Here are 5 ways to make it work with her now:
1. Give her a new attraction experience
To get an ex back after years apart, you need to make sure that you’re not still stuck at the same level you were at back when you were first dating.
If you interact with her and she realizes that you’re still turning her off in the same ways that you did before, she’s not going to want you back in her life.
To successfully get her back, you first need to understand her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you.
Then, when you interact with her again, you will be able to give her a new and improved attraction experience, which will naturally make her feel drawn to you again.
Start the process by figuring out what caused your break up with your ex all those years ago and make sure you’ve changed those things about yourself (e.g. you’re more emotionally independent now, you are more confident and you believe in you attractiveness and value to her).
However, there are also more subtle things you might not be aware of that can cause a woman to feel turned off by a guy, so make sure you’ve changed and improved in those areas too.
For example: Some of those things might be…
- He’s too nice all the time and he lets her get away with bad behavior so she doesn’t respect him as a man.
- He struggles to make decisions without her approval or say-so.
- He’s unsure of himself around her or in social situations.
- He treats her more like she’s he’s nice, neutral friend than like an attractive, desirable woman that he feels sexually attracted to.
- He’s only confident when things are familiar to him, but when faced with something unexpected, he becomes insecure and self-doubting.
- He lacks presence as a man (e.g. he’s reserved and self-conscious in social situations).
- He’s too needy and clingy and always wants to spend time with her, because he’s too afraid to follow through and make progress on his big goals and dreams in life.
When you change in the ways that really matter to your ex and then you interact with her again, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a whole new surge of respect and sexual attraction for you.
It will feel like she’s meeting you for the first time, rather than judging you based on the man you used to be before.
When that happens, her guard starts to slip down and the path to a new and happier relationship opens up before you.
However, make sure that you…
2. Base the new relationship on love and laughter
One of the most important things to remember when dating an ex after years apart is not to put too much pressure on her (and yourself) to make the relationship work this time around.
Where many guys go wrong in a situation like yours, is they start thinking things like, “I’m lucky to be getting another chance with her after all these years, so I can’t afford to screw things up again.”
As a result, a guy like that puts on his best behavior around his ex and starts saying things like, “I promise you that things will be different this time. You’ll see that I’ve changed after all the years apart and I’m going to be a much better boyfriend this time around so we never have to get to the point where we break up ever again.”
Essentially, he’s likely thinking that he’s doing the right thing by reassuring her in that way.
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “This is great! It’s so comforting to know that after all the years apart, we can now start a new relationship that will last forever!” his words will simply make her feel pressured into committing to a future with him.
However, although a woman might want that to happen in the long term, she usually doesn’t want to be pressured into it right away before she’s had a chance to fully reconnect with her lost feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
So, if you really want things to work out with your ex, it’s always best to avoid talking about a future together as a couple.
Instead, just focus on having fun and getting to know each other in a whole new and exciting way, so you make her fall in love with you all over again.
For example: Something you might say to her is, “Hey, lets not talk about our old relationship, or where this is going. Instead, let’s start over with a clean slate and just focus on hanging out and having fun together and see where things from there, without the pressure of being afraid we’re going to repeat the mistakes from the past.”
By saying something like that to your ex, not only does it take the pressure off, it also makes her see you in a more positive light (i.e. because you’re being a confident, emotionally mature man).
She then naturally drops her guard and allows herself to open up to the new you, without always bringing up your past mistakes in her mind.
Then, when she sees for herself that you really have changed and are a better man now (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally mature, more emotionally masculine), she will naturally start to feel surges of respect and attraction for you in a way that feels good to her.
So, make sure that you relax and focus on making your ex laugh, smile and feel good to be around you.
The more you do that, the faster she will reconnect with her dormant feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
You can then build a long lasting relationship from there.
However, if she still seems a bit closed off, you need to…
3. Laugh at the silly mistakes you and her made before
For example: Imagine you’re talking to your ex on the phone and she says something along the lines of, “I don’t know if we should get back together again. I still can’t forget how you hurt me before.”
