The best plan of action to get your ex back is to reactivate her feelings and confidently guide her back into a relationship, even if she is being stubborn, playing hard to get or saying that she’s not sure.
You can do that by talking to her on the phone or meeting up with her in person to make her feel SOMETHING for you again.
Once she sees that you have really changed and she now feels so much more respect, attraction and love when she’s around you, she will eventually thank you for being so confident and getting you and her back to that place.
Prior to Today, Have You Been Using the Right Plan of Action to Get Her Back?
There are many different plans of action that you could follow to get your ex back, which won’t actually work.
After helping 100s of guys successfully get women back after a serious break up, I’ve found that the best plan of action is to be active by making her having feelings for you again as you interact with her.
However, you can try other ways of getting her back too.
1. You could ignore her and hope that she comes back.
When trying to get a woman back after a break up, a lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that by ignoring her she will come back.
A guy may think, “I’ve heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so if I stay out of her life for a while, she will realize just how much she misses me and then come back on her own.”
Alternatively, he might think, “She told me that she is tired of me calling her up all the time, so maybe if I ignore her for a month, she will realize that she’s unhappy without me and will then give me another chance.”
Yet, here’s why that plan of action doesn’t usually work to get an ex back…
Ignoring a woman only works when she is still in love with you and regrets breaking up, or if she can’t find a replacement guy to move on with.
So, if your ex isn’t currently calling you up and saying things like, “I really miss you,” or “I think it was a mistake breaking up with you,” or “Let’s give our relationship another chance,” then ignoring her probably isn’t going to matter much to her at all.
Think about it like this…
When a woman is feeling negative emotions towards her ex (e.g. she’s angry, hurt, turned off by him), then not hearing from him for several weeks or months isn’t going to make her think, “Oh no! Why is my ex ignoring me? Could it be possible he’s moved on without me? I’d better call him up before I lose him to some other lucky woman.”
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking, “What a relief! It looks like my ex is finally out of my life now. I can get on with meeting new guys without having to put up with him bothering me all the time. Actually, I might even hook up with a guy this weekend and post up some photos of me and him on social media just to rub it in my ex’s face that I’ve moved on now.”
If you don’t want that kind of thing happening to you, don’t bother ignoring your ex for longer than 3 to 7 days.
Waiting longer than a week is usually a waste of time because it gives her the opportunity to move on without you.
In some instances, a woman might call her ex to check if he’s missing her or if he’s moved on, but when she realizes that he’s still stuck at the same level he was when she broke up with him (e.g. he’s still insecure, still doesn’t know how to make her feel attracted in the way she wants), she will likely say something like, “Umm, well, it was nice chatting to you again. I should go now, bye,” and she will then try to move on without looking back.
If you are going to ignore your ex for a bit, at least make sure that you are preparing to impress her when you do interact again, otherwise she won’t feel very motivated to get back with you.
I recommend that you don’t waste any more than a week of giving her space after a break up, before you then commence the full ex back process and get her back.
2. You could get a new woman and make her jealous.
Another plan of action to get your ex back is to start dating other women and hopefully make her feel jealous enough to want to get back together again.
However, chances are high that you almost certainly don’t want a new woman now, right?
You want to get your ex back.
So, dating a new woman is probably going to be a waste of your time and may actually backfire. Why?
If your ex doesn’t have any feelings for you at the moment, you getting a new girlfriend probably isn’t going to matter much to her at all.
Even if she initially feels a little bit jealous or hurt that some other woman has taken her place in your life, when she remembers why she broke up with you (e.g. you had become really insecure, clingy, needy, controlling and jealous, or you had taken her for granted, treated her badly and even cheated on her), the jealousy will change to relief as she realizes, “Cool. That’s great news. My ex has finally moved on, and now so can I. It feels so good to finally be free. I’m a single woman now. I’m going to show him how much he’s missing out on now by hooking up with guys and posting up photos on social media of me hanging out with them.”
Another reason why dating another woman to make an ex jealous can backfire, is because a woman can easily find out if has truly moved on, or if it’s only a ploy to make her jealous.
Basically, all a woman has to do is call her ex back and say something like, “I just wanted to say that I miss you. Lately, I’ve been thinking if maybe we should get back together again. It’s a pity you’re dating someone else now though. Oh well…”
If he then quickly responds by saying things like, “I miss you too! This new woman means nothing to me. I’ll break up with her today if you want me to,” she will know that it’s only been a ploy to get her back.
That can work to get her back in some cases (because women are more attracted to guys who other women find attractive), but it can also backfire.
When a woman realizes that he’s been using the new woman to make her jealous, she may want to reject him to hurt him and then hook up with another guy to make him jealous.
Then, the guy that she hooks up with may turn out to be a great match for her, which then makes the process of getting her back that little bit more difficult.
So, rather than risk turning your ex off even more or losing her to another guy, just focus instead on saying and doing the types of things that will make you more emotionally attractive to her.
That is the most simple, effective and risk-free plan of action to use when getting an ex back.
Don’t be afraid to show her that you want her back.
Don’t come across as though you need her back. Instead, that you want her back.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
For example: Rather than putting on an act of not being interested in her anymore, or dating another woman to hopefully make her jealous, just focus instead on re-sparking her feelings for you.
When she can see for herself that you’re emotionally strong enough to go after her, even when she has been saying “No,” her feelings of respect and attraction for you will start to resurface again and she will then begin to open up to you.
From there, you just need to use every interaction you have with her to keep brining out the positive feelings of respect, attraction and love she has for you, and then guide her back into a relationship.
3. You could beg and plead with her for another chance.
Begging and pleading is one of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with.
