Not for most ex back situations.
Here’s the thing…
No Contact is not contacting an ex for 30 to 60 days after a break up.
It also involves ignoring any attempts she makes to reach out to you (e.g. she sends a text to say “Hey”, sends you a message you on social media or even calls to say hi).
No Contact is passive because you’re not really doing anything (other than waiting for the time to pass until you can contact her again).
Active No Contact is not contacting an ex for 30 to 60 days after a break up and ignoring her attempts to reach out to you.
Sounds the same right?
Well, the only difference is that with active No Contact, you actively work on improving yourself and healing from the break up during the 30 to 60 days, so you can be ready to re-attract your ex.
…if she actually calls, or answers your text or call after the 30 or 60 days.
…if she hasn’t moved on and found happiness with a new guy.
…if she didn’t get revenge on you for not reaching out, by hooking up with new men to make herself feel better about you not reaching out.
Lots of ifs, so it just doesn’t work in most situations.
What does work?
In addition to the 3 proven to work alternatives to the No Contact Rule that Dan Bacon teaches in the above video, here are 5 additional tips about what really works to get an ex woman back:
1. Giving her the right amount of space for your situation
Not all women require a month or two of space before hearing from their ex boyfriend or husband again.
In fact, a lot of the time, the longer a guy takes to begin the ex back process with his ex, the more likely it is that she will move on.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she’s usually disconnected from her positive feelings for him (e.g. respect, attraction, love) and has replaced them with a lot of negative emotions (e.g. anger, bitterness, disappointment).
In her mind she may even be thinking things like, “I just want to get away from him and try to fix my life. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. When I see my friends, family and even strangers looking so happy in their relationships, I feel jealous because I don’t have that. At least now I’ve taken the first steps to moving forward and finding a man who can make me feel the way I want to feel, when I’m with him.”
So, if her ex then decides to use No Contact as a way of getting her back and he ignores her for 30 or even 60 days, rather than miss him and begin regretting her decision to break up with him, she will usually just feel relieved and happy.
She will then use that time to fully get over him and find herself a new man.
Naturally, there are cases where using No Contact on a woman works.
However, that usually only happens if the woman still has feelings for the guy and she’s secretly hoping that he will try to get her back.
If he then ignores her instead, it can cause her to panic and try to initiate contact with him.
Of course, if he then continues to ignore her even more (i.e. because the full 30 or 60 days have not passed yet), she will almost certainly take it as a sign that he’s over her and she will then focus on getting over him too, usually by hooking up with a new man as quickly as possible.
Then, when he finally contacts her, she will say something along the lines of, “Why are you calling me after all this time? Did you think I was going to sit around waiting for you? Well I did, but you didn’t want anything to do with me. Now it’s too late. I’ve moved on and I have a new boyfriend and I’m happy, so please leave me alone.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
The truth is, in almost all ex back cases, up to a week of space is more than enough time to allow for things to calm down between a man and a woman.
So, if your reason for using No Contact is to get your ex back, then 3 to 7 days of space is usually enough.
The next tip that works is…
2. Interacting with her and creating a spark of romantic attraction again
Once you contact your ex again, the important thing is not to act like a nice, neutral friend who is no longer interested in getting her back.
Instead, you need to ensure that you make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
When you do, you will see that things will automatically start to change.
She will begin to feel differently about you.
Then, getting her back becomes easier, because she’s open to the idea, rather than her thinking things like, “Not only did he stuff up, now he’s actually ignoring me too. What a jerk!”
So, how can you begin changing how she feels?
Some of the ways you can do that is by…
- Maintaining your confidence with her regardless of what she’s saying or doing to put you off, (e.g. she’s being scornful or indifferent towards you, she’s blaming you for the break up).
- Reacting differently to what she says and does, (e.g. if she tries to start an argument with you, rather than get upset or lose your temper with her like you did in the past, you now remain calm and use humor to diffuse the situation).
- Being relaxed and easy going around her and making her feel good to be interacting with you again, rather than pushing her to get back into a relationship with you and making her feel tense, annoyed or defensive as a result.
- Being more emotionally dominant with her, rather than allowing her to call all the shots, because you want her to like you again.
- Being more emotionally masculine around her and making her feel feminine and girly, rather than being too nice or neutral and making her feel like a friend, or nothing at all, in your presence.
