To rekindle the fire of love between you and your ex, you need to:
1. Understand what caused her to lose respect for you
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but when certain issues keep coming up over and over again, it’s usually a sign that something is going wrong.
For example: A woman might go from being happy and fun at the beginning of a relationship, to always sulking or throwing tantrums about seemingly irrelevant things.
This may cause her guy to think, “What’s wrong with her? Why is she always so moody these days? She’s just so unpredictable. I never know what will set her off. She used to be such a sweet girl before, but now she’s always trying to pick a fight with me. She’s angry, irritable and annoyed all the time. I just don’t get it. What happened to her?”
The answer is usually that something about the guy’s attitude, thinking and behavior has made her lose respect and attraction for him over time.
For example: Some of the common things that may cause a woman to lose respect for her guys is that…
- He is too emotionally sensitive and responds to everything in his life more like a woman than a man (e.g. He remains upset about something for a long time, rather than fixing the problem. He seeks pity from her and expects her to be gentle with him because he’s so emotionally sensitive).
- He stops making her feel appreciated and starts taking her for granted (e.g. treating her with disrespect, but expecting her to respect him. Getting angry at her often or behaving in a controlling way. Not making her feel like a sexy woman in his eyes anymore).
- He has no real sense of purpose in life that he’s actively following through on, so he wastes time on unprofitable hobbies (e.g. video games, watching sports) and expects her to just put up with it and deal with living a mediocre lifestyle.
- He has turned the relationship into a friendship by being neutral around her, rather than being very masculine, so she can feel feminine and be his woman.
- She can’t be herself around him because he expects her to behave in all sorts of ways that just aren’t her.
- He won’t commit to her and just expects her to put up with being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for life.
- He is clingy and needy and she feels suffocated by the relationship.
- He doesn’t take her seriously and rudely disregards her ideas and opinions about things.
- He gives her way too much power in the relationship, to the point where she can walk all over him and treat him badly and he still puts up with it just so she won’t leave him.
Can you relate to any of the examples above?
If so, that’s good news for you because the first step in rekindling the fire of love between you and your ex, is to fully understand what caused her to lose respect for you.
If you’re not aware of your ex’s REAL reasons for losing respect, you will most likely be offering her things that she doesn’t want (e.g. offering to treat her better, when she actually wants you to be more ballsy and masculine).
If you’re offering her the wrong things, she’s just going to keep saying things like, “No. We had our chance and it didn’t work out. I don’t love you anymore.”
So, make sure that you get clear on why she really lost respect for you and then begin to fix, improve, change or adjust those things about yourself.
The next step is to…
2. Find out which pieces of the attraction experience were missing in your relationship
Every woman wants a slightly different or vastly different attraction experience than other women do.
For example: Some women just want a nice, fairly confident, sweet guy who will commit to them for life.
On the other hand, some women want a ballsy, confident guy who is a challenge to win over and keep in a relationship.
Other women want a good guy who is very confident and only a little bit challenging to win over and impress in a relationship.
Other women want to a bad boy who makes her cry and try really hard to impress him and keep him happy.
Other women want a very confident guy who is sweet, loyal and committed.
In other words, every woman is different.
To properly re-attract your ex, you must understand what pieces to the attraction experience were missing in your relationship with her.
You have to interact with her and allow her to see for herself that you have changed and improved and she will now be able to get a full experience with you in a relationship, rather than having to put up with a boring, unfulfilling experience that doesn’t really match her wants and needs.
When she can see that you’ve changed, her guard automatically comes down and the idea of getting back together with you doesn’t sound that impossible to her anymore.
She realizes that you are now making her feel the way she always wanted to feel with you, so there’s no point pushing you away anymore.
On the other hand, if you try to rekindle the fire of love between you and her by offering her the wrong kind of attraction experience, her heart will remain closed off to you and she will keep rejecting you.
For example: A woman loses respect and attraction for a guy because he is too emotionally sensitive and responds to everything in his life more like a woman than a man.
He might then decide that the best way to re-spark her feelings for him, is by being romantic and sending her love letters, poems and/ or flowers, in the hopes that he can sweep her off her feet.
Yet, even though a woman might appreciate his efforts to do nice things for her, it’s not the main thing that will change how she feels about him.
She wants him to be more confident, ballsy and masculine in his behavior, rather than being a hopeless romantic.
She wants him to interact with her and let her experience the changes in him for herself (i.e. that he is so much more confident and emotionally strong now).
No matter what she says or does to make him feel insecure, he remains confident and emotionally strong.
She can then see that if she gave him another chance, she would actually get what she wants this time (i.e. a more confident, emotionally strong and ballsy man).
