5 possible reasons why your ex may have said, “The relationship isn’t going anywhere,” and then broke up with you are:
1. You Lacked Purpose in Life Outside of the Relationship
A lot of guys believe that a woman will be flattered when her guy needs her so much that he makes her the centre of his world.
A guy like that might give up interests and hobbies in his life that don’t include his woman, so that he doesn’t have to spend a minute apart from her.
He may also stop hanging out with his friends, unless he can bring her along too.
Eventually, everything that he does revolves around her and he doesn’t make a move in his life without her.
In his mind, he may be thinking, “By showing her that she is the most important thing in my life, my woman will feel loved and appreciated. That’s what women want, right? I will make her the center of my world and care about her more than anything. Then she will realize how lucky she is to have a guy like me who loves her, adores her and puts her first in his life. She will then never want to leave me.”
Yet, in most cases, the opposite is true.
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that making a woman your purpose in life is the fastest way to lose her respect.
Naturally, that doesn’t mean that a woman wants to be disregarded, treated badly, or taken for granted.
However, a woman wants to be with a man who is loving, caring and devoted to her, while at the same time being emotionally independent and making progress in life without needing her to hold his hand along the way.
Essentially, your woman should be the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing.
What should be the most important thing?
Think about the kind of men that women look up to and admire the most.
What do they all have in common?
They have a big life purpose (i.e. big ambitions, goals, a dream to accomplish or achieve something) outside of the relationship with their woman.
Their whole life is not about her.
So, to keep a woman happy (and to be truly happy yourself as a man), your woman should be the most important person in your life, but your life purpose should always be the most important thing.
You should be pursuing your life purpose with or without her reassurance, approval, guidance or support.
If you do that, she will feel respect, attraction and love for you for life for being your own man, rather than hiding behind her and the safety of the relationship.
On the other hand, when a guy makes his woman his sole purpose for living, she usually just feels smothered by what she perceives as his insecure, clingy, needy and immature behavior.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman stops feeling respect and attraction for her man and he doesn’t recover those feelings and build them back up, she will eventually decide to break up with him.
When that happens, a guy might instinctively try to change her mind by pleading with her.
For example: He might say to her, “Please baby! Please don’t do this to me. You know that I can’t live without you. You’re my main reason for living. Everything I’ve ever done is for you. You mean the world to me. Please give me one more chance. I’ll do anything you want. I just can’t face the world without you by my side.”
He’s hoping that if he explains just how much he cares for her and needs her, she will change her mind and think, “I’m so lucky because I have a man who is completely focused on me!”
Yet, in reality, he’s simply highlighting the things about himself that have been turning her off (i.e. he lacks purpose) and that have caused her to want to break up with him.
So, if your ex broke up with you because you lacked purpose in life outside of your relationship with her, to get her back, you need to show her that even though you still love her and want her back, you now have a purpose in life that is separate from her.
You have big goals, dreams and ambitions of your own and you are working towards achieving them.
It’s not just a dream or a goal.
You are actually making progress towards it now.
You have begun to take real steps along the path of becoming the man you know you should have been all along.
This changes you and automatically makes you more attractive to her and other women because you become and be your own man.
She then notices that you want her back, but don’t need her back to have a sense of identity and purpose in this world.
As a result, she can look up to you, respect you and feel attracted to you once again.
All of a sudden, she stops thinking, “I’m wasting my time with this guy. Our relationship is going nowhere,” and she begins wondering, “Did I make a mistake by breaking up with him? Have I let the best thing that ever happened to me go? Maybe we should get back together again.”
However, be warned…
Do not go to her and say, “Okay, I have a purpose in life now. Are you proud of me? Do you like me again? Do you approve? Can I get another chance now.”
Women hate that.
It makes her feel like she is guiding you and helping you grow up and become a man, which makes her feel like she is your mother, big sister, teacher or mentor.
