If your girlfriend asked you not to contact her because she’s worried that you will change her mind, here’s what you need to do:
1. Tell her that you accept the break up and only want to meet up as friends
Regardless of what your ex is saying right now, if you want her back, then it’s very important that you don’t do what she’s asking you to (i.e. give her space).
If you listen to her, you’re simply playing into her hands and giving her too much power over you.
Think about it…
She’s not going to help you get her back.
That’s not her plan.
Her plan at the moment is to continue on with the break up, move on and not get back with you.
If you’re going to get her back, you will have to defy her orders or instructions and just do what actually works to get a woman back.
So, if she says that you shouldn’t contact her because she’s worried that you will change her mind, just laugh at her and her suggestion and don’t take it so seriously.
After all, if she feels as though you can change her mind, she obviously still has feelings for you and knows it.
So, you’re not going to achieve anything by listening to her and not contacting her or meeting up with her.
If you do follow her orders and she is missing you, she might try to get you off her mind by hooking up with a new guy, or hooking up with a few new guys until she stops thinking about you.
If she happens to meet a guy who is as cool as you, then she might decide to latch onto him and have a relationship, to help herself get over you and leave you behind.
So, just get her on a phone call and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I know that you don’t want me to contact you right now because you’re afraid I’m going to try and change your mind. However, I want you to know…I accept that we’re broken up and I promise not to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. We can just be friends now, okay?”
Of course, she might still respond by saying something like, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” or “I don’t know. I don’t think we can be just friends.”
Regardless of what she says, don’t get upset or start thinking, “Oh no! This isn’t working! It’s hopeless. I’ve lost her forever!”
Instead, just maintain your confidence around her and say in a joking way, “Hey, don’t be so dramatic. We can be friends. We’re mature enough to do that, right?”
If she agrees, you can then say, “Well, let’s prove that to ourselves by catching up for a quick coffee as friends.”
She might say something along the lines of, “Okay. Just this once.”
Then, just go ahead and make plans with her to meet up when it’s suitable for both of you.
If she doesn’t agree, just tell her that if she meets up with you this time, you promise to never contact her again after that.
Of course, when you meet up with her and reignite her feelings for you in person, she’s not going to want you to never contact her again.
You’re most likely going to end up hugging, kissing, having sex and getting back together.
So, just do what you’ve got to do to get to a meet up with her.
However, before you meet up with her, make sure that you…
2. Quickly change the things about you that have been turning her off
When you meet up with her, you’ve got to let her experience the new and improved you.
- You are more confident and self-assured than ever before, rather than feeling insecure and uncertain around her like you were leading up to, during or after the break up.
- You’re more emotionally independent and are now busy pursuing all the things you neglected before because of your relationship with her (e.g. your goals and dreams, interest, hobbies, hanging out with your friends) and having been sitting around alone and waiting for her to give you another chance.
- You stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way, rather than being a pushover and putting up with her bad treatment of you.
- You believe in yourself and in your value to her, rather than believing you got lucky with her or that she’s now too good for you.
- You don’t take everything so seriously and can laugh at her (in a loving way) when she throws a tantrum or tries to make you feel bad for your past mistakes.
- You use humor to break down her defenses and stimulate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, rather than being so serious, or on your best behavior around her because you think it will impress her or make her take pity on you.
The more she can see that you’ve changed, the less she will be able to keep you at arms length.
So, if you feel like you’re ready to properly re-attract her…
3. Meet up with her and get back together
Regardless of how resistant your girlfriend might be to the idea of seeing you again, you just have to get her to agree to meet up with you in person.
For example: If she is saying things like, “Please stop pressuring me. I need you to leave me alone and not contact me anymore, because I’m worried that you will change my mind and I don’t want that to happen. I need some space and I want you to respect that” you can say to her, “We don’t have to get back together. I just think it would be good for both of us to meet up one last time to say goodbye in person. Then, if you don’t want me to contact you after that, I promise to respect your wishes.”
