When a woman says that she just wants to be friends with her ex man, it usually means that:
1. She doesn’t feel enough attraction for him to be more than just friends
Relationships usually start off with a lot of excitement and passion.
Most guys are very attentive and loving, so they naturally make their woman feel like she’s the most beautiful girl in the world.
Yet, when the initial thrill of being with her wears off, a guy might start taking her for granted.
She will notice that he doesn’t really look at her the way he used to, or doesn’t treat her as well as he did at the start.
He might think that she is in the wrong because she has started to become annoying and turn him off.
Yet, that’s not what she thinks.
She thinks that she’s only been behaving in an annoying way to and get his attention and make him want to get things back to how they used to be.
If he just keeps taking her for granted and not making her feel like his sexy girlfriend, she will begin to feel frustrated and unhappy in the relationship.
She may then begin to think, “I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore. Something has changed between us. I just don’t feel happy being treated this way anymore. Maybe we’re not meant to be. Maybe I need to break up with him and find myself a guy who will love me and respect me for life.”
Here’s the thing…
In a relationship, it’s a man’s responsibility to maintain and build on the love, respect and sexual attraction between him and his woman.
Some guys might think that it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it is.
A woman doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of being the leader and have to drag her man along, kicking and screaming.
She wants him to take the lead and guide both himself and her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction so they can stay together for life.
So, even if a woman still cares about her guy, if she’s not getting the attraction experience she wants from him (i.e. he’s not making her feel feminine, girly and sexually attracted anymore), she will eventually decide break up with him and try to find herself a man who knows how to keep a woman happy.
How about you?
Did you end up taking your woman’s presence in your life for granted (e.g. you became very irritable around her, didn’t treat her with respect, but expected respect from her, or became more of a nuisance to her than a benefit)?
If you took her for granted, don’t worry.
You can fix it and get her back.
Accept a friendship with your ex and then use any interactions that you have with her to make her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for the new and improved you.
When you approach it that way, you and her won’t be friends.
She will start feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again and you will then be able to get her back into a relationship.
Where a lot of guys go wrong when an ex says something like, “I just want to be friends from now on,” or “I see you more as a friend than as my guy,” is assuming that it means the relationship is doomed forever.
Hearing something like that, a guy might panic and start begging, pleading and crying as a way of hopefully convincing her to give him another chance.
For example: He might say, “Please don’t give up on us. I can change. What we have is far too deep to just be friends. Please, give me one more chance and I promise things will be different this time. I will prove to you that what we have is special.”
Yet, because she doesn’t feel enough sexual attraction for him, she’s not going to feel motivated to give him another chance and experience more of the same.
Alternatively, he might say, “No, I can’t accept a friendship. I love you more than anything. Being only a friend to you would be too difficult for me. I want a relationship or nothing.”
Yet, because the sexual and romantic feelings aren’t mutual, she simply isn’t interested in anything more than a friendship.
Alternatively, he might ask her to tell him what he needs to do to change her mind and want to be in a relationship, rather than just be friends.
Yet, a woman doesn’t want to have to teach a guy how to attract her.
She wants to be in a relationship where attraction happens naturally, without her having to guide the guy and teach him what to say and do.
So, when a guy tries to get her back by pleading with her, not accepting just a friendship, or asking for her help, it just doesn’t work in most cases.
She doesn’t think, “Wow! He really cares about me. Maybe I’m being too hasty with my decision to break up with him. I can teach him how to be the man I want him to be and then everything will be perfect between us. Yes, I will be his guide! He can be my little project and I will turn him into a real man one day if I just work hard enough at it.”
She doesn’t want to be in a sexual, romantic relationship with a guy who doesn’t even know how to make her feel sexually attracted to him anymore.
She wants things to flow naturally and for her to experience deeper feelings for him over time.
If he doesn’t know how to do that, she will give him the old, “Let’s just be friends” line and then move on, unless he can change and start re-attracting her.
If your ex says that she just wants to be friends, you should look at it as a great opportunity for you to re-attract her and get her back.
Use your interactions with her (whether it’s via text, social media or on the phone and in person) to re-spark her feelings for you and make her feel like being friends is simply not good enough for her anymore.
Another reason why a woman will say that she just wants to be friends with her ex is…
2. She’s just saying that they will be friends, but doesn’t actually think it’ll be possible until he fully gets over her or moves on
Sometimes, a woman will say that she just wants to be friends with her ex even though, deep down, she knows that he won’t be able to handle the friendship.
- He will be too jealous if he sees her with other guys or hear about other guys who are now interested in her.
- He will always be subtly pushing for a relationship while just acting like a friend.
- He will get upset when she wants to start limiting the amount of contact they have with each other.
And so on.
So, to avoid making him upset and potentially start begging her to stay in contact with him, she might agree to be just friends, even though she knows that she will be trying to avoid him and move on.
If he doesn’t give up on pursuing her, she will hope that when he finds out that she’s now dating other guys and moving on, he will say something like, “I can’t accept only being friends with you. It’s just too painful for me. Unless you and I can be together in a relationship, I cannot be your friend anymore. I can’t stand by and watch you talk about other men you like, or go off dating new guys. It’s just too painful for me. Goodbye.”
