5 common reasons why a woman will do that to her ex and how you can turn things around and get her back into a relationship:
1. She is stringing you along while she secretly tries to move on
Some women don’t like the idea of their ex finding a new woman and moving on before they do.
This is why a woman will often string an ex guy along (i.e. give him false hope that she still has feelings for him and they might get back together sometime in the future,) while she secretly focuses on finding a new man.
When she does find a new man, a woman will usually then tell her ex that she’s with someone else and ask that he leave her alone from now on, or not contact her because she doesn’t want him to ruin her new relationship.
Alternatively, rather than telling him that she is seeing someone else, she will simply respond less and less to his texts, avoid his calls and is generally be a bit colder towards him when they talk.
If he then asks, “Is there someone else?” she can then say something like, “I will tell you, but promise not to get angry.”
She can then break his heart all over again by telling him that she is seeing someone else now.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to be her boyfriend again, focus on making her feel attracted to you in ways that will make her want a relationship.
In other words, level up and start being the kind of man she is now looking for.
When you do that, she will begin to realize that she doesn’t need to look elsewhere because you are what she wants.
2. She still loves you as a friend, but doesn’t feel a spark with you anymore
In some cases, a woman will realize that even though there’s no sexual spark anymore, she still likes having her ex around because she likes him as a person and he’s a really good guy.
By approaching the break up in that way, they can continue doing some of the fun things they used to do as a couple (e.g. text, call each other, go out to restaurants, watch movies at the cinema together, go out shopping).
So, she doesn’t really feel like she is losing anything and can comfortably move on behind his back (i.e. by texting other guys, going on dates, eventually hooking up with a new guy).
Here’s the thing…
Just because your ex is comfortable keeping you in her life and enjoying the benefits of having a ‘boyfriend’ without the commitment of a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
Of course, you shouldn’t say, “I don’t want you treating me like your boyfriend if you don’t want a relationship with me. I want a relationship or nothing,” because she will likely then say something along the lines of, “Okay, well I guess we should stop seeing each other then. Sorry, I can’t give you what you want.”
Instead, what you need to do is use interactions with her from now on to spark her sexual feelings for you again (e.g. by being more manly around her, rather than letting her dominate you with her confident personality, turning conversations into laughter and fun, rather than being too serious, treating her like a desirable woman, rather than like a good friend).
The more you relight the spark between you and her, the more she will believe that being your girl again is what she wants.
For her, getting back together will be about her following her heart and surrendering to the exciting feelings of sexual and romantic desire that she’s feeling for you again.
So, she will essentially be getting back into a relationship with you for her own reasons, without you having to waste your time and energy trying to plead with her or convince her based on exhausting, emotional conversations.
3. She doesn’t want to give you a relationship because you haven’t really changed
If your ex got back into a relationship with you now, would it really be much different?
Have you changed enough, to the point where she is going to feel very different around you now (i.e. feel the need to impress you, feel like she is lucky to have you, feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach to her)?
If she gets back with you without seeing that you’ve truly changed, then she fears that you won’t be motivated to follow through on the changes she really wants to see in you.
As a result, the relationship will end up being the same as before.
This is why, you need to change some of the things that are truly important to her.
If you’re unsure of what you might need to change, here are a few questions to ask yourself to find out:
- Do you make her feel like a hot, sexy woman when she’s with you, or does she feel more like a non-sexual friend?
- Are you manly and emotionally strong with her, or are you a bit too soft and docile around her to the point where she feels like the more emotionally strong and dominant one?
- Do you approach the relationship in a way that makes her want to be a good, loving woman to you, or does she feel like she can treat you as badly as she wants and you will just put up with it?
- Are you confident and self-assured around her, or do you become insecure and unsure of yourself when she’s being moody or closed off towards you?
If you’re not offering her the kind of attraction experience she wants in a relationship, she simply won’t feel compelled to get back with you.
Yet, when you begin to offer her the attraction experience she always wanted from you but didn’t get, she will naturally begin to look at you differently.
She will realize that a relationship with you would feel so much better than it did in the past and as a result, she will become open to getting back with you.
