Here are 4 tips to help you rekindle the love between you and her, so you can get her back into a relationship once again:
1. Get clear on why the love faded away between you and her
The main thing that will cause a woman’s love for her man to fade away is when he stops acting and behaving in ways that make her feel respect and attraction.
For example: He stops being confident and becomes insecure and needy, he stops leading in the relationship like a real man and instead expects her to make all the decisions for the both of them, he stops making her feel loved and appreciated and begins taking her for granted instead.
So, if the guy then wants to rekindle the lost love, his first step needs to be to get clear on what aspects of his thinking and behavior turned his ex off in the first place and then take action to improve those things about himself.
Then, when he interacts with her and she notices that he’s transformed himself into a better man, even if she initially tries to fight it, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to him again.
How about you?
Do you understand the secret, subtle or deeper reasons why your ex’s love for you faded away?
If you’re not quite sure, here are some questions to ask yourself to gain clarity…
- Did you pretty much always maintain your confidence with her, or did you slowly begin to feel insecure about yourself and your value to her?
- Did you remain emotionally strong and independent in the relationship, or did you end up becoming too clingy, needy, jealous or possessive?
- Were you the more emotionally dominant one in the relationship, or did you hand all your power over to her and allowed her to boss you around?
- Did you make her feel strong sparks of attraction for you by being emotionally masculine around her, or did you make her feel more like a friend or roommate when she was with you?
- Was she able to look up to you, respect you and feel proud of you as her man because you were rising through the levels of life with determination and focus, or did she feel a bit embarrassed by you because you were just drifting through life?
- Did you and her have the same relationship goals (e.g. to move in together, buy a house, get married, start a family), or did you want different things?
When you know where you went wrong, focus on improving those things about yourself.
Then, let your ex experience the new you during interactions.
When she sees that you’re now behaving and responding in completely different ways to the way she remembers, her guard will naturally come down and she will start thinking of you in a more positive light.
When that happens, she will be more receptive and she will feel open to the idea of exploring her new feelings of attraction for you again to see if you and her can rekindle your lost love.
The next thing you can do to get her back is to…
2. Understand that both of you will most likely have changed a lot as people
A lot can happen after a couple breaks up.
Whether it’s for a short time or a long time spent apart, they will naturally change in many ways.
For example: Some of the ways that a woman might change are…
- She dates other guys, has casual sex, or even falls in love with another guy and gets into a relationship with him, so she’s a lot more experienced with relationships and break ups.
- She becomes more emotionally mature than she was before the break up and is now not interested in the same things as before (e.g. she used to like to party and live a carefree life and now she is more serious and focused on her studies or career).
- She survives an illness, the death of a loved one, or some other challenging situation on her own and becomes emotionally stronger because of it.
- She goes traveling, interacts with people of different cultures and that changes her at a deep level.
- She gets a promotion at work with a lot more money, which then changes other things in her life like where she lives, the types of places she hangs out at, her wardrobe and possibly even the people she makes friends with.
- She dates several different guys and she learns more about what she likes and doesn’t like in a man.
Of course, the changes are almost never one-sided and the guy will also change.
Some of the ways he might do that are…
- He realizes where he went wrong in the relationship with his woman and uses the time apart to transform himself into a better man (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, more emotionally mature). As a result, he becomes more attractive to women and can now pick any woman he wants rather than settle for what he can get.
- He dates other women and even gets into another relationship and realizes that no other woman compares to his ex.
- He dates other women and learns about what he really wants in a woman.
- He closes himself off after the break up because he can’t deal with the pain of losing his woman and becomes a loner.
- He focuses on pursuing and achieving his biggest goals in life and changes the direction of his life for the better.
As you can see, you and your ex will likely have both changed in many different ways since you broke up.
That means, you will have to get to know each other all over again in a whole different way.
You can’t just assume things will be the same just because you knew each other before.
So, when you interact with your ex from now on, focus on making her fall in love with the man you are now, rather than letting her fall back to thinking of you the way you used to be.
The more she enjoys being around you, the more her defenses will start to fade away.
She will then open up to getting back with you, or at least spending more time with you to see what happens from there.
The next thing you can do to rekindle your lost love is to…
3. Prepare to create a new spark of romantic attraction inside of her when you interact
If you interact with your ex in a way that doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you (e.g. sucking up to her, acting like just a friend, letting her call all the shots), she’s likely just going to perceive you as being only a friend at best, or feel like you’re wasting her time and that you having nothing in common anymore, at worst.
This is why, it’s very important that you prepare yourself to get her back.
For example: Some of the things that will spark her feelings for you during interactions and make her want to be your girl again are…
- Showing her by way of your attitude, behavior, conversation style and actions that you have already fixed some of the issues that were turning her off before (e.g. if you were insecure before, you’re now more confident and believe in your value as a man, if you were too nice with her before and allowed her to push you around, you’re more assertive towards her now, if you were too emotionally dependent on her before, you now show her that you are happy and moving forward in your life with or without her).
- Reacting differently to what she says and does, (e.g. if she dominated you with her confident personality, you now lovingly stand your ground with her when she tries to bully you, if she previously made you feel upset or angry when she created unnecessary drama, you now relax and adoringly laugh at her attempts to fluster you).
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence by being an emotionally masculine man around her, rather than being extra nice or neutral.
- Flirting with her and creating sexual tension between you and her, rather than pretending you’re no longer interested in having a relationship with her.
When you interact with her and she can see that you’ve become the kind of man she always wanted you to be (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, more emotionally independent, assertive) she automatically begins to feel respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also starts to feel attracted again and with those two things in place, she can reconnect with the love as well.
Her guard naturally comes down and she becomes open to seeing what happens from there.
