It’s not needy to pursue your ex in a calm, confident manner.
A real man does what it takes to get her back and women know that.
Before you call her though, make sure that you are fully prepared to re-attract her.
Here are 3 tips to help you attract her on the call:
1. Start the call off with humor and a light hearted attitude
The more relaxed and at ease your ex feels when talking to you, the higher the chances are that she will then open up to the idea of seeing you in person.
This is why it’s important to use humor to make her drop her guard when you call her back.
An example of how to do that is by saying (in a joking way), “Hey, I missed a call from you. What the heck do you want?” and then have a laugh with her about that.
I know that it might sound pretty harsh to say that, but you are saying it in a joking way, so it’s totally fine and will be funny.
I give an example of how to say it in this video…
By the way…
After saying, “Hey, I missed a call from you. What the heck do you want?” and then having a laugh with her, you can then say, you can then say, “No, just kidding. How are you?” and get the conversation flowing from there.
Starting the call off that way ensures that you and her aren’t feeling unnecessarily awkward for talking to each other on the phone.
Instead, you’re talking and laughing like you used to when things were good between you and her.
When you have the confidence to be like that, a woman can’t stop herself from feeling attracted to you.
Women are automatically attracted to guys who have the balls to be confident and joke around with them, while also being a good guy.
So, don’t be afraid to joke around with her in a bit of a ballsy way.
She’ll love it.
Then, rather than being on her guard and putting on an act of not wanting to talk to you, she relaxes, opens up and enjoys talking to you again.
Another tip is to…
2. Build on her feelings for you while on the phone call
Where many guys go wrong is by getting on a phone call with an ex woman and being on their best behavior (e.g. being polite, nice, sensitive, hesitant, reserved) to hopefully impress her or make her feel pity for him.
For example: A guy might think, “This phone call is my only chance to get her back, so I can’t afford to blow it. I’ll just be nice and friendly and hope that she doesn’t get annoyed and hang up. From there, we can slowly progress to getting back together again.”
He then calls her and talks to her in a neutral, friendly way, which doesn’t make her feel motivated enough to want to see him in person.
He’s feeling attracted to her and wants her back, but she’s just not feeling it.
Of course, a woman usually won’t tell a guy that directly, especially if she wants to keep him around as a friend until she finds a replacement guy.
Another mistake that a guy might make on a phone call with his ex (which doesn’t help build her feelings for him), is to get into a serious discussion about the relationship.
For example: He might bring up many of his past mistakes and say things like, “I know that by being (e.g. too insecure and needy, controlling, not manly enough, not focused and driven) I turned you off. However, I’m willing to change those things about myself and be the man you really want me to be. You just need to tell me what I should change and I will focus on that. I’m willing to try anything you suggest to make things work between us again. You have my word on that.”
Essentially, he’s hoping she will think something along the lines of, “Wow! He’s being so generous, caring and mature about this. Not only is he admitting where he went wrong, but he’s also asking for my help. This is great! I can now guide him and teach him how to be the man that I want. I can be like a mother figure to him.”
Unfortunately, that’s not what happens and it’s not what women want.
In reality, the woman just feels even more turned off by him.
He is reminding her of why she broke up with him, rather than re-attracting her.
He’s also expecting her to be his teacher in life and explain how he can re-attract her.
A woman doesn’t want that.
So, what is a better way to go about building your ex’s feelings on a call?
- Rather than sucking up to her by being extra nice, focus on creating sexual tension by flirting with her.
- Rather than talking a lot about the relationship and how you screwed up, keep things light and focus on making her laugh and smile.
- Rather than asking her what you need to do to get her back, show her (don’t tell her) that you’ve already figured those things out by yourself and have taken steps to change and improve without her help. She will pick up on the changes herself, simply by interacting with you and listening to how you now think, speak, feel and behave.
When you interact with her in ways that make her feel attracted to you, she can relax and enjoy the moment, rather than keeping her guard up and trying to get away from you as quickly as possible.
When she feels attracted, she starts to focus on all the good things about you that she does like, rather than focusing on the negatives about you that lead to the break up.
As a result, the idea of meeting up with you to see where things go starts to feel like a really good idea to her.
Another tip is to…
3. Get her to meet up with you
In some cases, talking to your ex over the phone for one or two calls is perfectly fine to begin with.
Having those conversations allows you to build up her feelings for you (i.e. because you’re showing her that you’re now at a different level as a man than when she broke up with you) and it also makes her drop her guard and start feeling comfortable around you again.
However, just talking on the phone for days and weeks definitely isn’t the best way to get her back into a relationship with you for real.
To get back into a real relationship, you actually have to meet up with her in person and let her experience the new you.
When she is face-to-face with you and you are sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you (i.e. via your body language, the way you’re talking to her and the way you’re interacting with her and responding to what she says and does), she won’t be able to resist feeling drawn to you again.
On the other hand, if all the interactions between you and her are over the phone, she won’t be able to completely experience the new and improved you or get to kiss you and have sex with you again.
