Here are 5 possible reasons why your ex might still call you every day, but then say that she doesn’t want to get back together…
1. She’s hoping that you will create a sexual spark that causes her change her mind
Have you been making her feel sexually attracted to you again, or have you been neutral or just friendly towards her?
If you want her to feel the desire to get back into a real relationship with you again, you’ve got to trigger her sexual feelings.
If she’s still calling you every day, it means that the door is still open to win her back.
By the way…
You’re in a much better position than other guys who are dealing with an ex that won’t even answer the phone or reply to a text.
Yet, a guy in that position is still able to get his ex woman back.
By using every interaction that he has with her as an opportunity to create a sexual spark and make her feel drawn to him again.
That’s how it’s done.
In your case, it’s a little easier because she’s actually calling you.
In most cases like yours, it’s because the woman hasn’t fully disconnected from her feelings and is still in two minds about whether or not she should move on.
As a result, she will call her ex every day and hope to feel a spark for him that changes her mind.
If she doesn’t feel that spark, the calls will become less and less frequent and she will begin secretly trying to find a replacement guy, so she can then cut off contact with her ex and move on.
So, if you want to get her back while she’s still calling you, make sure that you avoid some of these classic mistakes:
Where a lot of guys go wrong, is by making some of the following mistakes:
Mistake 1: Not actively making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved you
Many guys just don’t know how to get their ex woman back, so they will wait until she gives 100% clear signals that she wants a relationship (e.g. she calls and says, “I’ve been missing you so much lately. Do you think we can try to be a couple again?”)
So, when she calls him, he just keeps things neutral and talks to her like a friend.
Alternatively, he gets into long discussions with her about the relationship.
For example: He might say things like, “I’m so sorry I stuffed up. I did all those things (mentions all his mistakes) that made you fall out of love with me and I regret it so much. I don’t know why I’m like that. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood” and so on.
Essentially, he’s dragging her into a serious, emotionally draining conversation that has nothing to do with making her feel respect and sexual attraction for him.
Instead, he’s just reminding her of reasons why she broke up with him and making her feel as though he probably wouldn’t be any different if she gave him another chance at this point.
So, she begins to lose interest and the calls eventually stop.
Mistake 2: Not feeling welcome to flirt with her and create sexual tension
Flirting creates a sexual vibe between you and her and it is an essential part of creating a spark with your ex and keeping it alive (by continuing to flirt occasionally).
Yet, many guy don’t know that.
In fact, some guys believe that flirting with an ex is wrong.
For example: A guy might think, “If I flirt with my ex, she might get angry and stop calling me. I don’t want to risk it. If I just stay on my best behavior and remain neutral and friendly, I won’t scare her off and then hopefully, she will gradually begin to want me back.”
Yet, that approach just doesn’t work on most women because it doesn’t make her have sexual feelings.
If a guy is not actively making his ex feel respect and sexual attraction for him when he interacts with her, she will gradually lose interest in talking to him.
Then, if she happens to meet a new guy who makes her feel attracted and aroused, her ex will be left behind without a second thought.
After all, she has to look out for number one.
It’s not her responsibility to remain in a relationship with a guy who loves her, but isn’t able to make her feel attracted anymore.
She might feel like she owes it to him to be a friend for a while, but she won’t be able to keep that going if she starts having sex with a new guy and really enjoying it.
So, if you want more from your ex than a daily phone call, you’ve got to start actively making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
If you don’t, she will gradually move on, or suddenly move on if she meets a guy who she finds interesting and attractive.
Mistake 3: Not being assertive enough to get her to meet up in person
There’s only so much talking you and your ex can do over the phone before it starts to get boring or unfulfilling for one of you.
You’ve got to let her experience the new and improved you in person, so she can open herself up to hugging you, kissing you, having sex with you and getting back together again for real.
So, don’t waste any more time talking on the phone with your ex.
Get her to meet up with you as soon as possible.
Let her experience the new, improved version of you and reignite her feelings of respect and sexual attraction.
If you haven’t already started kissing by the end of the meet up, just get her to give you a hug (e.g. say something like, “Okay, we should go now, but this was fun. Bring it in for a hug goodbye”).
