If your ex’s feelings have faded, don’t worry.
You can get her to feel more respect, attraction and love for you than she has EVER felt before.
Follow these simple DO’s and DON’Ts and watch as her feelings for you come flooding back and become stronger than ever before…
1. Do understand what has really been turning her off you
What has been turning her off will usually completely different to what she has been telling you.
Most women won’t admit the type of attraction experience they want, because they either feel embarrassed to talk about what they really want, or they just want to be in love without all the fuss of trying to explain things to a guy.
So, rather than spelling things out for her guy (and possibly risk him reacting badly), a woman will usually provided him with a vague excuse for the break up to let him down easy.
She might say, “My feelings for you have faded. I don’t know if I could ever feel the way I used to. Please just give me some time to be by myself,” but, there will be much deeper reason for her unhappiness in the relationship that just not willing to admit to him.
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy because she felt she couldn’t be herself around him (e.g. he was too jealous and controlling, so it was difficult for her to hang out with her friends or wear whatever she wanted).
Yet, rather than come out and tell him that, she will usually just say something along the lines of, “I’m tired of trying to make things work between us. We’re just not right for each other.”
Even though he might be a good guy in many ways (e.g. he’s generous, has a great sense of humor, he’s ambitious, has a good heart), he just doesn’t know how to make her feel loved, appreciated and respected in the ways that she wants.
In cases like that, a guy will hope (and sometimes even expect) that she will love him and want to be with him based on how much he loves her and wants to be with her.
Yet, that’s not how to keep a relationship together for life.
The feelings have to be mutual.
It can’t be one sided and all about you wanting her.
You’ve got to rise up to the challenge that she has presented you with (i.e. the break up) and start being the kind of man that she can genuinely feel respect, attraction and love for again.
However, you can’t just guess and hope that you understand her and what she really wants.
If you don’t uncover her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. you became too timid or boring in the bedroom, you weren’t able to make her feel submissive and girly outside of the bedroom anymore, you became too emotionally sensitive about things) then you’ll be offering her the wrong things and she’ll just continue saying, “My feelings for you have faded and I don’t know if they’ll ever come back. Please just give me time to be on my own for a while.”
She is going to see that you still don’t understand her and what she really wants and, rather than telling you what to do, she’s just going to try to find love with a new man who naturally understands her.
If that happens, she won’t listen to your attempts to convince her to give you another chance.
No matter what you say to her, all she will essentially hear coming out of your mouth is, “I want you back. I need you. I don’t know how to make you happy, but don’t worry about that. I want you back. I need you back. Please.”
Nothing that you say will get through to her.
On the other hand, when you fully understand what has been turning her off, you can then make changes that she actually cares about.
For example: If you became too timid or boring in the bedroom, she will be able to pick up on the changes in you if she notices that you’re a lot more confident and ballsy when you interact with her outside the bedroom (e.g. on the phone, in person) now.
She will assume that your new, more confident and ballsy approach to her would most likely follow through to the bedroom and she will be curious to find out.
Alternatively, if you became too emotionally sensitive in the relationship (e.g. couldn’t deal with her tests of your confidence, needed her to regularly reassure you of how much she loved you, needed compliments all the time, sulked when she wasn’t being affectionate or nice to you), then she’s going to need to see a real change in you when she talks you on the phone and in person.
She will need to see that nothing that she says or does makes you become emotionally sensitive anymore.
You’ve effectively become emotionally bulletproof.
You’re so strong now, emotionally.
You can handle anything because you’re so damn confident.
That is what will matter to her.
Not telling her, “I care so much about you. I love you. I want you back. Blah, blah, blah.”
You’ve got to make her feel attracted in the ways that SHE cares about, rather than going on and on about what you want from her and what you care about.
If you want her to care about you again and feel sexually attracted to you, make sure that you make real changes to the actual things that were turning her off in the relationship.
2. Do start giving her a new and improved attraction experience on the phone and in person
It’s not enough to just know where you went wrong with her.
You’ve got to change and let her experience it on the phone and in person.
Not via text or e-mail.
That isn’t you.
It’s just words on a screen.
