Here are 10 common reasons why a couple will break up due to age differences:
1. Even though the man was older, the woman felt as though he wasn’t emotionally mature enough
In some cases, a woman will get into a relationship with an older man because she believes that he’s at a maturity level most guys her age haven’t reached yet.
For example: She might assume he…
- Is over his partying days and is more ready to settle down and start a family.
- Has decided what he wants out of life and is already making progress on achieving that (i.e. has clear goals, dreams and a purpose in life, rather than drifting along, hanging out with friends and just wasting time like many younger guys do, or feeling uncertain and unsure of what he wants to do).
- Is financially better off, or at least knows how to invest for the future.
- Will be able to take care of her.
- Is more responsible.
- Is more confident and emotionally strong.
- Is more comforting and supportive.
Yet, age doesn’t necessarily ensure that a person is more mature emotionally.
So, a younger woman may end up feeling shocked to discover that the older man she fell for, isn’t living up to her expectations (e.g. he behaves a lot like the younger guys she’s dated, doesn’t have a clear purpose in life, has failed at his attempts to become successful, or has become successful and thinks that he doesn’t have to put in much effort into a relationship now because he’s valuable).
As a result, she may decide to break up with him and look to find a man who is more emotionally mature in the ways that are important to her.
2. The man used his older age as an excuse to act like a controlling, bossy father figure
For example: He might…
- Tell her what she can and cannot wear.
- Restrict who she’s allowed to hang out with and when.
- Tell her what she should do with her life.
- Scold, or even punish her (e.g. stop talking to her, no longer support her, get very angry at her, cancel something he’d promised her, or treat her badly) if she makes a mistake, or doesn’t do what she’s told.
- Expect her to always do what he says, even though she doesn’t want to, because it’s “for her own good” and because, “he knows better than her.”
Of course, some women (e.g. a woman who has daddy issues and is looking for a father figure in her life), will accept that kind of relationship and stick with a man like that.
However, the majority of women will eventually get fed up with a guy who is controlling, tells her what to do, or treats her like an irresponsible child.
One of the reasons why is that most women will act like they need a man to take care of them, but in reality, they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.
Women do that because it creates an enjoyable sexual and romantic dynamic for a relationship, where the man is protecting her and keeping her safe from the big bad world out there, which makes him feel strong, proud and important and makes her feel safe, attracted and loved.
Yet, it doesn’t mean that the woman can’t take care of herself, or is stupid.
So, if a woman gets into a relationship with an older man who is too controlling, or treats her like a naive, stupid child, she will lose respect for him for taking the dynamic way too far.
She will usually then choose to break up with him because she’s an individual, she’s not stupid and is not his property.
The man who gets dumped in a situation like that will often then beg, plead, cry to her or will become angry at her and try to control her further.
Yet, both of those approaches will just push her away further.
What works in a situation like that is when a man has the maturity to laugh at himself, apologize to her and let her know that he was silly to behave like that.
Then, let her know that he accepts the break up, is sorry for treating her that way and wishes her all the best.
As a result, she realizes that he understands his mistake, is being mature about it and deserves her respect.
When she feels respect for him again, her attraction comes back and she begins to fall in love with him again.
When that happens, she realizes that it would be a mistake to walk away from him because he’s clearly a confident, mature man who simply made a mistake.
Another reason for a break up due to age difference is…
3. The older man couldn’t keep up with the younger woman’s desire to have fun and enjoy life
Some younger women are happy to have a calm, laid-back relationship (e.g. stay home most of the time, go out to restaurants for dinner sometimes, occasionally hang out with friends who are married or in a relationship) with an older man.
However, in some cases, a younger woman may want her and her older man to keep up with younger couples that she knows (e.g. her friends or coworkers).
For example: She might want to…
- Go partying and get wasted drunk sometimes.
- Stay up very late even though they have to go to work the next day.
- Have sex for hours, or experiment with challenging positions just for the fun of it.
