It definitely can help, but whether or not you get her back after the sex will usually depend on the following things…
1. Have you changed and improved emotionally since the break up?
Although the make up sex might be great between you and her, it’s not what the whole relationship is about.
You still need to be able to make her feel attracted to you emotionally outside of the bedroom (e.g. because you’re more confident now, you’re more emotionally masculine, you’re not as emotionally sensitive as you used to be).
If you continue to making the same old attraction mistakes outside of the bedroom (e.g. giving her too much power in the relationship, being needy or clingy, being insecure), she’s going to want to stick to her decision to be broken up from you.
After all, if the sex was good in your relationship before, then it’s not the reason she broke up with you anyway.
So, if you want your ex back for real, you need to show her that you’ve changed and improved emotionally in the ways that really matter to her.
- Were you clearly the man in the relationship (i.e. emotionally strong, emotionally masculine, the leader) so she could feel sexually attracted to you and in love with you, or did you end up creating a more neutral kind of relationship where you and her felt more like friends?
- Did you make her feel unappreciated by failing to notice her efforts to be a good girlfriend for you?
- Did you make her feel smothered in the relationship by being overly clingy and needy?
- Did you break your promises to her too often, or make her lose trust in you for other reasons?
- Did you only really care about your feelings and needs in the relationship?
- Did you make her feel unsafe by being a timid, insecure or and wimpy guy around her?
- Did you make her feel unsafe about the future by not having clear goals and confidently following through on them like a man?
- Did you and her grow apart because you wanted different things from the relationship (e.g. to settle down and get married vs. not wanting to commit)?
- Did you and her grow apart because one of you matured a lot faster than the other?
- Did you make her feel like you needed her more than she needed you, or that you loved her more than she loved you?
- Did you give her too much power in the relationship and she eventually got tired of leading you and feeling like a mother figure in your life?
By answering those questions above, you will be able to think of some of the ways you really messed up with her.
You will then be able to start making the right changes, adjustments or improvements to yourself to re-attract her in ways that she actually cares about and values.
When you interact with her and she notices that you’ve changed and improved some of the things that really matter to her, she will naturally begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
The more you build on her feelings for you, the less she will be able to hold onto her negative perception of you.
She will be forced to look at you in a positive light and feel hope for you and her once again.
When that happens, she will become open to hooking up with you sexually and seeing what happens after that.
Then, when you blow her mind in bed, she will naturally begin to change her mind about the break up.
Another thing that will determine whether or not having sex with your ex will change her mind about the break up is…
2. Will you be able to pass her confidence tests inside and outside of the bedroom?
One of the ways that a woman checks to see if her guy really has changed and improved emotionally since the break up, is by testing to see if he can remain confident and emotionally strong when she is being difficult.
For example: A woman might start having sex with her ex and in the middle of it, burst into tears and say something along the lines of, “I can’t do this. I’m just not ready yet.”
Then, a little while later, after they get dressed and are sitting on the couch together, she might start kissing him and initiating sex once again, only to stop him in the middle one more time with the same kind of excuse.
Essentially, she’s testing him to see what he will do (this is especially true if a woman broke up with her guy because he was too insecure and self-doubting around her).
A confident, emotionally strong man will just laugh and say, “No problem…let’s stop for now” and not take it personally.
If she does it the second time, he might laugh at her again and not take it so seriously.
He might say, “Cool…well, this time it was your fault because you started kissing me and groping me. Keep your hands to yourself” and have a laugh with her about that.
However, if she keeps doing the same thing and is simply trying to be annoying, he might decide to ask her to leave (or just get up and leave if he’s at her place).
He might say (in a calm, confident, assertive, but easy-going manner), “Okay…enough of this. It’s time for you to leave” and get her to leave his place.
She will most likely then apologize and want to stay and he can then make her promise to not stop halfway through sex next time, or else he won’t let her come over and see him anymore.
By approaching it in this way, he’s showing her that he isn’t getting insecure or angry when she is testing him, but he’s also not going to keep putting up with her silly behavior either.
There’s only so much he will put up with before he leaves her place, or gets her to leave his.
On the other hand, a wimpy, insecure guy might get upset and ask, “Why are you doing this to me? You pull me back in only to now reject me when we’re having sex. It hurts me that you would do that to me.”
She will then feel turned off by him for being such an emotionally sensitive wimp.
Alternatively, he might try to be Mr. Nice Guy and say, “It’s okay. I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready. I’m here for you no matter what. I’m willing to wait” and she will then gain an unnecessary sense of power and control over him.
If she notices that he’s being on his best behavior and sucking up to her, she will lose respect for him for being such a wimp.
Another way a woman might test her ex guy’s confidence is by meeting up with him and saying something along the lines of, “I don’t know why I even came here today. It’s just a waste of my time,” to see if he will panic and become nervous.
In a situation like that, a confident guy will simply laugh at her fake bitchiness and say something like, “Oh, okay…I see that you brought along the bitchy side of yourself to coffee today. That’s fine, she can stay…I don’t mind. However, I’m only paying for you and me…the bitchy self will have to pay for herself.”
Alternatively, he might say, “Well, isn’t someone in a bit of a mood today? What’s next? You’re going to tell me that you hate me and I’m the worst ex boyfriend in the world?” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, he might say, “A waste of your time? Coffee with your hot ex boyfriend is never a waste of time” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Essentially, he’s showing her that he isn’t panicking or becoming nervous just because he hit him with some fake bitchiness to throw him off.
He’s stronger than that.
He’s not going to buckle under pressure, but he’s not going to be an arrogant asshole about it either.