Instinctively, you might want to defend yourself and say something like, “Please don’t bring that up. I know I was a jerk back then, but I promise you I’ve changed. Please give me another chance to prove it to you,” but that’s not going to show her the new confident, emotionally strong you.
Instead, it’s going to put her in a position of dominance over you, because she now has the power to decide whether you and her will get back together again, which actually makes her lose respect for you as a man and causes her to feel turned off by you at a deep, instinctive level.
She will then likely pull away from you by saying something like, “You know… I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t think it’s a good idea to start dating again after so many years apart. It didn’t work then and I don’t think it’s going to work now.”
So a better way to respond to your ex when she says something like that to you is to laugh and say, “Yes, I was an idiot back then, wasn’t I? I sometimes think back to the way I behaved and I can’t believe that was me. No wonder you broke up with me then. I would have dumped me too!” and have a laugh about it with her.
By laughing at yourself and your past mistakes, it shows your ex that you’re no longer the same guy you were all those years ago.
Instead, you’ve grown up and matured as a man.
You’ve learned from your mistakes and have taken steps to become a better, man.
As a result, she naturally drops her guard and starts to relax, smile, laugh and feel good around you again.
When she does that, she then becomes open to letting go of what happened in the past and giving the relationship another chance.
Just make sure that you also…
4. Let her feel safe that you are now a much more mature and emotionally masculine man
Probably one of the most important things your ex is going to be looking out for now is whether you’ve grown up as a man since you and her split up.
So it’s up to you to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to her, that you have changed in the ways that are important to her.
- You’re more emotionally independent, which means that you don’t need her in your life to feel good about yourself. Yes, you want her, but you’re still happy, satisfied and fulfilled with, or without her.
- You’re less insecure and self-doubting now, which means you don’t feel the need to cling to her, get jealous or control her anymore.
- You’re more emotionally mature now, which means that you aren’t running around being irresponsible and not having a clear plan for your future, and by association, her future with you.
- You’re more emotionally masculine now, which means you no longer feel intimidated by her confident personality. You stand up to her in a dominant, yet loving way, and make her feel like a feminine, girly woman as a result.
When she experiences those kinds of changes in you, she naturally starts to think about her future with you.
She begins to see that she can now rely on you to create a relationship dynamic that will make her feelings for you grow over time and cause her to want to treat you well, be attentive, loving and affectionate.
As a result, her defenses come down and she begins to feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
5. Get to a kiss and then sex and blow her mind ,/h3>
The main thing to remember is that the fastest way to make your ex want to be in a relationship with you again after years apart, is to actively make her have strong feelings for you again.
When she’s interacting with you and she’s feeling a lot of respect and sexual attraction for the man that you are now, it becomes difficult for her to remain closed off and guarded.
So, don’t waste time being on your best behavior around her and hoping that if you take things slow, she will warm up to you again and want to be your girl.
Instead, use every interaction to make her feel strong surges of respect and desire for you, so she’s left thinking, “This feels so good. I love being around him now.”
Focus on building the sexual tension between you and her to the point where she can’t stop herself from wanting you to release the pent up emotions inside of her with kissing and sex.
Then, when it feels like an appropriate time, give her a hug and then progress to kissing.
From there, hook up with her sexually, blow her mind, get her back for real and enjoy the great times ahead!
Where Guys Go Wrong When Dating an Ex After Years Apart
If you want things to work with your ex this time around, make sure you don’t turn her off by saying and doing the types of things that will ruin her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
For example: Some mistakes to avoid are…
1. Trying to make it all happen via text and then turning her off in the process
Texting is fine if you want to break the ice and get back into contact with your ex after years of being apart.
However, using text as your main way of trying to get her back simply won’t work.
Essentially, because your ex hasn’t seen you in a while, the way she will be thinking about you will be based on the guy you were all those years ago when you and her broke up.
So if, for example, back then you used to be a bit insecure and tended to get jealous every time she interacted with another guy, she’s likely going to assume that you’re still like that.
Alternatively, if you were a bit childish and irresponsible and enjoyed to party, drink too much and do silly things, she’s probably going to have that picture of you in her mind.