- Be a bit irresponsible (e.g. pack up and go away on vacation in the spur of the moment, skip work, eat fattening foods, drive a little too fast sometimes, be impolite to people sometimes) without worrying about the consequences.
- Participate in physically challenging activities like skydiving, surfing, rock climbing, physical sports, etc.
- Act a little silly or crazy sometimes just for the fun of it (e.g. joke around a little too much, throw a tantrum, drink a little too much).
If she notices that her older guy can’t have fun and enjoy life in the way that she wants, she may eventually decide to break up with him and look for a younger man who can hopefully keep up with her.
4. The older man never really wanted to settle down with her
Many older men who’ve been through a divorce, or who have had a lot of relationships break up in the past, will often develop a distrust of women in relationships.
As a result, they will lean towards being a player, or giving a younger woman the impression that they are in love with her and want to build a life with her.
That will last as long as she doesn’t push him for a serious commitment.
If she starts talking about marriage or children, a man like that will quickly pull away and focus on finding himself a replacement woman who just wants a casual relationship.
5. The woman thought she wanted an older guy, but couldn’t stop feeling more attracted to men her own age
Some reasons why:
- She now feels that she has more in common with guys her own age.
- She perceives the relationship with him as being like that of a parent/child rather than a boyfriend/girlfriend, which she now knows is a turn off to her.
- She finds him mentally attractive, but is more physically attracted to younger men.
- She finds him physically attractive, but is more emotionally attracted to younger men (e.g. younger men seem a bit more adventurous, open minded and daring compared to her older man who is settled in his ways, doesn’t want to take any risks and lives by a fairly strict routine).
- There isn’t much of a sexual spark between them and she sees him as being her friend rather than her lover.
So, rather than stick around in the relationship and feel like she’s missing out, or potentially end up cheating, she breaks up with him instead.
6. The relationship became boring
In some cases, a relationship starts off feeling fun and exciting, but the romantic and sexual spark gradually fizzles out and being together feel dull, boring and predictable.
Alternatively, a couple falls in love and has a great romance, but then ends up feeling more like friends.
So, if a guy gets dumped in a situation like that, he may end up assuming that the break up was mainly because of the age difference.
Yet, boredom, or ending up feeling more like friends can cause a break up regardless of whether a couple is the same age, or many years or a decade or more apart.
So, ask yourself: Is it possible that the relationship with your ex lost the all important spark of sexual and romantic attraction, which is the real reason why she broke up with you?
Is it possible that you treated her like your girlfriend initially, but ended up treating her more like a friend later on?
The good news is that, regardless of your answer, you can do something about it and get her back.
When you reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you during interactions, she will feel drawn to you again, regardless of the age difference.
Attraction is what brings men and women together.
Without it, there’s no reason to be together in a relationship.
So, if you suspect that the spark of attraction died in the relationship with your ex, some of the ways to bring it back are…
Using humor to make her smile, laugh and feel like she’s having fun every time she interacts with you from now on, rather than trying to have serious, deep discussions about what went wrong in the relationship.
Flirting with her to create sexual tension, rather than being too nice, neutral or on your best behavior in the hope of impressing her, or getting her to take pity on you.
Being a good man to her, but also being more of a challenge (i.e. you don’t always say or do things to please her, you have the balls to playfully say no to some things she asks of you), so she feels attracted, excited, awakened and motivated to put in some effort to impress you to maintain your interest.
The more you make her feel attracted in new and interesting ways, the more she will open up become to giving you another chance, or at least to hooking up to see if things feel different now.
7. The younger guy wasn’t able to mature fast enough to keep up with the older woman
Some young guys can be pretty mature for their age, or are the kind who mature quickly (or grow up fast) when in a relationship with an older woman.
Yet, some guys struggle to get to the same maturity level as their older woman fast enough to maintain her interest.
As a result, she begins to doubt whether he is the right man for her long term.
The thing is, for a relationship to last, there has to be more than just a superficial attraction between the man and woman.
In other words, although a couple might be physically attracted to each other and enjoy each other’s company initially, that simply won’t be enough to keep the relationship together for life.
