If your ex keeps telling you not to pressure her about getting back together, you simply need to change the way you are approaching the ex back process from now on.
So, if what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t worked, here’s what you should do instead:
1. Stop talking about the relationship via text, e-mail or social media messages
Rather than using your contact with her to annoy her by discussing the relationship, you need to use it to make her have feelings for you again.
When you do that, she will naturally open up to getting back together without you having to pressure her into it.
Make sure that you use every interaction that you have with her from now on to make her feel sparks of respect and attraction for you.
When you do that, her guard will come down because you’re now letting her want you back naturally, rather than making her feel like you are trying to force her into giving you another chance.
The next thing you need to do to change how your ex feels right now is to…
2. Focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good when she interacts with you
One of the best ways to ease the negative, awkward or unhappy tension between you and your ex is by making her laugh and smile every time you interact with her from now on.
Think about it this way…
How would you feel if you dumped a woman and didn’t want to be with her anymore, but she kept pressuring you to give her another chance?
Would you say to yourself, “Oh, it’s fine. I’m not attracted to her anymore, but who cares. She obviously loves me, so I will give her another chance,” or would you be thinking something like, “She is so annoying. Why is she pressuring me like this when she can see that I clearly don’t have feelings for her anymore?”
Chances are high that you’d probably want to remain broken up with her if you no longer felt respect and attraction for her, right?
You might even tell her to stop pressuring you about getting back together and then try to cut her out of your life completely (e.g. unfriend her on Facebook, unfollow her on other social media, block her number).
By thinking about in that way, hopefully you can now understand why your ex is feeling annoyed that you’ve been pressuring her to get back with you, even though you haven’t reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction.
You want her back, but she doesn’t feel the same way right now, so she looks at your attempts to get her back at frustrating or annoying.
So, if you want to get her back, make sure that from now on, you make her smile and laugh whenever you talk to her.
Don’t pressure her to get back with you and don’t try to discuss the relationship or fix things between you and her by talking it out.
Just allow her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you.
That’s what really matters the most to her.
After all, you have strong feelings for her and want her back, but she’s just not feeling the same way right now.
So, you need to get her smiling, laughing and feeling good while talking to you.
When you do that, you help her to let go of negative feelings for you (e.g. anger, bitterness, disappointment) and replace them with positive feelings (e.g. respect, attraction, happiness, intrigue and excitement).
Even if she tries to resist the feelings, she just won’t be able to stop herself from relaxing, opening up and and enjoying interacting with you again.
The more she interacts with you and sees that you’re not being like you used to be (e.g. needy, insecure, desperate to get her back), the more she becomes open to getting back with you again.
She stops telling you not to pressure her about getting back together and starts saying things like, “I didn’t think we could ever feel comfortable with each other again like this, but you’ve really surprised me. You’re so different now. I enjoy talking to you and I don’t know why. Maybe we should meet up for a cup of coffee sometime. What do you think?”
The next step is to…
3. Get her to forgive the old you
Getting your ex to forgive you is a very important step if you want her to feel good about the idea of getting back together again.
However, it’s very important that you get her to forgive you for her own well being, so she willingly forgives you.
If she senses that forgiving you all about you and what you want (i.e. so you can feel better about yourself, so you can get her back), she will just dig her heels in and refuse to forgive you.
On the other hand, if you call her on the phone and say something like, “Hey, I know that I messed up. What I put you through wasn’t fair on you and I’m really sorry about it. I’d take it all back in a heartbeat if I could, but I can’t. However, holding on to a grudge about me isn’t going to help you now or in the future. If you don’t forgive me for who I used to be in our relationship and see that I am a new man now, it’s just going to make any relationship you might have in the future more difficult for you. You will naturally have your guard up because you won’t fully trust your next guy to never stuff up or disappoint you. I don’t want you to have to experience that. You deserve better. So, what I want to ask you is this: Can you forgive me? Can you forgive the old me by understanding that as people, we make mistakes and learn from them? Yes, I stuffed up, but it’s important that you see that I’m a different guy now. People can change. So, what do you say? Can you forgive the old me?”
When she agrees, you can then say, “Well, now we can at least look at each other as friends, rather than having to be all guarded. I accept that we’re broken up and don’t ever expect that you and I could be a couple again, so don’t worry. However, we don’t have to be awkward strangers with each other from now on. Let’s just be friends.”