That’s not how a woman wants to feel about the guy that she is in a sexual, romantic relationship with.
She wants to feel like your girl who can look up to you as her man.
She doesn’t want to feel as though she is above you in terms of dominance and maturity.
She wants you to be the emotionally stronger and more emotionally mature one in the relationship, so she can look up to you and be your girl.
That’s a dream scenario for women, even though most women don’t admit it and even though some women don’t even realize it (i.e. because they’ve been brainwashed by society into thinking that they should think, behave and act like men).
So, if you made the mistake of making your woman your purpose in life, start getting clear on what your biggest goals and ambitions for life are and take steps along that path.
As you do, you will realize that life becomes increasingly interesting, amazing and enjoyable for you and you automatically become increasingly attractive to your ex and other women.
Another reason why your ex may have said that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere is that…
2. Her Friends Were Married or Getting Married, But You and Her Were Still Just Boyfriend and Girlfriend
If a woman reaches the point in her life where all her friends around her are moving forward in their relationships (e.g. getting married, starting a family) and she isn’t, she may begin to wonder if her relationship is worth sticking with.
She may think, “How long must I wait for my guy to take things to the next level between us? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to carry on going through my life feeling uncertain like this. If he’s not interested in getting married (or starting a family), I need to get out of this relationship and find a guy who is ready to commit to me in the long-term. This relationship just isn’t going anywhere.”
She might initially hint at her unhappiness by saying things like, “I’m the last one of all my friends that’s still single,” or “Gee! Another one of my friends is getting married. I wonder if I’m going to spend my life always being the bridesmaid but never the bride.”
She’s hoping that her guy will realize what she wants (i.e. to get married) and that he will be man enough to take the lead and guide them to the next step of their relationship together.
However, if the guy doesn’t pick up on her hints, she may eventually get to the point where she feels the relationship isn’t going anywhere and she will usually break up with him.
When that happens, the guy might react in one of two ways:
1. Ask her to tell him what he needs to do to make her happy
A guy might say something like, “Why? What have I done? I thought we were happy together. Please don’t break up with me. Just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it. I’ll do anything for you!”
Yet, in most cases, a woman doesn’t want to tell her guy what he needs to do to please her.
If he simply follows her instructions and does whatever she wants, it takes the romance out of it.
That’s not what she wants.
She wants to see that he wants for himself and is not doing it to simply please her or shut her up.
If he can sincerely adapt and make a change, it will reignite a lot of her original respect and attraction for him and she will start viewing the relationship in a different light from then on.
Another bad reaction a guy might have is to…
2. Rush a marriage proposal out of desperation
When she breaks up with him a woman might say to her guy, “Look. I’ve had enough. I’m tired of waiting for you to get serious about us. You weren’t willing to commit to me, so I’m moving on. I can’t wait for you forever.”
Out of desperation he might then say, “No, please don’t go! You and I were meant to be together, I was just too slow to realize it, but now I see where I went wrong. Let’s get married. I love you and I want you to be my wife. We can do this. I don’t want to lose you. Be my wife… please! I will buy you an amazing ring. I will sell my car if I have to so I can afford to buy you a ring right away. I will get you the best ring that I can. Please don’t give up on us. You mean everything to me.”
Yet, although he really does mean well, it’s not what a woman wants.
Women are completely turned off by desperation in men.
So, desperately proposing because you’re afraid of losing her (even though you don’t even want to get married right now), can quickly backfire on you.
Firstly, if you get married when you’re not fully ready to commit to one woman, all sorts of problems may arise that can tear you apart (e.g. you may start resenting her and treating her badly, you might start behaving like a single guy again by hanging out with friends, partying, getting drunk, flirting with other women).
Secondly, if your woman gets a sense that you only want to get married to stop her from breaking up with you, she will lose even more respect for you based on your lack of authenticity.
Essentially, she wants to feel as though you and her sincerely want the same things in life and are moving forward to a better future together.