She’s got to be able to hear your voice or see you in person to get a real picture of how much you have changed and how differently it makes her feel now.
Anyone can cool, tough, confident or smart via text, but it’s a different story on a phone call or in person.
As you may have noticed if you’ve watched any of my videos on this page, there’s a big difference between reading my words (and having no idea who I am) and watching a video where I help you to understand how to get your ex back.
So, make sure that you not only know what you need to change, adjust or improve to re-attract her, but you actually go ahead and do it.
Interact with her on a call or in person and properly re-attract her.
When you do that, her feelings will go from being faded to coming back to life once again.
She will have first hand evidence that she really does feel differently about you now.
That’s what counts.
So, don’t avoid doing it.
If you want her back for real, you’ve got to re-attract her for real.
You can’t just expect her to want a relationship with you because things used to be good between you and her.
That’s not good enough.
How you make her feel now is what counts.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman decides to open up to having a relationship with a guy, it’s usually because certain behaviors and characteristics about him make her feel good when she’s around him.
- He has a great sense of humor and he makes her laugh and smile.
- He’s very charming.
- He makes her feel beautiful, important and appreciated in his presence.
- He’s emotionally strong and masculine, which makes her feel feminine and girly in comparison to him.
- He’s a nice, trustworthy guy, without being a pushover.
If a guy can then maintain that approach to her, she will be happy with him for life.
However, if she notices that he stops being like that because he just putting on an act to get her into a relationship, she will begin to close up and lose interest in him.
She will realize that he’s not such a nice guy after all and is actually quite devious and selfish in his approach to women and maybe even life.
Alternatively, she might still be able to see that he’s a good, honest man, but it’s just that he has too many other behaviors and traits (e.g. he is insecure, too emotionally sensitive, gives her too much power in the relationship, is unable to dominate her sexually or emotionally) that overshadow his good qualities.
Here’s another example…
A woman might initially feel attracted to a guy because of his sense of humor and his ability to make her laugh.
However, once in a relationship with him, she may discover that his humor is actually only a front that he uses to hide his insecurity and self-doubt from her and the world.
Another example is when a guy pretends to be more emotionally masculine than he is (e.g. acting tough, talking about how brave he is, talking about things he’s accomplished and that he plans to accomplish).
Yet, when in the relationship, she notices that he’s actually very emotionally sensitive and emotionally feminine in many situations (e.g. he gets scared easily, he cries or almost cries when life gets tough, he seeks pity from her or others because life is scaring and hard for him).
She also notices that he can’t seem to gain the upper hand in the relationship and as a result, she takes on the more dominant role.
He lets her make all the decisions and when he tries to lead the way, she shuts him down and he doesn’t have the emotional strength to stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way, so she just walks all over him.
He hopes that she will be happy because she’s getting her way all the time and because he’s so nice, loving, generous and supportive of her, but she’s not happy at all.
She wants a man, not emotionally wimpy guy that she can control.
As a result, she begins to prepare herself to break up with him (e.g. begins disconnecting from the love she used to feel for him, starts flirting with other guys, begins looking into moving out if they live together).
If she is the kind of woman who doesn’t want to see yet another one of her relationships fail, she might try to stick it out a little longer.
She may then start trying to make her guy change back to the man he was at the beginning (e.g. saying, “Why are you so insecure lately?” or, “You used to be so confident. You’ve changed”).
Yet, if he doesn’t change and just continues to turn her off, her feelings will naturally start to fade.
She will then break up with him and he will be left feeling hurt, rejected and alone without her.
So, if your ex said that her feelings for you have faded and she doesn’t know if they’ll ever come back, don’t panic.
They will come back when you start giving her a new and improved attraction experience (e.g. on the phone and in person).
You simply need to give her more of the things she felt attracted to in the first place and also change the things that turned her off.
For example: If she loves your confidence and easy-going nature, then make sure that you let her experience that when you next interact with her.
Don’t talk to her in a sad, rejected, hurt tone of voice because that just isn’t going to be attractive to her.
Likewise, if she lost interest in the relationship because you ended treating her more like a neutral friend than an attractive, sexy woman that you desire, then make sure that you flirt with her and build up some sexual tension when you next interact with her.
