The best thing to do to get your girlfriend back is to focus on attraction.
If she isn’t attracted to you anymore, she’s not going to be interested.
If you don’t re-attract her and reignite her feelings in some way, she will most likely remain uninterested.
Her feelings of attraction for you are the most important feeling of all right now.
That’s why you need to make sure that you’re making your ex girlfriend feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you during every interaction you have with her from now on (e.g. via text, social media and especially on the phone and in person).
Here are 3 examples of what can make a woman feel attracted to her ex boyfriend:
1. He levels up (i.e. he’s not at the same level he was when she dumped him)
Going through the ex back process with a woman is a hugely transformative experience for a guy if he wants it to be.
He can start off feeling like a failure and having no confidence in himself and in his attraction to his ex and other women and end up becoming truly confident and realizing that he’s a valuable, worthy man.
However, for that to happen, it’s very important that after the break up, he levels up.
That means, he can’t stay stuck thinking, acting and behaving the way he always has in the past and expecting things to change and improve (e.g. being insecure and needy, needing his woman’s support and approval to make decisions about his life, having no clear purpose and direction that he’s working towards and expecting his woman to accept that).
On the other hand, the more he transforms himself (e.g. he becomes more confident and self-assured, emotionally mature, determined and goal oriented), the more attractive he becomes to his ex and to other women as well.
Then, when he interacts with her and she notices that he’s at a different level than he was when she broke up with him, she will naturally begin to feel some respect for him again.
When she respects him, she will also feel surges of attraction for him again and then her defenses begin to melt away, making it possible for him to re-attract her and get her back.
Another thing a guy can do to get his girlfriend back is…
2. He truly understands what she wants now and she can feel that as she interacts with him
When a woman feels that her ex has understood her real, possibly even secret reasons (i.e. the things that she never told him about) for breaking up with him and has improved some of those things about himself, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to him again.
Even if she initially felt convinced that nothing would make her change her mind about breaking up with him, she suddenly doesn’t feel so sure about her decision.
She then becomes open to talking to him on the phone and meeting up with him in person more often, to see where things go from there.
This is why, understanding what a woman wants and then giving it to her is a very important step in the ex back process.
For example: Some of the changes a woman might want to experience as she interacts with her ex are…
- He’s less insecure and self-doubting now, which means he no longer feels unsure of himself around her, regardless of what she says or does to test him. He now reacts differently when she doesn’t agree with him or insults him and rather than get upset or feel like he’s not good enough, he remains relaxed and confident.
- He’s more emotionally independent, which means he doesn’t need her in his life so that he can feel okay about himself. He has his own interests, goals and friends and he’s busy living a happy and fulfilling life without her. Yes, he wants her back, but he doesn’t need her back.
- He’s more emotionally mature now, which means she can interact on the same level with him, rather than feeling like a mother or big sister around him. He’s no longer drifting though life and being irresponsible, making her feel unsafe and unsure about her future with him.
- He’s more manly now, which means she feels like a feminine woman around him, rather than like a neutral friend or roommate. She can no longer dominate him with her confident personality and instead feels like she can depend on him to be the man and lead the way for the both of them.
- He’s much more easy-going and relaxed around her now, rather than always taking things so seriously and getting upset when she creates drama to test him.
When she experiences those kinds of changes in him, she naturally starts to feel surges of respect and attraction for him again.
When that happens, her defenses come down and she opens up to being in a relationship with him again.
Another thing a guy can do to get his girlfriend back is…
3. He attracts her in new ways
Most guys don’t realize that what worked to attract their woman the first time around (e.g. sending her flowers, buying her gifts, writing her a love letter, being extra nice and sweet to her), is unlikely to work again. Why?
When a guy meets a woman for the first time and begins seducing her into a relationship with him, everything about him is fresh and new to her.
She doesn’t know him, so everything he says or does is exciting and interesting to her.
So, she actually feels flattered and attracted when he sends her flowers or writes her a love letter, because she’s beginning to fall in love with him.
As a result, his gestures come across as being romantic to her and she naturally responds to him by opening up to him sexually and romantically.
However, after a break up, the same things usually don’t work, because the woman has developed a negative picture of him in her mind.
Remember: Romance (e.g. flowers, gifts, love letters, niceness) is only enjoyable to a woman if she has feelings for a man (i.e. she respects him, feels attracted to him and is either falling in love with him or is in love with him).
This is why, when a guy uses that approach on her after a break up, rather than see it as being romantic, she instead usually thinks something along the lines of, “Is this all he knows how to do? Does he honestly believe that flowers, love letters and being nice and sweet to me is going to convince me to change my mind? Well, he’s in for a big shock. I know him too well, so his usual tactics don’t impress me. If he wants me back, he’s going to have to show me a new side to himself, that I can actually feel interested in.”
Basically, she’s not falling in love with the him for the fist time.
Instead she knows him (i.e. both his good and bad qualities).
So, if for example, the guy was too emotionally sensitive and would often cry to her when faced with a challenging situation, or got upset when she didn’t give him all of her attention, then him sending her a love letter and telling her how much he loves her and can’t cope without her will only highlight to her a side to him that she doesn’t find attractive at all.
This is why, if you want to get your girlfriend back, you need to make sure you approach the ex back process differently to the way you approached making her your girl the first time around.
Begin attracting her in new and exciting ways, so that she can start feeling respect and attraction for you again.
Only when she feels attracted to you in new ways, will she be willing to let her defenses come down and open up to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
By the way…
If you’re not sure how to attract your ex girlfriend in new ways, here are some examples of what naturally attracts a woman to a man:
- He makes her feel feminine and girly when she’s with him (e.g. by being more emotionally masculine), rather than making her feel neutral because he treats her like a friend or like she’s better than him.