For example: For an older woman to want to stick with a younger guy, she needs him to be able to keep up with her level of maturity, so she doesn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to seen with him, or spend time with him around friends or family.
In some cases, an older woman will notice that she’s more established in her career, while her younger man seems to be drifting along without knowing what he wants to do.
Initially she might be totally fine with that, but eventually, she starts to feel as though she has to take care of him (i.e. like his mother would) due to his lack of purpose and direction in life.
Additionally, he might even talk to her as though she is like a mentor, or mother figure to him, which will gradually turn her off.
In other cases, an older might be looking for a man to settle down with and if she already has children with someone else, for him to take on the role of a father figure to them.
Yet, her younger man just wants to have fun, party, drink with her and enjoy the sex, without the added responsibilities of getting serious with an older woman.
She usually won’t break up with him right away because of that, but if he doesn’t begin to mature and be the kind of man that can take on the additional responsibilities of being with her, it will eventually feel wrong for her to stick with him.
8. She thought an older man would understand how to keep a relationship together better than a younger guy, but he wasn’t able to
Just because a guy is older, it doesn’t mean he knows how to maintain and build on a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction in a relationship.
Some younger women don’t realize that and end up feeling bitterly disappointed when they date an older guy and he ruins the relationship dynamic with his insecurity, or ineffective approach (e.g. being too needy, expecting too much or too little of her, losing control of his emotions too often, being vindictive).
Here’s the thing…
A guy can be young (e.g. 18-25) and truly know what it takes to make a woman want to stick with him for life, treat him well and do everything she can to maintain his interest in her (e.g. he believes in his value to her, he’s emotionally independent while also making her feel loved and appreciated, he maintains his confidence regardless of any drama she might be creating to make him feel insecure, he occasionally behaves in a playfully challenging way, which makes her want to impress him and also makes her feel excited and awake when around him).
On the other hand, a guy can be much older (e.g. 40+) and go through one failed relationship to the next, because he hasn’t really leveled up his understanding of what makes a woman feel loved and want to commit to a man for life.
For example: He may just assume that because he’s paid off his house, has a nice car and is able to take her on holidays or vacations, then she should be happy and want to stick with him for life.
Yet, he fails to realize that most men in this world aren’t financially successful, struggle to pay bills, have to save for years to take a holiday, but are still able to have a happy, loving relationship with a woman that lasts for life.
The majority of what keeps a woman happy, committed and in love is how she feels when she is around her man, rather than what he has achieved or paid off.
She is in a relationship with him, not with his achievements or possessions.
9. The younger guy wasn’t able to attract women his own age and accepted an older woman
If a woman senses that a younger guy is only with her because he can’t attract women his own age, she will secretly feel turned off.
She may accept his attention and affection initially, but she will privately struggle to feel proud to have attracted to him because women his own age just aren’t interested in him.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to feel that her guy is liked and wanted by women (i.e. he can have his choice of women), but has chosen her.
That makes her feel lucky, special and attracted to him.
Yet, if she senses that he can’t attract other women, so he has lowered his standards to accept an older woman, just so he can get laid or get some loving attention, she will gradually begin to feel like she’s doing him a favor.
Women don’t like to feel like that, even if they secretly see themselves as being unattractive, or not as attractive as they used to be.
Essentially, when a man makes a woman feel that way, he gives her a false sense of superiority over him, which makes her feel like she’s too good for him, even though she really isn’t.
10. Her family and friends really didn’t approve, which eventually became too much for her to handle
Some women put a lot of value into what their family or friends think of her boyfriend.
So, if a woman’s family or friends don’t approve of her (younger or older) guy, she will eventually break up with him rather than continuing to upset her family and friends, or risk losing their love and support.
Of course, if she she’s truly attracted and in love with her guy, it won’t matter what her family thinks of him, or if they approve.
Instead, she will follow her heart, because she understands that he’s a catch (i.e. a real man) and she may end up regretting it for the rest of her life if she lets him go.
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