The more you give her what she really wants, the more her feelings of attraction will start flowing back.
She won’t be able to stop it from happening because attraction is an automatic reaction between men and woman.
It cannot be turned off.
She might try to cover up the fact that she’s feeling sparks of attraction for you, but she will still be feeling it.
Her feelings will start flowing back, rather than continuing to fade away.
However, if you continue to interact with her in ways that turn her off (e.g. feel nervous and insecure around her, suck up to her to make her change her mind) then her feelings will remain faded and she will continue to move on.
3. Don’t try to change her mind by telling her how strong your feelings are for her
When getting an ex back, the most important thing you need to do is make the feelings mutual.
At the moment, you are attracted to her and still in love with her, but she doesn’t feel the same way.
So, the feelings aren’t mutual.
When a woman doesn’t have strong feelings for a guy and he starts declaring her feelings for him, it doesn’t make her fall back in love with him and feel attracted to him.
For her to care about how he feels, he first needs to make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for him again.
It can’t just be one sided and be all about him having strong feelings for her.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman says that her feelings for her man have faded and she doesn’t know if they’ll ever come back, a guy might say to her, “But, I love you. You are everything that I want in a woman. Please give me a chance to show you that you and I are meant to be together. I understand that your feelings are faded, but you can fall back in love with me again if we try. So, just give me a chance.”
He’s hoping that she will suddenly start thinking, “Oh, I never realized his love for me was that strong and that we might be able to re-spark my love for him. How silly of me not to see that before. Besides, I don’t know if I could ever find a man who loves me like he does. I think we should get back together again right away!”
Yet, she doesn’t.
Instead, she’s more likely to be thinking, “I know that he means well, but I just don’t feel the same way he does anymore. Hearing him telling me how much he cares doesn’t make me want to change my mind either. Sure, I feel bad that he’s hurting, but I’m still not going to stay with a guy I don’t have any feelings for just because I pity him. I need to be able to be in love too. I just don’t feel enough of a spark with him anymore.”
So, even though it would be great if a guy could just pour his heart out and instantly change how a woman feels about him that way, the truth is, you can’t just talk a woman into having feelings for you.
You have to MAKE HER have feelings for you based on how you now interact with her and behave around her.
The best thing about a woman’s attraction for a man is that it’s mostly within his control.
A man will either be behaving in ways that make her feel attracted (e.g. being very confident, emotionally masculine, using humor) or he will be behaving in ways that turn her off (e.g. being insecure, neutral, too polite, sucking up to her, giving her too much power during a conversation).
The way that women work is that they REACT to what a man is offering.
You’re either offering her the opportunity to feel attracted to you or not.
It’s as simple as that.
So, if you want your ex’s feelings for you to come back again, don’t bother telling her how much you still care about her.
That isn’t the way to make her feel attracted, so she will just keep saying things like, “Sorry, but my feelings for you have faded and I don’t know if they’ll ever come back.”
4. Don’t tell her that you need her in your life
Even though a woman likes the idea of being loved and appreciated by her man, most women just don’t like the idea of being his main reason for living or his number one source of happiness.
Of course, there are some women who like having their man feel lost and hopeless without her, but the majority of women don’t want a guy like that.
Almost all women want a man who loves her and appreciates her, but doesn’t need her to feel happy, confident and fulfilled in life.
He doesn’t ever need to SAY that to her though.
She just wants to be able to pick up on it based on the fact that he’s not a needy, clingy, insecure guy who can’t function without her.
So, when a guy is saying that he needs his woman because he can’t go on without her, rather than make her change her mind about him, it usually turns her off even more.
She will look at him as being the sort of guy who just can’t function without her and needs her to be strong, consistent and dependable (traits of a real man).
Yet, being a typical woman, she doesn’t want to live her life in a masculine, manly way.
She wants him to be the man and if he can take on that role, she will happily be his committed, loyal, helpful, loving woman.
However, if he can only be confident and reliable when she is being nice to him, then she’s not going to be his helpful, loving woman.
She is going to feel turned off by the fact that he needs her to be nice, sweet and supportive in order to be man enough to be strong, consistent and reliable.
It’s just not how things work.