- He makes her laugh and smile and feel good to be around him again, rather than being too serious and making her feel bored, disinterested or even annoyed.
- He maintains his confidence regardless of what she says or does to make him doubt himself and his chances of getting her back.
- He flirts with her to create some sexual tension between them, rather than sucking up to her and making her feel turned off by what she perceives as his desperation.
- He has purpose and direction in his life outside of his relationship with her, rather than seeing her as his main reason for living.
- He takes the lead during interactions and is assertive while still being a good guy to her, rather than allowing her to call the shots and walk all over him.
The more you begin to attract your ex girlfriend in ways that she doesn’t expect, the less convinced she will feel about her decision to break up with you.
Suddenly, she will begin feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again, even if she doesn’t want to.
Then, getting her back becomes easy, because she wants it too.
Get Her Back Quicker By Avoiding These 4 Mistakes
Getting an ex woman back is relatively easy when you say and do the kind of things that enhance her positive feelings for you and diminish the negative ones.
So, before you do anything else, make sure that you’re not making any of the following mistakes with your girlfriend and turning her off as a result:
1. Hoping that simply ignoring her will make her want you back
A break up usually happens when the happy, loving feelings in the relationship fade away and are replaced by more negative emotions such as anger, resentment and disappointment.
So, if your ex girlfriend is currently feeling that way about you (i.e. negatively), chances are high that if you ignore her (i.e. you use the No Contact Rule), she’s not going to care that much.
In fact, she may even be a little bit cheerful and relieved not to have to put up with you trying to get her back.
As a result, your tactic will have backfired and you may then end up losing her to another man.
Remember: If you’re not around actively sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you, then some other guy will be.
The No Contact Rule works well for women who use it to get a man to call them and want them back, but it rarely works for a guy who has been dumped by a woman who no longer wants to be with him.
Most women who have disconnected from their feelings of love, respect and attraction for a guy and then dumped him, don’t sit around losing sleep over the fact that he’s done what they asked him to do in the first place – go away/leave her alone/don’t contact her.
So, if your intention is to actually get back together in a relationship with your girlfriend, then act like it.
In other words, stop ignoring her and start re-attracting her…now.
The more drawn to you she feels in a way that feels good to her, the more open she will become to getting back together again.
On the other hand, the less she hears from you, the more likely it is she’ll replace you with a new man who does make her feel attracted.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
2. Trying to discuss the relationship or work things out via text
Even though it may seem like the right thing to do, trying to work things out with your ex via text is almost always a bad idea. Why?
Firstly, talking about something as serious as a relationship gone wrong via a few lines of text, only makes a woman feel like she’s not even important enough for the guy to look her in the eye while he’s trying to get her back.
Additionally, when a guy keeps bringing up the relationship and all his mistakes, without the benefit of being able to throw in some humor to ease the tension between them (like he would if he was talking to her over the phone or in person), it usually only makes his ex girlfriend re-live all the negative emotions she experienced at the time.
As a result, she becomes closed off and unwilling to cooperate with him.
So, if you want things to go your way and get your girlfriend back, don’t try to make it happen via text.
Instead, interact with her over the phone and especially in person and show her by the way you think, talk and behave that you’ve moved past the level you were at when you were together and make her feel respect, attraction and love for the new you.
When you focus on doing that, rather than reminding her of the old you, the ex back process becomes so much more effortless.
She naturally feels attracted to you again and is compelled to at least kiss you and have sex with you again to see how she feels.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
3. Talking about your feelings, needs and wants, rather than creating new feelings inside of her
A lot of guys are unknowingly influenced by what they watch on TV or at the movies.
A guy may fully know the difference between what he sees on TV and the movies versus real life, but if he watches a lot of TV dramas and movies, they can affect his thinking.
For example: When a guy notices that in a romantic movie or TV drama series, all the man really had to do was approach his ex and tell her all about his feelings for her and how much he still wants to be with her, for her to then give him another chance, he hopes that method will work in real life too.
Unfortunately though, it almost never does play out like it does in the movies or on TV.
In real life, a woman only cares about a man’s feelings for her, if she has sexual and romantic feelings for him too.
If she doesn’t, she’s usually just going to feel uncomfortable at best (because she wants to reject him in the nicest possible way), or irritated at worst (because he’s not letting her move on).
This is why, if you want your ex to care how you feel about her, you need to make sure that you reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you first.
It has to be all about her feelings for you, rather than the other way around.
Right now, your feelings don’t matter.
So, focus on that.
Then, when she’s feeling attracted to you again, she will also be happy that you still care about her and want her back, but not before.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
4. Appearing lost, confused and emotionally insecure without her
Even if it’s the truth, letting your ex know how much you’re struggling to cope without her is one of the fastest ways to turn her off even more.
Here’s the thing…
Although a woman appearing lost, confused and emotionally insecure without her ex is perfectly fine, a man being that way is not.
What men and women feel attracted to is completely different.
So, when a woman is falling apart after a break up, it can make her ex feel flattered that she misses him so much and can’t cope without him.
Her neediness actually brings out his protective instincts and he feels the urge to protect her and take care of her.
On the other hand, when a man is losing it after a break up, a woman’s instincts kick in telling her he’s too emotionally weak and wimpy to be able to be able to take care of her, so she feels turned off by him even more.
So, if you want to re-attract your ex girlfriend, make sure that you don’t turn her off by appearing emotionally weak and needy.
Yes, you want her back, but you don’t need her back.
When she can see that you’re confident, happy and emotionally fulfilled even though she’s no longer your girl, she will automatically feel respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her defenses come down and you can then guide her back into a new and improved relationship with you.