A guy might say to himself, “I don’t want to break up! I love her and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get her back. Whatever she wants me to do, I will do it and hopefully that will make her want me back.”
He might then call her up and say things like, “Please don’t do this to us! I beg you. How can you let what we had together just die like this? How can you throw away all we have together? I promise that if you give me another chance, I’ll do anything you want. I just can’t live without you. Please let me show you that things can be different between us this time.”
Yet, that doesn’t work because women are turned off by emotional neediness in men.
So, when a guy begs and pleads with a woman for a second chance, rather than think to herself, “Wow, he must really care about me if he’s behaving like this,” she will instead perceive him as being emotionally weak, needy and insecure and it will turn her off even more.
The best plan of action to get your ex back is to focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you every time that you interact with her.
That is the secret.
Of course, if you’ve already made the mistake of begging and pleading with your ex to give you a second chance, don’t worry about it.
As long as you now understand why begging and pleading can cause a woman to perceive a man as being emotionally weak and turn her off, you can write it off as being a good lesson learned.
In fact, you can even tell her, “I know that I was acting a bit immature there for a while. Now that I think about it, I can see that it was definitely not the manliest of ways to handle things. That was definitely a good lesson learned, but I wish I didn’t have to learn it with you. It was my fault though and I take responsibility for it. I should have been a much more mature man about it.”
In this way, not only are you showing her that you have grown as a man from the experience of begging and pleading with her, you are also sparking her feelings of respect for you by taking responsibility for you actions, which is a good thing.
From then onwards, just continue to focus on creating new, positive feelings inside her (e.g. by being confident, making her laugh, staying strong even when she is being negative or hurtful towards you) and she will soon begin to forgive that you once behaved in a way that was unattractive to her.
4. You could tell her how you feel in a letter.
Sometimes, when a woman is being totally closed off to her ex and is refusing to listen to him, a guy might decide that the only way to get through to her and tell her how he feels, is by writing her a long letter.
For example: He might think, “She’s refusing to listen to anything that I have to say. Even though I’ve tired to apologize and tell her how much I still love her via text, she just won’t give me a chance. Maybe if I write her a long, detailed letter, she will read it and understand where I am coming from. She will also see how much I still care about her, that I’m really sorry for hurting her and maybe then she will give me another chance.”
Yet, a letter rarely causes a woman to suddenly change her mind about her ex, and here’s why….
When a woman has broken up with a guy, and may even be refusing to see him again or even talk to him on the phone, it’s usually a good sign that she doesn’t have feelings for him at the moment.
So, getting a letter from him declaring his undying love for her isn’t going to matter that much to her, because she won’t care that he cares for her.
In fact, it’s more likely going to be annoying to read or even look at because he has feelings for her and she doesn’t have feelings for him.
She might even say to him that he is being selfish for writing to her like that, but she won’t explain why.
The reason why is that the letter is all about him getting her back.
The only time a woman is going to feel happy to be getting a letter from an ex, is if she is still secretly in love with him and hoping to get back together again.
In most other cases, what he writes in a letter not going to matter to her because she just doesn’t have enough feelings for him to feel motivated to get back with him based on a letter.
Another reason why telling a woman how you feel in a letter doesn’t work, is because she can’t see you and gauge your state of mind by listening to your tone of voice and observing your body language and behavior.
It’s just words in an e-mail (or on a piece of paper) to her.
So, rather than reading your letter and thinking, “Awww…that’s so sweet. My ex really sounds like he’s sorry now. Maybe I’ve been too hard on him. He obviously still loves me a lot, so maybe I should give him another chance and stop being so stubborn about this,” she will likely be thinking, “Too little too late buddy! You should have thought about how much you love me when we were together. Writing a letter isn’t going to change how I feel!”
One of the main reasons why a woman might perceive your letter in a negative way, is because she can’t see and experience the new you with just letters on a screen.
She will most likely still think of you as being the same guy that she broke up with.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was being too needy and clingy in the relationship, if he then sends her a letter pouring out his feelings for her, how do you think she will perceive it?
Will she be thinking, “Oh, wow…my ex has changed. I can see now that he’s a lot more confident and secure in himself. The way he wrote that sentence was so confident! Wow! I need to catch up with him and get him back before another lucky girl snatches him up” or will she be thinking, “Oh, here we go again. I see nothing has really changed…my ex is still being his needy, clingy self. He’s going on and on about his feelings…he doesn’t get it. I don’t have feelings for him now, so what he is feeling doesn’t matter to me.”
Naturally, because she cannot see for herself that he’s moved past the level he was at when she broke up with him, or experience his confidence and emotional strength, she’s just going to assume the worst of him and she won’t be open to the idea of giving him another chance.
It’s just not the same as talking to him on a phone call or in person where she can experience the changes in him for herself.
So, don’t bother writing her a long letter that she may, or may not, even read.
Instead, get her on a phone call so that you can actively make her smile, laugh and feel good to be interacting with you again.
From there, get her to meet up you in person so that she can see for herself that you really have changed.
Do What Works and You Will Have the Best Chance of Getting Her Back
The best plan of action to get your ex back is to actively trigger some of her feelings again.
Once your ex sees that you are no longer at the same level that you were when she broke up with you (e.g. you’re now a confident, emotionally strong man compared to the insecure guy that she broke up with last week), her feelings of respect, attraction and love will naturally begin to surface again.
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings, she will naturally stop pushing her positive feelings for you (e.g. respect, attraction, love) into the background.
When that happens, she will begin to feel new sparks of love for the new and improved you.
Then, as long as you continue to say and do the types of things that trigger those positive feelings in her, she will open herself up to you and may even thank you for being so confident and mature to get you and her back together again.
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