Then, when she’s in your arms and seems open, give her a quick kiss.
If she doesn’t pull away, deepen the kiss and then if she still seems keen, proceed to your place or her place to have sex.
After sex, just relax, be confident and continue to make her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
Don’t push for a relationship.
Let her want it naturally.
If you do that, she will most likely then start talking about getting back together and asking what you think.
You can use that moment as an opportunity to attract her further by saying, “Get back together? No way” and then pause for about 5 seconds to let her feel the shock of your response.
Then, laugh and say something like, “Okay, well…as long as you cook me dinner, give me massages and do all of my laundry” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Being confident and using humor in moments like that is very attractive to women, so make sure that you don’t shy away from it because you want to play it safe by being neutral.
Neutral is boring to women and makes them want to find a new guy.
You’ve got to have the balls to joke around and let her experience exciting emotions at times, rather than just playing it safe.
Another possible reason why your ex calls you every day, but then says that she doesn’t want to get back together is:
2. She’s just checking to see if you’re missing her, while she secretly tries to find a new guy
A woman will sometimes fear that her ex will find a new woman and move on, before she’s had a chance to hook up with another guy and move on first.
She doesn’t want to have the feeling of being left behind by her ex, so she wants to make sure that he waits for her while she secretly tries to find a new guy.
To keep tabs on him, she might call him up on a daily basis under the pretence of just wanting to say hello.
Every now and then, she might ask things like, “Hey, so what are you up to today?” or “So, are you seeing someone else yet?” or, “What’s new with you?” or, “Where were you last night? I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.”
If her ex then says that he isn’t interested in other women right now and still only wants her back, she can relax and not have to worry so much about him potentially moving on before she does.
She will continue staying to check how he’s doing, until the phone calls suddenly stop one day when she finds herself a new man.
Alternatively, she might call him, have a little chat and then dump the news on him.
“Don’t get mad or anything, but I’ve met someone else.”
If you want to prevent that from happening to you, don’t waste your ex’s phones calls to you by just being Mr. Friendly Ex or Mr. Helpful Ex or Mr. Nice, Neutral Guy.
The only mister you want to be is Mr. Sexy.
Use the phone calls as an opportunity to trigger her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
Then, if she had only been calling you to string you along until she found a new guy, she will suddenly feel confused.
She will be feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again and begin to forget about her plan to find a replacement guy.
She will open back up to you and you can then get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
Another reason why you ex might call you every day but not want to get back together is because…
3. She misses you and doesn’t know how to deal with the pain of a break up
Unless a guy really messed up badly (e.g. he cheated, was physically and/or emotionally abusive) and his ex woman absolutely hates him now, she will naturally miss him from time to time.
For example: A woman might think to herself, “I know that we’re broken up, but I do miss having a guy to go out with, or a date for all those couples events I’m always getting invited to. I don’t like the feeling of being broken up,” or “Sometimes when I’m all alone on a Sunday afternoon, I really do miss him. I guess he wasn’t all bad. Going through a break up feels worse than how I felt when I was with him. Maybe I should just give him another chance.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean she’s going to come out and tell her ex that she misses him.
It also doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to get back together.
Some reasons might be:
- She doesn’t really believe that he can change, so she doesn’t want to open herself up to a relationship, only to be disappointed once again.
- She doesn’t want to make it easy for him to get her back because she wants him to be the man and take the lead.
- She’s afraid he might reject her if she shows interest in a relationship at this point.
- She doesn’t believe that he can give her the attraction experience she’s looking for in a man (e.g. he’s too soft and gentle, but she wants a guy who is more rough and rugged).
However, the good news is that if your ex is calling you every day, there’s a good chance that she still has some feelings for you.
The main thing to remember, is that as long as she’s keeping the lines of communication open with you, you have a big chance of getting her back.
She’s actually making it easy for you.
All you have to do is re-spark her feelings for you over the phone (e.g. by using humor to break down her defenses and make her open up to you) and get her to meet up with you as quickly as possible.
