5 possible reasons why your ex said that she doesn’t want to jump back into a relationship with you right now are:
1. She wants to find a new man before you find a new woman. She will then say that it’s really over between you and her
A woman will do this to avoid seeing her ex boyfriend (or husband) move on quicker than her.
She will give him hope that she’s interested in a relationship, but will be secretly trying to find a replacement guy and begin to move on, so she can say to her ex that it’s over now and he needs to stop pursuing her.
As a result, her ex guy is the one who left feeling hurt, rejected and left behind, while she avoids the pain of being in that position herself.
Some women do that out of selfishness, other women do it for revenge and other women do it because they’re not very confident about their attractiveness to other men and don’t want to end up becoming even more insecure after the break up.
For example: After a break up, a woman might be feeling a bit vulnerable and insecure about her attractiveness to men.
As a result, she might be finding it difficult to fully let go of her ex because she’s worried that she won’t be able to find herself a new man who will stick with her after sex.
She then might then say to herself, “After everything he put me through in the relationship, I don’t want to be the one who is left hurting and feeing bad as he moves on with another woman. So, I’m going to string him along by telling him that I don’t want to jump into a relationship with him right now and make him believe there’s a small chance we will get back together again. In the meantime, I’m going to get out there and find myself a replacement man before he gets another girl. I have to take care of myself for once. He put me through a lot of crap in the relationship and I’m not going to take it anymore. I have to come out of this on top.”
She will then try to go out to bars with her single friends, attend parties and use dating apps like Tinder to get some quick dates or quick sex.
If she finds a suitable replacement guy, she will usually then have a false sense of confidence about herself being more attractive and valuable than him.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to give you another chance, you must make sure that you’re not giving her the impression that she is more attractive and valuable than you.
You’ve got to actively make her have feelings for you, so she can be reminded of the fact that you are a cool guy and that you do deserve a woman like her.
Don’t let her get it in her head that she’s better than you and you’re so unworthy now.
You are worthy.
The way to remind her of that is to make her feel it…
If you are actively making your ex have feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you, then she is going to open herself up to getting back into a relationship with you.
However, if you’re just trying to get another chance by asking her or by being a friendly ex, then you’re going to be disappointed.
When getting an ex back, what really makes all the difference is when you actively trigger feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her.
When you do that, you don’t have to waste time trying to explain things to her or hopefully convince her to give you another chance after weeks of discussing it.
She feels it right away and opens back up to you.
Yet, most guys don’t know that they need to focus on triggering feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.
As a result, man guys turn their ex woman off by behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. begging and pleading with her for another chance, being extra nice to her, sucking up to her, bombarding her with texts, pouring his heart out in long letters or e-mails).
A guy will hope that if he can just show her how much he cares, she will then take pity on him and give him another chance.
Unfortunately, that approach doesn’t work on the majority of women because they see it as desperate and pathetic, rather than confident, kind and sincere.
So, a woman will just try even harder to find herself a new guy so she can then say, “Look, it’s over between us now. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that we might get back together again. We’re not getting back together. I have a new boyfriend now and I’m really happy. You need to accept that and move on.”
She might then unfriend him or unfollow him from social media, block his phone and no longer open any of his e-mails.
The guy is then left feeling hurt, rejected and left behind.
He thought he was making progress with her by begging, pleading, explaining, convincing and sucking up to her, but it wasn’t working.
If you want your ex back for real, make sure that you are ready and willing to do what it takes to trigger feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her.
If you just want to be neutral, nice and boring about your approach to her, then you can’t expect her to be excited about it.
You’ve got to make her feel something and then build on those feelings and get her back.
Likewise, if you just cut off contact and wait for her to come back to you on her own, then you’re probably going to end up feeling disappointed and betrayed when you find out that she’s moved on with another man.
The approach that you have been using so far hasn’t been working.
So, if you want her back for real, make sure that you’re willing to approach her in a different way from now on.
Another reason why a woman might say that she doesn’t want to jump into a relationship with you right now is…
2. She only wants to have casual sex with you when she feels like it, but doesn’t want to settle down at this point in her life
Sometimes, a woman will break up with a guy because she doesn’t want the kind of relationship that he wants.
