Here’s what you need to do to get an ex back without seeming like you’re pressuring her…
1. Don’t make it about you getting her back for your reasons
A classic mistake that many guys make after being dumped, is approaching their ex woman in a way where it’s about him wanting her back because he loves her so much and needs her in his life.
For example: A guy might say, “Please just give me one more chance. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. You mean everything to me and without you my life feels meaningless. Please.”
Yet, what about her?
What is she getting from that deal?
She’s just getting the same guy, who hasn’t even changed yet and probably doesn’t even know how to.
As a result, it feels like she’d be doing him a favor by getting back with him, which isn’t very inspiring or appealing to her.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him.
So, when he says that he still cares for her and wants her back, she will be thinking things like, “So what? I don’t care how he feels or what he wants. I have to take care of myself now, not him. Does he honestly think that his needy feelings for me are going to convince me to give him another chance? If anything, him trying to manipulate me by telling me how lost he feels without me is reinforcing my decision to stay broken up. I don’t want to be with a guy who is emotionally dependent on me and falls apart if I’m not with him.”
This is why it’s so important to focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you FIRST, before you even attempt to discuss the idea of having a relationship.
In other words, make her have feelings for you, so she actually does have an interest in getting back with you.
When she can see that you really are a different man now and aren’t just trying to get her back to make yourself feel better, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her loving feelings for you.
On the other hand, if you interact with her and mainly talk about your feelings and your wants, she’s not going to care and will keep saying things like, “Stop pressuring me. I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you again. Give me space. Leave me alone.”
2. Stop trying to get her back before you truly change
Important: You need to do this quickly.
After a break up, I recommend that a guy quickly improves himself and then gets in contact with his ex woman to re-attract her on a call and in person.
He can then get her to forgive him, open back to him physically and get back together.
You can achieve all that by giving her a maximum of 3 to 7 days of space.
It does not need to be any longer than that.
If you give her too much space, she will almost certainly move on emotionally, or hook up with a new guy, get physical with him and move on physically and emotionally without you.
So, if you are serious about getting her back, I recommend that you give her 3 to 7 days of space and then get the job done.
Getting the job done is about interacting with her and re-attracting her, based on the changes you have made to yourself and your approach to attraction.
In other words, if a guy was insecure and emotionally sensitive in the relationship, his emotional weakness would have been turning her off and she would hated that he didn’t understand how a woman’s attraction really works.
So, when he interacts with her, he will need to show her (not tell her) that he is now truly confident, so she can feel attracted to that and feel relieved that he now understands that confidence is essential for a woman’s ongoing attraction to a man.
Here’s another example: Imagine that a guy got dumped because he had no sense of purpose in life that he was actively following through on and making progress on, which caused her to feel uncertain about a future with him.
She didn’t tell him that though.
She just said what most women say, “I don’t feel the same way anymore” or, “I want to be on my own for a while” or, “I need time apart to find out what I want.”
Not knowing the real reason why she has been turned off by him for so long, he then desperately tries to get her back by begging and pleading for another chance.
Additionally, he continues to have nothing else in life that he is truly focused on other than her and the idea of getting her back (e.g. he doesn’t have any big goals that he’s making progress on, he neglects his friends and he doesn’t have any hobbies or interests, he is afraid to follow through on his dreams and reach his true potential as a man).
Essentially, all he does is sit around feeling sad and depressed and thinking of ways he can convince her to give him another chance.
He might then continue to beg and plead with her, promise to change if she forgives him or send her a bunch of flowers to say that he’s sorry.
Yet, none of those things really matter to her because he’s not getting to the root of the problem.
He’s not changing what she really wants him change.
Instead, he’s just pressuring her by overwhelming her with his need for a relationship.
He might ask his friends for advice, but they’ll just tell him things like, “Be patient. She might come back” or, “Maybe the relationship has run it’s course. Maybe it’s for the best” or, “You can’t trust women. They are so selfish and just care about themselves.”
Of course, none of that helps him.
What he needs is someone to say, “Hey, do you actually know what makes a woman feel respect and attraction for a man over the long term? Sure, you and her were sweet in the past, but most couples feel that at the start. To maintain and build on her respect and attraction, you’ve got to man up. You’ve got to start making progress towards your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life. This gives her a feeling of security about a future with you. It also serves as a way for her to feel proud of you when talking about you to her friends and family. Yet, if you’ve just been stuck at pretty much the same level in life for years, you’re not giving her those feelings. She then has to start worrying about the future. As a result, she starts becoming focused on what she wants to achieve and the next thing you know, she is telling you that she needs time apart to find herself.”
How about you?
Why did your ex really break up with you?
What were the real, more subtle reasons that she was either too embarrassed to admit (e.g. you were too emotionally sensitive) or reluctant to admit in case you used those reason to convince her to give you another chance?
That’s what you need to get clear on.
Then, you need to change those things about yourself ASAP and then get her back.
When you interact with her and she can see that you’ve become the kind of man she always wanted you to be (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more masculine, more emotionally independent, ambitious, loving) her excuses for not wanting you back will automatically fade away.
Her guard will come down and she will naturally begin to interact with you and open up to you more and more.
However, make sure that you…
3. Don’t expect a committed, dedicated relationship immediately
Just because your ex is open to interacting with you again, it doesn’t always mean that she is ready to agree to being in a committed relationship with you right away.
This is why, in many ex back cases, a guy then needs to take things slow by suggesting that he and her just be ‘friends’ for now.
The great thing about being friends is that it removes the pressure and also gives you and her a reason to stay in contact and see each other, without it having to be all about getting back together right away.
As a so called ‘friend,’ you can text her, message her on social media, call her and even hang out with her in person.