Additionally, if you just stick to phone calls or texts, it’s possible that she may begin to wonder, “How can I be sure that he really has changed? I know that he sounds different over the phone, but he could just be feeling confident because he’s hiding behind the safety of a phone. I’m just not sure if he’d be this confident in person.”
So, rather than waste weeks or months chatting on the phone, get to a meet up, re-attract her, hook up with her and get her back into a relationship.
Here’s an example of how you can do it…
Imagine that you’re on a call with your ex and you’ve been making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you.
After a few more minutes of light-hearted conversation, you say, “Hey, it’s fun chatting again. Why don’t we get together sometime this week for a quick cup of coffee to say hi in person? It would be nice to see you again.”
In most cases, if you’ve built up her feelings for you during your interactions on the phone, she will almost certainly say “Yes” and you can then go ahead and arrange a suitable place and time to meet.
However, if she doesn’t agree right away, don’t worry about.
Regardless of what she says, don’t get upset or say things like, “Why not? Why are you being so stubborn about this? I thought we were getting along with each other again. Please, just meet up with me!”
Reacting like that will turn her off because women are turned off by emotional weakness in men (i.e. self doubt, insecurity, inability to handle challenging situations).
So, if she’s playing a little bit hard to get, simply say in a joking way, “Hey it’s just a coffee. It’s not as if we’ll be ordering a 3 course meal. It’s just a coffee, so you don’t have to stick around any longer than 10 or 15 minutes if you don’t want to.”
At this point she will most likely say “Yes,” and you can then arrange a meet up that is convenient for you both.
Just remember: When you meet up with her for coffee, you’ve got to continue saying and doing the types of things that will turn her feelings back on for you (e.g. being confident and self assured, make her laugh and smile, make her feel like a feminine, sexy woman in your presence), rather than coming across as unsure of yourself.
If you approach it correctly, she will automatically begin to feel attracted to you and the idea of giving the relationship another chance will seem like the right thing to do for her.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Missed a Call From Your Ex
Missing a call from your ex is not the end of the world.
In fact, in some instances it’s actually a good thing, because it shows her that you’re not desperately hanging on to your phone every second of the day and waiting for her to call you.
So, if you missed a call from your ex, don’t worry – everything is fine.
All you need to do now is call her back and trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Of course, not all guys know that, so they end up making one or more of the following mistakes:
1. Hoping that not calling back will make her want him even more
Sometimes that can work, but many times it backfires.
The woman feels as though he is sending her a message by not calling back (i.e. he isn’t interested).
She worries that if she keeps pursuing him, he might text her or call her to say, “I just want to tell you that I’ve moved on with a new girl and I’m happy now. She doesn’t want you calling me anymore. Please respect that. Thank you.”
The woman then feels like she has been rejected and left behind by her ex.
So, rather than running that risk, she calls once and if her ex doesn’t call back, she tries to move on without him (i.e. dates and has sex with new guys).
Of course, not all guys realize that and instead, many guys hope that by not returning her call, she will begin to miss him like crazy and keep calling until he gives her another chance.
Yet, she doesn’t call back.
When he eventually builds up the courage to call her, she then says, “Sorry. I called you and you didn’t call me back. I gave you a chance, but you obviously weren’t interested. It’s too late now. I’m with someone else and I’m happy, so please respect that now and leave me alone.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
You’ve got nothing to lose by calling your ex back and everything to gain.
So, just call her and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid making is to…
2. Texting her back because it feels safer
Texting is a lot easier in some cases, but it’s not as effective as getting on a call, attracting her and then getting her to meet up with you.
You’ve got to be a man about it and just call her.
Another mistake to avoid making is to…
3. Calling once and then never calling back again if she doesn’t answer the first time
Sometimes, a woman will ignore you when you call her back just to see how you will react if she doesn’t answer.
- Will you get desperate and start calling her repeatedly?
- Will you start texting her in an insecure way and asking why she isn’t answering?
- Will you give up at the first sign of difficulty?
- Will you start bombarding her with flowers, gifts and attention as a way of getting her back?
- Will you lose confidence in yourself and in your value to her?
- Will you be a man about it and just call her again another time (e.g. the next day or a few days later)?
Depending on your reaction, she will get some insight on whether or not you’ve changed and improved and become a better man since the break up.
Of course, in some cases, a woman might have just been in the shower, eating dinner or busy doing something and wasn’t able to get to the call.
By not calling her back, you’re blowing your chances of getting back together again.
So, if you want your ex back for real, don’t give up at the first sign of difficultly.
If she doesn’t answer her phone when you call her back the first time, just call again another time.
As long as you don’t become desperate and start calling her every hour or texting her like crazy and trying to reach her, then chances are high that she will answer your call sooner rather than later.
After all, she’s the one who called you first, so that usually means she does want to talk to you.
When you get her on the phone, just focus on sparking her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, making her feel feminine and girly) and get her to a meet up.