6 possible reasons why a woman will behave that way towards her boyfriend are…
1. She doesn’t think that he can change the things she secretly wants him to change
Women can’t always be honest about what they want a guy to change.
For example: If a woman is in a relationship with her boyfriend and notices that he’s just not confident enough in the bedroom, or he feels shy around very confident people, she’s not necessarily going to admit to him that she feels turned off by it.
In the bedroom, she might ask him, “Why are you so tense? Relax” or “Why are you so quiet when we have sex?” as a way of hinting to him that she wants him to be more confident and real.
In social situations, she might ask him, “Why did you react that when Peter made fun of you? Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” or, “Why can’t you just get along with Jenny and her friends? You always seem so quiet and reserved” as a way of hinting to him that she wants him to be more confident.
If he doesn’t take her hints seriously and then start becoming a more confident man, she will gradually lose so much respect and attraction for him that she will want to end the relationship.
Here’s the thing…
In most cases, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually after she’s given him plenty of chances beforehand.
For example: A woman might say to a guy, “I’m tired of arguing and fighting with you all the time about the same things. Our relationship is just becoming too stressful for me to cope anymore. If you don’t make some drastic changes, I think it will be best if we just break up and go our separate ways.”
Unfortunately, a guy might then assume that she’s just tired of all the disagreements they’re having and if he avoids arguments, everything will be fine.
He might then start tiptoeing around his woman and making every effort to avoid getting into an argument with her.
Yet, the arguments are not the problem.
The arguments are a symptom of deeper problems that still exist in the relationship and if he doesn’t fix those, it won’t matter to her that they’re no longer arguing as much.
She wants him to fix the core problem, rather than avoiding the symptoms of it (i.e. arguing).
For example: A woman might throw a tantrum with her guy because he came home late from work and the dinner she prepared for the both of them was missed.
She ended up having to eat alone and didn’t hear from him with an explanation about why he was coming back late because he just ignored her texts, to avoid getting into an argument.
When he gets home, she might say something like, “I’m tired of slaving in a hot kitchen to make something nice for you and then having to throw it all away because you can’t pick up the damn phone to tell me that you’re going to be late.”
Of course, she doesn’t have to throw away the food and is simply being dramatic, but that’s women for you.
Women will often turn something small into a huge problem just to be able to throw a tantrum and see how you react.
Will you be able to maintain your confident, good nature and turn her tantrum into something that you and her can both laugh about together?
Will you lose control of your emotions and get very angry at her?
Will you apologize over and over and try to suck up to her to make it up to her?
What kind of a man are you when you are put under that kind of pressure?
Are you going to realize your mistake, apologize for it, but then be the man and guide the interaction back to love and laughter, so both of you can not only grow from the experience, but feel better about it?
Unfortunately, most guys don’t really know how to turn an angry woman into a happy, loving, understood woman, so they end up causing more of a rift between themselves and her.
For example: A guy might try to just calm her down by apologizing to her for his behavior and hoping that she gets over it.
He doesn’t plan on never making that mistake again, but instead, just wants her to calm down, shut up and let him relax after a hard day of work.
So, he might say, “I’m sorry. You’re right, that was very thoughtless of me. Thank you for making the dinner. I really should have replied to you or let you know, but I was so busy at work. Sorry.”
If the relationship is fairly new or if the woman is totally in love with him, she will accept the apology and just hope it doesn’t happen again.
However, if the relationship is already starting to fall apart (i.e. she has been losing respect, attraction and love for him), then she’s not going to be willing to just forget about it and keep letting him get away with treating her in that way.
If he had been taking her for granted for some time now, she’s going to know that he’s probably not going to change unless she breaks up with him.
If she keeps putting up with it, the relationship will continue turning into more of a ‘take love’ relationship than a ‘share love’ relationship.
In other words, he will take all the love, kindness, generosity and benefits she can offer him, but won’t give her an equal amount in return.
He will take her presence for granted and just expect her to put up with it.
If he wants her to stop feeling annoyed at him and keep giving him the benefits, he might promise to change, but not really mean it.
He might start to call her or reply to her texts if he’s going to be late home from work, but he will continue taking her for granted in so many other ways, so she just won’t feel appreciated in the relationship.
