Being dumped and left behind by the woman you love is a pretty horrible thing to go through as a man.
Yet, you can get her back.
If you miss your ex and really want her back, what you need to do is reactivate her feelings so that she can begin to miss you and how it feels to be around you.
Even if your ex is currently saying, “I’m not interested in getting back together again,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” when you reactivate some of her feelings for you, her guard naturally comes down and she then begins to open up to you.
You can’t just sit around waiting for her to come back and hope that she magically changes her mind.
You’ve got to do something about it and that something is to make her feel a renewed sense of respect attraction for you.
Where Guys Usually Go Wrong During the Ex Back Process
When a guy doesn’t know how to reactivate his ex woman’s feelings and get her back, he will often try to get another chance by:
- Begging and pleading with her.
- Promising her that he’ll change.
- Asking her to tell him what she wants him to do.
- Giving her a list of reasons why they should be together.
- Telling her how much he still loves her.
- Giving her space in the hopes that she will realize how much she misses him and then come back on her own.
Yet, what the guy doesn’t realize is that unless the woman is still in love with him and is secretly hoping to get back together again; none of these methods really work.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has reached the point where she just doesn’t feel enough respect, attraction, and love for him anymore.
When a guy is begging and pleading, making promises to change and saying things like, “I’ll do anything for you. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” he’s only highlighting his emotional weakness and that he has no idea what caused her to break up with him in the first place.
So, in moments like that it simply makes her feel even less attracted to him.
In a case where the guy gives a woman a lot of space (e.g. a few weeks, or even several months) in the hopes that she’ll realize how much she misses him and come back to him, that approach usually only works when:
- She is still secretly in love with the guy and is hoping they’ll get back together.
- She can’t deal with the emotions of the break up.
- She’s struggling to find a replacement guy.
Yet, if a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex, then giving her a lot of space isn’t going to matter that much to her and she will likely think, “What a relief not to have to deal with my ex’s begging, pleading and promises to change anymore. Maybe it’s time I find a new guy” and she will usually then just move on or at least start dating and having sex with new guys.
So, if you miss your ex and really want her back, don’t waste a lot of time doing the things that rarely work (e.g. begging, pleading, promising her you’ll change, offering to do whatever she wants, giving her a lot of time apart).
Instead, just focus on making every interaction that you have with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, in person) count.
For example: If you interact with your ex on the phone or in person and you make her smile, laugh and feel happy to be talking to you, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative, angry feelings about you.
Even if she’s convinced herself that nothing you can say or do is going to make her come back to you, when she finds herself feeling good every time she interacts with you, she may begin to think, “Hmmm…I’m actually enjoying talking to my ex again. He’s fun to talk to now. I miss him when I don’t hear from him for a day or two. Why am I feeling like this? What is going on here? Maybe I should give him another chance.”
When that happens, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
That’s what really works to get an ex back.
You’ve got to reactivate her feelings and then quickly guide her back into a relationship with you, rather than giving her lots more time to potentially meet and fall in love with a new guy.
Feeling Unworthy of Your Ex
Sometimes, when a guy has a beautiful girlfriend (fiancé or wife), he can’t stop himself from letting his insecurities make him feel as though he doesn’t deserve her.
For example: As the relationship settles down, he might say to himself, “I got lucky when my girl said yes to going out with me in the first place. She’s so beautiful, and I’m just average looking and I have big ears/I’m a bit overweight/have a bald head/aren’t very tall. I don’t know what she sees in me. I’m sure that she could do so much better than me and just hope that she doesn’t wake up one day and realize it.”
He then starts to worry about losing her and becomes clingy and needy around her (e.g. always wanting to be with her, constantly asking for her reassurance that she loves him) and focuses all his attention on her.
For example: A guy like that might…
- Stop hanging out with good friends that he had prior to his relationship with her.
- Give up hobbies and interests that don’t involve her.
- Text her, or call her up multiple times a day just to tell her how much he loves her and misses her (or to check up on her).
- Makes himself available to her every beck and call 24/7.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even a woman does like the idea of being love and adored by her guy, in most cases, she doesn’t want to become the centre of his universe to the point where he needs her for his sense of identity and purpose in life.
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the emotional weakness, so the more clingy and needy that a guy becomes, the less respect and attraction she feels for him.
She then begins to do the one thing he’s afraid of – she starts to pull away from him.
This then causes him to feel even more unworthy of her and he clings to her even more.
Over time, her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him get pushed into the background, and are replaced by more negative emotions such as anger, resentment, disappointment and she breaks up with him.
After the break up, he may try to beg and plead with her to give him another chance, but she doesn’t want to because she can see that he hasn’t even changed.
He’s still the same, insecure guy that she dumped and getting back with him would just mean having to go through a break up all over again.
This is why it’s so important for you to become completely confident with or without your ex’s approval, reassurance or attention.
You’ve got to be able to feel worthy of being her man, without her having to give you that approval.
When she sees that kind of confidence in you, she will naturally feel attracted to you and respect you, as long as you don’t push the confidence too far and become arrogant about it.
I’m not talking about saying, “Hey, I’m good enough for you. Give me another chance.”
Instead, I’m talking about letting her experience your confidence based on how you think, talk, behave and take action around her and in life from now on.