Not only does she then feel less pressured to get back together with you, but she also gets to experience the new and improved you.
You’re so much more emotionally mature and strong now.
You know how to lead a conversation towards mutual understanding and creating feel good emotions, rather than annoying her or making her feel stressed by continually pressuring her to give you another chance.
As a result, she then realizes that you’re not the same guy who messed up in the relationship.
You really have changed and she really does feel differently (i.e. respectful, attracted, in love) when she talks to you now, so she feels happy about the idea of forgiving you.
You can then…
4. Meet up with her as friends and let her experience the new and improved you
After you get your ex to forgive you, you can suggest that you and her meet up as friends for a quick catch up.
Initially, she might be a bit resistant to the idea and say something like, “No, I don’t think so,” or even, “There you go again…pressuring me to meet up with you. You haven’t changed, have you?”
Don’t let that throw you off.
Remain calm and say in a joking way, “Hey, I’m only asking you to catch up for a cup of coffee. If I suggested meeting for two cups of coffee, then that would be serious stuff. However, it’s just one cup of coffee. If you want more than that, you can forget about it. I’m not ready for that kind of a commitment with you right now. One coffee and we’re parting ways” and then have a laugh.
She will most likely then laugh and realize that she was being too serious about a simple catch up.
She may also start wondering, “I like him when he’s being confident and relaxed in this way. It’s not how he would have reacted in the past. Maybe a cup of coffee wouldn’t be such a bad idea. After all, we’ve had a laugh on the phone, so maybe we will in person too. I’m curious to see if he’s really like this all the time now, or if he’s just putting on an act to impress me,” and she will then agree to meet up with you to find out.
At the meet up, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that have been turning her on (e.g. being very confident, making her laugh and smile, flirting with her, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculine vibe), so she can experience the full force of the new and improved you.
When she can see for herself that you’re no longer the guy who was pressuring her about getting back together again, she will naturally drop her guard and open up to you even more.
However, be warned…
Don’t get that far to then ruin it by pushing her to whether or not she is now willing to give your relationship another chance.
Just keep building on her attraction for you, so she naturally begins to want a relationship with you.
If you do that, you will get her back.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Getting Her Back
After helping men to get women back for many years now, I’ve found that most women will give an ex man another chance if he simply reactivates her feelings of respect, sexual and attraction and love.
When her feelings are back, she wants to do it and doesn’t feel like she is being forced into it.
She is experiencing new, exciting and interesting feelings for him and wants to explore them.
That’s the easy way to get an ex back.
Unfortunately, not all guys discover what you are learning right now.
As a result, they make classic mistakes and mess up their chance to get her back.
Mistakes such as:
1. Thinking that staying on her mind via text is the trick to getting her back
If a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex, she’s simply going to feel annoyed at him if he keeps texting her and trying to ‘fix things’ or work things out with her.
Despite that, some guys just don’t know what else to do.
So, a guy will use texting, e-mail and social media as a way of staying in touch with her 24/7 (e.g. telling her that he misses her, asking her to explain what she wants him to do to get her back, promising to change if she gives him another chance, telling about his day, asking her questions about her life without him, sending her random videos to watch that he hopes she will find interesting, trying to chat with her like a friend and so on).
Meanwhile, his ex woman will be rolling her eyes and feeling annoyed at him for it.
Remember: No matter how sincere you might be when texting your ex or sending her e-mails, it just doesn’t have the same effect on her as talking to her on the phone or seeing her in person.
When you stick to texts or e-mails, she is also much more likely to misinterpret what you’re saying and see you as pressuring her, annoying her and causing her unwanted stress.
This happens because she can’t hear your tonality or see your body language to determine your state of mind and see for herself that you’re being confident, easy-going and light-hearted.
For example: Try reading out the following in different tones of voice and you will see what I mean.
- Annoyed tone of voice: Hey, what’s up? I haven’t heard from you. Can you reply to my last e-mail?
- Easy-going, relaxed tone of voice: Hey, what’s up? I haven’t heard from you. Can you reply to my last e-mail?
- Hesitant, nervous tone of voice: Hey, what’s up? I haven’t heard from you. Can you reply to my last e-mail?
As you can see, you will be able to hear the difference in tone in your voice as you read it out, even though you are reading out the same words.
