction for you for being man enough to open up to her, without being needy or insecure about it, even though you’re broken up.

She then feels drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her and you can then build on her feelings and get her back.

Another thing you can do to become the man that she would want back is…

4. Have the courage to guide awkward interactions back to laughter and feelings of easy love

Have the courage to guide awkward interactions back to laughter and feelings of easy love

In most ex back cases, the guy will usually be feeling awkward, tense and unsure of himself as he attempts to interact with his ex woman again.

At the back of his mind he may even be wondering things like, “What if she refuses to talk to me?” or, “What if she tells me that she’ll never give me another chance?” or, “What if I can’t convince her to give our relationship one more try?”

Yet, thinking like that only creates more tension.

As a result, the interaction becomes unpleasant for both the guy and the woman and she then likely says something like, “Look, I think we both stand a better chance of healing from this break up if we don’t see or talk to each other again. Please accept that and try to move on.”

That’s not what you want.

This is why, it’s always best to use humor to lighten the mood when interacting with your ex, so that she ends up thinking things like, “He’s so different now. I actually look forward to hearing from him or seeing him again. He really is a new man. Maybe we can work things out between us after all.”

So, don’t be afraid to make her laugh and smile when you talk to her, rather than being too serious and only focusing on discussing the relationship and what went wrong.

When you use humor to guide awkward conversations or interactions back to laughter and feelings of easy love, it becomes a lot more difficult for your ex to hold on to her negative feelings about you.

She starts feeling respect and attraction for you again and her guard comes down, making her more open to the idea of talking to you on the phone and seeing you in person again and again.

You can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and guide her back into a loving relationship with you, that’s even better than it was before.

Become the Man That She Would Want Back Faster By Avoiding These Common Ex Back Mistakes

You can get your ex back if you want to.

However, you need to approach it the right way.

If you don’t, you may end up turning her off even more and reducing your chances with her.

This is why, you need to avoid making the following ex back mistakes:

1. Talking about how much you want her and hoping that saying it will make her want you in the same way

Sometimes a guy might say things like, “I want you to know that I still love you and really want you back. I really want us to figure this out and get back together again.”

Essentially, he’s hoping that his ex will then say something like, “Oh, that’s amazing! Now that I know you still care for me, I can open up and be honest with you too! I want you back too!”

Yet, here’s the thing…

If a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a man, then him telling her how much he wants her isn’t going to make her suddenly feel the same way about him.

So, if you want your ex to want you back, don’t waste time discussing your feelings with her.

Instead, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for the new, improved version of you, so that her wanting you back happens naturally.

When you approach it that way, you don’t have to try to force an answer out of her that she doesn’t want to give.

Instead, you allow her to want you back out of her own free will, because it feels like the right thing for her to do.

The next mistake to avoid is…

2. Not knowing what women really find attractive in a man

Often, a guy thinks that what a woman wants in a man is for him to be kind and sweet and to let her call all the shots and make all the decisions.

He might also think that giving up everything else in his life (e.g. his goals, interests, hobbies, friends) and sticking solely with her is a sign of his devotion to her.

However, although he might think that he’s doing the right thing by showing her that he’s willing to do anything for her, that’s not what women find attractive in a man.

Yes, there are some women who like that kind of behavior in a man, because it gives them a sense of power over him (i.e. usually unattractive women who won’t be able to find another man).

The majority of women however, don’t.

Here’s the thing…

A woman’s emotional attraction to a guy is based on how he makes her feel by the way he talks, interacts with her, his body language, his attitude and the way her responds to her.

It’s who he is when she’s interacting with him.

For example:

  • Is he confident and emotionally strong, or insecure and uncertain of himself?
  • Does he make her feel like a feminine woman when she’s with him, or does she feel neutral or friendly emotions towards him?
  • Does she look up to him, respect him and feel proud that he’s her man, of does she feel like she can’t look up to him and respect him and even looks down on him a little bit?
  • Is he manly and leading in the relationship, or does she feel like she’s emotionally stronger than him and like she has power over him and is calling all the shots?

That’s what really matters to a woman.

So, if you’re serious about becoming a better man and getting your ex back, you have to understand what attracts a woman to a man and give her those things.

When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings, everything changes.

The process of getting her back becomes really easy, because she is feeling open to you.

She likes interacting with you. She enjoys it.

However if you continue to interact with her in ways that turn her off, then getting her back is going to be very difficult.

The next mistake to avoid is…

3. Trying to impress her by making superficial changes to your physical appearance

The truth is, that although your ex might appreciate it if you make some effort to improve yourself physically, it’s almost certainly not going to be the thing that convinces her to give you another chance.

What will?

The way you make her feel when she’s with you.

For example:

  • Do you make her feel like a feminine woman when she’s with you, or more like a neutral friend?
  • Do you make her feel safe and taken care of by being the more emotionally dominant one, or does she feel like she has to take care of you?
  • Do you say and do things that earn her respect, or do you often behave in ways that make her look down on you and feel disappointed with you?

These are the types of things that really matter to a woman.

So, change your physical appearance if you want to, but be aware that it’s the emotional changes you make that will get results in the end.

The next mistake to avoid is…

4. Trying to be romantic before making her feel attracted to you again

When a woman has disconnected from her feelings for a guy, him doing things to be romantic (e.g. buying her flowers, sending her love letters or poems, asking her to go out to an intimate dinner with him), doesn’t appeal to her.

Instead, she feels annoyed that he thinks romantic gestures will make her forget about the reasons why she broke up with him and give him another chance.

As a result, she loses even more respect for him.

This is why you shouldn’t try to be romantic with your ex if she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore.

Women only appreciate romance from men that they feel sexually and romantically attracted to.

So, focus on re-attracting her first.

Then, when you’re also romantic after that, she will appreciate it and feel grateful to be with a man who not only sparks her feelings in the ways that are important to her, he also showers her with romance.

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