If that’s not really the case, she will usually just prefer to move on and find another guy who wants to get married because he’s ready, not because he feels that his hand is being forced.
Another reason why your ex may have said that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere was that…
3. She Felt Like You and Her Were More Like Friends Than Boyfriend and Girlfriend
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and grow the love, respect and sexual attraction between him and his woman.
Sometimes though, a guy might become so comfortable in his relationship that he falls into the habit of treating his girlfriend more like his best friend or “one of the boys” rather than like his feminine, sexy woman.
For example: A guy might stop noticing her efforts to look sexually attractive for him.
If she asks him, “Does this dress look nice?” or “Do I look okay?” rather than making her feel sexy and feminine in that moment by saying, “Oooh, yeah…sexy…I like it” or, “Yes…I’ll be tapping that tonight for sure,” he instead says something like, “Yeah, you look fine,” or “Why don’t you just wear your jeans instead?”
Women don’t go around telling men that they want to be spoken to in that way, but if a man doesn’t do it for them, they get frustrated.
Once again, she doesn’t want to give her man too many instructions on how to talk and behave because she will then start to see his behavior as forced or insincere, which takes the romance out of it.
A woman wants to see your raw attraction coming out of you freely and openly, rather than hiding it away or suppressing it because you don’t think it’s appropriate or nice.
She wants you to make her feel sexy, attractive and wanted by you.
You don’t have to go overboard with it and say things like that everyday, but it does need to be included into the attraction experience of being in a relationship with you.
If you don’t, she will begin to feel the desire to seek that attention and validation from other men, which will lead to cheating or a break up.
So, it’s always important to treat your woman like your woman, not like your friend or a buddy.
Likewise, it’s also important to continue adding some romance into the relationship (e.g. going out to dinner, going away together for a romantic weekend) to let her see that you’re not seeing her as one of the guys or as just a friend that you live with now.
She’s your woman and you love her, appreciate her and feel sexually attracted to her.
So, if a guy just expects her to hang out with friends all the time, sit at home watching TV together or get out of his way while he plays video games every weekend, she will eventually get to the point where she thinks, “This relationship isn’t going anywhere.”
He might think, “This is great. My girl and I are so comfortable together that we can just relax and be ourselves. I don’t have to put on an act and try to impress her.”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that although there’s nothing wrong with being totally comfortable in a relationship with a woman, for her to stay attracted to him, he needs to keep her feelings for him alive and well.
If he just sits back and assumes that because she loves him she will stick with him no matter what, he’s in for a shocking surprise that will shake him to his core.
That moment when a woman says, “We need to talk” and then proceeds to break up with him.
Here’s the thing…
In today’s world, a woman doesn’t need to stick with a man if he stops making her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship.
Modern society allows her and even encourages her to break up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate her and make her feel like a real woman in a relationship.
So, if a guy starts treating his girlfriend more like his friend than his woman, she may start thinking, “I didn’t sign up for this. I want a man who can make me feel like a sexy woman around him. I don’t want to be with a guy who thinks that I’m his roommate or best friend. Clearly this relationship isn’t going anywhere,” and she will then break up with him and try to move on.
The guy might then feel shocked and ask, “What? Why? What did I do wrong?”
The answer is this: The less feminine and girly a woman feels around her man, the less sexual attraction she feels for him and the less she wants to stay with him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, make sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re triggering her feelings of attraction for you and are making her feel girly and feminine, rather than being a nice, neutral friend to her.
Even though you are broken up, you still can talk to her in a way that makes her feel sexy and wanted.
Don’t be afraid to talk to her in that way.
If she senses that you are afraid to own your attraction for her in a masculine way and are instead feeling like you’re not allowed to flirt with her and show interest, she will lose respect for you for being intimidated by her.
A woman does not want to feel more dominant that you.
Of course, there are some women who like that (i.e. a dominatrix, an ugly woman, a masculine woman who is confused and doesn’t know if she wants to be a man or a woman).