She can then say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I guess from now on, it would be better if we don’t contact each other anymore,” and walk away from the relationship without feeling like she’s the ‘bad guy.’
So, if your ex is saying that she just wants to be friends with you, but secretly believes you won’t be able to handle it, you need to show her that you can handle it.
By stop trying to get her to commit to a relationship and start making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
When you make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you, don’t make the mistake of going ‘straight for the kill’ and asking for a relationship or even hinting at it.
Just let her feel so attracted to you again that she naturally wants to be in a more than just a friendship with you.
She wants to hug you, kiss you and have sex with you again.
If you make her feel that way, you won’t have to suffer the pain of being rejecting when you ask for more than just a friendship.
She will want a relationship and you can then just go along with it, while continuing to build on her feelings for you.
How can you do that?
By letting her see that you believe in your attractiveness and value to her, even when she treats you like a friend to test your confidence, or tries to make you feel insecure by talking about other guys.
The more she can see that you maintain your confidence around her regardless of what she says and does, the more respect and attraction she will feel for you.
All of a sudden, love will start to fill her heart and she will feel the need to be close to you, in your arms, kissing you and being sexual with you like a proper girlfriend.
She will then start to regret ever suggesting that you and her should only be friends because it could have resulted in her losing you and missing out on the amazing experience she is having with you now.
Another reason why a guy’s ex woman might say that she just wants to be friends is that…
3. She only wants him to stay in her life so she doesn’t feel the pain of losing him right now
She might say to herself, “If we remain friends, it won’t be as bad as losing him completely. We can still hang out together and if I ever need him (e.g. to help me repair something in my house, when I need a date for a party or wedding, when I’m feeling down and need someone to cheer me up) he will be there for me. In the meantime, I’m going to start looking for a new man to take his place in my life. When I have a replacement, I will then tell him that we can’t be friends anymore.”
She may then lead her ex on by showing interest in him and being nice, friendly and open.
Her ex may then think something like, “Cool! She must still have feelings for me if she hasn’t cut me out of her life completely. If I stick around as a nice friend, she will eventually realize her mistake and we can then be boyfriend and girlfriend again.”
Unfortunately, being a nice friend to an ex woman is not enough to get her back.
You’ve got to trigger her sexual feelings if you want her to stop look at you as just a friend.
Of course, guys who get friend zoned by their girlfriend often don’t really know how to make her feel attracted anymore.
- He’s too much of a pushover and lets her walk all over him.
- He’s too emotionally sensitive about things, which makes her have to dull down her personality and confidence to make him feel okay about himself when around her.
- He makes her feel more dominant than him.
- He makes her the most important thing in his life and stops actively pursuing his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions just so he can spend even more time with her.
- He gives her too much power in the relationship.
- He’s more neutral and friendly around her than masculine and sexual.
So, if that’s what he’s offering her in a relationship if she gets back with him, she’s not going to change her mind about just wanting to be friends with him.
Instead, she will enjoy knowing that he’s available to her when she needs him, but it won’t stop her from having sex, dating and falling in love with another guy.
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, make sure that you are ready to make her feel sexually attracted to you again in the ways that will really make a difference to her.
Being her ‘friend’ is fine, as long as you’re not being a platonic, neutral friend.
Make her have sexual feelings for you again based on how you now interact with her.
You think differently, speak differently, feel differently, behave differently and act differently.
You’re so much sexier now and it turns her on.
That is what works…and you can do it.
Don’t doubt yourself.
If you doubt yourself, you will be naturally turning her off because women are not attracted to self doubt in men.
Women are attracted to confidence and self belief in men, so make sure that you rise up to the occasion.
Use this break up as an opportunity to force yourself to quickly become a sexier man.
Most guys are able to transform themselves within a few days to a week (e.g. by becoming more confident, being more emotionally masculine, stop looking at her as the leader of the relationship).
Important: You need to focus on being sexier in terms of emotional attractiveness.
It’s not about going to the gym more, getting a new haircut or buying new clothes.
You can do that if you want to, but it’s not going to make a difference to her if she’s turned off by you emotionally (e.g. because you’re insecure, doubt yourself around her, are too neutral).
Another reason why a guy will get friend zoned by his ex girlfriend is…
4. She knows that he doesn’t even understand the type of attraction experience she really wants
When a woman starts dating a guy, it’s usually because he’s got certain traits and qualities that are attractive to her (e.g. he’s confident, he makes her laugh, he treats her well).
Then, when she breaks up with him, it’s mainly because he either stopped displaying the traits and qualities that attracted her to him in the first place, or because his negative qualities overshadow the good things about him.
For example: A guy might be able to make a woman laugh and smile with his great sense of humor and fun personality.
However, if he lacks drive and ambition in his life and doesn’t take his future seriously, a woman may start seeing his funny side in a negative way.
She might start to feel like he’s always just clowning around and hiding from his true potential as a man.