Eventually, she will get to a point where she either cheats on him (a common exit strategy for a woman in a relationship like that), or she will break up with him and try to get over him and move on as quickly as she can.
She will know that he has an ability to charm her with his words, so she will try to steer clear of him and meet new guys, to help herself feel like she doesn’t need him anymore.
Not knowing what else to do, he might start pleading with her and saying things like, “Please, just give me one more chance. I promise that this time, things really will be different between us. I will treat you like a princess from now on because you deserve it. I’m sorry. Please give me another chance.”
Yet, by that stage, a woman usually won’t believe that he could really change the things that have been secretly turning her off, so she will say something like, “I have no interest in trying to get our relationship back together anymore. It’s over and you need to accept that. Please leave me alone.”
In most cases, she’s not going to list off all the subtle things that were turning her off (e.g. how he seemed to be more interested in his smartphone than her, how he played video games on weekends and just expected her to hang around the house doing nothing, how he showed more appreciation and respect to his friends than he did to her).
She doesn’t want him to then say, “I promise to fix those things and anything else you want me to do as well. I will do it. I promise.”
She doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping him into the man that he needs to become.
She just wants him to figure it out on his own, rather than leaning on her for guidance and support.
If he can’t figure out where he has been going wrong now, she believes that he won’t understand later on in life as well, so he will continue to disappoint her.
Of course, she might be wrong about that, but she doesn’t want to take the risk and end up having to be his teacher, guide and support system for life.
So, the first step to making your girlfriend interested in trying to get the relationship back together, is to understand her secret, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you.
- She wanted you to be more ballsy, but you were always so neutral and nice.
- She wanted you to be more ambitious and driven, but you were always complaining about how hard life was and coming up with excuses for your lack of success.
- She wanted you to make her feel loved, appreciated and noticed, but you were always completely focused on your career and continuing to be as successful as you are, so she felt like she had to wait around in the background of your life.
- She wanted you to be more emotionally strong, but you were always so sensitive about things.
You’ve got to change, adjust or improve what really matters to her.
Then, the next time you interact with her, she will be able to pick up on the fact that you’re longer the same guy she broke up with.
You really have changed and a result, a relationship with you really would be different now.
The more she experiences the new you, the more interested she will become in getting the relationship back together again.
Another reason why a guy’s ex girlfriend might not have any interesting in trying to get the relationship back together is because…
2. She is still turned off by how he begged and pleaded for another chance
Some guys will beg, plead and even cry to a woman in a state of desperation after a break up.
As a result of his display of emotional weakness, she will lose almost all respect and attraction for him right away and feel like she just has to continue on with the break up and move on.
Women are repulsed by emotional weakness in men and magnetically attracted to emotional strength.
Of course, getting broken up with is hard, but that’s just the kind of moment a woman gets to see how strong her man really is.
For example: A guy might appear very upset and say things like, “Please forgive me! I know I stuffed up, but I promise to make it up to you. I beg you to just give our relationship one more chance.”
When she refuses to give him another chance, he might become even more upset to the point where he sheds a tear or two (or more).
He then tries to beg her for another chance and making her feel sorry for him because of how hurt and broken he is now that she is leaving him.
Yet, rather than make a woman change her mind, her survival instinct kicks in and she begins to think, “Doesn’t he realize that all his begging and pleading is actually turning me off even more? How does he expect me to be able to feel respect for him when he’s falling apart like this? Doesn’t he realize that women are attracted to emotional strength and turned off by emotional weakness? If he can’t cope with a simple break up, how am I expected to believe that he will be able to handle other challenging things in his life (e.g. financial problems, marriage, raising a family, problems with friends, problems at work)? Could I even rely on him to be a strong man during times like that? Would I have to be the stronger one take care of him instead? No way. I don’t want that. I need an emotionally strong, masculine man that I can look up to and respect. I need a man who makes me feel safe and protected, not a guy who needs me to help him along through life and make him feel secure. He just doesn’t understand how to be a real man. I’ve got to get away from him and move on.”
If the guy doesn’t understand the mistake he is making (i.e. begging, pleading and being an emotionally wussy turns her off), he will often continue along the same path and turn her off even more.
If he does realize the mistake, he might not even know what else to do.