So, depending on your ex’s mood and perception of you (e.g. if she sees you as being needy and pressuring her), she might read that as you being slightly demanding and insistent that she replies to you, even though you were being relaxed and easy-going about it.
Of course, some guys think, “Okay, well I’ll just put some smileys and emojis in there to let her see that I’m in a good mood.”
Yet, that doesn’t work either.
If a guy uses lots of smilely and emojis with an ex who doesn’t feel respect and attraction for him, she will usually look at it in a negative light.
For example: She will look at it and think, “He texts like a girl. All those smileys and emojis. It’s like I’m talking to one of my girlfriends” and feel turned off by him.
So, if you want to avoid messing things up via text, just get her on a phone call with you and let her hear and experience the new and improved you.
Let her see that no matter what she says to make you feel uncomfortable, you remain confident, easy-going and in control of yourself and the situation.
If you do that, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you.
Another mistake that guys make is…
2. Feeling as though it’s okay to annoy her because she used to love him and so she will probably just put up with it
Sometimes, a guy might think to himself, “Sure my ex keeps telling me not to pressure her about getting back together, but I’m not going to just give up on the idea of us being a couple again. Besides, I know that she used to care for me once too, so she has to understand that I’m doing this is out of love for her. She needs to deal with it and just open up to me again, rather than keep telling me to stop. That’s what real love is about. Couples shouldn’t quit and break up just because they’re having a few problems. We need to work through this and fix any issues we have. If she finds that annoying, I don’t care. I’m going to keep pushing until she stops being so stubborn and starts giving me a chance.”
What he fails to realize is that she is an individual and can do whatever she wants.
Even though he might look at her as being his property, she’s not.
Modern women are free to leave a relationship if they want to and can no longer be forced to stay with a man.
If you want a woman to want to stay with your for life, you’ve got to be able to guide the relationship through all the stages…
When you get her back, you can guide her to stage 5 of a relationship and keep it there for life.
Both of you will be so happy and will want to stay together for life.
For now though, you’ve got to make sure that you’re not ruining your opportunities to reconnect with her and get things back on track.
For example: Sometimes a guy will feel as though, because his ex woman loved him so much before, he has the right to pester her and annoy her now that they are broken up.
Yet, pestering her is one of the quickest ways to make a woman further disconnect from her remaining feelings of respect, attraction and love.
It simply makes her realize that he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that she’s an individual and can choose to be in a relationship with him or not, which then makes her lose respect for him.
It makes her feel like a relationship with him would be a burden and she would feel trapped, rather than feeling elated and in love.
So, make sure that you avoid making your ex feel like she has to open up because you’re telling her too.
Instead, focus on making her feel good every time she hears from you by using humor, being confident and making her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculine approach to conversations and situations.
She will then begin to think, “I think we can work things out after all. I’m starting to believe that he really is the man I want to be with. I can’t stop thinking about hugging him and kissing him. I want us to be together again.”
Another mistake guy’s make is…
3. Trying to explain why he wants her back, rather than making her feel like she wants him back
Explaining to your ex about how much you love her and why you want her back might seem like it’s the right thing to do (e.g. some guys think, “My ex will be flattered when she hears how much I need her and how I can’t live without her”), but it’s not.
A woman wants a man who wants her, loves her and appreciates her, but doesn’t need her.
That doesn’t mean a man should ever say, “Hey, I don’t need you” to his woman.
That would be rude, unloving and unnecessary.
Instead, he just needs to let her sense that he would be totally fine without her.
He would remain confident, happy and continue moving forward with his life, with or without her around.
That’s what a woman wants.
She wants to be loved, respected, appreciated and taken care of, but she doesn’t want to be with a guy who makes her his reason for living and can’t function properly without her.
So, rather than trying to explain how much you love her and why you need her back (which will make her feel pressured), just focus on getting to the point where you can feel genuinely happy in your life with or without her.
For example: You might begin to make progress on achieving a big dream or goal that you’ve been neglecting.
If you don’t have any big goals, then decide to set some and start making each one of them a reality.
When your ex can see that you are a happy, fulfilled and determined man without her, she will feel much more attracted to you than if you try to explain why you need her back.
Important: Showing her that you are happy without her is not about hooking up with new women.
You can do that if you want to, but it’s not required to get a woman back in almost all ex back cases.