For example: A guy might feel like he’s met the woman of his dreams, so he settle down, get married and start a family with her.
Yet, the woman might feel like she’s not ready to commit to one guy for life at this point in life.
She might then break up with him and be open to keeping him around as a ‘friend with benefits’ (i.e. she uses him for sex when she feels like it, but isn’t interested in being in a relationship with him).
Of course, this means that she’s not going to be faithful to her ex anymore.
So, if she meets a guy who makes her feel like she is ready to settle down, the friends with benefits arrangement will come to a sudden end.
That’s one of the funny things about women…
A woman will usually say one thing and then do the complete opposite it she feels like it.
This change can happen in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year or more.
In other words, you can’t rely on a woman’s word.
Women are not men.
If a man gives his word about something, it means that he has made a logical, rational decision that he will stick to.
However, if a woman gives her word about something, it usually means that she’s just saying what she feels in the moment and as a result, her decision is completely open to change if her emotions change tomorrow or the next day.
This is why you should never follow the lead of a woman in a relationship.
If you do, she will lead you around in circles and through zig zag paths that go nowhere, because she’s just following her changing emotions.
This is also why a woman wants to be with a man who can confidently take the lead in a relationship and not be thrown off her changing mood, opinions, feelings or desires.
If a guy follows her around, they will go nowhere fast and she will feel turned off by the fact that he isn’t strong enough to lead a woman like her.
So, if your ex is saying that she doesn’t want to jump back into a relationship with you right now, it could mean that she’s currently only open to having casual sex hook ups.
However, take note of the word ‘currently.’
She might currently feel that way, but you can change how she feels and make her want to have an exclusive, committed relationship with you today, tomorrow or the next day.
If you can then be the kind of man that makes her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship, she will stick with you for life.
How can you do that?
You’ve got to be able to guide her through the stages of a relationship, get to stage 5 and then keep it there…
If you can do that, it’s highly unlikely that you and her will ever break up again.
Women know how difficult it is to find a man who can create and maintain that type of dynamic in a relationship.
So, if your ex is open to just having casual sex with you, but doesn’t want a relationship right now, don’t worry – you can change her mind by changing how she feels whenever she interacts with you from now on.
Make sure that every time she comes to you for sex, as well as all the times in between, you make her feel so much respect and attraction for you that she feels compelled to upgrade your relationship from friends with benefits to boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.
Another reason why your ex might not want to jump into a relationship right now is that…
3. You’ve become too needy and clingy and she doesn’t know how to make you stop
It’s perfectly okay for you to miss your ex and want her back.
You and her had something special together and you want to experience that again.
There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with doing whatever is necessary to get her back.
However, there are certain personality traits (e.g. confidence, determination, emotional maturity) that will attract a woman and make her say, “I think I made a mistake by breaking up with him. I want him back,” and then there are others that will turn her off and push her further away (e.g. insecurity, neediness, clinginess, desperation).
So, when a guy starts behaving in unattractive ways after a break up, rather than convince a woman to give him another chance, she begin to look for ways to make him stop pursuing her and leave her alone.
For example: A woman might say to herself, “He’s being so clingy and needy. It’s driving me crazy! If I had my doubts about breaking up with him before, I don’t’ anymore. He’s convinced me that I’ve made the right decision by breaking up with him. I don’t want to be with a guy who is as emotionally fragile as him. He’s losing it. I have to get away from him and move on as quickly as I can, or he will drag me back into a relationship.”
If he doesn’t stop pursuing her in a needy way, she will try to destroy things between them by being unreasonable, rude or selfish.
For instance, she might tell him to only text her from now on because she won’t answer his calls ever again, or say that she can’t see him for 4 weeks because she has a busy project at work.
Alternatively, she might tell him that he can only see her when he runs errands for her, or if he helps pay her rent.
Secretly, she is hoping that by treating him badly, he will begin to hate her and then give up on the idea of getting her back.
Yet, some guys just take the punishment and give into her unreasonable demands.
As a result, she sees him being desperate and pathetic and it turns her off even more.
So, even though he was thinking that putting up with her bad behavior and agreeing to all of her unreasonable demands might make her happy, it simply makes things worse.
Here’s the thing…
If you want to convince your ex to give the relationship another chance, you need to show her that you’re not a needy, clingy guy anymore (e.g. by enjoying a fun life that is independent of your relationship with her).
