If she has a new crush, here are 5 things you should do right now to ensure that you don’t lose her:
1. Understand that it almost certainly means she is intending on dating him during your break if she can
Being on break means that your girlfriend is free to explore and do what she wants.
If she can get her crush to like her and make a move on her, she may decide to date him to fully explore her feelings for him.
If he then makes her feel attracted in ways that you don’t, or haven’t been able to do for a long time (e.g. he’s more attentive and loving towards her, makes her feel like a feminine woman when she’s with him rather than like a friend, is more confident than you, behaves in a more manly way than you), she will naturally start to feel more drawn to him than she does to you.
She might then begin thinking things like, “I know I’m currently on a break with my boyfriend, but I’m beginning to think that I don’t want to get back together again. I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore. My new crush has opened my eyes to what I’ve been missing out on and I like how I feel when I’m with him (e.g. excited, turned on, sexy and desirable). On the other hand, when I’m with my boyfriend, everything feels drab, boring and old. I think it’s time for us to admit that our relationship has gone stale and it’s time that we both move on and make a fresh start with someone else.”
When that happens, it’s only a matter of time before she says something along the lines of, “Look, I’m really sorry, but I’ve decided to make our break up permanent. I really do care for you, but I’m no longer in love with you in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way. I think our relationship has run it’s course and it’s better if we both just accept being friends, move on and find someone else.”
So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to take action now, rather than wait around and hope your girlfriend won’t act out on her feelings for her new crush.
You need to…
2. Interact with her and make her feel attracted in different ways than you usually do
The main thing that you have in your favor that your girlfriend’s new crush doesn’t have at this moment, is that you know her better than he does.
This means that even though she feels drawn to him right now, you can still interact with her every chance you get over the phone and particularly in person and say and do the things that you know for sure she loves and feels most attracted to you for (e.g. you’re loving and attentive, you’re ambitious and determined to succeed, you are trustworthy and reliable).
However, you also have to start attracting her in new ways as well.
Remember: The things that your girlfriend finds attractive about her new crush, are likely the things she feels were lacking in her relationship with you.
For example: Her new crush might be a bit of a bad boy who doesn’t let her get away with bad behavior (e.g. when she’s being disrespectful towards him, throwing tantrums when she doesn’t get her way).
Instead, he playfully puts her back in her place and lets her see that he is the man and she needs to respect him because of it, rather than being a pain in the butt around him.
If you’re the kind of guy who assumes that letting a woman always get her way is the best approach to take, you may think, “How can she put up with that kind of treatment from him? When we were together I always let her have her way. I’m sure she won’t stay attracted to him for very long. Surely she will realize that I treated her better and she will then want me back, right?”
Yet, what you might not realize is that although a woman likes to be with a man who is good to her, if you hand over all your power to her and submit to everything she wants, it becomes very difficult for her to respect you.
If she can’t respect you, she also can’t feel real attraction for you and as a result, she feels more drawn to her new crush instead, because she can’t dominate him emotionally.
This is why, if you want to re-attract your girlfriend and make her choose you over her new crush, you need to make sure that your approach to attraction is new and different from now on (i.e. if you’ve always been extra nice and submissive towards her, start being more ballsy while still being a good guy to her).
Only when she feels attracted to you in new ways, will she stop feeling more attracted to her new crush and other guys and open back up to you again.
She won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and then, the idea of losing you will start to worry her.
She will then naturally want to talk to you and see you in person more often to see how she feels.
This is why, the next thing you need to do is…
3. Start fixing the subtle things about you that turned her off
Of course, it won’t matter that you’re re-attracting your girlfriend in new and exiting ways if she realizes that deep down you’re still the same guy as before.
So, to successfully reactivate her feelings for you and make her want to get back together again, you first need to understand her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you and start fixing those things about yourself.
Then, when you interact with her, she will be able to see that not only are you able to give her a new and improved attraction experience, you’ve also gone deeper than that and have improved on the more subtle things about you that have been turning her off.
That causes her to feel drawn to you and intrigued by her new, interesting feelings for you and makes her want to focus on fixing things with you, rather than exploring her feelings for her new crush.
For example: Some of the more subtle things that might turn a woman off and make her want to take a break from her guy are…
- His inability to lead in the relationship and instead expecting her to make all the decisions.
- Being unable to cope with her moods (e.g. when she’s sulking, throwing a tantrum, being argumentative), taking everything personally and getting overly emotional about it (e.g. he gets angry, annoyed, upset, sucks up to her).
- He doesn’t put in any effort to get on with her family or friends and instead avoids them and expects her to go to get-togethers without him.
- He takes everything too seriously and never seems to relax and just have fun.
- He expects her to agree with him on everything (e.g. politics, sports), or even when he’s wrong or out of line.
- He spends more time playing video games with his friends than he does with her, so she feels excluded and like she’s in second place.
- He isn’t overly affectionate towards her (e.g. doesn’t like to hold hands or kiss) so she feels insecure about her attractiveness to him.
By improving the subtle things about yourself, you make your girlfriend feel heard and understood.
This automatically sparks her feelings of respect and attraction for you and she then feels happy to work on the relationship and get back together again.
On the other hand, if you avoid this important step, you will only be able to re-attract her for as long as it takes for her to realize you’re still stuck at the same level you were at before.
She will then feel even more attracted to her new crush and she will either continue saying things like, “I’m not ready to get back together yet. I need more space,” in the hope that you and her will eventually drift apart, or she will simply say, “Sorry, but this break has made me realize that we’re not right for each other. I think it’s best for both of us if we break up and move on.”
So, don’t let it get to that point.