He’s still going to be a good guy and make her smile, laugh and feel good while showing her that he’s not intimidated or thrown off by her test.
As a result, she will feel a bit shocked that he now has the confidence and balls to remain strong, while also having the class and grace to still be good to her at the same time.
She will automatically start to feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for him, even if she fights it.
As a result, it will be much easier to get to a hug, kiss and then sex.
On the other hand, if the guy crumbles and becomes nervous around her, or tries to suck up to her by being extra nice and doing whatever he can to please her, she’ll lose even more respect and attraction for him and her guard will go up.
So, when you interact with your ex (especially over the phone and in person) make sure that no matter what she says and does, you maintain your confidence and use humor to show her that you believe in your attractiveness and value to her.
If you do that, the sex will be so much better and she will then be so much more likely to change her mind about the break up afterwards.
Another thing that will determine whether or not having sex with your ex will make her change her mind about the break up is…
3. Are you able to make her feel very feminine in comparison to how masculine you are, or do you only make her feel neutral (like a friend) around you now?
Sometimes, a woman will have sex with her ex for reasons other than getting back with him, (e.g. she misses the intimacy, she hasn’t had sex for a while and she’s feeling horny, she doesn’t want to have a one night stand with a stranger).
She might even enjoy the sex, but because he hasn’t changed much about his energy and approach to her, it’s just the same old thing.
For example: She might have broken up with him because he ended up becoming too neutral around her, to the point where she felt more like a friend.
In other cases, a guy might have even stopped being masculine around her and ended up behaving like a wimpy guy, a feminine guy or a very emotionally sensitive guy.
As a result, she just didn’t feel much of a spark (or any spark) with him anymore and wanted to leave the relationship.
So, if she opens up to have sex with him again and notices that he’s still pretty much the same as he was before, she’s not going to feel very motivated to give the relationship another chance.
She might give him the impression that she’s interested to avoid getting into an argument with him, or to avoid him pressuring her to change her mind on the spot, but secretly, she will know that she has to keep trying to move on.
A guy who doesn’t understand that or isn’t able to pick up on it, might then stay in regular contact with his ex and be like a nice, helpful, reliable friend to her.
He’s hoping that she’s going to think something like, “Wow! Not only have we had sex again, but he’s also being so sweet and dependable. What more could I possibly want from a guy? I guess I need to tell him that I’ve changed my mind about the break up so we can get back together again. Yayy!”
It would be nice if it was that easy, but in most cases that’s just not how it works.
If a woman doesn’t feel like a real woman around a guy (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be change her mind, mood and emotions all the time without the guy getting angry), she’s just not going to enjoy herself in the relationship.
So, even if she has sex with her ex, it’s just not going to be enough for her to want to commit again.
In some cases, a woman in that position will keep her ex around as a friend, lap up the attention he gives her and possibly even use him when she needs extra money to pay her bills, an errand to be run or something to be done in her house.
Yet, she won’t be loyal to him.
If another guy comes along and sparks her feelings of sexual attraction by making her feel girly and feminine in comparison to his masculinity, she will leave her ex behind and move on.
So, here’s the thing…
It’s totally fine to have sex with your ex if she’s open to it.
However, you must ensure that you are ready to attract her in the ways that really matter to her inside and outside of the bedroom.
For example: If you make the mistake of treating her like a neutral friend (e.g. because you don’t want to scare her off), she will end up having neutral feelings for you.
Neutral just isn’t exciting.
To make a relationship enjoyable and exciting for a woman, you have to allow her to feel girly and feminine around you by always being as emotionally masculine as you can be.
In other words, don’t be a wussy, don’t be too emotionally sensitive about things, don’t give her too much power and don’t seek her approval before you feel confident about yourself.
Be a man that is confident, happy, forward moving and strong, with or without her support or reassurance.
When you do that, she will naturally see you as the man in the relationship and will feel drawn to you for more than just sex.
She will literally love the new you and realize that you are now the kind of man that women struggle to meet out there in the world.
As a result, she won’t want to lose her opportunity to experience a relationship with you again.
One last thing that could determine whether or not having sex with your ex will make her change her mind about the break up is…
4. Does she place a lot of importance on sex in a relationship, or does she care more about other things?
If your ex really cares a lot about sex or places a lot of importance on it, then yes – having amazing sex with her will definitely make her want to change her mind about the break up.
However, most of the time, sex (or a lack thereof) isn’t what really causes a woman to break up with a guy, so it’s not going to be the main thing that will get her back.
For example: When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because certain aspects of his thinking and behavior have been turning her off (e.g. he became too insecure, he got annoyed with her so easily, he spoke to her like she was an idiot, he cared ways more about his feelings and needs than hers rather than taking a more balanced approach).
So, even if the make up sex is enjoyable, it won’t necessarily get her back for real afterwards.
If he turns her off in other ways (e.g. He’s still stuck in a rut in life because he’s not following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions. He’s too timid and fearful about things. He’s too immature compared to her), the sex isn’t going to fully win her over.
It’s just not how it works in most situations.
If you want her to change her mind for real, you need to discover her secret reasons for breaking up with you and then quickly make some adjustments, improvements or changes in those areas.
- Did you become insecure, needy and clingy?
- Did she feel like you were dragging her down?
- Did you want different things in the relationship?
- Did she get tired of leading?
- Did you stop making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity?
- Did you find it difficult to stop yourself from getting angry at her when she changed her mind, mood or behavior randomly like girls do?
- Did you expect her to treat you with respect at all times, even though you didn’t do the same for her?
When you understand where you really went wrong, you can then make changes that will actually matter to her.
Then, the sex will be better and she will feel compelled to change her mind and give you another chance.