You also need to let her see that she can’t push you around by making unreasonable demands anymore.
For example: If your ex puts restrictions on when and how you can contact her, rather than give in to try and please her, just show her instead that you’re now a much more confident, emotionally strong man who believes in himself.
How can you do that?
By laughing at her demands and saying something like, “Relax girl…no need to be so fussy and demanding” or, “Well, aren’t you a Little Miss Fussy Pants today?” or, “Anything else you want me to do? Maybe only text a maximum of 10 words, or only speak to you for 35 seconds on a call?” and then have a laugh with her about that.
In other words, don’t take her fake demands so seriously.
Laugh at her for being a pain in the butt.
When she can see for herself that not only aren’t you being clingy or needy anymore, but you’re also not buying into her bullying tactics and letting her walk all over you, she won’t be able to stop herself from seeing you differently.
She will feel sparks of respect and attraction for you and begin to consider that there may actually be a chance for you and her again after all.
Of course, when you make her feel that way, don’t make the mistake of immediately trying to get her to commit to a relationship.
You’ve got to build on her renewed feelings for you and let her naturally want to be in a relationship with you, rather than making her feel like you’re forcing her into it.
Another reason why your ex might not want to jump into a relationship with you right now is that…
4. She wants to party with her single girlfriends, hook up with a different guy and see how she feels
Sometimes, a woman might decide that being single again seems like it would be more fun than being in a relationship.
This is especially true if she’s really young or inexperienced and this was her first serious relationship with a guy, or if she’s in a relationship that has lost it’s spark after being together for years or decades.
If she’s young (i.e. under 30), she might say to herself, “Why should I be stuck with one guy when all my friends are having so much fun being single and dating new guys all the time? I want to enjoy myself and party too before I settle down and get serious with one man. Besides, how will I ever know if he’s the right man for me, if I’ve never been with enough other guys to know what I really want?”
She might then say to her ex, “Look, I don’t want to jump back into a relationship with you right now. I want to be single for a while and hang out with my friends and have a bit of fun. Just give me a chance to be by myself for a while and maybe sometime in the future, we can get back together again.”
Unfortunately, that’s a woman’s promise and as you would know if you read the earlier parts of this article, it doesn’t mean much.
When a woman gives you her word, it’s based on how she is feeling in the moment.
It’s like not like a man giving you his word about something (e.g. “I promise to have your back as a friend for life” or, “If you help me fix my car, I will help you paint your house”).
When a real man (not a wimpy guy, insecure guy, selfish guy) gives his word, he means it and he will follow through on it.
So, if your ex girl has said something like, “Maybe we can get back together in the future,” don’t count on it.
She is totally willing to change that promise if she feels differently a minute, an hour, a day or a week later.
In other words, she will do it if she feels like it, not because she promised it.
So, a mistake that some guys make is asking, “How long do you need me to wait?” and then waiting patiently for the agreed amount of space she has asked for (e.g. a month, a few months), without doing anything to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for him during that time.
Here’s the thing…
There’s nothing wrong with giving your ex a bit of space (e.g. up to a week) if she needs that time to calm down, relax and gather her thoughts.
However, if you’re going to be waiting for her to come back and say, “I’ve had my fun and I’ve decided you’re the man for me. Let’s get back together again,” you’re almost certainly going to be disappointed because most women just move on.
To get her back into a relationship, you have to make her want you back by actively making her feel respect, sexual attraction and love for you again.
You have to interact with her (via text, e-mail, social media, on the phone and in person) and trigger her feelings for you at every chance you get.
Then, the idea of hanging out with her single friends, or hooking up with another guy starts to seem less and less appealing to her.
She stops trying to convince you that she’s not ready for a relationship right now and starts wanting to be your girl again.
On the other hand, if you do nothing other than wait for her to ‘come to her senses,’ chances are you will be waiting a long time, only to discover that she’s moved on with another guy.
Another possible reason why your ex doesn’t want to jump into a relationship with you right now, is that…
5. You still haven’t fixed the things that secretly turn her off
Your ex will have admitted a reason or some reasons why she ended the relationship, but not all.
For example: She might have wished that you’d be more manly and put her back in her place as your woman, rather than being soft and nice all the time.