At the same time, you need to also…
4. Start enjoying your life without her
This is hard for most guys to do and some may even wonder things like, “If she notices that I’m having fun without her, won’t it make her angry and push her into her new crushes arms to get revenge on me?”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though getting on with your life might feel a bit scary to you right now, it’s important for helping you stop being so attached to your girlfriend.
It also reminds you that you are your own man and even though you definitely do care about her and want her back, you don’t need her back to feel good about yourself and to be able to have a good life.
At the same time, it causes her to feel like she is losing you and because you’ve been re-attracting her all along (i.e. by interacting with her and showing her that you’ve changed and improved in some of the ways that are important to her), it worries her.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of how to go about having fun without your girlfriend, here are a few ideas to help you…
- Spend some time pursuing your own personal dreams and goals.
- Join a meet up group in your area that does something you enjoy doing (e.g. gaming, debating, discussing politics/philosophy/science, dancing, hiking, photography).
- Take up a new group hobby or sport where you will be able to meet and socialize with other people on a regular basis (e.g. martial arts, basketball, water polo).
- Get in touch and hang out with old friends that you may have lost contact with because of your relationship with your girlfriend and begin having fun in social situations with them, or doing outdoor activities with them again.
When you take your mind off your girlfriend and what she’s up to now that you and her are on a break and start living a good life without her, you automatically become more attractive to her (and to other women as well).
As a result, she wants to be around you more and more and before long, she may say something like, “I’ve had enough of this break. I don’t want to be apart anymore. Let’s get back together again.”
You can then guide her back into a relationship with you that will naturally be 100% better than it was before, because you’re now a new and improved man.
The final thing you can do to end the break and get her back quickly is…
5. Get her to hook up with you sexually one last time and blow her mind
The next time you’re at a meet up with your girlfriend, just focus on making her feel a strong rush of romantic and sexual attraction for you (e.g. by flirting with her to create sexual tension between you and her, using ballsy humor to bring down her defenses and make her feel turned on by your confidence, showing her via your actions and behavior that you’ve transformed yourself into a new man).
Then, if she seems to be open and is giving you signs that she’s sexually attracted to you (e.g. touching you repeatedly on the hand/arm/leg, licking her lips, playing with her hair/throat/necklace) just lean in and give her a quick kiss on the lips.
If she doesn’t pull away, deepen the kiss and keep turning her on.
From there, if she’s still open to it, hook up with her sexually at your place or hers and blow her mind.
The more you make her feel attracted to you in ways that you never have before, the more confused she will be about what she wants to do.
From there, you just need to continue showing her that you’ve transformed yourself into the kind of man that she can now look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
She will then likely begin thinking things like, “On the one hand, my boyfriend and I are taking a break and I’m now attracted to another guy, but on the other hand he’s making me feel so turned on and attracted to him that all I can think about is how much I want to be with him again. I guess I have my answer. Sure, a new crush is exciting, but it just doesn’t compare to the depth of feelings I experience when I’m with my guy.”
When she realizes that you’re actually the man she wants, she will likely forget all about her new crush and come running back to you.
What to Avoid When On a Break With a Girlfriend Who Has a New Crush
You can end the break with your girlfriend and get her back right now if you want to.
However, you have to approach it in the right way.
This is why, you need to make sure you avoid making the following mistakes:
1. Not changing your approach to attraction and expecting her to be interested
Sometimes a guy will think to himself, “I need to do something quickly to re-attract her before she falls for her new crush and I lose her forever.”
He may then recall how happy she used to get when he sent her flowers, bought her gifts or wrote her love poems, so he naturally does the same thing again.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that he’s using an old approach that doesn’t work the same way on a woman who has been in a relationship with a guy.
- Sure, she may feel happy if her new crush tries to attract her in that way (i.e. because she doesn’t know that much about him yet and his gestures seem charming to her), but not her old boyfriend (i.e. because she likely takes it as a sign that that is all he knows how to do, but can’t attract her in other ways).
- So, if you want to get back with your girlfriend, it’s vitally important that you don’t use the same old approach to attraction that you used in the past and expect her to be excited about it.
- You’ve got to try something new.
If you don’t, she’ll feel more excited by what her new crush is doing and she may then pick him.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Patiently waiting around while she secretly moves on
If you sit around waiting for your girlfriend to get over her new crush and come back to you, you may be shocked when she tells you something along the lines of, “I know we were only taking a break, but I’ve fallen for the guy I told you about. I’m sorry. I didn’t plan for it to work out that way, but it happened. I will always care for you, but I think it’s better if we make the break permanent and move on.”
The fact is, if you want to keep your girlfriend rather than lose her, then don’t wait for her to decide what she wants.
The more time away from you she has where you’re not reactivating her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you, the more likely it is she will feel attracted to her new crush, who probably is sparking her feelings for him.
That’s how it works.
So, if your girlfriend has a new crush, don’t wait for him to take your girl from you for real.
You need to use any interactions that you have with her to reawaken her feelings for you and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Becoming insecure about the other guy
So what if your girlfriend has a new crush?
If you start doubting yourself and your attractiveness and value to her, you’ll just be making the other guy seem more attractive to her.
Remember: Women are naturally attracted to men who are confident, self-assured and believe in themselves no matter what.
So, if you act all insecure and unsure of yourself with your girlfriend, even if her new crush is a jerk, he will seem more attractive to her than you.
This is why, you need to make sure that you believe in yourself when you interact with her.
You’ve got to know that you are a better man than her crush.
He’s nothing compared to you.
Just relax and know that you are better than him.
She will pick up on it by how you talk, behave and react to her while you interact.
When that happens, she stops thinking about anything else other than being back with you, hugging, kissing, having sex and being in love.
So, believe that you’re the right man for her and so will she.