As a result, he might just decide to cut off contact and hope that she misses him.
Yet, she doesn’t really care about him and the relationship anymore, so she doesn’t have much or any interest in trying to get the relationship back together.
By the way…
Did something like that happen between you and your girlfriend?
If it did, don’t worry.
It’s not the end of the world.
You can recover from it by getting her to forgive you for being so emotional during and after the break up.
For example: You can say something along the lines of, “Wow! Did I mess that up or what? I got so upset over the idea of losing you that I reacted like an immature little boy. I can’t believe I did that. I look back on it now and laugh at how I was acting. So silly. No wonder you’re not interested in trying to get our relationship together now. I don’t blame you. If I was in your shoes, I’d probably feel the same way too. So, I just wanted to say sorry for acting like an idiot. I now understand why my behavior made you feel like you didn’t want to be around me anymore. I mean what kind of woman wants to hang out with a wimpy, needy guy, right? I was being such an idiot and I’m sorry.”
Let her say something and then add in, “By the way. Something I’d like you to understand is that even though I reacted badly, it was just a mistake and not who I am as a person. I have learned from it and I’m not that guy anymore. I mean…think about this…I’m sure you’ve made some mistakes you’re not proud of in your life, right? Yet, that’s not who you are now. It’s just what you did back then. Everyone trips up sometimes and as long as you can learn from it and improve as a person, it’s not something that should define you for the rest of your life. Of course, I don’t expect you believe that I have fully changed, but if you can forgive me, we can at least move forward in our lives with a clean slate as friends. I’m not asking you to take me back, just that we try to be friends for now. What do you say, can you forgive me?”
In most cases, a woman will say “Yes,” because she will already be impressed that you have the confidence and maturity to own up to your mistakes and say something like that to her.
Just saying something like that to your ex girlfriend isn’t the magic solution to making her interested in trying to get your relationship back together.
It’s simply the first step of showing her that you have realized your mistakes and have already begun to change and improve as a man.
She then finds it much easier to start experiencing feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you once again.
Then, from that point onwards, you just need to continue showing her via your actions (e.g. by being confident around her regardless of what she’s saying or doing to annoy you, using humor to get her out of a bad mood, making her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculine vibe and behavior) that you really have changed.
Another reason why a woman might say that is because…
3. He was clingy and needy and she now feels relieved to be away from him
One of the most common reasons why a woman will break up with a guy is because he just became too clingy and needy, to the point where she felt suffocated by the relationship.
Yet, when she breaks up with him, rather than showing her that he understands her reasons for breaking up with him and has already begun to change, a guy like that will often react by saying things like, “Please don’t do this to me. I can’t live without you! You’re my everything. Life isn’t worth living without you in it. Please…let’s just try to work this out. What we have is so special to me. I don’t want to lose you.”
His reaction only highlights to her that he doesn’t understand why she is breaking up with him and probably isn’t capable of changing.
So, she closes up and shows no interest in trying to get the relationship back together, even though they used to be so in love and had experience so many good times together.
She’s no longer interested because he just isn’t changing and she can’t afford to wait any longer.
Women have an instinct to not waste time with a guy who isn’t suitable for her because of how their fertility works.
While men can still impregnate a woman at 70 years of age, a woman’s fertility rapidly declines when she gets to 30 years of age.
Even if a woman doesn’t want children, is too young for children or hates children, she is still largely controlled by her breeding instincts.
Her instincts tell her to not waste time with a guy who isn’t going to be capable of being the kind of man she needs to be happy, feel protected and be in love with.
So, if a woman breaks up with a guy and can see that he doesn’t even understand what to change or how to change it, her instincts will tell her to leave him and find a more suitable replacement guy.
How about you?
Was one of the reasons for the break up with your girlfriend because you were too clingy and needy, which then made her feel suffocated by the relationship?
If so, you need to show her that you’re definitely not that kind of guy anymore.
How can you do that?
By reacting differently to the way she expects you to.
For example: If she says that she’s not interested in trying to get your relationship back, she’ll expect you to get upset and try to change her mind.
Instead, you don’t get upset and simply turn it into something that you and her can laugh about together.
You can say something like, “You’re right. I don’t want you back either. I’ve finally had a good night’s sleep now that you’re not there to keep me awake with all your snoring.”