The more your ex interacts with you and discovers that you’re nothing like the man she broke up with, the more her feelings of respect and attraction for you will begin to resurface.
As a result, her defenses start to come down and she then becomes more open to talking with you over the phone and meeting up with you in person, to see what happens next.
Another tip that works is…
3. Building on the spark to make her have sexual, loving feelings that draw her back into a relationship with you
Building on your ex’s newfound feelings for you is the best way to ensure that you get her back and keep her.
So, make sure that every interaction you have with her from now on (via text or e-mail, on social media, over the phone and especially in person) is turning the spark into a fire.
This means, you need to say and do the types of things that will make her feel even more respect and attraction for you than before and begin to see you as the new man you have become.
For example: Make her laugh and smile and enjoy talking to you and being around you.
Then, when she’s alone, she will naturally begin to miss you and think things like, “I can’t believe how much I’m thinking about him these days. I actually miss him when I don’t hear from him. What is happening to me? Why am I feeling this way about him when I was so sure before that it was over between us? Am I really falling back in love with him again? Should I give him another chance after all?”
The more respect and attraction you make her feel, the less she focuses on the negatives of the past and the more she feels drawn to the idea of being your girl again.
From there, even if she previously felt convinced that she was ready to move on, the idea of losing you for real suddenly starts to bother her.
Then, getting her back into a relationship becomes easy for you, because she wants it too.
The next tip that works is…
4. Showing her via your actions, behavior and attitude that you really have changed in some of the ways that are important to her
Nothing is more convincing to a woman that a relationship is worth saving than seeing that her ex has transformed himself and is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they broke up.
Not only does that show her that he has understood some of her secret reasons for breaking up with him, he’s also taken the necessary steps to quickly change and improve and become a better man as a result.
This earns a lot of her respect back.
Then, because she respects him again, she feels more open towards him.
This then allows her to start feeling attracted to him too and with these two emotions in place, falling back in love with him is only a matter of time.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back for real, the best investment you can make is in improving yourself.
When you do that, not only does it become possible to re-attract her and get her back, you also become a better man for yourself and it improves many of the other areas in your life too (e.g. if you become more confident, not only is that attractive to your ex, it also comes through at work/university and people feel more drawn to you).
So, focus on that.
By the way…
If you’re unsure about what you need to change about yourself to re-attract your ex, here are some questions to ask yourself that might help:
- What aspects of my thinking and behavior turned her off when we were together? (e.g. Did I become too insecure and emotionally dependent on her, and caused her to feel smothered by me? Did I take her for granted and make her feel unloved and unappreciated? Did I mature as quickly as her, or did she feel like she had to take care of me and act like the ‘grownup’ in the relationship)?
- What do I think was missing from our relationship? (e.g. Did I continue to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman or did she feel more like my friend or roommate? Did she feel safe about our future together, or did she feel uncertain? Did we have mutual goals, or was it ‘each person for themselves?’).
- Did she want me to behave in a way that I wasn’t aware of? (e.g. more ballsy, more motivated and goal oriented, more affectionate, less needy or clingy?).
- Was I trying to get her to accept things about me that she didn’t find attractive? (e.g. my insecurity about my value to her, my jealous or controlling behavior, my lack of direction in life)?
By understanding where you went wrong with your ex and then changing and improving some of those things about yourself, you take away her excuses not to want to give you another chance.
You’re a new man now, so she naturally starts to see you in a new (more positive way).
As a result, getting back together again becomes something she actually wants to do.
The next tip that works is…
5. Hooking up with her sexually and blowing her mind so she wants to be your girl again
Sex speeds up the process of getting the relationship back together.
It doesn’t fix everything, but it’s one part of the ex back process that you need to make sure you include along the way, rather than acting neutral or like just a friend to your ex.
This is why, once you’ve built up her feelings for you and made her feel attracted to you again, the next step is to hook up with her sexually to get her to start seeing you as her man again.
So, how can you do that?
Imagine you’re at a meet up with your ex.
The important thing is that you continue making her feel sexual attraction and respect for the new you.
Then, notice any signs that she may be giving you that she’s open to connecting with you on a more intimate level (e.g. she keeps touching you, licks her lips often, plays with her hair or a necklace).
When it feels like an appropriate time, go ahead and give her a hug and if she doesn’t pull away, give her a kiss as well.
From there, if she’s open, you can go to her place or yours and hook up with her sexually.