Let her see that you are happy with or without her. Don’t tell her that; just let her see it based on how you interact with her.
To get that type of confidence, make sure that you’re not going around thinking things like, “I don’t blame her for dumping me. She’s so beautiful. I’m just not good enough for her. Even though I miss her and want her back, I don’t blame her for not being interested. I’m not good enough. She deserves a better guy than me. I stuffed up and can never be the man she needs. I’m just not good enough.”
Remember: Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, a strong belief in himself and in his value as a man) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. low self esteem, insecurity).
If you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) and she senses that you believe you’re not good enough for her, she will most likely keep feeling turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is with a man out of pity or because she’s doing him a favor.
She wants to be with a man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
She wants a man who has such confidence in his attractiveness and value to women that he could easily have other women, but he wants her.
He wants her, but he doesn’t need her.
He wants to be with her because he loves her and because he knows that a relationship together would now be so much better than ever before.
He has become a better man as a result of the break up and wants to allow her to experience what it would be like, even if they only give it a try for a week to see how they feel.
You’ve just got to have that kind of confidence in yourself when getting an ex back.
It’s so important.
If you put on an act of confidence, she can easily catch you out in that lie and will then lose even more respect and attraction for you as a result.
For example: She might test you by being nice and friendly to you one minute and then suddenly become cold and aloof towards you the next.
She might also say that she’s interested in meeting up with you and then change her mind at the last minute.
If you can remain emotionally strong and confident in yourself no matter how cold or rude she is towards you, she will begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the emotionally stronger, emotionally mature man that you have become.
She will then find herself thinking, “Maybe I’ve been too hard on my ex. He’s not like I thought he was before. This is different” and her guard will come down.
Her Negative Feelings For You Are Not Set in Stone
Right now, if your ex is saying things like, “Leave me alone. It’s over between us and I’m not interested in anything you have to say,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore. Please forget about us and move on,” it’s only natural that you might be thinking that there’s no hope of ever getting her back.
Yet, even though it might seem that her feelings are unchangeable, the reality is that human emotions change all the time.
Think about it like this…
When you first met your ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife), she didn’t know you, so her feelings towards you were neutral.
Then, when you interacted with her and sparked feelings of respect and attraction inside of her, she began to like you.
Over time, her feelings changed again and she began to love you.
Yet, by the time she broke up with you, her feelings for you had changed again and she began feeling emotions such as anger, pain and betrayal, rather than respect, attraction and love.
As you can see, human emotions are not static.
They change all the time.
So, just because your ex might be saying she doesn’t have feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean that she can never change how she feels.
Her emotions can definitely change.
How fast your ex goes from not wanting to be with you to being open to getting back together, depends on how quickly you reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
When you trigger those feelings inside of her, it takes the emphasis off what went wrong in your relationship because she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
She can’t stop herself from wanting to interact with you again (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, on the phone and in person), even though she might previously have thought her feelings for you were dead.
From there, you can build on that spark of attraction and show her that things really are different now.
However, without reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction again first, a woman will usually just keep saying things like, “I have no more feelings for you. You need to understand that. I get it that you love me and care about me, but I just don’t feel the same way anymore” or “Nothing that you can say or do will change how I feel right now.”
You Can Actively Make Her Have Feelings For You Again
When a guy is saying, “I miss my ex and I really want her back,” he might also secretly think that there’s no chance of getting her back.
Yet, he is wrong (in most cases).
After helping 100s of guys to get women back, I’ve found that a guy can easily make a woman have feelings for him again if he can regain her respect and attraction for him on a phone call and in person.
One of the ways you can reactivate your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you, is by showing her that you’ve moved beyond the level you were at when she broke up with you.
Essentially, if your ex is currently saying things like, “I’m just not in love with you anymore,” or “My feelings for you have changed. I don’t feel like I used to when I’m with you now,” it simply means that the way you are talking to her and the way that you come across as a guy, keeps highlighting to her that you’re still stuck at the same level you were at when she broke up with you.
So, if you want to change her perception, you need to make some real adjustments to the way that you interact with her, so she can see that you really are a different guy now.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too insecure, needy, clingy and jealous in the relationship, when he interacts with her from now on, he needs to allow her to experience the new and improved version of himself that is no longer needy and insecure.
No matter what she says to him, how cold and unfriendly she is being towards him, or how much she tries to get a reaction out of him (e.g. by saying that she’s enjoying single life, or that she is glad that they broke up), he needs to remain emotionally strong and show her that he really is different now.
Alternatively, if a woman broke up with a guy because he lacked purpose and direction in his life, he needs to show her that he’s not at that level anymore.
He needs to find what he really wants to achieve in life and start going after it.
He doesn’t have to accomplish everything all at once, but he just has to show her that he now has some goals in his life and is making real progress on the road to accomplishing them.
Then, when he interacts with his ex and she can see for herself that he’s rising through the levels of life like a man, rather than wasting his true potential, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the man he has become.
When Her Feelings Change
When you get her respect and attraction back, everything changes.
She stops closing herself off from you because in a way, interacting with the new you is like meeting your for the first time.
You’re a different guy now.
You’re more emotionally attractive than you were before.
You’re more of a man now, too.
Obviously, your ex isn’t going to instantly forget about all of your past mistakes, but the negatives of your past relationship will seem less important because she now feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.