4. She’s treating you well to make you feel obligated to treat her well in return
Sometimes, a woman wants her ex to feel as though she will get angry and cut him out of her life, if he doesn’t appreciate the fact that she is being friendly towards him even though they’ve broken up.
As a result, a guy might make the mistake of feeling obligated to accept what she’s offering (i.e. a relationship without commitment or in some cases, without any sex), because he is afraid he might lose her for real if he says anything.
5. She is currently open to having casual sex with you and seeing where it goes, but she won’t tell you that
Sometimes a woman will want to keep an ex boyfriend around for casual sex and just just see how things go (i.e. does she fall back in love with him based on the adjustments he makes, or does she continue to see that a relationship just won’t work because he still doesn’t understand how to attract her in the ways she really wants?).
Yet, a guy won’t always know that and as a result, he will just talk to her like a friend and end up placing himself in the friend zone.
Then, if she starts looking at him as ‘just a friend’ now, she will start looking at other men to satisfy her sexual and romantic desires.
So, if your gut instinct is telling you that she is open to having sex, then go ahead and do that.
However, make sure that you also make adjustments to your behavior around her, so she can see that a relationship with you really would be different this time around.
4 Mistakes That Can Reduce Your Chances of Getting a Relationship With Your Ex Again
1. Saying that you want a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or nothing
Sometimes a guy will be pushing for a relationship and essentially giving his ex an ultimatum like, “It’s either a relationship or nothing.”
Then, the woman will say something like, “Okay, fine. It’s nothing then. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you what you want. I don’t want a relationship and you don’t seem to understand that. So, we should just go our separate ways. Please stop contacting me from now on and I will do the same with you.”
It’s an approach that rarely works because women don’t like to feel as though they are being pressured into giving an ex another chance.
Additionally, if a woman doesn’t feel the respect, attraction and love that he feels for her (i.e. she doesn’t have feelings for him) and he’s pushing for a relationship, then it can make her feel resentful towards him.
She can end up feeling like he is being selfish and just trying to get what he wants, even though he isn’t offering her what she wants (i.e. a different attraction experience).
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Letting her see that you really don’t have any other options with women
If a woman senses that her ex wants a relationship because he would struggle to find a new, quality woman, it can make her feel as though the only reason he is clinging on is due to desperation, rather than real love.
Since women aren’t attracted to desperate men, she will then feel more determined not to get back with him and just move on.
So, if you want a relationship with your ex, don’t make her feel as though it’s because you can’t find another quality woman to replace her with.
3. Believing her when she says that she isn’t interested in dating anyone else right now
Sometimes a guy might believe that his ex girlfriend is not the sort of woman to immediately, or very quickly begin hooking up with a new guy after a break up.
Yet, days or weeks later, he is surprised to find that she is dating other guys or has already slept with a new guy, while he’s been sitting around in the background as her nice, dependable ex boyfriend.
So, if your ex has been saying things like, “I’m not going to date anyone else either. I just want to be on my own for a while,” you need to be prepared for the fact that she might not be telling you the 100% truth.
Secretly, she might be texting other guys, going on dates or planning to go on a date with a guy she has a crush on, or a guy who has had a crush on her and has been waiting for her to end the relationship with you.
Either way, don’t rely on her simply saying that she’s not going to be dating anyone else right now.
She can say one thing today and do something completely different tomorrow.
That same principle applies to her desire for a relationship with you.
Lately, you may have been turning her off the idea of having a relationship with you, but can now start making her want it by using a new approach.
Finally, another mistake to avoid in a situation like yours is…
4. Assuming that she will become desperate and want you back badly if you stop contacting her
That approach can make her initially curious, but if she doesn’t have much or any sexual or romantic feelings for you anymore, she will simply see it as the relationship breaking up and fading away.
Additionally, if she meets new men who make her feel a lot of sexual and romantic attraction, she will care less and less that you’re not contacting her anymore.
Then, by the time you contact her again (hoping that not contacting her has made her desperately want you back), she might say something like, “Hey! How have you been?” and then tell you that she has a new boyfriend and is in love with him.
Don’t let that happen to you.