Yet, if she’s like most women, she’s not going to have the courage or desire to tell you that.
She will just want to be with a man who gets it.
Here’s another example….
A couple begins a relationship and in the beginning, everything seems pretty much perfect.
Both of them feel like they could possibly have a real future together (i.e. get married, start a family) as a couple.
However, over time, things began to change.
They were arguing and fighting a lot more about trivial things (e.g. he forgot to take out the garbage, he didn’t call to tell her that he invited a friend over to dinner, she was nagging him about watching too much TV all the time) and the love and happiness started to fade away.
Soon enough, the relationship felt more like a burden than a benefit.
There was more anger and hostility between them than love and attraction, so she eventually got tired of it and ended the relationship.
If the guy still loved her and wanted to get her back to do better this time around, he might make the mistake of trying to get her back in ways that she doesn’t really care about.
For example: He might send her flowers, write her a love letter to declare his feelings for her or buy her a gift to show how much he cares.
Yet, rather than make her change her mind, she says something like, “Thanks. You’re being really sweet and it’s not that I don’t appreciate all the nice, romantic things that you’ve been doing for me, but I just don’t want to jump back into a relationship with you right now.”
Essentially, what she’s saying (without actually using these words) is, “Thanks, but you don’t have a clue why we really broke up. You’re just trying to get me to ignore the problems with flowers, letters and gifts. Although you mean well, you’re still the same guy as before, so we would still experience the same kind of problems as before.”
From his perspective, he might be willing to change, adjust, improve and do anything she wants to get her back, but that’s not enough.
She doesn’t care that he’s willing to do it.
She wants to be able to see the changes in him based on how he now thinks, talks, behaves and acts.
For example: If she was always nagging him about watching too much TV, it means that she wanted him to be more driven and live life with purpose like a real man.
So, after the break up, if he starts following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions, she can then believe that things might actually be different if she gives him another chance.
Yet, if he buys her flowers, apologizes and promises to change, she will see that as a cover up gift and an empty promise.
As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”
You’ve got show take the right actions though, if you want to get the desired effect.
Buying her flowers and writing her a letter is an action, but is it the right action for your situation?
Probably not, right?
I’ve been working on ex back cases for years and I’ve never seen an example where flowers and a letter sealed the deal and got a woman back.
Men who successfully get their woman back are the ones who focus on re-attracting her and regaining her respect by changing, improving or adjusting the things that had been secretly (or obviously) turning her off.
The man then confidently follows through and guides her back into a relationship by building on her feelings as he goes.
So, how about you?
Do you know what you need to change, adjust or improve to be able to properly re-attract her?
If you’re not sure, just ask yourself…
- Did I stop making her feel loved and appreciated?
- Did I become too insecure in the relationship?
- Did I turn the relationship into more of a friendship?
- Was I not affectionate enough?
- Was I too affectionate to the point where she felt smothered by me?
- Was she able to be herself around me, or did she have to dull down or change her personality to make me feel better about myself?
- Was the sexual attraction between us mutual, or was it just me who felt the urge?
- Were her expectations of the relationship being fulfilled?
- Did I make her feel as though I needed her way more than she needed me?
- Was I being manly enough for her?
- Did I become too emotionally sensitive?
Can you relate to any of those potential reasons for her losing touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you?
It’s essential that you understand her real reasons for wanting to exit the relationship, so you can then make changes or adjustments that she’s actually going to feel attracted to and care about.
When she sees that you understand where you went wrong and have already taken action to improve, she won’t be able to stop herself from seeing you in a more positive light.
Her mind might be telling her, “No. Don’t jump back into a relationship with him again. Give yourself time to get over him and move on,” but her heart will be saying, “This is the man you always wanted him to be. So, don’t be a fool and let him get away now. Give him a chance. He’s obviously different now. You clearly feel better around him. Just give him a chance and see how it goes.”
She then drops her defenses and allows the final steps of the ex back process to happen.
Before you know it, she’s telling you that she loves you, you’re having sex and you’re enjoying a committed relationship once again.
Best of all, this time around, she really wants it.
She’s so much more attracted to you now and so much more in love, so it’s a different kind of relationship experience.
She’s your girl and she really wants to be with you now.