He just likes being in a relationship and spending loads of time with her so he can avoid rising up and reaching his true potential.
It’s safe with her.
He can be silly, waste time, laugh and play.
He doesn’t have to man up and start achieving big things because he just hang with her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though she was initially attracted to him for certain reasons (i.e. his lighthearted, humorous side), it just wasn’t enough for her to want to remain in a relationship.
He lacked ambition, or like many guys, was intelligent, but afraid of reaching for bigger success in life because he feared making mistakes, being ridiculed or failing somewhere along the path to success.
As a result, he clung to her like she was his safety blanket in life.
She was his protection from the big, bad world out there.
…and she hated that.
She hated the fact that she was stuck with a fearful, immature guy who didn’t have enough balls to stand up and start reaching for his true potential as a man by following through on his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions.
So, she dumped him.
As a result, the guy felt like she had just pulled the rug out from under his feet.
She had taken away his life support, his safety blanket and his reason for living.
He then started pouring his heart out to her and telling her how much she means to him, in the hope that it would change how she feels.
Yet, it didn’t because that isn’t what matters to her.
She knows how much he feels for her, but what matters to her is how much she feels for him.
She is turned off by him because he lacks ambition or doesn’t have the balls to follow through and make things happen in his life.
So, she just says something like, “I just want to be friends now. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore” and plans to start moving on as soon as she can.
Of course, most guys don’t search for help on this topic until it’s too late, so they make all sorts of additional mistakes that turn the woman off even more.
For example: A guy might say things like, “I care about you so much. Nothing means as much to me in my life as you do. Please give me another chance. I promise to do anything you want. I’ll do all the housework from now on if you want. I’ll let you go out with your friends and I’ll stay home. I’ll take you out to restaurants or away for romantic weekends like you always wanted. I’ll do anything. Just tell me that you’ll reconsider your decision to break up with me. Please!”
Yet, that’s not what she wants him to change about himself, so it just doesn’t hit the mark for her.
Rather than make her think, “How sweet! He’s such a great guy and he’s obviously crazy about me. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t understand my real reasons for breaking up with him. At least he’s willing to do lots of nice things for me,” she think something like, “He doesn’t have a clue why I really broke up with him. He’s just offering to change random things and hoping that I’ll be happy with it. Yet, his lack of understanding only makes me feel more determined not to be in a relationship with him anymore. He doesn’t know how to be the kind of man that I want and I’m not prepared to teach him. Why should I have to help him through everything, when there are men out there who know how to manage a relationship properly without needing a woman’s help? I want a man like that in my life.”
She just dumps him and tries to move on.
He might be left thinking, “Damn…women are so hard to please. I was willing to do anything and she still walked away” because he just doesn’t understand the position he put her in.
She didn’t want to be his teacher or guide and tell him what she wants and she also didn’t want to waste time going away on romantic weekends with him, when she wouldn’t have been feeling sexually attracted and in love.
She just wants a man who understands how to be a man, so she can get on with being his loyal, devoted woman who loves him and feels sexually attracted to him.
So, if you want your ex to see you as more than just a friend again, make sure that you improve your ability to attract her in the ways that really matter to her, rather than offering her an attraction experience that doesn’t excite or arouse her.
If you attempt to get her back without first giving her what she wants from you (i.e. feelings of attraction, arousal and romantic love), she will simply keep saying, “Thanks, but I don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I just want to be friends from now on.”
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex that she just wants to be friends now…
5. She’s trying to get emotional revenge on him for how bad he made her feel during the relationship
Sometimes, a woman might decide to stay friends with a guy (and give him false hope that over time she may change her mind) as a way of punishing him for treating her badly throughout the relationship, or for disappointing her and wasting her time by never becoming the kind of man she hoped he would be.
For example: If a guy took his woman for granted when they were together (e.g. by letting her do most of the housework without pulling his weight/expecting her run all the errands for the both of them/breaking his promises to her over and over again), she might decide to make him suffer for as long as possible after the break up.
She may think, “I’m going to give him some of his own medicine now that we’re broken up. I’ll tell him I want to be friends and use him to help me fix things around the house, run errands for me or pay for outstanding bills. I’ll let him think that he has a chance and when he gets his hopes up really high, I’ll tell him that I just don’t feel attracted to him and don’t want to in contact with him anymore. Let’s see how he likes to be used and taken for granted.”
Naturally, when that happens, the guy is left wondering, “What the? I thought we were getting along so well. I was treating her like a princess and being as good to her as I possibly could. What went wrong? I just don’t get it. What did I do wrong??”
What he did wrong is that he failed to use the friendship to actively make her have sexual feelings for him.
He just assumed that by being nice and sweet and doing everything she wanted him to do, it would be enough to take away the negative feelings that she’d been holding on to.
Yet, that’s not how the ex back works.
If you don’t actively make your ex have sexual feelings for you when you interact with her, she will continue to see you as just a friend.
For a relationship between a man and a woman to be more than a friendship, the all-important sexual spark needs to be there.
Luckily, the spark is something that you can create when you talk to her and interact with her.