So, if you only interact with her via text, she won’t be able to see for herself that the things she remembers about you that turned her off before, are no longer there.
That is why, if you want things to go well with your ex, make sure that you’re not trying to make it happen via text.
Instead, get on a phone call, or better still, get to an in person meet up right away.
When she can observe your assertive body language, hear the confidence in your voice and experience the man you have become for herself, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some surges of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her defenses come down and she wants to start dating again because she feels drawn to the man you are now.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Feeling unwelcome to reach out after so long apart
Sometimes a guy might say to himself, “What if I call her and she rejects me? Even worse, what if I call her and she doesn’t even remember me? Besides, it’s been such a long time since we split up that I’m sure she will have moved on by now with some other guy.”
As a result, he doesn’t make a move to contact his ex and ends up missing out on the opportunity to get her back.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t at least give it a shot to get your ex back, you may end up always wondering if you let the love of your life get away.
On the other hand, if you do contact her (i.e. by calling her on the phone and then meeting up with her in person), reactivate her feelings for you and get her back, you’ll always be grateful to yourself that you had the courage to make a move.
So, don’t let your doubts stand in the way of your happiness.
Go ahead and contact your ex and then reawaken her feelings for you so that you can get her back.
You can do it.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Not knowing that he can actively create a spark and make her fall in love with him
When a guy has been apart from his ex for years, he may develop insecurities and doubts about his ability to get her back.
This is especially true if he contacts her and she doesn’t seem very interested in talking to him or seeing him in person again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex doesn’t have feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean she will feel the same way a week from now after you’ve reawakened her feelings of respect and sexual attraction.
All it takes is a small spark to light a fire.
In the same way, all it takes is one call or meet up to make your ex see you in a different light and make her want to give you another chance.
You can take control of the ex back process by interacting with her and re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, flirting with her to create sexual tension, making her feel good to be in your presence again).
Suddenly, she realizes that you really are different now and she really does feel differently about you as well.
It makes her curious and she feels intrigued about the man you have become after all these years apart and she wants to explore her new feelings for you, rather than cutting you off and then potentially regretting it later.
She’s then more open to talking to you, hanging out with you and seeing where things go from there.
So, don’t give up.
You really can change how she feels and get her back, if you want to.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Sending out feeler texts and hoping that she makes all the moves
Another way that guys go wrong is by sending a woman feeler texts to see if she’ll respond with signs of interest.
For example: A guy might text his ex something like, “Hey, what have you been doing all this time? Are you in a new relationship now?” in the hope that she will respond by saying, “No, I’m not seeing anyone. To be honest, I’ve been thinking about you all this time and the only person I want to be in a relationship with is you.”
Of course, a woman will almost never say that to a guy, especially if they’ve been apart for years.
However, he doesn’t see it that way and because his ex doesn’t seem overly interested in a relationship, he loses confidence.
He doesn’t realize that a relationship is the last step of the ex back process.
Here’s the thing…
To get your ex to the point where she wants to be in a relationship with you, you first need to reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction.
Only when she’s feeling drawn to you in ways that feel good to her will she be interested in getting back together again for real.
However, you will still have to be the one who makes it happen.
Don’t expect her to make the moves, because in almost all ex back cases, the woman will wait to see if the guy is man enough to get her back.
If he’s too insecure or unsure of himself and waits for her to make it easy for him, she will usually decide that he’s not the right guy for her and close herself off to him once again.
Another mistake to avoid is…
5. Waiting even longer and then losing her forever
Sometimes a guy sits around hoping things will work themselves out between him and his ex, without any interference from him.
So, instead of interacting with her and actively re-sparking her feelings for him, he just waits for the right moment (which never comes) to make a move.
He’s then stunned to find out that his ex had truly moved on (e.g. she’s engaged, getting married, having a baby) and he’s lost his last chance with her.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
Dating an ex after years apart is a golden opportunity that you cannot waste.
You now have the chance to get the woman you love back and experience a new and profound love with her.
So, get to a meet up with her as soon as possible where you can reactivate her feelings for you and begin your new adventure together.