Women aren’t designed to be like men for a reason.
They are emotionally inconsistent and irrational at times for many reasons.
One of those reasons is to test the strength and willpower of her man.
Does he need mommy to be patting him on the head all the time and saying, “Good boy. You can do it. Mommy is here supporting you,” or is he capable of remaining strong, consistent and reliable no matter what is happening around him and regardless of whether she supports him or not?
If a man needs his woman to be like a mother figure for him and give him unconditional love, then she feels like she’s stuck with a boy who hasn’t grown up yet, so her instincts are going to tell her to leave him.
However, if a man is always emotionally strong, reliable and forward moving in life with or without her support or encouragement, then she’s got herself a real man and her instincts will tell her to stick with him for life.
Some guys feel like that is unfair.
“Why do we men have to be the strong ones?”
Deal with it.
We are the men.
Women are the ones who bend over to take us from behind.
Women are the ones who get on their knees to suck us off.
We are the more dominant species.
If you think, feel, behave and act like women are the more dominant species, then they just won’t feel attracted to you on an instinctive, primal level.
You’ve got to be able to offer a woman a feeling of safety by letting her see that no matter what happens, you will always remain strong.
Life can be tough sometimes and a woman wants to know that the guy she’s with is emotionally strong enough to cope with the bumps in the road, with or without her.
She wants to know that she can depend on him to be the more emotionally strong one, rather than having to continually prop him up and take care of him because he’s too emotionally sensitive to handle the challenges of life.
So, although there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your ex to be a part of your life again, just make sure that you don’t give her the impression that you NEED her back to feel okay about yourself again.
If she gets that sense, she will lose touch with any remaining feelings for you because you will be turning her off at an instinct level.
So, a part of getting her back is getting to the point where you want her back, but don’t need her back.
When you let go of your need for your ex and focus on becoming genuinely happy and independent in your own life, something amazing happens…
Not only do you feel better about what happened between you and your ex, but you also become more attractive to her and to women in general.
Women sense it.
They sense your lack of neediness and it attracts them in an instinctive, primal way.
They see a man who is in control of his life and doesn’t need a mother figure to pat him on the head and make him feel okay.
5. Don’t tell her that you will wait as long as it takes, even though you have no idea how to change how she feels
When a woman says that her feelings have faded, a guy might decide to give her some space (e.g. 30 to 60 says) to hopefully make her realize that she does have strong feelings for him.
Before giving her space, he might also tell her that he’s willing to wait as long as it takes.
“I just want you to know that I am willing to wait as long as it for you to change your mind. If we have some time apart, I hope that you will eventually realize that we are meant to be together. We can start over again.”
He may then give her the space that he thinks she needs to regain her feelings for him, by cutting off all communication with her for weeks and even months.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Approaching the ex back process in that way results in failure almost EVERY time.
The woman doesn’t have strong enough feelings to even care.
If she meets a new guy that she finds more interesting and attractive, she opens up to him instead.
While her ex is giving her space, she is having sex with a new guy and falling in love.
Don’t put yourself in that position with your ex.
The highest success rate approach to getting an ex back is to actively make her have feelings for you again by giving her a tailored attraction experience that touches the core of who she is and what she really wants from a man.
For example: She may go around saying that she only wants a nice man who cares for her and listens, but what she fails to explain is that she also wants a man who doesn’t put up with her bad behavior or let himself get walked all over by her.
Instead, he lovingly, but assertively put her back in her place and makes her want to respect him.
He also makes her feel girly and feminine in comparison to how masculine he thinks, talks, feels, behaves and takes action around her and in life.
He doesn’t just behave like a boring, neutral, good guy who believes in the failed experiment of society that was the 50/50 relationship.
50/50 doesn’t work.
You have to be the man.
You have to make her feel like your girly, feminine woman.
If you do that, her feelings for you will be stronger than ever before.
She’s not going to explain any of this to you though because she just wants to be in love, rather than trying to make a relationship work with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be the kind of man that she needs.
You are different now.
You do know what she wants.
You are ready to re-attract her.
You are ready to reclaim her as your woman and give her the kind of attraction experience she wanted with you all along.
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