So, the question is: Do you understand what the missing pieces of the attraction experience between you and your ex really were?
Are you clear on what your weak points are when it comes to relationships and maintaining your ex’s attraction for you?
That is what you need to start improving right now.
Don’t focus on anything else, because she’s just not going to care about it.
She will only care about you and feel the love rushing back into her heart if she can see that you have changed and can now offer her the kind of attraction experience she really wants.
When she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, the idea of rekindling the fire of love between you and her will be something that she wants too, rather than it being something you are trying to force her into.
She will open up to it and enjoy it and you and her will naturally get back together and be happier than you were before.
So, when you are ready…
3. Interact with her on a phone call or in person to let her experience the new and improved you
Many guys lose the chance of rekindling the love with their ex woman by hoping that she will eventually change her mind if they spend enough time apart from each other.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “Right now, everything I do seems to irritate her. So, the best thing for me to do is just give her some space to calm down. She will then realize how much she misses me and will hopefully contact me and tell me that she wants me back.”
He may then cut off all communication with his ex for 30 or 60 days (and in some cases even longer), hoping that time apart will be the magic solution that will rekindle the fire of love between them.
Yet, when several months go by without hearing from her, he may start to wonder, “Why isn’t she calling me? Why hasn’t she come running back to me yet? Should I give her more time? Will that make her want me again?”
In most cases it won’t.
When a woman has lost a lot of respect and attraction for a guy, him ignoring her for weeks and months just isn’t a big deal to her.
Instead, she just uses the time apart to get over him completely and move on with a new man (or men).
So, don’t put yourself in that position with her.
Rather than ignoring her and hoping that she comes back on her own, just get her on a phone call with you right away, so you can start the process of rebuilding her feelings of respect, attraction and love.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Using humor to make her relax and open up a little.
- Displaying confidence when she tries to make you feel nervous and insecure by being cold, distant or rude towards you.
- Responding differently to the way she expects you to (e.g. you laugh when she thinks you’ll get upset, you act mature and emotionally strong when she thinks that you will start begging and pleading with her).
- Flirting with her to create a playful, sexual vibe between you and her.
- Making her feel girly and feminine in contrast to your masculine vibe, so she can feel attracted to you in a fundamental way.
That is what rekindles the fire of love in her heart.
You don’t need to get into long discussions about the relationship, buy her gifts or try to amaze her with grand romantic gestures.
All it usually takes for most ex back situations, is for the guy to create a spark of sexual attraction inside of the woman.
Once he does that, it sets off a chain reaction in her heart and mind and her guard comes down.
As long as he continues to build on her feelings for him while interacting with her, it’s almost a certainty that they will get back together and be happier than they were before.
The next thing to do is…
4. Meet up and build on the sexual tension between you and her
When you made her feel attracted to you over the phone, it created some sexual tension between you and her.
Sexual tension occurs when a man and a woman are sexually attracted to each other, but there is something in the way that is blocking them from having sex.
In this case, it’s the fact that you’re talking to each other over the phone and are broken up.
So, when you make her feel attracted over the phone and end the call, she will naturally be feeling the exciting, captivating effects of sexual tension.
Don’t just stop there though!
Seeing your ex face-to-face is a crucial step to getting her back.
If you just text back and forth or talk on the phone and never get to an in person meet up, the sexual tension will eventually fizzle out.
It’s kind of like water boiling in a kettle.
If you keep it boiling for too long, the water will eventually evaporate completely via steam and you will be left with a burnt out kettle.
So, make sure that you build sexual tension and then use it to get to a hug, kiss and then sex.
Don’t get fooled into thinking that you’re getting her back for real just because she’s texting with you or talking to you on the phone.
Even if she sounds like she’s opening up to you via text or over the phone, nothing real (i.e. sex, getting back together) is going to happen until you see each other again in person.
So, make sure that after you’ve reactivated her feelings, you then get her to meet up with you in person as quickly as possible.
Then, when you see her in person, focus on building up the sexual tension between you and her.
How can you do that?
By flirting with her (e.g. teasing her in a playful way, making her laugh and smile, playing a little hard to get) and letting her enjoy the attraction she is now feeling for you.
Don’t make the mistake of ruining the sexual tension by asking her to give you another chance, asking if she finds you attractive or trying to convince her to change her mind about the break up.
You might be tempted to just say that you want to give the relationship another chance, but don’t.
Let the sexual tension build.
Let her want the relationship and want to tell you that she is interested again.
If she is too shy to tell you, she will show you by being open to hugging you, kissing you and having sex with you.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that flirting with your ex is wrong or that you need to be neutral around her to show her how much you care.
You have to make her have sexual feelings for you again.