By saying something like that to her, you’re effectively taking off the pressure and she will then be more likely to agree to meet up.
When you meet up with her, you need to keep sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be seeing you again, being confident around her even when she’s being closed off and reserved, making her feel feminine in comparison to your masculine vibe, using flirting and humor to create sexual tension).
If you’ve successfully switched her feelings back on, she will be giving you signs that she’s open to you (e.g. licking her lips, touching your hand or leg during conversation, playing with her hair or her throat, talking in a sexual way, hinting that she has been missing you).
It’s then up to you to take the lead and get her back.
For example: You can start off by initiating a hug.
You can do that by saying something along the lines of, “I declare this meet up a great success. Not only did we have fun together, but we’ve also proven that we are cool ex’s who can hang out with each other and be mature about it. So, based on that, I think we should give each other a hug. Come here…bring it in for a hug.”
She might be a little resistant at first, and may say, “No, you promised that you wouldn’t try to make me change my mind about being broken up.”
If so, just remain confident and relaxed and say, “Hey, it’s just a hug. We’re friends now and friends can give each other hug without it being a big deal. So, come here” and then lean in and hug her.
She will then most likely open up and hug you.
Then, give her a warm, firm squeeze and say something like, “Mmmm… you smell really good for an ex. I like it,” and then lean in and give her a quick kiss on the lips.
Depending on how she responds, you can either deepen the kiss, or let her go and just focus on building on her feelings for you some more.
If she can see that you’re being a confident, emotionally mature man around her, she won’t be able to stop herself from imagining what it would be like if you and her got back together.
From there, it’s up to you to open her eyes to the fact that falling back in love with each other will be one of the most exhilarating feelings she will ever experience in life.
Don’t tell her that, of course.
Just let her experience it by continuing to build on her reawakened feelings for you.
4. If she doesn’t want to get back together at the meet up, just agree to remain open to seeing each other as friends one more time
Sometimes, a woman might be resistant to the idea of getting back together again with a guy at the first meet up (e.g. she doesn’t want to come across as being too easy, he hasn’t fully reactivated her feelings for him, she was starting to get used to the idea of being single again).
So, if your girlfriend doesn’t want to get back together again immediately, don’t worry.
Just maintain your confidence and say in a friendly, easy-going way (not hurt, sulking, whiney), “Hey, you don’t need to feel pressured about deciding whether or not you want to get back together. Let’s just remain broken up and remain open to the possibility of maybe catching up to say hi as friends.”
She will most-likely relax a bit and say something like, “Okay. I guess we can do that.”
You can then keep talking to her and eventually suggest catching up, or give her a few days of space, contact her and get her to meet up with you as friends.
At the second meet up (if you didn’t get back together at the first meet up), you can now…
5. Get her back into a relationship with you
If she meets up with you a second time, then it’s almost certain that she wants to get back with you.
She might just be playing hard to get to test your confidence, or to see if you’ll stop being the cool guy that you are and begin handing over your balls to her.
So, make sure that you remain confident and know that she really does have feelings for you.
Women are naturally attracted to guys who know that they are attractive to a woman and don’t need to hear her say it.
Having that type of confidence is very sexy to women.
So, believe in yourself.
The more attracted you can make her feel when she interacts with you, the more will believe that getting back with you is something that she wants to do, rather than something you’re forcing her into.
It will be about her following her heart and surrendering to the exciting feelings of loving attraction, rather than you being a desperate ex who needs her back to feel good about yourself again.
Talking about feeling good…
If possible, try to get to sex when you meet up with her.
Sex speeds up the process of reconciling a relationship and stops a lot of the mind games or playing hard to get on a woman’s part.
Of course, sex doesn’t fix your relationship problems with her, but it definitely helps to get things back on track.
So, lead the way and make it happen.
Get her to feel properly attracted to you again and guide her to a hug, kiss, sex and then back into a relationship.