Remember: When you re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you and then you blow her mind with the best sex she’s ever experienced (with you or anyone else), it will be difficult for her to want to walk away from what the two of you share together.
When that happens, the relationship resumes naturally and easily, because she wants it as much as you.
Enjoy the great times ahead with her!
Problems to Avoid When Considering No Contact as Your Way to Hopefully Get Her Back
If you want to get your ex back for real, you need to make sure that you approach the ex back process in the correct way for your situation.
If you don’t, you may end up making it harder for yourself than it actually needs to be.
Watch this video from Dan Bacon (founder of this website) for examples:
Here are 3 mistakes to avoid making if you are considering using NC as your way of hopefully making her want you back:
1. Assuming that cutting off contact for 30 to 60 days is necessary for every break up
Most guys who consider using No Contact to get an ex back, often make the mistake of thinking that all women respond well to being ignored for 30, 60 or even more days.
Yet, that’s actually far from the truth.
In most ex back cases, the main reason why a woman will break up with her guy is because she’s reached the stage where she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to want to be in relationship with him anymore.
So, if he then decides to ignore her for a few weeks, or months, rather than come running back to him, she instead feels relieved that she doesn’t have to deal with a needy, desperate ex who is trying to get her back.
She then uses that time to fully get over him and find herself a new man to have sex with, date and be in a relationship with.
Then, if her ex finally makes contact with her again after months of silence, the only response he’s likely to get is her laughing and saying something along the lines of, “Why are you calling me after all this time? Did you really think I was going to sit around waiting for you? Well here’s a news flash… I’ve moved on and I have a new man now and I’m truly happy. So please don’t call me again. What we had has been over for months. You need to accept that and move on.”
As a result, cutting off contact with her for 30 to 60 days was a completely ineffective strategy and absolutely backfired on the guy.
So, unless your ex is still secretly in love with you and is hoping that you and her will get back together again, or she’s struggling to find herself a replacement guy, ignoring her for 30 to 60 days is not going to make her come running back to you.
This is why, the best and most successful ex back approach is interacting with your ex and actively making her feel sparks of attraction for you again, not ignoring her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Putting the ball in her court
Sometimes a guy assumes that getting back together with an ex is entirely up to her.
So, he decides to use No Contact on her as a way of letting her call the shots.
Basically he’s thinking something along the lines of, “If she still wants me, she will miss me when she doesn’t hear from me and she will contact me. We can then take it from there and try to work things out. On the other hand, if she’s not interested in me, she won’t ever get in touch and I will have my answer.”
Yet, that’s not always how it works.
In some cases, even when a woman does miss her ex and wants to get in contact with him, she won’t because she’s afraid that the main reasons he’s ignoring her is that he doesn’t care about her anymore.
This makes her fear being rejected by him, so she gives up on getting him back and tries to move on.
Here’s the thing…
A woman will rarely take on the dominant, masculine role of the man to get the relationship back together again.
Instead, she will usually sit back and wait to see if her ex has the balls to take on the leading role in the ex back process.
If he does, she will be able to respect him again.
When she respects him, she will feel start to attracted to him and will then begin to open back up to the idea of being his girl again.
On the other hand, if he sits around ignoring her and waiting for her to make the first move, she will lose more respect for him for not having the courage to take the lead and get her back.
So, if you want your ex back, make it happen, because she almost certainly won’t.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Trying to play games with her, rather than just being a man about it
Most of the time, a guy will use No Contact as a way of trying to get his ex back, because he doesn’t really know what else to do.
Basically, he’s hoping that by suddenly cutting off contact with her, she will wonder, “What is he up to? Why isn’t he contacting me?” and then become curious enough about him to call him and say hi, or ask to meet up with him in person.
Yet, that approach rarely works when a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy, because she just doesn’t care enough to want to find out.
Rather than miss him, she instead feels relieved that he’s out of her life without too much of a fuss and she then focuses on moving on without him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t waste time playing mind games with her that she may not even notice.
Be a man of action and get her back now.
If you wait too long because you keep wondering things like, “Does active No Contact work?” you may end up losing her.
So, make sure that you don’t become one of those guys who are afraid to go after what they really want (i.e. in your case, getting your ex woman back).
You can get her back without having to wait 30 or 60 days if you really want to.
Believe in yourself.
Take action and make it happen!