If she ever says, “Why are we seeing so much of each other? We’re supposed to be broken up,” you can respond by saying, “Hey, we’re friends now. That’s what friends do. They talk and they hang out together and they stay involved in each other’s lives. We can do that. It’s fine.”
Important: The aim of being friends with your ex is to allow her not to feel pressured into making a commitment right away.
However, it’s not actually about being a nice friend to her.
Don’t make the mistake of being nice and sweet and neutral around her.
That doesn’t work.
You have to use the so called ‘friendship’ as a way for you to interact with her and make her feel attracted to you in a sexual way, not a friendly way.
So, make sure that you flirt with her and build up sexual tension inside of her, so she wants to release that tension with kissing and sex.
Be a confident, emotionally masculine man who is doing what he needs to do to get back the woman he loves.
That is a good thing for you and her, so don’t feel bad about it.
She is going to be getting an even better man this time and you are going to experience her in a completely new way as well (i.e. she’s going to be more attracted to you than she ever has been before).
Another tip for getting your ex back, without seeming like you’re pressuring her into it, is to…
4. Stop talking about your future as a couple and just have fun together
For example: When talking to his ex, a guy might say things like, “When we get back together again, I promise you that things will be different. You’ll see that I really have changed” or, “When you and I are back together again, we can go on that vacation I’ve always been promising you” or, “I’ll be a better boyfriend/fiancé/husband the next time around” or, “I will make sure that we never get to the point where we have to break up. I will do better this time, I promise. You have my word.”
He might feel as though he’s doing the right thing by reassuring her like that, but if she’s not sure about giving him another chance, his words will simply make her feel pressured into committing to a future with him.
Alternatively, a guy might come across like she’d be doing him a favor if she gives him another chance (e.g. by saying things like, “You won’t regret it, if you give me another chance. I’ll be the best boyfriend/fiancé/husband in the world and do whatever you want me to do to make you happy. It doesn’t matter what you want me to do, I will do it. I will make it my mission to make you happy”).
She then feels as though he has lost all sense of confidence and self-respect and is essentially offering to be in the lower position in the relationship, just so he can be with her.
That’s not attractive to a woman.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing her ex a favor by being with him again.
She wants to feel like he’s the kind of guy she can look up to, respect and feel proud to call her man (i.e. because he has made the necessary adjustments to his thinking and behavior and is now making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways).
So, if you really want to get your ex back without seeming like you’re pressuring her, it’s always best to avoid talking about a future together as a couple.
Instead, just focus on having fun and getting to know each other in a whole new way.
For example: If you’re talking to her on the phone, you can say, “Hey, let’s stop talking about the relationship we used to have. That’s over now. Instead, let’s pretend for a moment that we’ve just met for the first time and we’re getting to know each other. There’s no more negative memories from the past and the future is a mystery. All we have is here and now. We can then like, or dislike each other based on who we are right now, rather than constantly focusing on what happened before, or what might happen in the future. Let’s just talk and see how we feel about each other right now.”
Not only does saying something like that take the pressure off, but it also makes her see you in a very different (more positive) light.
She drops her guard a little, so she can allow herself to feel and experience the new you, without thinking about the past.
If you really have improved and changed (e.g. if you were insecure or emotionally sensitive before, you are now very confident and emotionally masculine), she will naturally feel attracted to the new you.
From there, every time you interact with her (via text message, on social media, on a phone call, and especially in person) just focus on making her smile, laugh and feel at ease.
The more you make her laugh, smile and enjoy herself, the more she will be able to relax and reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Then, getting back together will happen naturally because it’s feels good for the both of you.
On the other hand, if you put too much pressure on her by talking about a future together as a couple, she will just pull away from you even more than she has been lately.
5. Laugh and tell her to relax if she is feeling pressured
Many guys take a woman’s comments too seriously after a break up and begin to handle her like fragile glass.
For example: If she says, “I’m just too scared of getting hurt again. I’m so confused. I don’t know how I feel about you right now. Please stop pressuring me and give me some space to figure things out for myself,” a guy might get nervous about scaring her off.
As a result, he might then start being extra nice and sweet to her and saying things like, “Whatever you want is fine by me. You call the shots and I’ll do whatever makes you comfortable. Take your time. I’m sorry for pressuring you. I’ll always be here for you. I am willing to wait as long as it takes.”
Alternatively, he might back off and give her a few weeks or even a couple of months of space, in the hope that she will relax and feel better about the idea of getting back together again.
Yet, in most cases, rather than want him more, she secretly feels turned off how he takes her drama too seriously.
She wants him to be man enough not to take everything so seriously and simply be able to laugh, smile and guide the conversation back to feel good emotions.
So, the next time your ex gets too emotional and says things like, “I’m just too scared of getting hurt again. I’m so confused. I don’t know how I feel about you right now. Please stop pressuring me and give me some space to figure things out for myself,” rather than make a big deal about it, just use it as an opportunity to spark her feelings for you.
For example: You can laugh (important) and say something along the lines of, “Whoooa! You sure are making a big fuss over nothing. All I’m asking for is that we meet up for a quick cup of coffee and a catch up. It’s 10 minutes of having coffee as friends only. It’s not a marriage proposal! I’m sure you can handle 10 minutes, right? Besides, if you don’t want to talk to me after that, I will respect it and give you space,” and have laugh with her about it.
She will then most-likely laugh and maybe even feel a bit embarrassed about making such a big deal over meeting up with you.
She will also feel respect and attraction for you for not getting sucked into her fake drama.
She will realize that you’re now a very different man from the one she broke up with (e.g. you’re more confident and emotionally strong, you’re emotionally masculine in a way that makes her feel totally feminine around you, you’re ballsy and stand up to her) and won’t be able to stop herself from reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you.
When that happens, you will easily get her back without seeming like you’re pressuring her into it because she will want it too.