The sooner you meet up with her face-to-face, the sooner she will experience the new you and then the idea of getting back together will be on her mind more and more.
Yet another reason why you ex will call you every day but doesn’t want to get back together with you is because…
4. She wants to mess with you to get emotional revenge for how bad you made her feel during the relationship
In some cases, a woman might feel particularly angry or bitter towards her ex (e.g. because he cheated on her, he was abusive, he was too jealous or controlling).
So, after she breaks up with him, she may decide to mess with his head as a way of getting emotional revenge on him.
For example: She might say to herself, “I’m going to stay in touch with him by calling him on the phone every day and make him feel confused. He’s going to be wondering why I’m staying in touch, even though I don’t want to get back together. He’s will hate the feeling of having no control over the situation and I’m going to sit back and enjoy watching him squirm. It’s exactly what he deserves after the way he treated me.”
She will then call him or text him daily, always seeming open and friendly, but never wanting to get back together.
If he becomes frustrated and says something like, “Come on, we’re clearly getting along with each other, so what is the problem? You wouldn’t be calling me if you felt nothing. So, why don’t you want to get back together?” she will enjoy the fact that he’s being taken along for her ride.
Secretly, she may be thinking something like, “Do you honestly think I would have any feelings for you after the way you treated me? I just wanted to mess with your head for a while to make you feel some of the pain that I felt. Now you know what it’s like to be treated badly by another person. It sucks doesn’t it? As for a relationship between you and me…that is over! We’re never getting back together again. This is all just a game to me. I hope it makes you suffer the way I did in the relationship. You disappointed me so many times and now you deserve this.”
Well, some people (not just women) can be that nasty after a break up.
If you don’t want that to happen to you, then make sure that you’re using the phone calls to make her want you back in a sexual way.
Don’t be neutral and friendly and expect her to feel an amazing spark with you.
That’s not how it works.
You’ve got be very confident and ballsy and use the kind of humor that will stop her in her tracks and make her think, “Hmmm…why do I suddenly feel so attracted to him again?”
The more she experiences the new, more sexually attractive you, the less she will want to get emotional revenge on you for making her feel unhappy in the relationship.
One last reason why you ex might call you every day, but not want to get back together with you is…
5. She wants to see how much of her games you will put up with before you cut off communication with her
This is very common in situations where a woman felt like she had too much power over her ex boyfriend (or husband) in the relationship.
So, to find out if he has changed, she will call or text every day and always give him mixed messages about her feelings.
Any time he brings up the idea of them being back together in any way, she changes and either ends the phone call or stops texting him.
She wants to see if he will continue allowing her to be in the position of power and be the one who is ending phone calls, or stopping text conversations first.
If he just puts up with her games day in and day out, without ever standing up to her or ending a call or text chat first, she will know that nothing about him has changed and she will feel even more turned off.
So, don’t let yourself get caught up in a situation where your ex is playing games with you and you’re just putting up with it so you can talk to her.
If you allow her to mess with your head like that, it will do nothing to change her negative feelings for you and make her want you back.
She will lose more and more respect for you during every interaction and will eventually be unable to feel any attraction for you at all.
Remember: Women are not attracted to emotional weakness in men.
Women are attracted, aroused, excited and interested in emotional strength in men.
That is what keeps a woman hooked on a guy.
So, make sure that you let her see that you’re no longer the guy you used to be.
If she’s being a pain in the butt on a phone call, just calmly and confidently say, “Okay, good talking to you, but I’ve got to go. Talk to you next time.”
If she’s playing mind games with you via text, just stop replying for a few hours and then reply, but start a new conversation and don’t get continue on with the nonsense she was trying to create.
This will make her feel some respect and attraction for you because it will be first hand evidence that you really have changed.
So, if you are serious about getting her back, make sure that you are willing to try a new approach from now on.
If what you’ve been doing hasn’t gotten her back, it’s almost certainly not going to.
Change your approach and she will change how she feels.
When she changes how she feels, she will change her mind about not wanting to be with you.
Then, you just need to make sure that you follow through on the final steps of the ex back process and she will be yours once again.