She’ll probably then laugh and say something like, “How can you say that? I don’t snore! You snore!” and you can reply in a joking way, “That’s what you think because you haven’t seen the petition signed by all the neighbors. You were so damn loud. I secretly had to wear ear plugs to get any sleep around you” and have a laugh with her about it.
She will then have first hand evidence that you’re no longer reacting in the same way as you used to (i.e. always pushing to get a relationship).
Now, you actually have the confidence to relax and focus on making her have feelings for you and actually enjoy interacting with you.
As a result, her guard comes down and she starts to feel interested in being in a relationship with you again to see how it goes now that you’ve changed.
Another possible reason why she’s not interested in getting the relationship back together…
4. She already has a new guy or is flirting with a guy that she really likes and hopes to get into a relationship with
This isn’t something that most women will openly admit to their ex boyfriend.
She is afraid of how he may react (e.g. He gets angry and possibly becomes aggressive or even violent towards her. He threatens, or even gets into a fight with the other guy. He becomes emotional and starts begging and pleading with her to change her mind. He shows up at her house unannounced and demands to speak to her. He bombards her with angry, insulting texts messages about how she is moving on so quickly).
So, rather than take the risk of being on the receiving end of his attacks, she tries to let him down lightly by saying that she’s not interested in getting back together again.
She hopes that he will then give up, or make one of the most classic ex back mistakes of all and give her 30 to 60 days of space.
She then uses the space to hook up with the guy she has been flirting with or get out and find herself a replacement guy to move on with.
Then, if her ex calls her after 30 to 60 days, she can say, “Sorry, but you haven’t called me in weeks/months. If you wanted me back, you should have gotten in touch with me earlier. I thought you weren’t interested in me anymore, so I met someone else and have moved on. I’m very happy now with my new boyfriend, so please don’t call me again because I don’t want to ruin things with him. It’s over between you and me. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”
So many guys get that kind of outcome when they give their ex girlfriend too much space, rather than re-attracting her and making her want the relationship again.
If you’re in a position at the moment where you can still contact her, make sure that you use any contact or interaction that you have with her to reactivate and build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
If you do that, she will naturally be interested in getting the relationship back together again.
Another reason why a woman might not be interested is that…
5. She only ever wanted a quick relationship
Sometimes a woman isn’t interested in getting into a long, serious relationship with a guy (e.g. because she feels like she is too young to settle down, he’s not her ideal match, he’s just a rebound guy or she just wants to have fun).
So, even though he’s heartbroken and desperately wants another chance at a relationship, the thought of getting back together won’t really enter her mind because in her heart, she always knew that he was just a temporary stop along the road for her.
If she also knows that she’s perfectly capable of finding a new guy who wants to sleep with her and give a new relationship a try, she’ll usually just keep saying, “No. It’s over. I’m just not interested” to her ex as she moves on.
One more reason why a woman might not be interested in a relationship anymore is that…
6. She actually does want him back, but isn’t going to help him make it happen
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex, she’s usually not going to make it easy for him to get her back.
She wants to see that he has the maturity and emotional strength to confidently guide her back into a relationship, even though she is being cold, distant or even rude towards him.
If he can take the lead and guide her through the ex back process, not only will she be interested in trying to get the relationship back together again, but she will also feel exciting rushes of respect and attraction for him as a man.
Here’s the thing…
The amount of respect and attraction your ex girlfriend feels for you is essentially within your control.
You’re either saying and doing things right now that are making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you (e.g. being confident, being emotionally strong and independent, making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you) or you’re not (e.g. being self-doubting and insecure when you interact with her, being too serious with her, being afraid to make her feel attracted to you again by flirting with her).
It’s entirely up to you which guy you want to be.
You can either be a turn off to her or a turn on.
You are in control of that.
Women react to men and change their mind based on how the man is making her feel.
So, if you want your girlfriend to be interested in trying to get your relationship back together again, you have to be willing to let go of the old you and embrace the new you.
You’ve got to start making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways.
Make her want you back based on her reactivated and reenergized feelings for you, rather than trying to convince her to give you another chance because you want it.
Remember: Women react to men and change their mind based on how the man is making her feel.
How have you been making her feel the last couple of times you interacted with her?