When you do that, it’s like getting instant access to her heart.
She feels attracted, her guard comes down and the love comes rushing back into her heart.
She feels it, she wants it and she’s totally open to it.
That’s what you want.
So, make sure that you’re not acting neutral or too nice because you want to show her how gentlemanly you are.
If you are being too serious or nice, she will end up feeling awkward around you and will close up.
She will then think something like, “Well, this is awkward. We’re just not comfortable around each other anymore. There’s no spark between us. It must be a sign that whatever we had before is now truly dead. It’s time for both of us to move on. This just isn’t going to work.”
She then closes up even more and possibly says something like, “I should go. It was nice meeting up with you, but what we had is over now. You need to accept that. I wish you all the best. Bye.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
Make sure that when you meet up with your ex, you flirt with her, make her laugh and make her feel sexually attracted to you again.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t be serious with her if necessary.
You definitely can be serious and approach the conversation in a neutral way at times, but don’t use that as your main approach or else she will feel bored, awkward and want to leave the meet up.
So, once you’ve reactivated your ex’s feelings of sexual attraction and made her want more, you can to…
5. Release the sexual tension with a goodbye hug, kiss and then sex
Don’t wait around hoping that she will give you a definite sign that she’s open to hugging, kissing or having sex with you.
In most cases, a woman won’t want to come across as being easy, so at best, she might give subtle signs like licking her lips, touching you on the arm or leg, or playing with a necklace or her throat while looking at you in the eyes.
At worst, she might just be open to the conversation and simply wait for you to be confident enough to take the lead and release the sexual tension by giving her a hug, or preferably a kiss.
You can do get to that point by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, this has really been fun to catch up. It’s nice to see that we’re so civilized and mature around each other, unlike those other ex’s that can’t even be in the same room together. So, let’s celebrate our awesomeness by giving each other a big goodbye hug. Come here” and then lean in for a hug.
If she agrees and begins to lean in, just go ahead and give her a warm, long squeeze.
Then, while still holding onto her, lean back and look her in the eyes and then give her a kiss.
If she responds well, you can deepen the kiss and then leave together to hook up with her sexually at your place or hers.
Alternatively, if she pulls away from the kiss to avoid it, you can simply laugh and say, “Oh, yeah – I forgot that you’re a shy girl” and have a laugh with her about that, rather than worrying that you’ve jus screwed up your chances with her.
It’s always better to make it the woman’s fault (e.g. You’re shy. You don’t like to kiss in public. You’re worried that you will love me again if we kiss) rather than feel rejected and assume that it’s your fault.
Women always respond well to a man who believes in himself and his attractiveness.
So, don’t ever doubt yourself around your ex or any other woman.
Be the calm, confident guy who knows that he is more than good enough for a woman, but doesn’t need to openly brag about it at all.
You just have that relaxed, easy-going, cool guy confidence that every woman loves and feels attracted to.
By the way…
If she seems a bit hesitant to hug you and says something like, “No, I don’t want to,” or “I don’t think it’s such a good idea,” you can also react by simply accepting that in a relaxed, easy-going way.
You can say, “Sure, no problem.”
Then, continue to build up more the sexual tension between you and her and try again later when she’s more open.
The important thing to remember here is that the more you make your ex feel sexually attracted to you again, the more interested she will be in rekindling the fire of love between you and her.
However, if you’re just coming at her in a neutral, friendly way and not creating sparks of sexual attraction, she’s not really going to feel motivated to want to reconnect with the love she used to feel for you.
So, make sure that you’re focused on making her feel the all-important feeling of sexual attraction.
Then, build up the sexual tension and release it with a hug, kiss and sex if you can.
6. Start a new and improved relationship that is better than it was before
When you reactivate your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction and then have sex with her, it makes her see you in a different light.
You’re a new man now and you are giving her a new kind of attraction experience that is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling to her.
As a result, her walls come down and she starts to believe that you really have transformed yourself into the kind of man that she can now look up to, respect and feel attracted to in the long run.
Of course, she might initially try to subdue her feelings by saying to herself, “What are you doing? Don’t you remember how he stuffed up before? Don’t give him another chance. End it. Walk away.”
Yet, this time around, there will also be a new voice in her mind telling her, “Yes, but that was the old him. He’s not that guy anymore and you know it. This new version of him is the man you have always wanted. Are you going to make the biggest mistake of your life and let him go? He is different now and you feel so good with him, so just go with it.”
She will realize that if she lets you go this time, she will regret it and end up feeling like she’s lost a true love.
So, she won’t want to end it.
She will want to explore her new feelings for you and see how it goes.
That’s how you rekindle the fire of love between you and her.