The next thing you can do to rekindle your lost love is to…
4. Get in touch with her and make it happen
To effectively rekindle the love between you and your ex, you have to be interacting with her.
However, don’t fall into the habit of texting your ex or sending her messages via social media, without ever working up the courage to call her, or see her in person.
You might think that it’s best to take things slowly because you don’t want to scare her off.
You may even be hoping that she will take the lead and let you know when she’s ready to talk to you over the phone or see you again.
However, a woman will rarely make the first move with an ex she no longer loves.
Instead, she will usually message or text back and forth for a while and when she realizes that it’s going nowhere, she will either stop responding to him altogether, or assume they’re texting friends now and focus on moving on with a new man in her real life.
So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you call her over the phone, spark some of her feelings for you and then arrange a meet up with her.
For example: Imagine you’re on a call with your ex and you’ve been making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
You can then say something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s been great talking again. It’s good to see that we can still have a laugh together even though we’re broken up. Let’s do this in person sometime this week and catch up for a quick cup of coffee to say hello as friends. Of course, it’s not about us getting back together. It’s just a catch up to say hello. I’m free in Wednesday and Thursday afternoon, how about you?”
If you’ve created enough feelings of respect and attraction inside of her during the phone call (i.e. by being confident, flirting with her, using humor), she will likely agree to meet up with you.
However, if she doesn’t say “Yes,” right away, don’t worry about it.
Most women are usually a bit resistant when it comes to meeting up with an ex guy, because they don’t want to come across as being too easy, or are afraid of getting hurt again (e.g. incase you get her back and then dump her to get revenge on her for breaking up with you in the first place).
So, just maintain your confidence and say something like, “Hey, it’s just a quick cup of coffee between two friends. It’s no big deal and no strings attached. So, how about it? I’ll be busy on Monday and Tuesday. Which days this week are you free?”
She will then most likely say “Yes,” and you can go ahead and make plans to meet up with her at a time that suits you both.
By the way…
Make sure that when you see her again, you continue to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
Don’t meet up with her and just have a nice, friendly chat.
You’ve got to turn on the charm and make her feel like she’s been missing out by not being with you anymore.
If you do that, she will naturally begin to open up and you will get her back pretty quickly and easily.
Avoid the Following Mistakes If You Want to Rekindle the Love Faster and Easier
Getting an ex woman to fall in love with you again isn’t as difficult as you might think.
It all depends on your approach.
When you interact with her and say and do things that spark her feelings for you, she naturally starts to feel surges of respect, attraction and love for you again.
However, if your interactions turn her off, her feelings for you will remain buried.
So, to make her love you again, make sure you don’t make any of the following mistakes:
1. Not making the feelings mutual before you even hint at a possible relationship
Sometimes, a guy might reach out to an ex via email, text, letter or social media and explain how he feels about her, his regrets about the relationship and how good it would be to catch up.
However, if the woman didn’t feel attracted to him when she broke up with him, she likely still feels the same way and she won’t feel very excited about his sudden declaration of love.
This is why, you need to do things one step at a time.
Attraction comes first, then everything else follows on from there.
It can’t just be about you loving her and wanting her back.
Instead, she has to feel like she wants you back for her own reasons (e.g. she doesn’t believe another guy can make her feel the way you do, she will regret it if she doesn’t give you one more chance).
You can make her feel that way by reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings during interactions (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, flirting with her to create a sexual vibe, showing her you’re a new man now) and then not pushing for a relationship.
She feels attracted to you again and notices that you’re not trying to get her back.
As a result, she begins to worry about losing you for real this time (i.e. because you can easily attract another woman), so she becomes open to giving the relationship another try.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Coming across as self doubting when he communicates with her
Almost nothing kills a woman’s feelings for a guy faster than a lack of confidence.
He can be really good looking, rich and successful, but if he’s constantly unsure of himself and doesn’t believe in his attractiveness and value as a man, he’s not going to be attractive to most women.
So, if he then interacts with his ex and he struggles to maintain his confidence with her, especially when she tests him by being cold, disinterested and offish towards him, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
Then, rather than want to give him another chance, she will likely make all kinds of excuses to discourage him from pursuing her (e.g. “I’m seeing someone else now,” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment,” or “I need to concentrate on my studies/work/career, so I can’t afford to get distracted”).
Of course, if the guy is truly self doubting, he will take that as a sign that she doesn’t want him and he will give up on getting her back, potentially missing out on being with the love of his life.
Don’t let that happen to you.
From now on, rather than filling your head with doubts and negative self-talk, focus instead on imagining every conversation that you have with your ex going well.
Picture her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be talking to you because you are being confident and self-assured.
The more you do that, the more it becomes the truth, even if initially it was only a pretence.
Then, when you interact with you ex and she notices how sure of yourself you are, she will naturally start to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new, emotionally strong, confident version of you.
Then, reconnecting with her lost feelings of love happens naturally and easily, because you are now the kind of man that she always wanted you to be.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Acting like just a friend and not including any flirting
If you want to rekindle the lost love between you and your ex, acting like a nice, neutral friend around her isn’t going to make that happen.
When there’s no sexual vibe, she just doesn’t feel like the love would come back.
She doesn’t see the point of opening herself back up to a man that she can’t see a romantic, sexual future with.
So, even though they might share a friendship, it’s unlikely going to turn into a relationship from there without the sexual, romantic component added.
For a woman to want to be in a relationship with a guy, she’s needs to feel sexually and romantically attracted to him for her to fall in love with him.
So, if you want to rekindle a lost love, you need to make your ex feel attracted, sexually and romantically.
This means you need to change your approach from being nice, neutral or friendly, to using interactions to flirt with her and turn her on sexually, so she actually wants to be with you again.