However, pretty much every other woman wants to feel less dominant than you.
So, don’t be afraid to say something like this when you next see your ex, “Hey, you’re sexy…watch out…look at those legs…nice jeans girl.”
Let her see you allowing your raw attraction for her to flow freely without fear.
She might say, “Hey, you can’t say that. We’re broken up,” but that will be just her testing to see if your confidence is fake.
So, just laugh and say, “Relax girl…you’re so serious aren’t you? We can say whatever we like to each other.”
She will automatically feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and will feel like your woman again.
Another reason why your ex may have said that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere is that…
4. She Didn’t Feel Excited About How Her Future Would Turn Out With You
A woman likes the idea of being with a man who is rising through the levels of life, rather than hiding from his true potential as a man.
She wants to see that he either has or will have the ability to take care of her and a family, if they decide to have one together.
So, if he is just going through life without a clear purpose or direction (e.g. is stuck in a dead-end job, relies on his woman for financial support, lives at home with his parents, wastes most of his free time playing video games or watching sports), it will cause her to feel insecure about her future with him.
A woman will often tolerate a relationship like for months or years, because she is secretly hoping that he will eventually grow up and give her what she wants.
She may even say to herself, “He’s not that bad. Sure, things aren’t perfect right now, but I’m sure he’ll eventually stop being so immature and change.”
Yet, if she always feels insecure and anxious about their future together, she will begin to respect for him and will eventually decide to break up with him.
A woman just doesn’t want to feel as though she has to always be the emotionally stronger or more emotionally mature one in a relationship with a man.
She wants to be able to relax, knowing that he’s got things under control or he is in the process of getting things under control.
If he can give her that piece of mind, she will stick with him for life and always be cheering him along, supporting him and caring for him along the way.
Finally, another reason why she might have said that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere is that…
5. She Hoped You Would Change and Improve, But You’re Still Making the Same Old Mistakes
Most women don’t just break up with a guy at the spur of the moment.
It might feel like that at the time, but trust me – she has been thinking about it for a while and slowly building up to it.
Most of the time, a woman will give a guy multiple opportunities to change and improve himself before she finally gets to the point where she says something like, “It’s over. I’ve had enough of this! No matter how many times I’ve asked you to change, you still keep doing the same old things that turn me off. I’m not going to put up with that one minute longer. I am breaking up with you. I’m sorry, but I have to do this.”
When that happens, a guy will usually desperately try to make her change her mind.
For example: He might say to himself, “I can’t lose her! I still love her! I don’t want some other guy being with her! So, if she wants me to change I’ll do it.”
He may then work hard to change things about himself that don’t really matter to her (e.g. shopping for lots of new clothes, working out hard at the gym to lose some weight or gain some muscle).
Yet, that’s not what a woman really cares about when she breaks up with a guy.
Of course, most women will appreciate a guy who improves himself physically.
However, a man’s physical changes are not what’s going to make her change her mind about him.
If he wants her back for real, he will need to improve himself mentally (i.e. have a more attractive attitude), emotionally (i.e. be emotionally stronger and more mature) and in how behaves and interacts with her.
What matters most to a woman is how a guy makes her feel when she’s interacting with him in person.
It’s based on how he thinks, feels, talks, behaves and acts, not how much muscle he has built in a gym or his new hairstyle.
Sure, a woman can appreciate the superficial, physical things about a guy, but only if she already respects him.
If your ex currently doesn’t look up to and respect you, she’s not going to care about superficial changes that you make to your appearance.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you need to first change and improve the things she really cares about (e.g. become more emotionally independent, make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, become emotionally masculine, be purpose driven).
However, just remember: Don’t make changes and then go to her and look for a pat on the head for doing so well.
She wants you to change because you want to do it, not because it will impress her.
So, just start being the kind of man who will be naturally attractive and appealing to her and then guide her through the ex back process.